Hi,<P>Yesterday I spent the day working on a letter to my wife to tell the complete truth about some things I told her, which did not contain the complete truth. I wrote the letter so I would not stumble my words and say everything I need to tell her. I then read her the letter I promised to write in regards to how I am going to change my life. When that was done I read her a list of things that are making me change my life, and finally I read her, on advice from people on this site, my last post which publicly stated how I am going to change. She listened and thanked me for sharing everything with her and then that was it. She went on with the rest of the night. I know I have to give her time, but it seems lately (the past two weeks) she is just thinking about everything. She said she is not checking this site out now because she is working on a book (this is true) and she just needs time to sort her thoughts. I then told her I was ordering the SAA book and she just said "ok." I also told her I made an appointment today to go and speak with a counselor. She did not have any reaction to this. I know that she does not want to go to one now because she has told me since I confessed about a month ago, that she did not want to go to one right now. Even though, for some reason, I think in the back of my mind this will somehow work out in the long run, I feel like I am losing her. I told her that I am afraid in a couple of months she will come home one day and just say "sorry, this is not going to work." She then said, "maybe that will happen, I dont know how I am going to feel in a couple months." It almost seems like she was preparing me for it.<BR>She has continued on with future plans, refinancing house, talking about travel in June, new school for kids next year, so I think she still wants this to work, but I am really scared. <BR>All I can think about is her with another man, even though I am the one who cheated. I will talk to the counselor about this today as well as some other issues.<BR>I am trying not to make trouble, and want to give her space, but like I said, I am really scared.

I haven't really been around for the last couple of days so I don't know your whole story. <P>But, It sounds good that you took inventory and are ready to make changes. Now you nust follow through. This is what she will be waiting for. Continue to let her know that she is the one you want. She will be hesitant, at first, to believe things. As you prove that you are truly dedicated to restoring your marriage you will see a change.<P>cleo<BR>

You sound disappointed with her responses.<P>What kind of a reaction did you want?<P>You know, although you certainly want to save your marriage (and I think you will), the changes you outlined are more changes in you as a person, and not just within the marriage.<P>I guess what I am saying, it doesn't much matter what your wife thinks, you should be on your road to a new man, regardless.<P>By the way, what book is she reading?

She is writing a book. She is a free lance writer in her spare time. She has been working on it for some time. I think she is working on it to get her mind off things because she says this is all she thinks about.<BR>I guess I didn't expect any kind of response in general. At least it was not a negative experience.<BR>Thanks again for your help and words in this matter.

Wow!<P>She sounds like an interesting woman!

Hello opdam,<BR>I do not find your wifes response at all strange, but I see that it could be frustrating to you. <BR>This infidelity is a hard thing to process, and takes so much energy and time. I am probably slower than some.....two yrs since discovery for me and, at times I still wonder if this will ever truly be the marriage I want. <BR>Do not rush your wife to talk abt it or to make choices. She needs to do this on her timeframe, not yours!<BR>It sounds like you are on the right track to recovery...counseling, reading, talking, BEING HONEST. Keep up the good work even when the response is not exactly what you hoped for.<BR>aloha, cl