Another day beginning...<BR>Orchid, I've read some of what you've posted including the most recent "off the rollercoaster." I sure hope things work out for you
. <P>Some times I miss him...when the lawn mower breaks down; when the water pipe breaks; when I want sex.............<BR>but, usually he drops by and I don't have to miss him for long. Maybe it's him that's going to have to chance the Plan B, for me to want him back enough to put up with what I don't like (i.e. bath towels on the floor; clothes left in the floor; him in the floor with another woman....ooops, I regress). <BR>Do I need him? Not financially, haven't seen much evidence of getting what I need from him emotionally, as a father to his daughter - I think that will continue without me being married to him, Sex - well, I'm pretty sure I could get some other offers, but for now, my conscience has a problem with that one. {Do I seem to keep going back to this topic? Maybe another strand...}<BR>I think space and the opportunity to see him make changes are the only things that are going to help me see if he's just what I'm used to OR what I want. <BR>But, I wonder about a man "Who is willing to do anything to work things out" (in recent conversation when he and I both believed that I wouldn't ever take him back)...hugs me this morning when he comes to pick up our daughter, then says "I don't mean anything by this but have you brushed your teeth yet." Talk about your warm fuzzies! <BR>I don't know, Ya think maybe I'm a little over sensitive these day??????? If so that's another reason why it's probably not a good idea for him to live with me right now.<P>Tere38, I'm probably not the right one to give advice on "doing things right." I probably did it all wrong. Another thing that time will tell. But, I'll tell you a little of my experience from the time where you are now. I KNEW what my husband was doing on Jan. 5. I was going insane that weekend while I was out of town. I tried to get evidence of what he was doing while I was away. It didn't work out, but I talked to a Priv. Dect. and began making plans (sounds pretty keniving (sp.?)) I tired to get him to admit to the A. without telling him all I knew, (including who it was with) and I laid myself prostrate at his feet, telling him that everything that was wrong in our relationship was my fault and I was willing (and showed him, with great reluctance on his part) to make it right...correct the problem...ME. He pretty much continued to push me away and act like I was nuts to think he was up to anything. <BR>The plans I made were for getting evidence when he went out of town with the OW, Jan 18-20. I got the evidence and planned to use it to divorce him. Wellllllll...you can see, that I wasn't able to follow thru with those plans. The limbo has been HELL!!!! But, I do feel more confident that however this all turns out, I'll be better able to live with the choices I've made. I've really given up all the "leverage" that my lawyer and PD were so supportive of me being able to use, but again they don't have to live my life after the fact either. I apparently didn't have the balls (or maybe just confidence that it was what I wanted) to take an adversarial role with him. I really worried about how our daughter would suffer if we went at it like that. <BR>On the topic of children in all of this mess, I was determined to prove to H that I wasn't going to turn D against him or use her in any way, and when he continued to see proof of that, he resisted the urge (most of the time) to drag her into it too. So far, all I've told her is that her dad did something that I couldn't live with him. For now, with H living so nearby and her being able to spend plenty of time with both of us (mostly seperately), she hasn't shown much sign of being upset. <BR>If one of us has to make a move, especially if it's me (away from the only home she's know, with relatives (my inlaws) nearby, that will be tough for her, I'm sure. <BR>Boy! is this long...sorry. I hope there is something useful in my ramblings somewhere. <BR>It does me good to see that I can write these facts in the hope of helping someone and it doesn't tear me apart anymore. Thank you for that.<BR>G.