Cali - can I be a co-author with you? I'll do the chapters on alien abductions and moose brain worms.<P>WAT

WELL can i jump on the band wagon, my chapter wil be " the Op, why having an affair will save your marriage" I kid you not that is what my H OW said to me in an email, She only did it to help H and I save our marriage. CAN you say GEE thanks , but next time spare me LMAO<BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>In even the darkest of places there is a capacity to love

Maine - did you tell her she's given you enough help and you'd like to finish the job on your own?<P>Also, is it true that the official state motto of Maine is "cold, but damp"? <P>WAT

You guys have got something here <P>I'd like to do a couple of chapters:<P>"The 500 Last Straws"<P>"Silence: The Irrefutable Argument"<P>"Let's Pretend: Revisionist History"<P>"Thinking Stinks, Just do it!"<P>Those certainly won't be as funny as the chapters on Alien abduction and brain worms, but they might be worth including. <P>Ishmael

I'll help you write it.<P>Seriously <P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

This book would be a best seller. I can think of a few topics that even the late Erma Bombeck would consider hilarious enough to put into print. <BR>Thanks for the smiles. It does a body good to laugh.<BR>JuJu

I'd add a chapter of Lame Lies so that the stupid dont have to think of thier own because they wouldnt be any better than the ones I've heard.

I'll do the chapter on "Opening his Base Chakra - How a Kick in the Balls can be an Effective Alternative to Meditation"<P>hugs, Paint <p>[This message has been edited by Paintbox (edited June 22, 2001).]

<B><BR>I'd add a chapter of Lame Lies so that the stupid dont have to think of thier own because they wouldnt be any better than the ones I've heard.<BR></B><P>LOL I'm with you on that. Oh the lies I said back then. (Shameful look)<P>Particularly one event came to mind.<P>Wife: "If you are having an affair, I don't want to find out second hand."<P>Me: "Oh you won't find out second hand"<P>(Blinks)<BR>What was I thinking.. LOL<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

Okay. We're all in. I get the chapters entitled:<P>"I'm not leaving you for______, I just don't want to be married."<P>"The Affair has nothing to do with our marriage."<P>"I don't want to be around you anymore, but I'll have sex with you."<P>"Divorce and Children doesn't have to be bad, it can be how WE want it to be"<P>"We don't have to get all legal about this, you can trust me."<P><BR>OOO OOO I have to add:<P>I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. really. I will. I am. I'm gonna....eventually.<P>Cali<p>[This message has been edited by StrongerInCali (edited June 22, 2001).]

post in wrong spot, sorry, deleted it.<p>[This message has been edited by sad_n_lonely (edited June 22, 2001).]

Paintbox, <P>Don't forget to add the part about steel toe shoes in your chapter. I believe it would make a better impression (pun intended of course) <P>cleo

How can we forget this Chapter -<P>"I am not having an affair, we are just good friends."

WAT< Why yes i did thank you i emailed her quite the little diddy. and all was good. <P>ANd no, the official state motto is MY skeeter is bigger than your Skeeter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1<BR>Maine VACATIONLAND LOL<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

Wait, wait, wait. Has the editor closed the table of contents yet?<P>I want to add a few chapters:<P>1. 50 ways to leave your lover (is that plagiarizing?)<BR>2. OPs/WSs and their comical incidents - real life stories<BR> from the fog<BR>3. Special WS foghead dictionary<BR>4. Comments from the FOG<BR>5. The "I'm not having an affair" - affair syndrome<P><BR>Request that this publication be translated into WS both the written and the sign language. Maybe a second translation for those OPs who just don't get it. You know like the 'stubborn' addition. <P>You can advertise this new publication with a banner on gloryb.com?<P>L.

Other chapters.<P>"How to get your wife to file on you"<BR>"How to put yourself in debt on the run"<BR>"Paranoia: What's she up to now?"<BR>"Avoidance: Overtime, and other excuses"<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

My new chapter:<P>"Let's buy a house and other insane financial decisions."<P><BR>Cali

This just keeps getting better!<P>How about a chapter called: "You might be a dummy if you believe your lover when he/she tells you:<P>"What a good person you are (really, you *are* having an affair)<P>"I care about you deeply and only want what's best for you."<BR>(oh, so that's why you are involved in something that you know will cause pain and misery when you are found out.)<P>"My only hope is that in what little time we have together, I can make you truly happy." (I've always thought that lies, deception and hypocrisy were the prime ingredients for happiness.) <P>I love you and would give anything to change things so I could have you in my arms every night, but my wife would take me for half of what I have if I divorced her. (Um, that is, you'd give anything except half of what you have.)<P>Those are real lines from emails sent to my WS by OP. There's tons more like those. <P>Please everyone, keep posting chapters. This thread has been some of the best therapy I've had in a long time.<P>Ish

Can I write the chapter<P>"I did what I did because you loved me too much and the ends don't justify the means"

Here's my chapters:<P>"How Many Other Women Can You Fit in a Volkswagen?"<BR><I>{answer to be given in the chapter, but just FYI, it's at least five}</I><P>"Dating at Church Central (subtitled: Jesus Would be Shocked)"<P>"Yeah, I Kissed Her But She Had a Hairy Lip So It Was Icky"<P>...and my personal favorite... out of the mouth of the OW#2<P>"He Loves Us Both"<p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited June 22, 2001).]

even more chapters...<P>"On Finding your Soulmate."<P>"I'll Wait for you Forever."<P><BR>

Some more:<P>"It's true love, it can't be wrong."<P>"God brought us together" like God is in the business of destroying families.<P>Ish<P>

How about a recipe section:<BR>"Filet of Soulmate" poached of course!

Out of the mouth of the OW, now long departed...<P>"We could all live together, and you could tell us what to do!" (It wasn't an option)

Here's one for the index:<P>The Heartbreak Diet – Lose those ugly extra pounds in just a few short weeks!!

Oh yes - and what about "Meals for the newly abandoned - 1001 ways with two left-over frankfurters and an apple"<P>and another chapter: "Breakfast ideas with Prozac" <P>Paint

Okay - the really oldies on this board will understand this one! I can't even remember who exactly this came from, but I remember the thread was absolutely hysterical!<P>101 ways to prepare Bacon and Pop Tarts <P><BR>[This message has been edited by Alberta (edited June 23, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Alberta (edited June 23, 2001).]

You gals and guys are TOO funny! What a laugh today.<P>I love that "Soulmate" chapter <P>This book is going to be too thick, can we add:<P>1. What's my line: We're Soulmates.<BR>2. Telephone Booths 101<P>and my all time favorite:<P>3. I hid the relationship cards in my briefcase.<P>And don't forget:<P>4. Thanks for the Memories ... . .....<P>Where would "we" be without you guys?<P>

Please keep those chapter ideas coming. This is too funny. I definitely need something to laugh about!<P>Here's a suggestion from my H's latest request for understanding:<P>"When you're almost done with OP and you both know it can't work."<P>Another of my favorites: "Feeling remorse after 'cheating' on the OP with your spouse since OP doesn't deserve it (and spouse does?)."<P>And, "101 reasons why it's all your spouse's fault."<P>"When you never meant to hurt anyone, but you did."<P>"When you have two lovers and you love them both the same." (plagiarism again)<P>"Why no one understands unconditional love quite like you do."<P>"How to give up everything for OP by relying on spousal support."<P>And here are some involving kids and affairs:<P>"How to get rid of the kids when they don't like the OP."<P>"How you can feel like a good parent again by avoiding your own kids who've been brainwashed by your spouse and lavishing attention on OP's kids (especially if they're too young to understand what's going on)."<P><BR>

My favorite chapters:<P>"How To De-Stench The Front Passenger Seat Of H's Car After His OW Has Been Riding In It" -- still working on that one!<P>"I Was Just Being Her Mentor - You Know, Like A Dad" -- complete with quotes from Bill Clinton!<P>and the ever-popular:<BR>"She Means Nothing To Me" -- yeah, in that case I sure wish *I* meant nothing to you!<P><BR>

Ishmael,<P>I wonder if you would be agreeable to sending me an email with your email address. I would like to ask you a question about EMR's from the perspective of a pastor. <P>Thanks.

Okay i have a few more for ya.<P> THE OP understands me better.<P> WHy i was sent like an angel from the heavens to save your marriage, Complete with Quotes from the OM.<P> I do not want them, i was using them for sex ( a quote from a friend who is going through it too)<P> Your 8 months pregnant, well i have needs too.<P> and my fav, your the mother of my children, how can I ask you to use sex toys??? ( again direct quote from my friends H) I about died when she told me that one LOL<BR> Maine<BR><P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

"She Listens To Me"<P>"I'll be a better person for everybody"<P>"I've changed"<P>"God has nothing to do with marriage"<P>"You and she (BW and OW) are really a lot alike"<P>"How the kids haven't been affected by the A"<P>"I deserve my privacy, how dare you check my email"<P>"50 ways to blame the BS and justify the A"

StrongerinCali, Yeah I got that one too: I love her because she reminds me of you. Yuck! Then why does he "hate" me?

One of my favorites:<P>"I have no idea how her number got on my cell phone. I must have called her months ago for something work related." <P> lol. Yeah right and you haven't used your cell phone since?<BR>

ashygirl:<P>No problem, you can write me at naib@mac.com<P>Ish

Oh yeah, early, early on I noticed a caller ID # from OW's house after midnight. When I asked H why she called so late, he shrugged. I kept after him and he kept saying, I forgot to ask her. <P>Next chapter:<P>"How to keep suspicion spouses at bay"<P>"How to make spouses feel guilty for asking"<P>"How to make contact with OP seem accidental"<P>"How to use your children as suspicion shields"<P>"How to make friends with OP spouse so as to not arrouse suspicion"<P><BR>Cali

I just found this and laughed so hard I had to go change my Depends. Just kidding.<P>If you haven't published the book yet I would like to add:<P>"Oh, I bought that for you I just forgot to give it to you."<P>"It's just easier to get my AmEx and cell phone bills at the office."<P>"We have poor cell phone reception at home so I need to walk outside when I get "business" calls."<P>The pair of pajama's I gave you for valentine's day really did cost $170. Really that's all I bought."<P>And my absolute favorite:<P>"The reason I have condoms in my overnight bag, even though you have had a tubal, is........."<P>Thanks for the laughs<BR>

Well I hope it's not too late for more additions. These were so funny...must be getting my sense of humor back. My favorites would have to be:<P>1. 10 reasons why her H will never make her happy (but a cheating man will)<BR>2. Let's tell the kids, they will understand.<BR>3. I think she is perfect for me (why? because she is lying and cheating too? and by the way looks just like my mother)<P>and how about music for the commercial to advertise the book...maybe Your Cheatin Heart by Hank Williams or perhaps Anotherone Bites the Dust by Queen complete with BS knocking the daylights out of OP's. Okay so my sick sense of humor is coming out now, but it is so nice to at least have one again!

Rave reviews for the new book "Affairs for Dummies"<P>"One thumb up." Siskel and Ebert<BR>"Hollywood-style secrets for everyman." Los Angeles Times<BR>"Just like in Joisey." NY Times<BR>"Ay-yup." Boston Globe<BR>"The book Bill Clinton wished he'd wrote." Washington Post<BR>"Foggier than the Bay on a September morning." San Francisco Chronicle<BR>"You read it, then practice it: we'll report it." National Enquirer<BR>"So that's how they do it!" Inside Hollywood<BR>"Don't judge the book by its cover." Harvard Law Review<BR>"Riveting!" American Homeowner<BR>"Why didn't we think of this?" Psychology Today<BR>"First there was the song 'Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover' ... this book tells you how to find all fifty of them." Rolling Stone<BR>"Aliens Abduct Humans for Bizarre Rituals" The Starr<BR>"This should be required reading in schools!" Weekly Reader<BR>"NOW they publish it!" William J. Clinton<BR>"This book would have been so useful." Monica Lewinsky<BR>"Oy vey!" Woody Allen<BR>"Every village should have a copy." Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton<BR>"No comment." State of New York Public Affairs Department<P>Sorry ... couldn't resist ...<BR>Godspeed,<BR>STL<BR><p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited June 27, 2001).]

chuckle, chuckle, snort, snort.....<P>heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh....<P>giggles, giggles, giggles, giggles...<P>ROFL<P> <P><BR>Cali

STL - good. VERY good. I'm impressed.<P>WAT

What can I say WAT ... you inspire me. Glad you got a chuckle-snort, Cali, you deserve it.<P>When are you going to write the alien abduction/moose brain worm article for the Starr/Enquirer?<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

SNL - *That* was funny...<P>ish

hmmm...can we add any more chapters ...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

How bout <BR> <BR>"Cleopatra…not the only queen of D'Nile"<P>"Sex, Lies & Vermin…Case studies in rodent like behavior"<P>"Eniee Meeni Mini Mo..Someone here has gotta go"<P><BR>

You guys this book actually exists! I can't remember the exact title (and it's not written in a humorous vein) but I saw it at Borders. The cover is set up like those "Dummies" books. Shoot I wish I could remember the title! I flipped through it and I remember a quiz to see if your WS was likley to have another A. Luckily mine isn't according to the quiz lol.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JustPlainCali:<BR><B>hmmm...can we add any more chapters ...<P>Cali<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I can write the volume titled "10,001 place to have sex with your OP without getting caught"<P>OK, so flame me!!! <P>

ok badH I will flame ya.....that comment was in really bad taste, and not funny at all. There are many people here who have caught std's from lying/irresponsible ws's, not to mention pregancies, and enormous heartache. It is not a joking matter. While poking fun at some of the foggy things, and the crazy things arising out of fogs is one way of maintaining sanity, and perspective on life, there is no humor in infidelity.

Merely trying to make light of the creativity of WS's and OP's.<P>Sorry if I offended. <P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by sad_n_lonely:<BR><B>there is no humor in infidelity.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Sounds like a best seller to me... <P>AGG<BR>

'What they don't know, won't hurt them'<P>'Torn between two lovers, acting like a fool'<P>SAU

LOL! I needed some humor today. Thanks!<P>

LOL! I needed some humor today. Thanks!<P>

I need to add one:<P>No, OP really knows relationships, they have had 2 divorces in the past.<P>OP knows the real me.<P>How to tell 2 truths that are exactly opposite...<P>You all made me laugh!! Thanks,<BR>Krystal

This was too darned funny way back when so I thought I'd bump it up for the new comers!<p>K

hehehehe [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I was too new last year to appreciate this!!! <p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey I have a chapter, maybe it can be included in the second printing.
"I know I am the 7th person she has met and used this way but I will be different"
or
"I know I don't talk to you but she really listens to me."
This was just the laugh I needed today.
Layli

Chapters<p>"I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP"!!
Why you can't sleep with spouse. Also discussed - on the floor/ chair / or couch downstairs options.<p>"FENG SHUI BENEFITS" :
Convincing your spouse they should continue to cook and clean for you.<p>"THE VOICES IN MY HEAD":
Why you should avoid counseling at all costs!<p>[ June 14, 2002: Message edited by: AgainstTheWind ]</p>

HOW ABOUT,<p>HOW THE SEX WITH THE OTHER MAN DID NOTHING FOR ME
I HAD TO COME TO YOU FOR FULFILLMENT.<p>OR
<p>HE FULLFILLED MY NEED FOR ATTENTION SO I FULLFILLED HIS NEED FOR SEX...IT REALLY MEANT NOTHING......(THE COMFORT IN KNOWING THAT YOUR SPOUSE DIDNT ENJOY THE SEVERAL SEXUAL ENGAGEMENTS)