HEY "SATAN"..........(BITE THIS!) - Marriage Builders® Forums

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Sent through e-mail to my WH this afternoon. Made title "catchy" so hopefully he'd read it!--------------------------------------------------
Subject: "I CONFESS THAT I HAVE A NEW MAN IN MY LIFE AND I FEEL ALIVE & LOVED"!!!!!!!!!!!
--------------------------------------------------His name is "Jesus Christ" and I know that he loves me like no other. He forgives, he heals, he picks you up when you fall, will never forsake, abandon, leave or cast you aside. He answers prayers and comforts when you are lonely and at the end of your rope. When you have truly given up and said "I QUIT AND I GIVE UP"............he answers and shows you the way......

I confessed all my sins, all my unforgiveness, all my anger, hatred, resentment, fear, failures and asked him to reveal anything in me that "IS NOT OF HIM". I asked him to take over my life, give me a new heart and show me his
will............

I asked him to show me his will and this is what he showed me.............

1). More Love in My heart for you than I've ever known husband.....
2). He lifted the weight of the world off of me, when I told him that I didn't believe you were capable of forgiving me,
you and us......
3). I broke and cried when I told him that I knew we could heal, rebuild and thrive in our marriage but I didn't
believe that you would ever allow us too.......that you "quit us and found a fantasy escape in another"..........

GOD showed me his answer: (Colossians 3: 12-14)
(Corinthians 13: 4-8)

4). I told God that I had married and committed to our marriage vows/covenant for life but I couldn't take this anymore
and I don't feel my husband wants us enough to fight for us and he is just throwing us away.......

GOD showed me his answer: (Mark 10: 2-12)
(Mark 10: 27)
(1 Peter 3: 1-7)
(Matthew 5: 27-32)

5.) I cried and told God the man I see today, is not the "real" man I married, but I have seen "glimmers" of the man I
fell in love with and married "inside" the man I see today..........

GOD showed me his answer: (2 Timothy 2: 25-26)
(Galatians 5: 16-21)

GOD loves you, forgives you, will never leave, fail or betray you. Just reach for him.

Your wife is here husband, she loves you, forgives you (even for the unknown of these past 3
years). She is here waiting for you and praying for you to be reconciled with GOD first
and then GOD will heal, reconcile us and we'll be "What he wanted us to be all along".

TRUST ME "HUSBAND".......I am not setting you up for a false hope or fall here. I know that we can still have "US and the marriage we wanted and needed, that God wanted for US. "SATAN bomb-barded us through LIFE'S Pressures, demands and circumstances consistently hitting us". Everything of Satan is what came out of us, the fighting, the anger, built of frustration, the sense of hopelessness............EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!

I am going to fight Satan to the fires of hell for you, for me, for our love (YES, IT'S THERE BUT SATAN IS TRYING TO FINISH IT OFF IN BOTH OF US)...............GOD & ME are believing in you and we'll fight to the finish because "YOU DESERVE BOTH OF US!!!!!! You are a "BEAUTIFUL MAN, HUSBAND AND CHILD OF GOD". Evil and Satan CANNOT HAVE YOU!!!!!! We got "attacked" because we were strong "together" and that is a "threat to Satan".

(NO Code 13's "Escape" HUSBAND), NO DIVORCE EITHER.......... Satan used evil to separate us to "WEAKEN AND DESTROY US" and he's using all his evil influences to keep us separated. I choose Jesus Christ and I choose our marriage.

Very cool! Get thee behind me satan!

And this wife IS NOT laying down or afraid of a "WIMP" like Satan! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I "CHALLENGE" all WS/BS to have an "Affair" with GOD!!!!! I am! And I can't believe what 2 weeks of turning my WH, me and our marriage over to him has done! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

You have got to tell us his reaction to this!!

Betrayed ~I don't want to rain on your parade - turning your marriage over to God is a very good thing.BUT, if you want to have your husband come home, you will have to drop the disrespectful judgements, which is what the above letter is full of.You can be morally self-righteous, or you can be married. You can't be both.

br, I have to agree.. in a conversation with my h today... he sd.. when I sd... the longer this goes on the worse it is...his reply... and that means the more I will have to make it up to you?I wish he was more sorry and he felt worse... I think he does feel quite bad.. but does not get into doing pennace to me... or making right his wrongs... my h just wants to get back to a normal life... not fix his wrongs... maybe he will quit his wrongs and do more rights.. but that does not mean... if I go around preaching how horrid adultery is.. and how bad he has messed up that he is coming around..thanks for reminding me.. and I hope that helps you out- betrayed again... I am sorry for all the pain... as time goes on... I do see that the more I hang onto my anger and my rightness for being faithful and his utter wrongness for commiting adultery.. the less we come together.. .hugs and luck, HOney

I'm afraid I have to agree with Rosie, preaching at him will only serve to push him away because it comes across as a disrespectful judgement. It may be true that satan is behind some of your troubles but telling your WS this will only make him feel that you are accusing him of satanic behavior. I am so happy that you found Christ, but I would take it easy right now with that kind of talk if you want to wake him up.

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by Honey:
I wish he was more sorry and he felt worse... I think he does feel quite bad.. but does not get into doing pennace to me... or making right his wrongs..<hr></blockquote>
Honey, I have found that the more time that goes by and the less defensive that my WS is, the sorrier he is for his behavior. I think at first he was sorry he got caught and felt sort of defensive because I was attacking him. But in the absence of attacks, I can see that he is truly sorry now.

Betrayed.....great letter. I looked up all the scripture while I was reading and it gave me new hope that God isn't going to end my marriage forever. It really is amazing how God works in our lives when we really do surrender it all up to him. He shows you things that you never knew were possible. I was so uplifted by the letter and scripture I am going to send it to www.rejoiceministries.org as an inspiration to others that don't want satan to take something God gave to us. I think he may need a little reading as to what God says. He may or may not read the letter but at least he will know you have a knew peace about the situation and he may wish to have that peace too. Love in Christ, cajunky[ May 23, 2002: Message edited by: cajunky ]

Morning All!Thanks for your responses! First of all, the letter is not about "disrespectful judgements". The letter is "GOD'S words, promises and etc. taken straight out of the bible. Bible verses's are clearly "GOD'S" rules to us.The answers I found (thru Bible verses) were answers to feelings that I had/have, not WH. WH is walking a dangerous path, both in the flesh and in the spirit. Because I love my WH, and he is a part of me, I sent the letter.Disrespectful judgement would be telling WH that he had a "serious character flaw", was a low-life cheater or something like that. My letter to him was not that. It was GOD'S word through scriptures. If my WH gets angry or defensive over the letter.........well who would it offend?Certainly not GOD.God's love for us and his power, forgiveness and will for us is stronger than anything of Satan or anyone on this earth.When a WS is in the state of "fog", if you want to get right down to it.....anything we BS say or do, can and usually is "PERCEIVED" as negative, because that's the way "THEY" want to see things to justify their behavior.GOD is not "disresprctful" nor is his word and nor are we who live by it, share it or believe in it. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Hugs to all and hope you have a day (better than yesterday and not as good as tomorrow)! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

cajunky,Thank You for your response! Did I read your profile correctly? You were the "WS"? I focused on what I felt, what I went to GOD with and the answers that he gave (Me).The scripture was scripture of GOD'S words and promises, relating to these situations. I believe ALL THINGS are possible with GOD.Thanks for you kinds words......Cajunky, as a WS or former WS, how would receiving a letter like that have affected you?(((((Hugs)))))

Betrayed Again,I did not say that God's Word was a disrespectful judgement, but rather, your PREACHING at him. Preaching to your husband is using God's Word as a baseball bat and I assure you, he will probably see it that way. It might make you feel good and morally superior but it will only serve to push him away.

Melody,Did not do this to "make me feel good". Did it to try and reach out to WH........show him that forgiveness is his by GOD and me.........I've read numerous times on here, that former WS didn't believe they were worthy of forgivenss or love. I was simply showing WH where he can be reminded thru scripture. And reassuring him that he DOES DESERVE GOD'S LOVE AND MINE. I am still here and I'm not throwing him out with the "garbage". I know the goodness inside of him, and I know with time, God"s help.......he'll be back........Sometimes it is just so hard to express what you really feel inside isn't it? Sometimes, you just can't seem to know what to do, when to or even if to.Kills me....WS scream we push, they scream we don't try, they scream "you just won't let go", then turn around and scream "You don't care because you stopped reaching or you didn't care enough to find me".......GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!

Here's what I've found on Sexual Sin:"...The body is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body."
1 Corinthians 6:13 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body."
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (NIV) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin -- this man also does the right thing."
1 Corinthians 7:37 (NIV) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it."
1 Corinthians 10:13 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"These are the ones who have not been defiled with women, for they have kept themselves chaste. These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes. These have been purchased from among men as first fruits to God and to the Lamb."
Revelation 14:4 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge."
Hebrews 13:4 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
Hebrews 4:15-16 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted."
Hebrews 2:18 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be!"
1 Corinthians 6:15 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him."
James 1:12 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from temptation, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment for the day of judgment."
2 Peter 2:9

echo I will check them out!!!!! THANK YOU!!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

BetrayedAgain,
I am so excited for where you are with the Lord. It is an exciting journey walking with Jesus. Your post is a true testimony of what God can do with a BS heart and I hope it will encourage others here.The thing that concerns me in it is that you sent this to your H and you do not mention where he is: physically, spiritually, emotionally. I bring this up because...depending on where your H is (spiritually/emotionally) this could cause more harm than good. Let me give you 2 examples 1) if someone has a child that dies would you say to that person to comfort them: Romans 8:28 All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord... 2) Satan used scripture to tempt Jesus in Matthew 4:6. So what I am trying to say is your post is full of God's promises and that is a beautiful thing. These things are true BUT conveying this message to your H (if he is not at a place spiritually/emotionally) to recieve it can actually turn him AWAY from Jesus. It can be viewed by him as spiritual manipulation/abuse.This statement: (NO Code 13's "Escape" HUSBAND), NO DIVORCE EITHER.......... God NEVER takes away our choices. There are consequences to our choices but he never takes them away. The door is always open for us to freely leave if we choose. We need to demonstrate that to our H. If we take away their choices they feel like they are in bondage and they will fight harder to be free. Read "Love must be tough" by James Dobson.When we walk with Christ we need to be willing to loose everything/anything for His sake. Are you willing to put your marriage on the alter as Abraham did with Isaac. Are you willing to loose your marriage/your H. IF you are unwilling you may have set up your marriage/your H as an idol.
I am speaking from experience (read my signature line). These trials with this OW rocked the foundation of my faith. I had myself in bondage until I was willing to loose my H and be happy/content in life without him in it. We can pray for our H until the day we die BUT IF our H are unwilling to change their hearts, God will not force them too. He will give them consequences to their decision/actions BUT He will NEVER force anyone to do anything or else what would be the point of love? We need to show that same example. What your H is doing is wrong. You need to also be careful that you don't confuse your H by painting a picutre for him that allows him to continue this way with no consequences. Sometimes we get in God's way of teaching others a lesson. Just something to think about. I am happy for what God is doing in your heart - that is exciting! Keep walking with Him. I am now at a place where with or without my H I can have a happy full life with Jesus. My relationship with God is NOT dependant on my marriage. And my success in life has nothing to do with whether I am married or divorced. His love for me is the same whether I am married or divorced.

HiyA!I know my WH has been baptized in the water and that he knows the bible. Do not know if he has been baptized in the "spirit".The code 13 thing is an "inside joke" between WH and I. Not something any of you would understand. But WH will remember it.My WH is probably at the point that he feels he has screwed up so bad that niether GOD or I could possibly love or want him. That's why I sent it.All I know is everything my WH is doing in his life right now and most of the past 3 years, has been completely "OPPOSITE" of everything he ever openly "hated". No one was more hating or outspoken about affairs than WH was.As far as WH blaming me for everything wrong in his life, yes I am human and made mistakes but I really believe he was "projecting" onto me what he really feels about himself. It is obvious that he tried to find happiness by running head on into another relationship, one that we all know is based on "quicksand". He hasn't "found himself or happiness". Signs have been there that he is still "unhappy". He's got to like/love himself before he can be happy and make someone else happy. And an "A" isn't going to do that. Also, for the 3 years this has been going on, WH has not said he wanted divorce nor has he took any action. He has had several spells of withdrawing and closing me out but in time always came back. Difference this time is I have found MB, learned through other's on here, ordered and read books and grown in my personal relationship with my heavenly father. Make sense?Just something to think about. I am happy for what God is doing in your heart - that is exciting! Keep walking with Him. I am now at a place where with or without my H I can have a happy full life with Jesus. My relationship with God is NOT dependant on my marriage. And my success in life has nothing to do with whether I am married or divorced. His love for me is the same whether I am married or divorced.This is basically where I am at. As far as divorce. I WILL NOT file and I have clearly set the boundry with WH that I will not be in a 3-way relationship. That I am willing to meet him half way and make this marriage the best it can be but not until WH "chooses" to end his "A" and work on our marraige. If he chooses divorce, I will not stop him but it will be him that will have to file, if it comes to that. And I AGREE, WH actions and choices WILL NOT keep me from growing in GOD'S LOVE! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img][ May 24, 2002: Message edited by: BetrayedAgain ]

Hey Betrayedagain,
If God led you to send this to your WH, you did the right thing, as I read it, it always amazes me that I am not alone in feeling this way! I wish I could send my H this same letter, as it is exactly how I feel. Unfortunately he is in a place where he would not accept it. One day however, when the Lord has turned his heart of stone into a heart of flesh... I still await that day. I am happy in the Lord, and with or with out the H, I am ok.
I have a promise from the Lord as you do, and it is so nice like I said, that I am not alone in this! continue to stand for what you believe, and know that there will be times of doubt creep in, but always, always, take them to the Lord. I have been waiting for 7 years, and believe me there have been times of doubt, but each time, and so close to giving it all up, Jesus has once again showed me His truth and promises. When I feel like I want to contact my H, I pray about it, and the Lord usually gives me a sign whether or not to. If it is not Gods timing,I can get pretty bummed out by the H's response, and I feel I put a hurdle into His plan, but when it has been God's will and timing, it has always been a blessing. I trust Him and wait on Him not on my H. Make sure that Jesus is the center of your focus at all times, I believe you are there now, but like I said, there will be days...
God Bless and keep you!

I do feel like GOD led me to send the letter. And i still have my "down days", but i just pray harder! I hang onto the facts to;1). WH hasn't contacted me since he cut me off and refused to tell me where he was 4/26/02.2). He hasn't said anything about wanting a divorce. And I haven't been notifed of any or served.3). What he left here from when he originally moved out in 4/99 is still here. I know it may not mean anything to him right now but it's his and still here. (Guess he left something to get his foot in the door).4). His mail is still coming here.5). I really think after 1 1/2 years of his deceivng me about her being "gone" and my finding out about contact in March/02, even though he angrily tried to blow it off like "rumor's", refused to talk about it or answer any questions and etc. (HE KNOWS IT'S BEYOND SERIOUS THIS TIME). Because I screamed divorce, even informed him of date and time of my appt. with attorney. (He cut me off and disappeared 4 days prior to the appt.) I had only done this once (3 years ago in the beginning).6). I lovingly told him (thru e-mail) that I Loved him and believed our marriage could be re-built and "thrive" but only once he "chose" to end all contact with "OW" for life. That I WILL NOT be in a 3-way relationship. I still want him but not unitl she is gone. That I WILL NOT even attempt to work on our marriage until he "chooses" to end "A" and gives his all along with me to heal "us".7). I believe that my finding out about recent contact, confronting WH 4/14/02, his losing his job 4/22/02, his having to move out of former company's apartment, truck problems, everything hitting him in a matter of just a couple weeks, has probably been just about his I eye opener.8). I believe that he has cut me off because he knows he's guilty and is trying to figure out how to get his "tail" out of this one. And probably focused on getting a new job.Even though I have my hurts and etc. Have to deal with "rejection", his "A" and all. I would much rather be in my shoes right now then his. I have a job (11 years at same place), am living in our home, able to pay my bills, have brand new car, rational and clear head on my shoulder's, growing with my GOD, and I never turned my back on my marriage or him. I can look in the mirror and know that I have been faithful, have done all I can and still am, to become a stronger, better person and better wife. I actually really feel sorry for him. I am understanding his confusion better through my gained knowledge here on MB and through recommended books. My favorite guide is GOD and the bible though.I really am doing "ok" and seems to get a little better each day. Almost "scares" me. I do still love and want my WH, I have forgiven him (even the unknown) and I PRAY FOR HIM constantly. I even pray for the "OW". I pray that she is brought back to the cross and her salvation isn't at risk. I pray that she finds someone whom she can fall head over heels for and can have an honest, open, loving and blessed relationship with and it WILL NOT be at another's expense.My co-workers and friends are amazed at how well I am doing, how much better I am looking and just the positive change in my attitude in general. They don't understand how I am doing this and haven't "cracked" for what all my WH has put me, him and our marriage through. I remember in 4/99 my WH said this to me:"I just snapped under the pressure before you did". That was in regard to his "OW" and their "something going on".Well......it's not about "snapping".I am just apparently more comitted to our marriage than he was, more forgiving, more tolerate and more GOD-CENTERED than WH. My morals are definitely at a different place than his at this time. Also, I had a 4-month "A" in my first marriage after finding out my 1st WH was having one. NO EXCUSE FOR THAT! I was young, stupid and not where I am now with GOD. I learned my lesson the HARD WAY and it STUCK! The h**l I put myself through in that "blunder" is a strong factor as to why I have been totally faithful to my WH since I first laid eyes on him and especially through this 3 year mess. I know the pain of being betrayed and being the betrayer (ist marriage not this one). I have been the BS in BOTH marriages. My WH was the BS in his first marriage as well. He was never unfaithful in first marriage or ours until 3 years ago to present. More than sure it has blown all his circuits.SO in answer to some of the posts I have seen:Once a cheater.....always a cheater.....HOGWASH!I did once and NEVER, NEVER, NEVER AGAIN!!!!!Once my WH comes out of this fog.......yes I am not only willing but determined to show him that he is truly forgiven, is not a "bad person" and he STILL DESERVES a faithful, loving, supportive, forgiving wife! And he is certainly DESERVING OF GOD'S love. I also don't believe he will ever cheat again nor do I intend to leave him "vulnerable"!!!!!I know and walk in faith that GOD will give us our chance..Geesh, I didn't mean to "BABBLE ON".......I'm Sorry! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] (((((((HUGS)))))))) <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />[ May 24, 2002: Message edited by: BetrayedAgain ]

Stillwaiting,Heading to blow dry my hair and then I'm going to run t town to the christian bookstore to see if they have a couple of the books I've seen mentioned on here. Also want a little easier Bible to read than the one I have now. Will be back on later this afternoon! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Look Betrayed, I'm not trying to pick a fight here. But you are doing exactly the opposite of what we here at MB try to practice in our lives.A disrespectful judgement occurs whenever we try to impose our values and morals on another person. I agree with you that adultery is sinful.However, my H saw it differently, and so does yours.YOU can live your life as you see fit, in accordance with God's law. You don't get to make selfish demands that your H change to meet your superior moral values.Forgiving him, when he hasn't asked for it, is the height of disrespectful judgements, because it assumes that he thinks he has done something wrong.

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by BrambleRose:
you are doing exactly the opposite of what we here at MB try to practice in our lives.A disrespectful judgement occurs whenever we try to impose our values and morals on another person.
Forgiving him, when he hasn't asked for it, is the height of disrespectful judgements, because it assumes that he thinks he has done something wrong.<hr></blockquote>Hmmm, BR, I usually can agree with your sage, wise words to posters, but in this case, I think YOU are missing the mark!After you posted the first time to BA, I went back and re-read her post, to see the "disrespectful judgement" you spoke of. I couldn't find it. I understand about asking him for "forgiveness" when he thinks he's done nothing wrong. BUT, we are not in their life, so we don't KNOW that he actually feels that "he's done nothing wrong to need forgiveness." He might be thinking it, but still running away from those thoughts.Secondly, I also feel that if God has led BA to write these things to her H, then the Lord will use them to convict him. I believe that God "works in mysterious ways, His wonders to perform" using whatever tools HE chooses. Sometimes, we have no idea how something can be used by God to perform a miracle!OK, so it sounds like I'm totally "in BA's corner." Actually, BA, I'd like to address the rest of this post to YOU! You see, a couple of months ago, I also said some things to my WH. I had prayed about it, asked God to show me a sign of when and what to say....well, the time came! I KNEW God was telling me to say the things that came out of my mouth (It was essentially the same kind of stuff you told yours).How did it go over? Well, not good. Not good at all. He got angry. Do I *believe* I was supposed to do this, but really I wasn't? I don't think so. There's been NO change in his actions because of what I told him, as of yet. BUT as sure as I know GOD IS GOOD, and loves me, and wants to heal ALL broken M's, I believe with all my heart that God wanted me to say what I said. Would I do it again? Probably not a second time, although I wouldn't take back the opportunity I had to say it the first time.I still believe God is going to bring back to his memory all that I said to him, at His appointed time, so technically, I don't regret saying anything I said. However, I wouldn't encourage doing this too often, either! (Once was probably enough) It surely didn't bring WH to his knees, totally repentent and eager to come back to my *wonderful* - forgiving arms!!Of course, that's NOT why I told him what I told him!! I did it b/c I know God has "other plans" for his life than the one he's now following, and I felt led by God to point things out to him...things about how he is living his life, and ignoring God's prompting. I also have peace about having done this. But I will NOT do it again until he is ready to listen.It may not have been "pure" MB, but ya know what? The Harleys are NOT perfect, and their plan not the only one. God has brought back from the "pit" many WS's in His own extraordinary ways. "Preaching" from God's Word isn't the worse thing a BS can do!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Hang in there, BA. I'm with ya!!! God IS at work!!!

lupolady,Thanks for your kind words. I "AGREE" so much with what you wrote. Yes, I felt GOD told me to send this to my WH. It has been the only letter like this I have sent. I was in Wal-Mart the other day in the book section and "Power Of A Praying Husband" jumped out at me. My head was a blur, trying to go thru all the titles and "WHAM", there was the book. I had no intentions of buying it nor was it one that I was looking for. I picked it up, looked through it and put it back on the shelf. I went on through the store getting other items but that book kept popping up in my mind. I went back and picked it back up and I bought it. I clearly believe GOD led me to it and kept after me until I listened. The book is right here beside me. Even though I feel GOD led me to the book, I have not felt GOD'S leading to do anything with it. I will put the book up for safe keeping until GOD shows me what to do with it and when. One thing I do is PRAY before I write any e-mails to my WH. I re-read them and PRAY about them. I clearly feel in "my spirit" whether or not to send them or where I need to re-word or change something. Sometimes, I am just flat told "DON'T SEND THAT"! And I don't. I haven't been moved to send any since that letter so I haven't.I DO NOT regret sending it, I feel there was a "reason". WH probably didn't take it well (if he even read it) but I did what I felt guided to do. My other recent e-mails have been using MB methods. I believe and think MB principals are "GREAT" and I agree with them, however GOD is the one I listen to and put my "FAITH & TRUST IN"!Bramble Rose,You certainly have not offended me in anyway. I respect your opinion and input as I do everyone else's. I chalk "differences" up to different places we are at and only "WE" know our own situations completely, you know?When I feel GOD is showing me an answer or leading me in a particular area, then I DO NOT question him. That DOES NOT mean your advice is less important or anyone else's, just that GOD is my main "GUIDE".Even I will probably never know how this e-mail did or didn't affect my wayward husband but it is now up to GOD to use it how he so chooses and on his time table.Peace and Hugs to all and no hard feelings of any kind on this end
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BrambleRose,Another thought popped in my mind as I posted last response.If my WH doesn't think he is doing anything wrong, why did he clearly tell me this a few months ago in regard to his realtionship with "OW":Me: You wouldn't tolerate this behavior from me and I certainly wouldn't get a "second chance".WH: NO I wouldn't and NO you wouldn't!Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Betrayed.....answering your question first. Would a letter like this have helped me? yes. But my PA's were one time things but seeing scripture might have made me think harder about it. I had other things fogging my brain at the time so I don't know for sure if it would have prevented it but I am a christian so I would like to think it would have. I think you are doing all the right things myself. The main thing is to pray about everything before you do it and God will tell you whether to do it or not. I think if you have Gods attitude and follow his principals of lovingness, kindness, forgiveness etc. God will guide you in such situations. The main thing is if it doesn't feel right then pray about it then follow what God puts on your heart. I am in a different boat than you but we are hopefully heading in the same direction. My wife gave me other chances but I blew it. I have discovered several things about myself since then and have been a regular on marriage builders. I know what kind of guy I am and what kind of marriage I had( I had one of the best marriages I know of) without all the crap in my life so I know God will put my wife and I back together again someday. Do you know about www.rejoiceministries.org website? It is a great website for people who refuse to give up there marriages to satan. You can see lots of peoples testimonies as to how God restored there marriages no matter what the circumstances. I am Going to my first study tomorrow nite. The main thing is to never give up because God never intended for divorce as we have seen through scripture. So as a WS talking to a BS, never give up no matter who or what tells you too. God will work on our hearts and we will see just how wrong we were to go against what God put together. Love in Christ, cajunky[ May 25, 2002: Message edited by: cajunky ]

cajunky,"BLESS YOUR EVER LOVING HEART"! Yes I have been to rejoice ministries site and that is alot of where I am coming from. I even sent my WH the "Standers Affirmation".The one thing I have really been "whipped" over by GOD these past 3 weeks, is how I seem to turn to him in times of trouble and forget him when things are going pretty good. This is what I basically did during the 1 1/2 years that I believed "OW" was gone and WH and I seemed to be progressing. God needs us to lean on him through the good and the bad times. He loves it when we thank him and praise him. This lady isn't going to let him down this time.I have asked him to come into my heart, soul, body and spirit. I asked him to take over my life and I've told him "I'm your's"! I have also placed my WH in his loving hands, as well as our marriage! I believe that he will grant me the desires of my heart for "that is according to his plans, promises and will". It is GOD'S desire that marraiges last, rebuild, heal, reconcile. GOD'S will that husband and wife live together. Well that is my heart's desire too. To have my WH back, rebuild, reconcile and "thrive" as GOD originally intended us to. I desire that one day our marriage becomes a ministry or testament to all who have already chalked us up as a "lost cause". I desire that our marriage be an example of GOD'S great love, forgiveness, power and promises, if we simply TRUST IN HIM and ASK HIM INTO our lives and marriage. I have also asked GOD to HEAD our marriage, not jus be the center of it. I want GOD to lead us as a couple and as individuals in our walk with him.My WH is a "beautiful man", who just isn't doing beautiful things right now. I fell in love with a "GOOD MAN" and I believe that man is being held captive and is being mis-lead by satan right now. I am no longer angry with WH, I am angry at satan for his interference and influence. I have even been praying for the "OW". Now that's something huh?I am not giving up on my WH not now, not ever. Divorce is not an option for this lady, however I realize that I cannot stop WH if he chooses that route. I have asked GOD, in Jesus name, through the power of the holy spirit, to bind him from any thoughts,actions or encouragement in doing so.I have also asked GOD to bind WH from taking any further steps to seperate us further by removing what's left of his things from our home and etc.So far, all of this has been answered. You know what's really neat? Since turning this over to GOD, I really don't feel the overwhelming urge to go "spy" or try to find him. Once in a while, yes, I am tempted, but I don't do it.I really believe that GOD will deal with my WH. And I have asked God to make the changes in me that he feels I need. Asked him to make me the kind of wife that he wants me to be, kind of wife that my WH needs me to be and kind of wife I want to be.I know this is going to be a long haul......but I really believe that my WH will be back, will be the man and even better than the one that left. Yes, I realize that it will require "work" from both of us.Isn't it wierd how we are tagged as being in denial, obsessed and etc. because we are comitted to our vows, marraige and we "WALK IN FAITH WITH GOD"? How fast everyone around us states "I wouldn't even put up with this". Just divorce the blank-blank and get on with your life. Mind-blowing huh?MB principals are good, that's why I am here but GOD is GOD. "He's my guide". I feel that he led me to MB to learn things, yet he is reminding me that he is the ultimate ruler.GOD BLESS and STAY IN TOUCH!!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img][ May 25, 2002: Message edited by: BetrayedAgain ]

Lying
"If you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth."
James 3:14

Hate
"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions."
Proverbs 10:12

Repent
"For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death."
2 Corinthians 7:10

"I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."
Luke 15:7

Love
"Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law."
Romans 13:10

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."
Ephesians 4:31-32

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs it down, but a good word makes it glad."
Proverbs 12:25
Salvation
"Let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water."
Hebrews 10:22
Hope
"The LORD also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble."
Psalm 9:9
Realization and Thanksgiving
"The LORD reigns, let the peoples tremble; He is enthroned above the cherubim, let the earth shake!"
Psalm 99:1

"For it is written, 'As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall give praise to God.'"
Romans 14:11

Betrayedagain and cajunky,
I can't tell you how thrilled I am to hear others speak and believe as I do. I am going to check out the website mentioned above in cajunky's reply after I reply. I am overwhelmed at reading my own words from others. God has been so good to me and always giving me renewed hope no matter how long the wait. I know i am to pray for my H, although at times it is not easy because of the sadness it does bring to think about him. But reading your posts have given me the renewal I need to do so. I have felt so alone in this wait for so long, until I came to this site. I never knew there were so many people believing in their marriages, as around me personally there are so few, and I am always the encourager to those who are wanting to end their marriages. I know that there have been many people and probably still are, that think I'm off my rocker, but they have not had the experiences with God as I have. Even some Christians I know will ask me if I am seeing anyone, excuse me, but I don't think so? Do they not hear when I speak about God's love and faithfulness? I have a ministry in music, and whenever I do a concert I share in my testimony about my marriage, and the awesome signs God has given me, I know that it has encouraged many, but oh how fast they forget! I am so pleased to know that I can share in my testimony that I am not alone in this. If I may, I would like to quote some of you, read to them some of your posts to show people that there is more hope out there than we realize!
A friend of mine has written a song for me to sing, it really my life, and it is called "I Will Wait On You" I will get her permission and then post it, I'm sure you will be blessed and encouraged! It is powerful.
Thankyou again for the renewed hope I have received today, and the tears I once again shed over this, it is always good to do so! I thank God for this site, and look forward to many chats!
I will keep you all in my prayers as well, and look forward to the restoration of all these marriages,
One more thing I wish to share, I shared in another post, a line in a song by Garth Brooks, that encouraged me right in the middle of a doubtful time. The song "The Change" the line is:
"AS long as one heart still holds on, hope is never really gone......"
Blessing to you!

This was the first thing that I got from rejoice ministies through e-mail. I was really asking myself "God, look what I have done to my family how in the world can or will you fix this". This is no lie, the very next day I got this and I cried when I read it because God had led me to this website through friends, now he was telling me it could be done no matter what.
HOPE IN THE MIDST OF AFFLICTION “I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the
gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet
this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the
Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never
fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I
say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for
him.’ The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one
who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the
Lord.”
Lamentations 3:22-23The prophet Jeremiah is lamenting the defeat of Judah by the Babylon-
ians. The once great city of Jerusalem sits in ruins, the temple has
been destroyed, and captives taken away to Babylon. Jeremiah’s tears
were not only for the suffering and humiliation of the people but also
because God had rejected His people for their rebellious ways. The
great nation of Judah lies in ruins because of their stubborn sinful-
ness.In the midst of the sin and destruction surrounding him, Jeremiah saw
one ray of hope, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consum-
ed, for his compassions never fail.” Jeremiah knew of God’s faithful-
ness from personal experience. God had promised punishment would fol-
low disobedience and it did when He allowed Judah to be destroyed by
the godless nation of Babylon. But God also promised restoration and
blessings. Jeremiah knew that God would honor that promise too. Like
Jeremiah, by trusting in God’s faithfulness day by day, we can be con-
fident of God’s great promises for the future.Sin and disobedience has entered your family. Your once great marriage
lies in ruins. Your spouse has been taken captive to the enemy’s camp.
This horrible scene could have been avoided. As Jeremiah had warned
the people of Judah that this day of destruction would come, your
heart too is breaking to see it fulfilled. Sin causes great sorrow to
many innocent bystanders. God’s steadfast love and mercy are greater
than any sin and He promises forgiveness. God willingly responds to
our call for help, “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to
the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of
the Lord.”In Jeremiah’s darkest hour, his hope was strengthened by this promise.
God had been faithful in the past and would continue to do so in the
future. Jeremiah saw not only God’s judgment but also His steadfast
love. In the time of judgment, Jeremiah could still cling to the hope
of God’s love for His people. In the midst of the destruction of your
family, God still loves you. In spite of whatever sin may have entered
your home, God can and will forgive it when you earnestly seek Him. As
Jeremiah prayed for the salvation of a sinful nation, you too are
called to intercede for the sinfulness of your spouse. Because of your
faithfulness and trust in God the Father, He will rebuild what was de-
stroyed and heal the hurts caused by sin. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans
to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I
will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me
with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord,
‘and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all
the nations and places where I have banished you,’ declares the
Lord, ‘and will bring you back to the place from which I carried
you into exile.’”
Jeremiah 29:11-14God did not forget the people of Judah, even though they were held
captive in Babylon. He promised to give them a new beginning. In times
of deep trouble, it is easy to think that God has abandoned us. But
God has not forgotten us. He is preparing us for a new beginning with
Christ at the center.Thank God today for His faithfulness in the midst of destruction. Lean
on His promise to “prosper you” and “give you hope and a future.” God
loves us far too much to let sin rule in His children’s lives. God
tears down the old so that He can build up the new. God is driving out
the sin from your marriage and He will rebuild it in all its splendor.
Trust in God and He will do this for you. Earnestly seek Him with all
your heart. God the Father loves you and your spouse far too much to
leave you as you were. He will rebuild what was destroyed. He will
lift you up from the pit of divorce and restore you to your rightful
place. His loving grace is never-ending. “‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal
my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security. I
will bring Judah and Israel back from captivity and will rebuild
them as they were before. I will cleanse them from all the sin they
have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of re-
bellion against me. Then this city will bring me renown, joy,
praise and honor before all nations on earth that hear of all the
good things I do for it; and they will be in awe and will tremble
at the abundant prosperity and peace I provide for it.’”
Jeremiah 33:6-9 “This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘You say about this place,
“It is a desolate waste without men or animals.” Yet in the towns
of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem that are deserted, inhabited
by neither men nor animals, there will be heard once more the
sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom,
and the voices of those who bring thank offerings to the house of
the Lord, saying, “Give thanks to the Lord Almighty, for the Lord
is good; his love endures forever.” For I will restore the fort-
unes of the land as they were before,’ says the Lord.’”
Jeremiah 33:10-11God’s promises for the nation Judah hold true for you today. God is
ready to answer your prayers; step out in faith by asking for His
assistance. By seeking God’s help, we acknowledge that He alone can
accomplish the healing that needs to take place in our homes. Humble
yourself and seek God, setting aside all fear and worry. Obey Him in
all of His commands. God will restore what was destroyed! “For I will restore their fortunes and have compassion on them.”
Jeremiah 33:26Great is thy faithfulness! All glory, honor and praise are yours,
Almighty God and Father! Just pray and believe.... Love in Christ
cajunky

StillWaiting,(((((HUGS TO YOU))))).My gosh, this has been a 3 year battle and I see yours has been 6. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> My wayward husband has never lived with "OW" to best of my knowledge. He cut me off and out 4/26/02 and I haven't a clue where he is. He may be living with her now, but I really doubt it. "OW" is about 110 miles one way from me and our home. And about 60 miles one way from where WH (was) working. He lost his job 4/22/02 and I have not seen him since Christmas 2001 or spoken to him since 4/26/02. Last phone conversation he was very angry, irrate, dis-respectful and etc. Probably because I found out about "OW" still in picture and then he lost his job and etc. "A" must not be all that "great" or he wouldn't be angry and he'd be "relieved" I knew and he wouldn't care right? Well he is "VERY ANGRY" at the people who told me and apparently me for believing them.I will never encourage anyone to end their marriage nor will I cast judgement on their decision to do so, as that is between them and GOD. And they walk in their shoes, not me.When my WH and I first seperated, there were (2) male co-worker's of mine, whom left their wives. They spent allot of time over here and we talked endless hours. Getting each other's views, which gave understanding to opposite gender's way of thinking. I want to stress that we were/are "PLATONIC" friends and co-worker's (brother-sister) type relationship and no sexual attraction type of thing at all. Emotional attachments yes, but not out of context or a threat to any of our marriages, quite the opposite. We depend on each other for our lives on duty. That makes you very "protective" on duty and off duty. (Law Enforcement).I was their BS/BW "best friend" let me tell you! They saw my pain as a BS/BW, and they had "betrayed" their wives, so they knew through me, what they had done to their wives. I in turn, got insight into my WH husband's thinking, through them because they were the WS/WH's. It really was bizarre but I was "lucky" to have their honesty and friendship and vice-versa. (So were/are their spouses and mine).The one marriage ended and male friend/former co-worker is now remarried. I have not seen or spoken to him in about 2 years. He transfered and latered remarried a woman (not the "OW"). Wherever he is at, I wish him happiness, we just simply lost touch. I still work with his brother and we get along well. No hard feelings on either part's.The other friend, "I finally broke him", sitting at my counter about 3 or 4 am, one "Sunday" morning. I finally got him to break down and cry, he admitted that he still loved his wife, that what he was doing was "WRONG" and he did not want the divorce, (His Wife filed). It was from my house, with my encouragement that he called her and she agreed to meet him the next morning.The outcome? They talked, about a month later he moved back home, she dropped the divorce and they are still together!!!!! And they are "HAPPY". I talk to him all the time and I talk to her. I consider them "BOTH" my friends. Wife has NO IDEA, "not really", that I was her "best friend" and instrumental (ALONG WITH GOD) in breaking him out of his fog. He severed ALL TIES with "OW" and has never made contact. A 16 year old girl still has her "mom & dad". He is still here for me and he is watching out for me now, yes, he is one of my sources (trusted sources). In spite of my WH behavior the past 3 years and the fact my WH hates and cuts this man down.......my male (platonic friend, my brother in christ and line of duty), has never once encouraged me to divorce nor has he belittled my WH in any way. "He has done quite the opposite", he encourages me that "his gut feeling is my WH really does love me and will return". He also supports my walk with GOD. He also knows the "OW" and we just won't go there on his opinion of her, as it is very "un-christian". I might add that this is the same man/friend/brother whom has saved me from harm in the line of duty, numerous times and vice-versa. The "greatest gift" I've ever given him, was my "determination" to break him in a sisterly, "christian love" way, and to tromp that male pride of his (and not in a manipulative or destroying way). I got him to set his pride, anger, hurt, shame, guilt aside and go to his wife. I am so "proud of them both"! And i am ssssoooooo "HAPPY FOR THEM"!I am a huge advocate for the marriage vows and covenant. I just wish, my WH had someone in his life doing the same for me, but he doesn't. All he has is the "OW" and we all know what her motives and goals are. That is why I have placed all in "GOD'S HANDS"."I am proud of you StillWaiting", your strength, determination, your committment to your marraige, yourself, your WH and especially to "GOD". I admire you! I only know how rough 3 years has been on me but "WOW" your double that on me!Feel free to use whatever you want of my posts. I know that my struggle contributed to the reconciliation of at least (1) marriage. I sure hope mine will reconcile soon. I really miss him, need and want my WH. I have truly forgiven him and I deeply love him, that includes "In love with him". I have never fallen out of love with him. Just simply haven't liked his 3 year and continued behavior. I know this is nt of my WH. I know he is being held captive by satan.I do truly believe that "true forgiveness is devineness". And can only be found through and in our walk with "GOD".Thanks for your posts and "GOD BLESS"! Don't be a "stranger"........ [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey there "cajunky",So as a WS talking to a BS, never give up no matter who or what tells you too. God will work on our hearts and we will see just how wrong we were to go against what God put together.Thank you so very much and i do "AGREE FULLY"!Thank you for your post on that e-mail you recieved. WOW...now there's alot of truth and hope there, isn't here!!!!Keep posting as we need your kind of "encouragement and honesty around here"! I will be watching for you!echo!Keep those bible verses a coming!!!!!!!!!!!(HUGS TO ALL) [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks to both of you for the encouragement.
I know how hard the first three years were, but it has gotten better, I do however go through some dark times now and then, but the Lord always brings me back to a place of peace and hope.
I really didn't even feel very lonely for the longest time, but late last summer, boy did it hit me, I went through a real dark time, ready to give up, but the Lord showed me through songs and His Word, to hang in there. I had really never heard of a covenant marriage before then, I may have but it didn't really sink in , know what I mean? But it was such an awesome time, I was really questioning my belief in holding on, when I was truly led by the Lord to listen to a program on Focus on the Family, and they talked about the 'covenant M" wow I was floored and renewed and strengthened once again. the Lord spoke directly to me through the man on the radio, what a sob session that was! A good one though!
The Lord has so blessed me these past 7 years, I am surrounded by children all the time, as I teach singing as well. The only time I get down is when I am alone too much, and so now I know not to let that happen. I am so happy in the Lord, and know that my Maker is my Husband, and that He is in control!
Keep strong yourself there BA, you really have the truth and stand on it, it's awesome!
Cajunky, it's good to hear from someone who was once in the WH shoes. I know I will hear him speak as you do some day!
God Bless and keep you all....

Ok, I have a little more time - let me respond more thoroughly. I'm going to be pretty rough on you - please understand that I am not saying ANYTHING below with the intention to hurt you. I am saying these things with the hope that you will learn something from self-reflection that will help you save your marriage.Betrayed - I am a very religious person and always have been. And it nearly destroyed my marriage - NOT because my beliefs or faith was wrong, but because of the way I lived it and shoved it down others throats - most especially my husband. You mentioned on another thread that your H called you controlling - and yet you completely discounted him. You are so busy being RIGHT and morally superior that you are ignoring that MAYBE your own actions have added to the situation! Let me tell you something - I was controlling too. I had God on MY side and I was right and I knew all the right moral answers and therefore I had the RIGHT to straighten out my husband whenever he "fell" (in MY most perfect judgement) from the right path. If someone would have said, BR, you are controlling, I would have responded, NO I'm not, I'm right, I'm doing what God wants me too! I didn't have a clue that just how disrespectful, controlling and selfish that I had been - I was too busy being morally righteous.Now, I don't know you, so I can only address what I see in your thread. And I can tell you that I see alot of the very same things in you that nearly destroyed my marriage.Now, you can argue with me about this, its YOUR right to disagree. But I want to point out that your husband is running the opposite way right now, while mine is home with me and the kids. MY way of dealing with this worked. Your way has never worked (although it has been tried countless times), not that I have seen on these boards, although obviously I could be wrong. If you honestly think that this is what will bring your husband home, by all means try it. I didn't get him home by preaching at him. I got him home by stopping the constant moral reminders, the judgements and the demands that he change to suit my superior moral position. <blockquote>quote:<hr>GOD loves you, forgives you, will never leave, fail or betray you. Just reach for him.<hr></blockquote>This is a major LB - it's called educating your husband. He didn't ASK you what you thought about God's take on his life. <blockquote>quote:<hr>Your wife is here husband, she loves you, forgives you (even for the unknown of these past 3 years). She is here waiting for you and praying for you to be reconciled with GOD first
and then GOD will heal, reconcile us and we'll be "What he wanted us to be all along". <hr></blockquote>So now you are telling him that he has to get straightened out with God before you'll take him back. (selfish demand) You are assuming that he believes he NEEDS to reconcile with God. (disrespectful judgement) Maybe the God of your husband's understanding doesn't have a problem with his behavior! And maybe...the God of your husband's understanding doesn't have a plan for your reconciliation. What my point is here is that YOU DON'T KNOW the state of your husband's soul or his relationship with God, or his conscience or anything else. But you seem to have decided FOR HIM what is best for him. You have set yourself up in a state of moral superiority - YOU know God's plans, YOU know the answers for your situation, and YOU know what the answers are for your husband, and you haven't consulted your husband in this! (I'll even go so far as to say that I don't think you've really consulted God either - I think you've consulted your fear and your self-will) This is very disrespectful, selfish and controlling. The pride and arrogance in assuming that YOU have the answers and the knowledge that your husband just needs to capitulate to is probably exactly what is sending him running the other way. <blockquote>quote:<hr>TRUST ME "HUSBAND".......I am not setting you up for a false hope or fall here.<hr></blockquote>ie, Listen to me, do what I say, I have all the answers, and smart, moral, ME will guide you back into the light. Don't think, don't feel, don't disagree, just TRUST ME. Do you see how disrespectful and selfish this is? <blockquote>quote:<hr>I know that we can still have "US and the marriage we wanted and needed, that God wanted for US. "SATAN bomb-barded us through LIFE'S Pressures, demands and circumstances consistently hitting us". Everything of Satan is what came out of us, the fighting, the anger, built of frustration, the sense of hopelessness............EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! <hr></blockquote>Satan is the Father of Lies - right? Don't you think he can use a few half truths, and a few human defects of character to twist us oh so subtley to doing that what would harm us?If God's plan and will is for your marriage to be saved....and yet you are feeling an urge to do something that will harm your marriage...because you feel morally right...are you SURE it's God...and not Satan?God's will is usually worked out through humility. By saying: I'm going to be guided by others with more knowledge, I'm goign to pray for the willingness to become willing to accept God's will NO MATTER what it is" and then acting in humble obedience to others with the motivation and intention of acting out God's will - you will find the answers present themselves and beautiful things unfold before you.BUT - if you arrogantly and pridefully assume that you absolutely know God's will and God's answers not just for yourself but for your husband and for your marriage - don't you wonder where source of this "knowledge" is? <blockquote>quote:<hr>I am going to fight Satan to the fires of hell for you, for me, for our love (YES, IT'S THERE BUT SATAN IS TRYING TO FINISH IT OFF IN BOTH OF US)...............<hr></blockquote>I don't know about you, but I'm not big enough, smart enough, or powerful enough to fight Satan. I am small enough however to seek God's protection, to obey His will for me, and to leave Satan for God to deal with.And you also discount your husband's feelings. You alone seem to know that your love is still there. I'd bet that your husband doesn't love you right now. But instead of trying to understand why or looking for acceptance, you are totally denying the reality of his emotions. How very disrespectful! <blockquote>quote:<hr>GOD & ME are believing in you and we'll fight to the finish because "YOU DESERVE BOTH OF US!!!!!! <hr></blockquote>Well, now that you have put yourself up there on a pedastal with God, how could your poor bad husband ever hope to be able to feel worthy in your presence? <blockquote>quote:<hr>You are a "BEAUTIFUL MAN, HUSBAND AND CHILD OF GOD". Evil and Satan CANNOT HAVE YOU!!!!!! <hr></blockquote>Sorry, evil and Satan CAN have your husband - through your husband's free choice. You can not make your husband's choices for him. <blockquote>quote:<hr>We got "attacked" because we were strong "together" and that is a "threat to Satan".<hr></blockquote>Again, I'm really not trying to maliciously hurt you - but when I read this, I just had to laugh out loud. Every BS on here complains about the fact that the WS never takes responsibility for their actions. Well you seem to be right out there in the fog with the WSes. You are blaming your husband's affair because your marriage was so strong???? What a fantastic excuse not to be responsible for assisting in creating an environment where your husband's unmet needs -which YOU were responsible for meeting - left him vulnerable to an affair.How about apologizing to your husband for your actions that did not protect him - and left him vulnerable? Instead you are pointing at the devil and screaming "He did it!"It's my own personal belief (and I do belief in an actual, existing devil) that human beings do most of the evil and harm in the world through their own choices, without any help from Satan.But he's a lovely excuse to avoid responsiblity isn't he?Let me point out that not only are you completely ignoring YOUR responsibility, but you are also completely letting your husband off the hook. No accountability for him either - geez, your marriage was just so strong and holy that Satan made him do it - and there you are, lovely and morally righteous, waiting for him to see the light. <blockquote>quote:<hr>(NO Code 13's "Escape" HUSBAND), NO DIVORCE EITHER.......... Satan used evil to separate us to "WEAKEN AND DESTROY US" and he's using all his evil influences to keep us separated. I choose Jesus Christ and I choose our marriage.<hr></blockquote>The fact and reality of the matter is that if your husband really wants a divorce, he can get one. You can tell him until you are blue in the face about the immorality of divorce, but if he chooses one, he can get one.It takes TWO to have a marriage. If your husband doesn't freely choose to be with you, all of your choosing will be in vain (from the perspective of saving THIS marriage - it won't be in vain in other aspects).Until you learn to respect your husbands choices as HIS choices - regardless of your agreement with those choices, I sincerely doubt he is going to be open to any possiblity of coming home again.Please do some thinking on this. Don't be so quick to decide that its ok to break the MB rules for surviving an affair because God wanted you to do so. The princples here are proven and tested on countless marriages that have been saved. I don't think God works through arrogance, He works through humility.

BrambleRose,No offense taken, however. You know very little about me and my situation. You also know nothing of private conversations my WH and I have had. Or what he may or may not have asked me about.God's word is just that "GOD'S" word. We are at different levels here and you are entitled to your opinions. I don't happen to agree with your way of thinking but that's "OK". We are both entitled to them right?I wish you the best in your marriage and I'm happy your husband is with you. The fact that mine isn't right now, really wasn't becoming of you to say. I will handle mine the way I feel I'm being led to.This marriage is between my WH, me and GOD.If I handled things as you, this marriage would already be over for us. Marriages and the individuals involved are unique and different.What may work for one, may destroy another.If I remember correctly even Steve Harley addressed that. He certainly has seen plenty.MB principals are "GREAT" but they also have room for adjustment to the individuals in each marriage.Have a Blessed Weekend, I will and already am.
[img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote>quote:<hr>You know very little about me and my situation. You also know nothing of private conversations my WH and I have had. Or what he may or may not have asked me about.<hr></blockquote>No, I don't know alot about your specifics. And I don't know of what has happened privately btwn you and your husband. But I have been through a nightmare marriage that nearly ended in divorce, and was recovered. I have been on these boards for a year and a half, and I have rarely seen any situation that isn't generally pretty typical. There are a few with twists that do affect the situation, but for the most part, most its pretty generally the same.Let me point out that your husband hasn't contacted you in a month. You didn't send this letter in the context of a question or request for advice from him. This is a disrespectful judgement. His actions specifically say that he doesn't want to hear from you, much less your advice. <blockquote>quote:<hr>God's word is just that "GOD'S" word.<hr></blockquote>Hmm. Well, I'm a Catholic. I would be willing to bet that you and I probably have quite a few differences on exactly what God's word is.You may think I am wrong about God's word...and I may think you are wrong about God's word.We may agree in many circumstances too.Does it matter? No, it doesn't. What matters is that *I* am solely responsible for answering to God for how I lived my life. I don't have to answer for how YOU lived your life. You have both the choice, and the responsiblity for your own life, choices, beliefs and actions. Do you have the right to come into my life, and tell me what to believe and how to live my life?No. Of course not. What I do and what I believe is private, between myself and God. He is my ultimate Judge.So this is where that whole thing with Disrespectful Judgements creeps in. Spouses do not have the right to do this to each other either. For you to insist that your husband agree and believe as you do because YOU know absolutely what God's word is - puts you in a place of disrespect. <blockquote>quote:<hr>I wish you the best in your marriage and I'm happy your husband is with you. The fact that mine isn't right now, really wasn't becoming of you to say. <hr></blockquote>Look, I'm sorry that you took offense at this. You clearly do not understand where I am coming from on. I was not gloating about this fact, I am simply pointing out that my methods have proven successful, and that yours have not. Again, I am NOT saying this with the intent to hurt, but with the intent to help you see things that may save your marriage. When you want to learn how to do something - do you ask someone who has failed at that objective, or do you seek out someone who has suceeded?I find it interesting that out of all the responses you got on this thread, not one single person with a recovered marriage agreed with your actions regarding sending that letter.The encouraging responses are all ones from marriages who are NOT recovered.No, it's not a NICE thing to say. But it IS a realistic thing to say. I can be "nice" and refrain from saying what you might need to hear. Would that help your marriage? <blockquote>quote:<hr>What may work for one, may destroy another.If I remember correctly even Steve Harley addressed that. He certainly has seen plenty.MB principals are "GREAT" but they also have room for adjustment to the individuals in each marriage.<hr></blockquote>Did you get Steve's advice to send this letter?I very highly doubt it. I've counseled with Steve, have you?Yes, the principals leave room for adjustment. What that means is that sometimes, Plan B is called for sooner than later, or even BEFORE plan A. It means that sometimes the BS is encouraged to confront the OP. It means that the manner in which the princples are implemented is sometimes different. WAT for example, was encouraged by Steve to maintain a very long Plan A due to his special circumstances. SinkingFast on the other hand, was sent to Plan B by Steve BEFORE doing plan A. Sometimes Plan B is never called for. Sometimes tough love techniques are applied with the Plan A. Sometimes they aren't. THATS what is meant by adjusting.It doesn't mean that sometimes we "adjust" by using disrespectful judgements and selfish demands.I can tell that you were very hurt by my previous response, and I am not happy to have caused you more pain that you are already in.I am sure that this response has also hurt you. Again, I am not doing or saying these things with pleasure or with malicious intent. I simply do wish for you to have a happily recovering marriage. The path to get there is very narrow, and easily missed with out others to help us on the way. The things that I hated to hear the most, the things that upset me the most, during my husbands A were ALWAYS the things that I needed to hear.I am glad your weekend is going well, so is mine.

BrambleRose,I too am "Catholic". And the letter may or may not have been a mistake, who knows? It's done, it's sent. WH did ask about the versuses a couple months ago and I told him I wanted to re-look them up for accuracy.One thing about my WH. He doesn't think or react like the "normal", never has. I have almost always found what did not work for most, usually worked for him. And now he's in this fog thing, it's really "tough".Gotta get to work.Have a good one

O.K. guys and girls I got a book from rejoice ministries today and I started reading it and it is great. It is "Standing for Gods Best" by Dennis Wingfield. It gives so much scripture about why we should stand up for our marriages and how God says through scripture that he hates divorce no matter what and he will help us persevere, help with our brokeness, fear, and worry. It is sooo uplifting to know God really wants our marriages to never die until death do us part no matter what. It is so uplifting that I can't begin to tell you. Just buy it through the website. I think it is $7.00. Hope you like it as much as I do. Love in Christ cajunky[ May 25, 2002: Message edited by: cajunky ]

Hey guys, sory to interupt. Ive read most of what you all wrote.My experience (and no I'm still separated) is that the times I have written letters similar to this I most definately got a big kick back from it. WH hated them even tho I tried so carefully and had others check them for me, to be gentle and loving.I think your letter is great, I want to print it out for myself so it will remind 'me' of whats really going on during those difficult times. I wish I was able to send something as powerful as that to my WH but I know he will think I am being selfrighteous and hes sick of me trying to diagnose him. I'm not sure hes in the right frame of mind to recieve it anyway. I fully thought the same way you do about being attacked because satan was threatened by us. Not sure where I stand 'today' on that idea tho. Im tending to agree with BR - I feel like it makes me sound like I was doing really well for the kingdom, when in fact, I was not honouring my most important ministry, my husband. Did you read the recent thread by Heartpain - Diagnosis and labels by BS? It puts another twist on things.I'm really keen to stay in touch with you guys tho because I'm where yor at. Its only been 14months since WH left, so I admire yor comitment, Im all for it, going against what most people say to do. I'm fully into craig hills stuff too which is all about covenant keeping.All I can suggest is go with what Gods told you and get intercessors to support you with this letter and its effects.Dancer[ May 26, 2002: Message edited by: Dancer ]

Hiya all!Hey, now of us are "perfect" you know? If we were, we wouldn't be here on this forum would we. I'm trying and I'm learning.Doesn't it just seem like sometimes no matter what we do or don't do, it's "wrong" in WS/BS eys anyway? <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> I love you all for your support (even you BrambleRose). We may disagree on some things but I certainly don't disregard or disrespect your opinion. If I wasn't wanting to learn, get idea's from other's I wouldn't be here.Well, I had a very "pleasant" suprise this morning. Some of the Officers and i are going to go see the movie "Enough" this afternoon. They are aware that I stay to myself, go home, go to work, go home, you all know the routine. And they know I won't go out alone where I can become vulnerable, so they asked me if I would feel more comfortabel going as a group of friends. I almost cried and of course I "ACCEPTED"! I haven't been to a show in 3 years........It was between "Spiderman" or "Enough" and the guys gave into us gals so it's "Enough".Really looking forward to this!!!! You all have a "GREAT SUNDAY" And stay SAFE!!!! Happy Memorial Day too! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I believe that BA did the right thing in sending the letter, if the Lord led her to do so! Who are we to stand in the way of what God is doing?
If the Lord gave BA this letter and wanted her to send it, who has the right to tell her it was wrong?
Only she and God know here. If it was not God that led her to send it, God will use it for His own good. He can turn our mistakes into something good! We should not question what God wants us to do, but just do it. If she did not send the letter and God wanted her to, she would be delaying His plans.!
It's like people telling me i should get a D, and move on.... oh how i hate that line! I have moved on! I just don't believe in D. and God is the one who has clearly told me to wear my ring, yes even 7 years later! I get very frusterated at people because they are not listening to the Lord, but other people. The Lord does use people to speak to others as well, but we know in our hearts whether or not God wants us to do something or not. And again, if BA shouldn't have sent it, well God will look after it! Trust Him, He knows all things! He has the big picture, we only see a small piece of the puzzle!
Who are we to argue with the Almighty?
God Bless and open your hearts to His Truth!

<blockquote>quote:<hr>This marriage is between my WH, me and GOD.
<hr></blockquote>
No. It's between you and your husband. God is there, but the marriage is between mortals.I agree with BrambleRose. Nothing will get resolved until you take yourself off the pedestal and work hard on this marriage.Blessings.
HBC

Stillwaiting,Thank you for your lovely post and to all the rest! Let's back off here a little "ok"? Alot has come down on me the last 3 or 4 days.Just to set the record straight I am not a sunday morning pew thumper and I have always been "private and quiet about my faith and beliefs". It even shocked me that I felt "guided" to send this letter. I have never sent one like this before or since.Everyone around me including WH family, knows I have stayed true to my WH and been there for him through thick and thin, even the past 3 years and I still am. You all really don't know the full situation. And the things I have found out the last few days, I cannot even talk about or put into words, yet I feel this really neat "calm and peace" inside.Right now, I still love my WH to pieces but I really don't want to see or talk to him. I'm doing this for me......."Protecting my love for him"........This man has a really ddddddddaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrkkkkkk side to him that nobody, including family ever saw.......I cannot hardly believe what I have learned "evidence brought to me", I didn't go looking for.I have blamed me for so long and I have carried the full resonsibility for this whole mess. I made my errors, know where they were. My WH really NEEDS PRAYERS BAD RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! So instead of bickering would those of you who "choose" to, just keep my WH in your prayers and me too. (((((PLEASE)))))I need time to sift and sort.(((((((HUGS TO ALL))))))PS: I really am "ok". Just need to figure some things out.[ May 29, 2002: Message edited by: BetrayedAgain ]

We are here for you BetrayedAgain.Keep posting. Do not doubt what God has done in your heart. Do not doubt openly professing your faith! Do not isolate yourself now - that is JUST what the enemy wants!

BetrayedAgain,Are you saying that you have just learned new information about WH? ...that because you were not aware of these facts, you felt that some things were your fault when, in fact, you now know that they were not? Hope you're OK.Estes

Hmmm... Well I must admit that at first I avoided your post because I wasn't sure if you were truly addressing satan or some OW or OM or your WS! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Okay so now that I have read absolutely everything here, I see that you were truly professing your salvation in Christ. To me, that's cool and not haughty of you in the least.I am a true MBer, my marriage is recovered through implementing MB concepts. We are Christians, and our marriage was not afflicted by infidelity, but through unmet needs and withdrawal. So, admittedly, I am not as experienced as BrambleRose as far as the depths of despair that marriage can reach, but it's relative.I also believe God's Word and His promptings via our conscience. I admire the fact that you are sensitive to His leading.I didn't see any disrespectful judgments in the letter. I saw it as your statement of faith regarding your marriage and believing for your potentially unbelieving husband. God will confirm His Word with signs following. He watches over His word to perform it.True, your H has a free will and can divorce you if he wants to, but you might as well let the enemy know that as far as you're concerned, a good fight of faith is in progress.I believe MB and I trust God's Word. I do not elevate Steve Harley's word over God's Word, so if it comes down to something God prompts me to do over a love buster, then OH WELLLLLL! Steve Harley is not the one who has the power to get me to heaven. As Christians we are responsible to obey God's voice, whether it is through submitting to MB concepts or sending an e-mail and what to write in that e-mail.I think it is safe for you to make certain assumptions about your H. He can refute them when he writes back. I'm sure he will be touched by your words. God's word doesn't return to Him void.I didn't see your position as morally superior, I saw it more as a person standing in their faith and believing God for their marriage. SOMEONE has to stand in faith! SHEESH! The unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believing one. Keep the faith! Be encouraged! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi BA, hang in there! I will pray for you and your H. You know the attacks that are present here, are because of your statement of faith, and satan (notice the small letter s) hates it, so he is messing up the meaning of what you said to others, he is the greatest deciever in the universe!Dear Heavenly Father,
I stand with BA, and ask You to give her Your strength and blessings. I pray that you O Lord will draw her husband unto Yourself, and will keep him surrounded with Holy Angels! Please Lord Jesus, remove the darkness that has enveloped him. I pray that the peace BA feels will continue, and that You O God will bless her for her stand in this marriage. I pray this in Jesus name! AMEN!!!
God Bless you BA, I'm on your side!

"Disrespect is viewed as helping the other spouse gain a proper perspective..."If BA's husband IS a believer, then disrespectful judgments do not apply because they ARE on the same page regarding faith, the enemy, their relationship to Christ and the importance and sanctity of their marriage...If BA married her H with these values in place and in mind at the time of their union, then I would not consider her sharing the scriptures as trying to enlighten her H, but merely agreeing with God for the salvation of the marriage...In no way did her email seem to me as condescending or ridiculing or superior or verbally abusive or manipulative??? If anything she sounded strong (IN THE LORD) and like she has enough faith/strength left over to encourage her H if needed. Only he can say...ONLY HE can say if this was/is a love buster. Hopefully BA will provide the update cuz now I'm curious! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

bravo...bravo...my feelings exactly. If it is a God driven thing then it can't be bad at all. I gave my wife a card tonite. The card itself was the best card I have ever found as far as saying exactly what I was feeling but I wanted to add my own thoughts. This is the truth. My mind was really flashing a lot of thoughts but I didn't know what to write in card. I prayed about it and WOW. The words just flowed from my heart to my pen. It was so amazing. I had to make myself stop writing because I was going to run out of room. My point is this. When God puts something on your heart or in your brain you had better listen because it will be wonderful. Love in Christ cajunky

I LuvNprotect ME,Keep posting. Do not doubt what God has done in your heart. Do not doubt openly professing your faith! Do not isolate yourself now - that is JUST what the enemy wants!THANK YOU! My very supportive and loving sister and prayer partner, told me this same thing! She told me that satan is trying to tear me apart now with new information because of my "FAITH AND STAND" for my WH and our marriage. Your lovely comment just supports that and my "Sissy".Estes49,Are you saying that you have just learned new information about WH? ...that because you were not aware of these facts, you felt that some things were your fault when, in fact, you now know that they were not? Hope you're OK.YES, that is what I am saying. My only mistakes were maybe loving him too much, trusting him way too much and being human enough to "hurt" over all the tragedy of my brother's murder, mom's illness, stress of drive to work and all that. Yes, prior to our seperation in 4/99, I said hurtful things out of anger, stress, frustration. I needed my WH's love and support more then than ever. I have found out this "A" with the "OW" started months before I was aware it did. It started when I was under all the pressure of my family's death's, illness and etc. Now, I understand why WH was so cold and hateful to me during that time period. I know that I left him open and vulnerable because I was so involved trying to be a "good daughter", be there for mom, my employer and etc. There is just so much of me to go around, ya know? WH never let me know or told me that he needed me or how he felt, he just simply turned to "OW" and made "EVERYTHING" out to be my fault. I now know why he did that.And I have just found out how much he has really lied to me and decieved me throughout the last 3 years, especially the last 1 1/2 to 2 years when I really believed he had ended it with "OW" and we were re-building. How he could look me in the eyes and act like that is way beyond me. I am trying really hard to remind myself, that with me I saw my "real husband" but away from me, what he has done is definitely of satan's influence.BINthereDUNthat,Okay so now that I have read absolutely everything here, I see that you were truly professing your salvation in Christ. To me, that's cool and not haughty of you in the least."THANK YOU"!True, your H has a free will and can divorce you if he wants to, but you might as well let the enemy know that as far as you're concerned, a good fight of faith is in progress.I believe MB and I trust God's Word. I do not elevate Steve Harley's word over God's Word, so if it comes down to something God prompts me to do over a love buster, then OH WELLLLLL! Steve Harley is not the one who has the power to get me to heaven. As Christians we are responsible to obey God's voice, whether it is through submitting to MB concepts or sending an e-mail and what to write in that e-mail.I think it is safe for you to make certain assumptions about your H. He can refute them when he writes back. I'm sure he will be touched by your words. God's word doesn't return to Him void."I AGREE WHOLE HEARTEDLY"! THANK YOU "AGAIN"!I didn't see your position as morally superior, I saw it more as a person standing in their faith and believing God for their marriage. SOMEONE has to stand in faith! SHEESH! The unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believing one. Keep the faith! Be encouraged! "YES-YES-YES-YES"!!!!Stillwaiting,"THANK YOU SO MUCH"! And PLEASE do keep praying as both my WH and I really need prayers right now and for the road ahead...........You brought tears to my eyes and I needed that release right now! Thank you for your "gift".BINthereDUNthat,If BA's husband IS a believer, then disrespectful judgments do not apply because they ARE on the same page regarding faith, the enemy, their relationship to Christ and the importance and sanctity of their marriage...If BA married her H with these values in place and in mind at the time of their union, then I would not consider her sharing the scriptures as trying to enlighten her H, but merely agreeing with God for the salvation of the marriage...My WH DOES believe in GOD and we shared our beliefs and faith "prior" to all this mess with "OW". I know it is still deep inside him "somewhere".THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND RESPONSE! "BLESS YOU BACK"!!!!cajunky,bravo...bravo...my feelings exactly. If it is a God driven thing then it can't be bad at all.
I gave my wife a card tonite. The card itself was the best card I have ever found as far as saying exactly what I was feeling but I wanted to add my own thoughts. This is the truth. My mind was really flashing a lot of thoughts but I didn't know what to write in card. I prayed about it and WOW. The words just flowed from my heart to my pen. It was so amazing. I had to make myself stop writing because I was going to run out of room.My point is this. When God puts something on your heart or in your brain you had better listen because it will be wonderful.I am so very proud of you "cajunky"! And I agree with you! I AMS still TRUSTING IN GOD here but with all that has hit me.......I am really struggling.........peace is still with me but heart is really hhhhhheeeeaaaaaavvvvvyyyyy right now! PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS. (MY WH TOO)!I am trying really hard to hang in here you guys and gals. I am still praying and reading MB books and have some more coming in mail. I just simply am "protecting" the remaining love for my WH by protecting me at this time. I really have NO DESIRE to see him or talk with him or even to find him as I simply don't know how I would react to him after learning all this......I need this time for me......If he by some chance shows up on our front steps......I will have to pray for GOD'S guidance and apply MB principal's best I can under the circumstances. I don't expect he'll show up or contact me for a long time to come....I am still standing in faith with "GOD" as he is the only one that can look over us now......In the meantime, I am going to lean on him with everything that I am........going to take care of me during this time.......I have placed me, WH and this marriage in his precious, loving, guiding hands....... And that I know id the "RIGHT THING TO DO"......otherwise....I won't make it through this..........[ May 30, 2002: Message edited by: BetrayedAgain ]

Hey BA, I believe our hearts are united in Christ, I have many times felt as you do. Of course although the circustances may have different reasons for them, they are the same. There were so many stages that I went through. Anger took quite a while, and during that time there is no way I wanted to talk to my WH either. But soon after, healing came, and now if the Lord leads me to, I get in touch with WS. I haven't been for a while, and just wait on the Lord to get us in touch again sometime. It really is important to look after you right now, get your relationship with Jesus stronger than ever, it is awesome.
The best advise I ever received from anyone, was to become the holiest woman I could become.
Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Seeking the Lord is the only way, as He knows the path, we must trust Him.
Proverbs 3:5,6Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
Keep loving the Lord BA, and He will make your life unbelievable!
If you want to know how he has worked in my life, I'd be glad to share it with you!
In the meantime, stay strong in the Lord, keep your faith in Him, and may His peace surround you always.
God Bless,

BA,What a knife through the heart it is to learn that someone you love betrays you when you are in your deepest need of support! That your H was not there for you during you hard times shouts of his weakness. Of course, you know that. Affairs occur when people fail to protect their own weaknesses. I'm so sorry and will keep you in my prayers.Estes

...and having done all to stand--STAND...

I hope this encourages you today:NLT: Zechariah 9:12 Come back to the place of safety, all you prisoners, for there is yet hope! I promise this very day that I will repay you two mercies for each of your woes!

Hi BA - I think I've said all I can or all you wish to hear, but I do want to respond to a couple of others on your thread, do ya mind?I am very sorry to hear that you have uncovered more details about the depth of your husband's betrayal. Having your reality turned on its head is simply an understatement isn't it? ((((hugs)))) <blockquote>quote:<hr>Stillwaiting said:
You know the attacks that are present here, are because of your statement of faith, and satan (notice the small letter s) hates it, so he is messing up the meaning of what you said to others<hr></blockquote>Well thanks for making my point about disrespectful judgements. In your self-righteousness, you've just basically said that I am carrying out Satan's work. I'll just start signing my posts: BrambleRose - AKA Tool of Satan. (Yes, Jo, I'm being sarcastic again!)It so happens that I believe in God, I believe in the bible and I believe that Christ is the Savior of all mankind.But because I disagree with the approach of preaching at a WS...I'm now being cast as "attacking" BA because Satan is unhappy with her faith? Oh yes, the devil made me do it. Puhleeze.I have absolutely NO arguments with BA's faith. I simply have alot of experience in what worked to save my marriage, and other marriages - which is God's work - wouldn't you agree?I have not said ONE word to her about changing what she believes in. In fact, I'm the first person to stand up and say: "Let Go and Let God."Disrespectful judgements HARM us, and HARM others. Disrespectful judgements take away basic human dignity from their target. Disrespectful judgements undermine marriages. But if your Disrespectful Judgement is couched in scripture - harming others is OK?I can think of more than a few horrific incidents in history where harm was dealt out in the name of following God's word. God is perfect - we human beings are not. We aren't perfect in understanding or hearing or carrying out His word either. How arrogant and prideful to assume that I'm RIGHT therefore I can harm others to force them to see the TRUTH. All those OTHER people may make mistakes regarding God's Word, but not ME, I'm righteous in the Lord and therefore I have carte blanche to set you straight!I don't think so.You see, I believe in a forgiving, loving, merciful God who does NO harm.I believe that if I live my life with the conscious effort to avoid doing harm, and to always do my best to focus on fixing MY soul, that God will sort the rest out. You DO recall that whole passage about casting out the beam in your own eye before going after the splinter in your brother's, right? This whole little passage in the bible seems to flat out point out that we have a responsibility to take action regarding ourselves, and to Live and Let Live with others around us.I don't go around deciding that I am more educated than others about God's word, and then causing harm and hurt, with God as my justification.I have yet to see ANYONE on this thread or any where on MB post that this method worked.But by all means, continuing waiting self-righteously for your spouse to see that you are right and come home. Maybe that will work for you.It would have ended in my divorce.
As for Steve Harley's word being some how inferior to God's...When God comes down and says flat out that Steve Harley is WRONG for saving hundreds of marriages that otherwise might have ended in divorce, I'll start thinking that Steve is somehow less than God.My take has always been that Steve's methods give the highest chance for our spouses to RETURN to God, to their families and to their marriages. But then again, if I am arrogant to think that I understand God's word better than everyone else who has come before me and made mistakes, then I am certainly arrogant enough to decide that a man who has saved more marriages than I could possibly HAVE in a lifetime knows less than I do about how to save a marriage.Using Steve's methods, my husband has been restored to our marriage, restored to church and restored to God.I did it by learning to keep my big mouth shut and not to tell my husband that he was evil and sinning by committing adultery, and by not demanding that he start living his life according to my standards.When I started attending to the beam in my own eye, then my husband stopped his evil actions, and came back home. I got out of God's way and truely left my husband to God without MY interference. God didn't NEED me to tell my husband what God thought or wanted. God needed me to get the heck out of the way so he could work on my husband without my screwing it up with my self-will, arrogance, and pride.In the meantime, I was on my knees begging God for the willingness to be willing to hear His will, istead of imposing MY will on everyone else.Humility works. Imagine that.

Amen, BR, I agree!

Hey BR,
I don't want to cut in on BA's thread, would you mind sending me an email?
Thanks,
Elizabeth

Dear BrambleRose,
I respect your opinions and I totally respect how you have worked Harley's principles to save your marraige.I see you noted some of my points regarding Steve Harley's word vs. God's Word so I would like to address your comments...I said that I would not elevate Steve's word over God's word but in no way was I implying that Steve Harley's advice was not valuable and worth seeking. Because if that was the case, I would not be on this site whatsoever!I was merely addressing the subject of this thread, to encourage the original poster to go with her godly convictions. My main point was that only her H can decide if she LB'd. Maybe her approach would have been a huge LB'er to your H. Nobody is taking that away from you. You seem to be discounting the fact that she knows her own husband and what he can or cannot receive... Maybe BA deserves a little credit for that much???Personally, I did not view your opinions as an attack on the poster, you have gobs of experience in MBing and you KNOW what you are talking about. And, I get the feeling that quoting or sharing scripture of any sort is frowned upon by you in any case where a BS is communicating with their WS. "Disrespectful judgments couched in scripture????" What's up with that??? What's wrong with communicating and encouraging each other based on our First Love values???If BA's husband reverences scripture, then I believe (by faith) that he would receive her words with the same spirit in which they were given--not to manipulate or control or persuade him of anything except to realize that she has faith in God saving their M and she loves and accepts him regardless.Maybe you didn't mean to sound sarcastic, but I'm not sure a sarcastic tone is very convincing. Saying go ahead and use disrespectful judgments to save your marriage. That sounded like you got offended? I wouldn't let anything here offend you because I doubt if anyone was calling you satan. Come on, now! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I'm not attacking you, just feeling sarcasm coming out of your post.We can take MB concepts and turn them into legalism instead of allowing MB to do what it is meant to do--FREE us and save our marriages through understanding and action... Just like we can take scriptures--which are meant to FREE us from satan's bondage and sin--which ties us down again and turn them into something opposite of what they were intended. Jesus said His yoke is easy and His burden is light.Maybe BA is not following the "letter of the MB Law" in your opinion and therefore is doomed to fail by proven statistics, but I believe she has the right spirit. God looks at our hearts and I believe that from her heart, she meant only well. Whether her approach is right or wrong, who knows, WHO CARES? At least she is trying the best way she knows how and she has not given up. She recognizes the real (true) enemy of her marriage which is NOT her WS or the OP! Doesn't that count for something? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I still maintain that it is for her H to decide if quoting God's word via e-mail is disrespectful. God's word is very powerful. BA's faith has no control over her husband's decisions whatsoever, her faith can only sustain her through this traumatic ordeal.BTW, she never said anything like "You SHOULD..." or "Why don't you... because God says..." To me, that would seem prideful...[ May 31, 2002: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]

Another thing Bramble, this is only one e-mail and a MBer's first strides at making some spiritual progress in her own personal life (& letting go of the intense emotional struggles involved with recovering from her WS's A)! Go easy on a MB beginner! Brand new MBer's need a lot of support and encouragement, right? Her H has disappeared without a trace and this A has been going on for approx. 3 years?! You say you've been there--where she is right now--confused, worried, anxious, unsure, "preachy"... She'll get there (to where you are--in full recovery from this) with or without her WS because of her strong faith--& to me, that counts for a LOT.[ May 31, 2002: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]

BINthereDUNthat,"THANK YOU"! I could not have said things better myself. I am very happy for BrambleRose and that her husband is with her and things are going well for them. "I really am". I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my worse enemy, that's for sure.I walk in faith, with GOD, that I too will someday know the joy of my WH once again being in my arms and the joy of rebuilding our new marriage. I walk in faith, that while the real work between us will begin in recovery, the man he is now, will not be the same man that returns. I am surving this through prayer and believing that GOD has already begun his work in both myself and my WH. (NO OFFENSE HERE MEANT AT ALL BrambleRose) but an example of GOD'S work that has already taken place inside me is about 1-2 months ago, I would have ripped you a new A**-H**E. 'Today, I am not that same person". Today, I am less judging, more understanding, patient, forgiving and even alot less angry or resentful. I credit GOD with my change of heart and attitude, with my peace inside, in spite of what has happened the last 1-2 months.Let me tell you first hand, I almost envy those who are in this pain, yet know where their spouses are, whether it be still at home or where they have moved to. "I do not even have that". My husband has a "serious medical heart condition" and the life he is living right now, certainly IS NOT helping that. I can do nothing about his choices "EXCEPT PRAY". Everytime the phone rings or someone comes to the door, I fear that something terrible has happened to my husband. I pray that GOD is watching over him and protecting him, keeping him safe. Can you all even begin to understand the pain, should something happen to my WH and I find him laying in some hospital on the brink of death or worse yet? The pain of my last memory of him being his telling me: "I am tired of everyone having their noses stuck in my business and I am NOT telling you where I am"? Too not know what the outcome may or may not have been?To know that for almost 2 years, WH allowed me to believe we were rebuilding and the future was ours, only to find out in April, that he has deceived me all along? (This was worse than beginning of all this). To not know when he told me that he loved and missed me, if that was "the truth" or a cover to keep me off balance of them? Last time he told me that he loved me was left on my cell voice mail April 8, 2002 and I was informed thru trusted sources of his and "OW" continued "A" on 4/13/02. Things went to hell from there and I have had no contact or response from WH since 4/26/02. I have NO IDEA where he is, only where he isn't.If it wasn't for my faith in GOD, I wouldn't be here right now.(((((HUGS BINthereDUNthat)))))

And I give credit to marriage builders and my friends here too.

Wow I feel like I just got slammed!
I am sorry if I offended you BR, it was not my intention. I just see spiritual warfare for what it is. When a person stands up for the word of God, and makes a statement of faith as BA has, she is bound to get opposition, because satan hates that! I truly believe that if God gave BA the direction to send that letter, that she did the right thing, satan does not want us to do the right thing. I am not saying that you are a "tool of satan", he uses all of us when he can. I don't really see that she was judging in that letter, but standing firm in the belief she has, and I am not judging you! You have had your own stuff to deal with, as we all do. I was just trying to enourage BA , not put you down, if it sounded like that, I'm sorry.
Each person has their own journey with the Lord, and each one of us makes mistakes, I would never call myself self righteous, I am human like everyone else, and know it. I have an awesome relationship with the Lord, and although I am no where near where He wants me to be, I have come a long way. I feel that He directs me in my life and has given me discernment when it comes to spiritual warfare. I have been under attack many times, and recognize it, because of the minstry I am in and the stand I take. God knows I have things to deal with still, but He is still working on me...
As far as my waiting, it is God I am waiting on...
His promises to me and my situation, is between Him and me, it may be like no one elses, and that's ok. I need not explain it to you, I know what the truth is in my heart.
Take a good look at the post you have written, do you not feel that you have been judgemental toward me??
I am not perfect, just forgiven!
God Bless!

Stillwaiting,(((((HUGS)))))Hang in there. We understand don't we?
[img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks BA!
(((((HUGS))))) Too you too!
Hope all is going better for you today.
Look forward to your posts!
God Bless,
M

Hey BA,I've been watching here, paying attention, and sorry for butting in before when I had BR email me.But! Something made you type this: <blockquote>quote:<hr> Can you all even begin to understand the pain, should something happen to my WH and I find him laying in some hospital on the brink of death or worse yet? <hr></blockquote>And I think that was my little message to chime in.[censored] (as my now Ex-husband is known around here), had no medical problems, and was a perfectly healthy & handsome young (30) man. He was working on the final day of a months long project, the final hour, he was making one last roof inspection on the building that his company just built, and stepped on the lift to come down to the ground, spend one last night at the hotel, and come home to the kids (then 2 & 6) and I first thing in the morning.He was 4 1/2 stories up in the air over a hard clay ground, and the lift malfunctioned. It tipped and he was thrown to the ground. The Milwaukee police rang the doorbell at 9:10pm on July 12, 2000. I won't go on with all the details, they are as bad as you could imagine, except he lived. I can imagine the pain, even more I can tell you exactly in great detail what it feels like to have this happen.It's been a tough road for my little family, and [censored] and I are now divorced. But I did take care of him for the past 2 years, and I still am coordinating his care now even though we are divorced.How this relates to your thread. If you feel as if this frightening situation might come to pass, you need to put yourself in the position to be able to handle it.I can tell you from experience that an OW or girlfriend will not want to take on the role of caregiver. The woman who professed to loving my husband so much, soulmates even, had the opportunity to help with his care. I invited her to take part in his recovery. I told her that the nurses in critical care were very busy and that [censored] had no control of his bladder and bowel, and that if she were there when he happened to mess she may need to clean him up. She hung up. She couldn't deal with a little poo poo. So much for soulmates.So it will be up to you if you decide to care for him. It is a life of sacrifice, but also has many rewards.My advice to you would be to simply let him know that you will be there for him if he ever needs you. I know that everyone on the post so far has run the whole letter thing, my opinion on that doesn't really matter.What I would do next would be a simple email saying nothing but "If you ever need me I will be there for you." That's all. No religion, no mention of the past or anything wrong anyone did. Just set the stage for something you think might happen. I think it would be important because if he did not like or appreciate the letter you sent him and it left him with a bitter taste for you it would hopefully make him realize that the only thing you have are good intentions.Yeah, yeah, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and I am on my way there in a handbasket.Elizabeth

Elizabeth,I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN! Thank you for sharing this with me!!!!Hiya! Well the "OW" is an LPN (IRONIC). She is the same one that he turned to over this "heart condition" that ended up seperating us. That is what caused the fight back in 4/99 when we seperated. Not the heart thing but HER. I have learned alot about her the last 2 weeks and I feel positive that she is just using him and certainly would RUN if something like this happened.I have already sent him an e-mail that I no longer wanted us with her still in the picture. I also let him know that I have changed the locks on the door and am packing his stuff up for his little brother to store. Nowhere in that e-mail did I mention divorce or that I didn't want us if she was out of the picture. I never asked or told him he had to make a choice between us, simply that I was respecting myself enough to remove myself from the triangle. That I no longer believed in "unconditional love", I was a one man woman and expected a one woman man in return. I told him that under the circumstances with OW still in his life, love was no longer enough. I told him that he was and still is the "Love of my Life", we shared many great memories and I would never forget them. I wished him the happiness that he is searching for and told him that I would be praying that GOD leads him in the years ahead.I still love him, want him and believe he will one day return but for now, I had to set boundries and clearly show him that he could no longer have his cake and eat it too. I told him that he was FREE........I walk in faith that GOD will deal with my WH but I had to get "out of GOD'S way"..........If something should happen, I will be there and lovingly care for my WH but I have already sent my final e-mail. And I told him there would be no further contact. My WH knows that I love him. While he may have taken that e-mail as I was done-done, he knows that it is because he is with the "OW". I let him go so they can "BURN THEMSELVES OUT" without my interference. I just took the thrill rug of sneaking around and yanked it right out from under them. Let them deal with "real life" for awhile now........bet it isn't so rosy in time. I basically did what is talked about in the book "Love is tough"......well I opened the cage door and set him free.......In the meantime, I am praying all the time and letting GOD do his work.........Make sense?(((((HUGS)))))

Good enough! Good luck!E

Because I'm supersticious, and because this thread's title has Satan's name in it and the thread was at "66", I posted just to get it to 67.I know, I'm nuts.Jo

Jo my love,DORK!E

At least I admit being a nut ball ... ya Dorko!

HIL-arious, Resilient! You are too funny...Ya know? I totally embrace and admire the Harley's and all the work they are doing and have done to restore marriages. Where would we be without this site, the concepts, the great books, and wonderful phone counseling that sets so many on the right track with a specific plan for their specific situation! I think very highly of MB concepts AND MBers--individually and collectively.And, since we are all believers here on this thread and sisters/brothers in Christ, to me, that weighs even heavier that we should support each other, esp. on a spiritual level.I can definitely understand how a spouse with a stronger faith level and a 'holier than thou' attitude could disrespectfully judge and chase away their spouse! (I watched my mom do it to her #3 husband and they were divorced not long after!! She tossed out his booze, preached at him, never shut her mouth--SUBMIT???? What was THAT? She definitely showed me how to chase away a husband through moral superiority and preachiness... I think she regrets it today because it all could have been worked out.)BA, I think you should read over all BrambleRose said--and see what applies to you maybe a month from now or even a couple of weeks after this thread has died down. I think the words maybe came down a little tough on a brand new MBer, is all--tough to swallow. You know, like a baby eating spinach for the first time or meat that they can't handle. Gotta wait til they get some teeth so they can really chew it. Some who have been around this site long enough to see certain patterns can sometimes run short of patience and maybe expect newcomers to be at their level of MB experience. Heck, we all know that some newcomers don't even take the time to READ the concepts, just jump right into the forum with thier questions that have already been answered in the Q&A's and other articles, etc...So I guess we all have to learn patience with each other so we can receive from each other without being offended and all...BA, you hang in there. None of this can be easy for you. I have no idea what the last several years must have been like for you, but at least you are finding ways to improve yourself and that's what counts! You can be a better Christian woman and overall person. We ALL can! Myself first and foremost!!!

Hiya Gals & Guys,Just know that I've always been a "quiet Christian". It has always deep within me. My WH in the 11 years he has known me, knew I prayed, read the bible and etc. but I NEVER PREACHED AT HIM or crammed it down his throat. I could probably count on both hands the times in all our years toghether, that we ever blessed a meal. That always bothered me but because my WH was not used to praying like that "openly", I DID NOT disrespect him and force my way or belief on him. I would often see him just sit quietly and waych me read my bible, sometimes when our eyes met, he would just smile and go on with whatever he was doing. Niether one of us were church goer type...Sometimes, I really believe we are in this mess because we didn't include GOD in this home more and WH and I never prayed together. I remember if we were at someone else's home and "they" blessed a meal, my WH would just close eyes and bow his head. I never openly heard him pray, just a couple times say "AMEN". "My relationship with my heavenly father has deepened since this nightmare began".....As I said that letter was the first and only one I've ever sent like that to WH.

You may admit to being a dork Jo, but I EMBRACE my dorkhood.E

Hey,How about "limboland"?????? I tend to refer to this as that...........(Funny but not funny, huh)? [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]