My Wrongs now Realized... - 11/03/05 04:45 PM
Greetings,
This is my first post here, Ive lurked here and there for a day or two now and decided to post about my problem.
First off, my names Brad, 24, married for over 2 years now. Happily married at that, but then theres my problem...
Last Friday (oct 28th) i returned home to discover my wife in a state i have never seen her before. her names Melanie (24). she had confronted me of something Very wrong i had done without knowing it was wrong (yeah, i Know it sounds Far Far fetched that i had No knowledge that it was wrong). Fact is that she at times plainly did not fill my "bedroom" needs. So, i decided to have a little harmless (or so i thought) fun by myself at the click of a button on the internet with *Sighs* Cybersex. that lead to emails, instant messengers, cams and a couple phone calls.
I didnt think this was wrong. at the time.
I barely knew these women, it was Purely sexual. I figured that since i Never met them or physically touched them that it Was Not cheating.
So after being confronted about it and a very heavy/serious mention of Seperation/Divorce <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ...she got me to realize what i had commited there was Wrong, and oh my god... all i can think right now is "What Have I Done?!?!"
I love Melanie, deeply. in everyway possible (but when i say that your probably asking yourselfs "why did you do it then? its wrong") and Never had Any intent to hurt her, Ever. in Any way.
I always tell her (and mean it) that "your my everything".
She may not think so now, but it pains me heavily that I commited such a horrible offence to our relationship.
she now (understandably) trusts me none, does not beleieve a word i say or can forgive my ignorance. but i expect none of the above to come back over night. it's gonna take some, i mean Alot of time im sure.
Does she Know that I Love Her and Only Her? Yes. that i beleieve is so.
All along i just thought i was an average male getting off and leaving it at that.
Wrong once again.
She has also recently noted that she currently feels that our marriage is balacing on a Razors Edge... My jaw drops at the mere thought. but Ive told her that I do not want a seperation of any sort OR divorce. i need her right now, to help me get through this with her so i can help her equally.
All I want is for Everything to be OK again. Easier said than done, i know. shes loosing tons of sleep and barely eating. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> and its all my fault.
but she has her own faults too, somewhat directed at me? before the 29th (when we had a day long chat at the table) I was always terrified of her. scared of making her mad, at little things. so i lied, white lies. to make her day better (once again, no pain intended on her there either). but a lies a lie and they add up.
i never voiced my opinion's in fear of her disagreeing and becoming angered, so it was always "what ever you want to have hunny". it never mattered how hard i worked on the tasks she asked me to perform it wasnt good enough. nothing was. except the sex (to her at least).
she always said lesser than nice things to me and i constantly mentioned that she should listen to herself sometimes. but i Think that was quickly disreguarded 90% of the time.
Her certian dislikes of my mother, hearing about them all the time even though i mentioned that i didnt want to have her say them still came out.
our bedroom lifestyle... i mentioned problems there Numerous times but all were ignored but not forgotten. She can be an amazing lover! but chooses to only do the really fun stuff about once a month even when i know that shes loves it just as much as me as its been told Numerous times.
but i dont think i should be nit-picking at her faults right now. im the one that commited the worst offence a relationship could ever encounter.
Over the weekend and monday weve already began to take the proper steps to healing. correcting the little things with ourselfs before we act. and the best part i feel is that were going to our first couples therapy session tonight. and thats where were at as of now.
Please reply all, i need as much help i can get with this one. my heart aches in pain from what i did. i just want US to be well again.
-Brad
PS. if ya wanna message/email me you can on MSN ecto135back@hotmail.com OR yahoo PM: back9a
This is my first post here, Ive lurked here and there for a day or two now and decided to post about my problem.
First off, my names Brad, 24, married for over 2 years now. Happily married at that, but then theres my problem...
Last Friday (oct 28th) i returned home to discover my wife in a state i have never seen her before. her names Melanie (24). she had confronted me of something Very wrong i had done without knowing it was wrong (yeah, i Know it sounds Far Far fetched that i had No knowledge that it was wrong). Fact is that she at times plainly did not fill my "bedroom" needs. So, i decided to have a little harmless (or so i thought) fun by myself at the click of a button on the internet with *Sighs* Cybersex. that lead to emails, instant messengers, cams and a couple phone calls.
I didnt think this was wrong. at the time.
I barely knew these women, it was Purely sexual. I figured that since i Never met them or physically touched them that it Was Not cheating.
So after being confronted about it and a very heavy/serious mention of Seperation/Divorce <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ...she got me to realize what i had commited there was Wrong, and oh my god... all i can think right now is "What Have I Done?!?!"
I love Melanie, deeply. in everyway possible (but when i say that your probably asking yourselfs "why did you do it then? its wrong") and Never had Any intent to hurt her, Ever. in Any way.
I always tell her (and mean it) that "your my everything".
She may not think so now, but it pains me heavily that I commited such a horrible offence to our relationship.
she now (understandably) trusts me none, does not beleieve a word i say or can forgive my ignorance. but i expect none of the above to come back over night. it's gonna take some, i mean Alot of time im sure.
Does she Know that I Love Her and Only Her? Yes. that i beleieve is so.
All along i just thought i was an average male getting off and leaving it at that.
Wrong once again.
She has also recently noted that she currently feels that our marriage is balacing on a Razors Edge... My jaw drops at the mere thought. but Ive told her that I do not want a seperation of any sort OR divorce. i need her right now, to help me get through this with her so i can help her equally.
All I want is for Everything to be OK again. Easier said than done, i know. shes loosing tons of sleep and barely eating. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> and its all my fault.
but she has her own faults too, somewhat directed at me? before the 29th (when we had a day long chat at the table) I was always terrified of her. scared of making her mad, at little things. so i lied, white lies. to make her day better (once again, no pain intended on her there either). but a lies a lie and they add up.
i never voiced my opinion's in fear of her disagreeing and becoming angered, so it was always "what ever you want to have hunny". it never mattered how hard i worked on the tasks she asked me to perform it wasnt good enough. nothing was. except the sex (to her at least).
she always said lesser than nice things to me and i constantly mentioned that she should listen to herself sometimes. but i Think that was quickly disreguarded 90% of the time.
Her certian dislikes of my mother, hearing about them all the time even though i mentioned that i didnt want to have her say them still came out.
our bedroom lifestyle... i mentioned problems there Numerous times but all were ignored but not forgotten. She can be an amazing lover! but chooses to only do the really fun stuff about once a month even when i know that shes loves it just as much as me as its been told Numerous times.
but i dont think i should be nit-picking at her faults right now. im the one that commited the worst offence a relationship could ever encounter.
Over the weekend and monday weve already began to take the proper steps to healing. correcting the little things with ourselfs before we act. and the best part i feel is that were going to our first couples therapy session tonight. and thats where were at as of now.
Please reply all, i need as much help i can get with this one. my heart aches in pain from what i did. i just want US to be well again.
-Brad
PS. if ya wanna message/email me you can on MSN ecto135back@hotmail.com OR yahoo PM: back9a