New Member ***justjilteddad*** over here!! - 02/18/06 09:46 PM
I'm starting a new thread for you, your own thread, so we can address your situation and get individual advice and support for you!
Your story as you posted-------
Wow! I read your story and thought I was writing mine! Very similar. My wife just told me 3 days ago that she had an affair. It started 2 years ago and she is just telling me know, as part of some "clearing" she's doing. She wants to work things out but I can't even fathom the possibility of that at this stage.
Her affair was both sexual and emotional. She told me she slept with him 3 times. But I used my detective skills and found all his previous/ past phone numbers and searched her cell phone bills. It turns out she talked with him every day for 4 months and has had contact with him up until last December.
Now I've read on this website that most affairs are kept secret. Well, the affair was kept secret but he wasn't. I knew she was meeting with him, but as Dr.Harley says, I shouldn't have completely trusted her as I did. They were taking a self-employment program together. She was helping him with his work. He even came over and helped put in a storage cabinet at our house! I even talked with him on a few occasions. As I write this I think how could I have been so blind! I obviously wasn't meeting her needs. How could she so blatantly put him in my face and my life as a "friend" of hers when they were clearly more.........
I am struggling to cope. I told myself when I got married that this was a commitment that I would not break it with infidelity on my part. If I felt that way I would work it out or leave the marriage. I also told myself I would never accept it, for whatever reason. I never in a million year believed it would happen. We were supposed to be soulmates, evn though we had our intimacy problems that we, obviously, failed to improve upon.
We have a 4 year old and a 6 year old. We already had plans in the works to move to another city.
I need some suggestions from those that have been through something similar. Right now I am going through all those highs and lows. I want to be with her, and she does with me, but don't know if I'll ever get over this.....
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First, welcome to Marriage Builders. Not a fun place to fidn yourself but a great site with lots of advice, suggestions and support!
Please read all parts of this site, from home page to the forums. Pay attention to the top three "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. It will give you lots of help and links for finding your way around the site and to help you understand the replies you will receive. Also, don't be afraid to post in other forums too for added replies and suggestions. MB is usually kinda slow on the weekends and General Questions Forum has alot more traffic.
Can you get past this? Yes, but it's going to take alot of very hard work for BOTH of you.
Your story as you posted-------
Wow! I read your story and thought I was writing mine! Very similar. My wife just told me 3 days ago that she had an affair. It started 2 years ago and she is just telling me know, as part of some "clearing" she's doing. She wants to work things out but I can't even fathom the possibility of that at this stage.
Her affair was both sexual and emotional. She told me she slept with him 3 times. But I used my detective skills and found all his previous/ past phone numbers and searched her cell phone bills. It turns out she talked with him every day for 4 months and has had contact with him up until last December.
Now I've read on this website that most affairs are kept secret. Well, the affair was kept secret but he wasn't. I knew she was meeting with him, but as Dr.Harley says, I shouldn't have completely trusted her as I did. They were taking a self-employment program together. She was helping him with his work. He even came over and helped put in a storage cabinet at our house! I even talked with him on a few occasions. As I write this I think how could I have been so blind! I obviously wasn't meeting her needs. How could she so blatantly put him in my face and my life as a "friend" of hers when they were clearly more.........
I am struggling to cope. I told myself when I got married that this was a commitment that I would not break it with infidelity on my part. If I felt that way I would work it out or leave the marriage. I also told myself I would never accept it, for whatever reason. I never in a million year believed it would happen. We were supposed to be soulmates, evn though we had our intimacy problems that we, obviously, failed to improve upon.
We have a 4 year old and a 6 year old. We already had plans in the works to move to another city.
I need some suggestions from those that have been through something similar. Right now I am going through all those highs and lows. I want to be with her, and she does with me, but don't know if I'll ever get over this.....
_____________________________________________________
First, welcome to Marriage Builders. Not a fun place to fidn yourself but a great site with lots of advice, suggestions and support!
Please read all parts of this site, from home page to the forums. Pay attention to the top three "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. It will give you lots of help and links for finding your way around the site and to help you understand the replies you will receive. Also, don't be afraid to post in other forums too for added replies and suggestions. MB is usually kinda slow on the weekends and General Questions Forum has alot more traffic.
Can you get past this? Yes, but it's going to take alot of very hard work for BOTH of you.