Do I still follow Plan A/Plan B strategy if other man is out of the picture? - 04/21/05 04:17 PM
History: I have read all the relevant info on this website and the book Fall in Love, Stay in Love and am really excited about the possibilities of having a loving marriage by following these concepts which have been like a revelation to me. My wife told me she wanted a divorce a few weeks ago, it is pretty much a text book case of why Women Leave Men that has led us here (emotianal neglect, lack of affection and admiration). We have 2 children and besides that we have been in a state of withdrawl for most of our marriage (we married with no wedding after she became pregnant with our second child). Since she told me, I have found out about 2 affairs she has had over the past 6 months. One on the internet that had no contact and died naturally. The other with an acquaintace that started inviting her out to the bar and ended up sleeping with her one time while she was drunk. That relationship appears to be over, as her friends tell me she doesn't talk about him the same way anymore and I think she realized he was not exclusively in to her, and also I confronted them recently when she lied to go see him at the bar and she no longer is convienient for him now that I showed up. She has still never come clean and still denies they ever slept together even though she told her friend who told me and does not deny it to that friend now while still denying it to me. I don't even bring it up anymore however.
Anyways, I have been trying my best to meet her emotional needs and follow the Policy of Joint agreement, I have been buying her flowers, a puppy she really wanted, and other gifts and we do seem to have some genuinely good times in each others company, and good conversations but she still has her emotional barriers up and is in the state of withdrawl. She won't allow me to touch her in any affectionate way even though I know that is one of her most important needs. I feel that the only reason she might be staying is because she is completely dependent on me financially and in 10 months she will be finished with school and able to support herself.
My question is there anything I can do better to convince her to join me in the state of conflict? She has said I come on too strong and she feels smothered some times and I am trying to respect that by following the policy of joint agreement. Also, if I do not see any improvement with her lowering her emotional barriers should I still proceed to plan B even if there is not another man in the picture?
Anyways, I have been trying my best to meet her emotional needs and follow the Policy of Joint agreement, I have been buying her flowers, a puppy she really wanted, and other gifts and we do seem to have some genuinely good times in each others company, and good conversations but she still has her emotional barriers up and is in the state of withdrawl. She won't allow me to touch her in any affectionate way even though I know that is one of her most important needs. I feel that the only reason she might be staying is because she is completely dependent on me financially and in 10 months she will be finished with school and able to support herself.
My question is there anything I can do better to convince her to join me in the state of conflict? She has said I come on too strong and she feels smothered some times and I am trying to respect that by following the policy of joint agreement. Also, if I do not see any improvement with her lowering her emotional barriers should I still proceed to plan B even if there is not another man in the picture?