First things first, if you want to work on reconcilling with your H then withdraw the divorce petition. Don't use it as a weapon or a punishment for him.
You might find "Surviving an Affair"(book),
Just found out, and
Steps to Recover from an Affair useful.
Feelings of love can be rebuilt.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">From
The Love Bank:
All of my remaining basic concepts will help me explain the answer to those questions, but the general principle is simple: Couples must make as many Love Bank deposits as possible and avoid making withdrawals if they want a happy and fulfilling marriage. And to achieve this, behavior must change. A husband and wife must learn to do things that make each other happy, and learn to stop doing things that make each other unhappy.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Deposits occur when we fulfill our spouse's
Emotional Needs... do the things that make our spouse happy. Withdrawls occur when we
Love Bust... do the things that make our spouse unhappy.
Do you know what his most important Emotional Needs (EN) are? What are yours? (
Emotional Needs Questionaire) How about Love Busters (LB)? (
Love Busters Questionaire)
Is your H still in contact with the Other Woman (OW)? If so, you might want to consider trying
Plan A.
The NM forum probably isn't the best forum for you to get the kind of responses you need. Try reposting your story to General Questions, Emotional Needs, or Plan A/Plan B forums. They get more traffic.
As for that councillor... try finding someone more pro-marriage. Individual councillors (ICs) are looking out for your individual well being. They may not be considering the well being of your marriage. Try getting a marriage councillor.
Finally, please remember that we can not change or educate our spouses. We can only change and educate ourselves. That is what MB is for.
Best Wishes.
PS. Is it possible that your H may have or have had depression?