can't help seeing husband as selfish and immature - 03/29/12 05:30 AM
It's been 20 months since d-day for us. I can go many days with out breaking down and crying and I never lash out at my husband about his betrayal anymore. Sometimes we actually enjoy each other and we seem like a happy family. I haven't forgiven him, though, and although i believe in forgiveness, i just don't see how I ever can. Yesterday was the anniversary of "their" anniversary. The day they "gave into their passion" the first time. The day he ripped my heart out and stomped on it for the first time. On days like that I am incredibly sad and I remember this : that no matter how we get along now, I have no guarantee that he won't act in the selfish, and childish way that he did then. I have no guarantee that he won't throw me over for some other bimbo that gives him anything he wants and wants nothing for herself (until she gets him, that is). He used his affair partner unashamedly for 8 years and she would have let him go on using her with no promises of commitment or even a dinner out, a trip, or a hotel room. There are women like that - that have no self- respect.
I read that the closest you can get to a guarantee is your husband being truly remorseful for the pain he has caused you. So much so, that he would never want to hurt you again.
I haven't gotten that from him. Not even a sincere apology. in fact', he blamed me by saying I didn't want sex often enough. Never mind that we had 4 small children, one a new born and the oldest with special needs. Never mind that he was working all the time and rarely spent time with me and the kids or helped out at home. He didn't get enough sex with me, so he was open to his coworkers advances. So what if I get ill and can't have sex? Or have to travel to care for a sick parent?
How do I know he won't do it again? Often I feel trapped. i am trying to keep our family together, and I still care about my husband, but I don't respect or admire him and can't see how I ever will again.
I read that the closest you can get to a guarantee is your husband being truly remorseful for the pain he has caused you. So much so, that he would never want to hurt you again.
I haven't gotten that from him. Not even a sincere apology. in fact', he blamed me by saying I didn't want sex often enough. Never mind that we had 4 small children, one a new born and the oldest with special needs. Never mind that he was working all the time and rarely spent time with me and the kids or helped out at home. He didn't get enough sex with me, so he was open to his coworkers advances. So what if I get ill and can't have sex? Or have to travel to care for a sick parent?
How do I know he won't do it again? Often I feel trapped. i am trying to keep our family together, and I still care about my husband, but I don't respect or admire him and can't see how I ever will again.