Finally made the move - 05/13/15 03:35 PM
You can see my orriginal thread here.
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=170222&Number=2787549#Post2787549
We finally moved out of state 1000 miles away. He was living with my sister and husband and the kids and I were living with my parents, 2 hours away. My orriginal plan was to file for divorce once we got here, but found out I had to wait 6 months to do so. I didn't want to be stuck 1000 miles from any family I had. I had no friends left in our last home. Plus my mother's cancer was spreading and she was getting worse. I fnally told him 2 months after we moved here that I wanted a divorce. 1 month later he lost his job and blamed me. before that he had told me he was going to find his own place to live and make me start paying half the bills. I didn't have a job at the time and was having a hard time finding one.
1 week after my husband lost his job my mother passed away. He was living with us by then and helped out immensely that day. I decided to give him another chance that night.
We spent literally every waking moment together if I wasn't at my part time 10 hr a week job. he was upset when I would go to work because I wasn't spending time with him. I couldn't make any plans with anyone else, to include my sister, and I couldn't make any friends. He would get mad at me. he finally found a new job after 2 months. I was so relieved. Not only did this mean we could start paying bills again, but it meant I could have a little freedom.
He has said he will do anything it takes to fix our marriage. he has yet to see a counselot. he has yet to set one up fr us ( a stipulation of mine) he has yet to stop taking life out on the kids. If he is upset with me he takes it out on the kids. If I dont' have sex with him, he is angry at the kids, yelling at them, and being harsh with them. I told them this stops now. He is beyond overbearing on normal occasions. He has promised eh will stop and he will change, but of course I don't believe him. He's always been like this with them and has only gotten worse over the last year.It will take a counselor and a lot of work on his part to change this.
On top of everything when we are intimate, A movie will play in my mind of the physical details he told me of the affair. It makes intimacy impossible and I am always crying. I am usually fine any other time. This only happens when we are intimate with each other. Plus lately there has been no actual intimacy. He has become very selfish.
I have bit the bullet and contacted a local marriage counselor.I am hoping we can get in to see her ASAP so we can really start fixing our marriage.
I do not want to move to this new town. My children do not want to either. I feel right now that the only reason I'm staying with him is because I feel like I have no alternative. I don't have a college degree. I can't find a full time job. I could never afford to live on my own. My father wants us out as soon as the school year is over. Now that we've said we are staying together, our oldest is a bit happier. He has been having a very hard time with this. He blames me for my husband cheating. he blames me for us moving. I should have just gotten over it according to him. And what am I teaching him and my other 2 by staying? That it's ok to cheat? People just get over it? It's ok to be cheated on? My son had his first girlfriend. She cheated on him and then broke up with him. He told her he loves her and doesn't care that she cheated and he wants to be with her. When she refused, he called her sorts of foul language, and threatened to kill himself. He is in counseling now. This just is not the son I know. He never would have done this before.
My husband's infidelity has destroyed our entire family. But I decided to stay with him, because it's easier and I'm too scared to try to make it alone. I'm too scared of what he'll do if we go through with the divorce. I have support here, but like I said, my dad wants me out.
So we are working on things. They aren't horrible. I just see horrible things in my mind. I keep replaying the past. I do not trust him. I am angry with him. hurt by him. I no longer feel secure. I am really hoping that we can make things work. This week I've just been so very depressed. Some weeks are great and others not so much.
I just needed to vent here.
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...
We finally moved out of state 1000 miles away. He was living with my sister and husband and the kids and I were living with my parents, 2 hours away. My orriginal plan was to file for divorce once we got here, but found out I had to wait 6 months to do so. I didn't want to be stuck 1000 miles from any family I had. I had no friends left in our last home. Plus my mother's cancer was spreading and she was getting worse. I fnally told him 2 months after we moved here that I wanted a divorce. 1 month later he lost his job and blamed me. before that he had told me he was going to find his own place to live and make me start paying half the bills. I didn't have a job at the time and was having a hard time finding one.
1 week after my husband lost his job my mother passed away. He was living with us by then and helped out immensely that day. I decided to give him another chance that night.
We spent literally every waking moment together if I wasn't at my part time 10 hr a week job. he was upset when I would go to work because I wasn't spending time with him. I couldn't make any plans with anyone else, to include my sister, and I couldn't make any friends. He would get mad at me. he finally found a new job after 2 months. I was so relieved. Not only did this mean we could start paying bills again, but it meant I could have a little freedom.
He has said he will do anything it takes to fix our marriage. he has yet to see a counselot. he has yet to set one up fr us ( a stipulation of mine) he has yet to stop taking life out on the kids. If he is upset with me he takes it out on the kids. If I dont' have sex with him, he is angry at the kids, yelling at them, and being harsh with them. I told them this stops now. He is beyond overbearing on normal occasions. He has promised eh will stop and he will change, but of course I don't believe him. He's always been like this with them and has only gotten worse over the last year.It will take a counselor and a lot of work on his part to change this.
On top of everything when we are intimate, A movie will play in my mind of the physical details he told me of the affair. It makes intimacy impossible and I am always crying. I am usually fine any other time. This only happens when we are intimate with each other. Plus lately there has been no actual intimacy. He has become very selfish.
I have bit the bullet and contacted a local marriage counselor.I am hoping we can get in to see her ASAP so we can really start fixing our marriage.
I do not want to move to this new town. My children do not want to either. I feel right now that the only reason I'm staying with him is because I feel like I have no alternative. I don't have a college degree. I can't find a full time job. I could never afford to live on my own. My father wants us out as soon as the school year is over. Now that we've said we are staying together, our oldest is a bit happier. He has been having a very hard time with this. He blames me for my husband cheating. he blames me for us moving. I should have just gotten over it according to him. And what am I teaching him and my other 2 by staying? That it's ok to cheat? People just get over it? It's ok to be cheated on? My son had his first girlfriend. She cheated on him and then broke up with him. He told her he loves her and doesn't care that she cheated and he wants to be with her. When she refused, he called her sorts of foul language, and threatened to kill himself. He is in counseling now. This just is not the son I know. He never would have done this before.
My husband's infidelity has destroyed our entire family. But I decided to stay with him, because it's easier and I'm too scared to try to make it alone. I'm too scared of what he'll do if we go through with the divorce. I have support here, but like I said, my dad wants me out.
So we are working on things. They aren't horrible. I just see horrible things in my mind. I keep replaying the past. I do not trust him. I am angry with him. hurt by him. I no longer feel secure. I am really hoping that we can make things work. This week I've just been so very depressed. Some weeks are great and others not so much.
I just needed to vent here.