Talk me off the ledge - 03/10/18 06:10 PM
D-day was 10 years ago. I'm not sure that we've recovered as much as we've persevered. In retrospect, the one thing I failed to do that I should have is tell my W to leave the house that day. I should have let her back only after she demonstrated to me that she wanted me back. I didn't do that and have lived with doubt about her feelings for me ever since.
For several years now, my W has not demonstrated any affection or interest in me that would suggest she sees our relationship as more than platonic. This is not to say we don't engage in SA. We do, but only if initiated by me and then only a fraction of the time when she allows it. She is generally passive during the act though she seems to enjoy it. It seems obligatory to me.
This prolonged period of receiving no attention or interest is growing more difficult for me to manage. I have a busy life professionally and personally, with many hobbies and interests, working out, etc and all of those served as distractions for awhile.
My W describes herself as "not a talker" and from time to time I've sent notes to her to let her know that I need to feel that she wants me, that I'm more than a "good dad" and the family's provider. Most recently, I wrote a fairly explicit note asking about what we could do in the bedroom that would be of interest to her. She did not reply.
I also asked her not long ago, "what do you do to let me know that you want to have sex?". She said. "I guess I don't." And that was the end of the conversation.
Anyway, what brings me here today is that, out of the blue, I heard from my high school girlfriend - who I have not seen in >25 years - letting me know that she would be in my neighborhood, at a specific venue, and maybe I could stop by. I didn't reply to her nor have I told my W about this.
Problem is that I can't stop thinking about my high school girlfriend who was (then) extremely sexual and who clearly must have feelings for me. I know were I to reach out to her she would provide exactly what my W does not.
Any suggestions as to how to discuss this with my W? I don't want to keep it from her but I don't want her to interpret this as a threat from me, i.e. that if my W won't give me attention and affection I'll go elsewhere. I haven't done that in our many years of marriage and don't intend to now.
One last thing. Shortly after d-day, I told my youngest DS about my W's A because the OP was my son's coach and I felt that my DS deserved to know. My W was furious at me for this and I suspect remains so to this day, though it is never discussed.
Thanks in advance.
For several years now, my W has not demonstrated any affection or interest in me that would suggest she sees our relationship as more than platonic. This is not to say we don't engage in SA. We do, but only if initiated by me and then only a fraction of the time when she allows it. She is generally passive during the act though she seems to enjoy it. It seems obligatory to me.
This prolonged period of receiving no attention or interest is growing more difficult for me to manage. I have a busy life professionally and personally, with many hobbies and interests, working out, etc and all of those served as distractions for awhile.
My W describes herself as "not a talker" and from time to time I've sent notes to her to let her know that I need to feel that she wants me, that I'm more than a "good dad" and the family's provider. Most recently, I wrote a fairly explicit note asking about what we could do in the bedroom that would be of interest to her. She did not reply.
I also asked her not long ago, "what do you do to let me know that you want to have sex?". She said. "I guess I don't." And that was the end of the conversation.
Anyway, what brings me here today is that, out of the blue, I heard from my high school girlfriend - who I have not seen in >25 years - letting me know that she would be in my neighborhood, at a specific venue, and maybe I could stop by. I didn't reply to her nor have I told my W about this.
Problem is that I can't stop thinking about my high school girlfriend who was (then) extremely sexual and who clearly must have feelings for me. I know were I to reach out to her she would provide exactly what my W does not.
Any suggestions as to how to discuss this with my W? I don't want to keep it from her but I don't want her to interpret this as a threat from me, i.e. that if my W won't give me attention and affection I'll go elsewhere. I haven't done that in our many years of marriage and don't intend to now.
One last thing. Shortly after d-day, I told my youngest DS about my W's A because the OP was my son's coach and I felt that my DS deserved to know. My W was furious at me for this and I suspect remains so to this day, though it is never discussed.
Thanks in advance.