Oh boy, I hardly know where to start. You are surely in the right place, though. I can see from your register date that you weren't taught to use this program when you were here 12 years ago. [none of us were] The program would have created romantic love in your marriage and helped your wife feel sexual desire for you. But... no one told you that 12 years ago. Better late than never!
Those of us who used the program are in love because our emotional needs are met. We have learned to become masters at meeting each others emotional needs. It really does work. And the longer you use the program, the better you get at it.
The reason your wife doesn't want to have sex with you is because she is not in love. Women need 2 things to feel sexual desire: an emotional attachment to the man and the prospect of enjoyment. You and your wife are likely NOT doing anything to create romantic love in your marriage so she has developed an aversion. Instead of reversing this aversion, you have made it much worse by nagging and guilting her into having sex with you. It is not effective at all. You might get sex occasionally [out of guilt] but it won't ever serve to create desire.
The way to create desire is for her to fall in love again. The way to create romantic love is to spend 15+ hours per week out on romantic dates meeting the top 4 intimate emotional needs of affection, conversation, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment, while eliminating any lovebusters. If you did this diligently for several weeks, she would fall in love again and would desire you sexually.
My suggestion is to go to her NOW and tell her about this woman and your feelings for her. Take steps to shut off all opposite sex friendships because you are very vulnerable right now. Having an affair will be the mistake of your life. It is also a stupid strategy becasue your kids will hate you and you will wreck your marriage. Better to get what you need from your WIFE.
Ask your wife if she will participate in this program to fall in love again. Tell her you now understand WHY she doesn't desire sex with you and will stop nagging her about it. Rather, you will work with her to find ways that she sincerely DESIRES sex.
Start by reading this and then print it up and show to your wife:
The question of the ages: How can a husband receive the sex he needs in marriage?And this:
How to Overcome Sexual Aversion