Christmas During Divorce - 12/20/05 05:38 PM
It's odd, but although my husband and son are off staying with my father-in-law out of state (he is a recent widower) and I am alone in the house except for a Japanese student boarder and a part time Katrina refugee, I am very content.
I realize that had I relented on the D, this Christmas at the in laws would have been just like all the others that we spent there. Me sleeping on a foam pad on the floor so that my H could have the double bed to himself. Him taking long walks so he could share every detail of his day with the OW (his BestFriend) and me going deader and colder inside and scrupulously Not Asking when he came home (but secretly checking his cell phone history while he showered, to assess the time and length of the phone call the next morning.
Coming home and realizing that suddenly he was using/carrying/wearing a new, expensive top of the line Coach briefcase/Banana Republic sweater & pants, all without mentioning who the giver was. And biting my tongue.
Gradually regaining my self-respect. Gradually shedding the covering of shame. Singing loudly, off-key, whenever I feel like it. Inviting friends and neighbors to come for dinner, to temporarily store their belongings in the garage while they "stage" their home for an open house for real estate brokers, trying to explain to my "English as a second language boarder" that if he is in town on Christmas, and if he wants to invite a friend or two to our celebration, we would welcome him/her.
I'm not shopping, wrapping, except for our son. My H brought gifts over for me to wrap for him and place under the tree. We get along well when we co-parent. I just don't have it in my heart to put up any road blocks around our son. Lousy husband that he was, emotionally cheating though he was, he is/was a terrific parent.
Maybe it's the adreneline rush of the change, but I'm feeling happier than I have in years. My shrink used a term I'm stealing here: A "Lame Duck Wife." That's what I was.
Merry Christmas. I wish everyone here working to recover their marriages the success we didn't have. I think MB is a wonderful resource.
I realize that had I relented on the D, this Christmas at the in laws would have been just like all the others that we spent there. Me sleeping on a foam pad on the floor so that my H could have the double bed to himself. Him taking long walks so he could share every detail of his day with the OW (his BestFriend) and me going deader and colder inside and scrupulously Not Asking when he came home (but secretly checking his cell phone history while he showered, to assess the time and length of the phone call the next morning.
Coming home and realizing that suddenly he was using/carrying/wearing a new, expensive top of the line Coach briefcase/Banana Republic sweater & pants, all without mentioning who the giver was. And biting my tongue.
Gradually regaining my self-respect. Gradually shedding the covering of shame. Singing loudly, off-key, whenever I feel like it. Inviting friends and neighbors to come for dinner, to temporarily store their belongings in the garage while they "stage" their home for an open house for real estate brokers, trying to explain to my "English as a second language boarder" that if he is in town on Christmas, and if he wants to invite a friend or two to our celebration, we would welcome him/her.
I'm not shopping, wrapping, except for our son. My H brought gifts over for me to wrap for him and place under the tree. We get along well when we co-parent. I just don't have it in my heart to put up any road blocks around our son. Lousy husband that he was, emotionally cheating though he was, he is/was a terrific parent.
Maybe it's the adreneline rush of the change, but I'm feeling happier than I have in years. My shrink used a term I'm stealing here: A "Lame Duck Wife." That's what I was.
Merry Christmas. I wish everyone here working to recover their marriages the success we didn't have. I think MB is a wonderful resource.