It's odd, but although my husband and son are off staying with my father-in-law out of state (he is a recent widower) and I am alone in the house except for a Japanese student boarder and a part time Katrina refugee, I am very content.

I realize that had I relented on the D, this Christmas at the in laws would have been just like all the others that we spent there. Me sleeping on a foam pad on the floor so that my H could have the double bed to himself. Him taking long walks so he could share every detail of his day with the OW (his BestFriend) and me going deader and colder inside and scrupulously Not Asking when he came home (but secretly checking his cell phone history while he showered, to assess the time and length of the phone call the next morning.

Coming home and realizing that suddenly he was using/carrying/wearing a new, expensive top of the line Coach briefcase/Banana Republic sweater & pants, all without mentioning who the giver was. And biting my tongue.

Gradually regaining my self-respect. Gradually shedding the covering of shame. Singing loudly, off-key, whenever I feel like it. Inviting friends and neighbors to come for dinner, to temporarily store their belongings in the garage while they "stage" their home for an open house for real estate brokers, trying to explain to my "English as a second language boarder" that if he is in town on Christmas, and if he wants to invite a friend or two to our celebration, we would welcome him/her.

I'm not shopping, wrapping, except for our son. My H brought gifts over for me to wrap for him and place under the tree. We get along well when we co-parent. I just don't have it in my heart to put up any road blocks around our son. Lousy husband that he was, emotionally cheating though he was, he is/was a terrific parent.

Maybe it's the adreneline rush of the change, but I'm feeling happier than I have in years. My shrink used a term I'm stealing here: A "Lame Duck Wife." That's what I was.

Merry Christmas. I wish everyone here working to recover their marriages the success we didn't have. I think MB is a wonderful resource.

It's nice to hear that you are not using your son as a pawn! I am proud of you for taking the high road! Hope you have a Merry Christmas and a healthy New Year!!!

The freedom to stop walking on eggshells and to stop watching for contact and to stop trying to somehow figure out this man who is living with you, but treating you like you dont exist is very good isn't it?

When you realize that you can be better alone then in pain. I am so happy to read these posts Belle. I knew you would feel such releif because I know the stress you were under. Your plan with the students sounds great. You are enriching your childs life.

(((((hugs)))) and Merry Christmas.

Off topic abit but I always cringed when I see or hear that statment

(Lousy husband that he was, emotionally cheating though he was, he is/was a terrific parent.)

How can that be when the said parent shows that he can not put aside his own happiness for the well being of said child, maybe you can help me out hear.

Dr Dodson says the best thing a spose can show to their kids is the love they have for their spouse.

I agree with Dodson and with Dennis Prager, about the best thing you can do for a child is to love his mother. I wish it were so in our marriage. He is however financially responsible, very good about working with our son on homework, everything that is wholesome and good for his future, shopping for gifts for him. He has never hit him or been cruel to him.

The cruelty was to me. And I know very well the void that not having an even minimally good father. So I do nothing to diminish our son's relationship with him.

Divorcing was the only way to stop the cruelty. Wish I'd done it years ago.

Why are you swan's song?

t/j to wish Bellevue a Merry Christmas!!

I called myself that because i felt that I was drowning in my own self hatred of sexual lust, of infidelity and thought that went I joined that I was just going to give into it and just reading all the pain, from not only adultery but just emotional destress and pain I decided to change my ways and has a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Have a Merry Christmas Bell, I do hope that in the coming New Year that you learn to live again for yourself and start to enjoy life again, GOD SPEED

So - a drowning swan? A death of the old persona and rebirth of a nobler spirit? Regeneration, I guess you are talking about. I think I understand. My name was because I felt I must be crazy, and my H told me I was as well.

Faithful follower, merry christmas to you too, and to the chitlins (as Pep nicknamed them!)

Red roses were delivered to the house yesterday, with a note from my father in law: "Love, John's Grandpa"
I called to thank him & spoke to our son. FIL told me I wish you could be here, I wish things were different. I responded, thank you, so do I. Did not share any details nor did he ask.

He still grieves for MIL, who died in June. It must perplex him that we are D'ing and choosing not to stay together when he would have done anything to keep MIL alive and with him.

My Japanese student, at my urging, has told me he wants to invite 3-4 friends for Christmas. He says they are probably afraid we Americans talk too fast for them to understand. I will remind my guests to slow down.

I told him that I have to leave the house after dinner to have Hanukah with other friends, but that everyone is welcome to stay here as long as they wish. (Our Katrina refugee is co-hosting Christmas and this is her home base as long as New Orleans remains without electric power.)

You can't have everything. Especially in divorce. I hear from ds daily, he is happily in the middle of STBXH's family, playing golf, doing yard work, playing computer. Sad, but at least FIL is distracted by his only grandson being with him. And our son is a very loving and attentive teenager. I'm very proud of him.

Your FIL sounds like a lovely man and a good companion for your son.

Bellevue - Sounds like you will have a good Christmas.

I also have a boarder who speaks no English. I have learned a ton of Spanish this year. It feels great. In fact, I'm making tamales tomorrow. This will be my second attempt - sure hope they come out better than last time. Last time they were delicious, but not very uniform in looks.

Merry Christmas all, this is my first visit over to here...usually on the infidelity/general but,it's Christmas,FWW kinda went WW again and has'nt ever put much into a recovery...I may soon be here daily. Thanks Lora, your way of describing the feelings has been me for 22months with W leaving and then returning with false recovery 8 times now...I think? heck it may been 6 or 7?
Anyhow thanks...it's good to hear that life can be betteer even if I go for the D.

BelleVue You have a truly beautiful spirit.

Merry Christmas.

I've never made them, but I hope they come out well for you this year. believer, you were absent from our MB get-together, but reservations were in your name. sorry we didn't get to meet.