Good Morning All,

I hope everyone had a pleasant weekend. Mine was pretty good. I had my DS this weekend and we had a good time.

How is everyone? Soon, I can't wait to hear what's up with you. I've been curious all weekend.

Good morning Tired and everyone. My weekend was ok. Saturday travelled about five hours to deliver a dog (we brreed them). It was a good trip and we all had fun.

Sunday, well ...we tried to go fishing. But with a one yr old running around it just didn't work out to well. My H got very upset with me and I was not happy. I was trying to get my rod baited up and put the baby in the truck until I could get it done. The baby had grabbed my H spittoon (disgusting I know) and dumped it everywhere. It was both of our faults. I should have gotten it out of the truck, and H should not leave it sitting around without a lid on it. But he blamed it on me, kicked and screamed and then threw the bottle through the parking lot. But I was very calm, I didn't say a word. I just packed up the stuff and we went home. Then after we got home, I heard H apologize to his mother on the phone becuase he didn't call her all weekend. Evidently he was supposed to do something with his family and didn't call them, and she was upset. I hate it that he has to apologize to her for not spending time with them. She doesn't like it when he spends time with me and the boys. Oh well.

The ad's I believe are now in my system. I feel so much better. I just have a calm feeling. I am still sad and upset, I just deal with it better now. I am so glad I went to the dr and got them. I had told my H I would never email him again but I broke down and did it this morn. I professed my undying love for him once again, I was weak. But I did it this time without breaking down. It felt good.

As for what happened Friday that I wanted to tell yall about. Today it seems no big deal. And it really wasn't then I guess but it just made me feel weird.

But as far as telling yall what happened. I don't think I should. Maybe later, but I have seen some posts on here ( I have been wandering around on MB in all the forums and seen some way too familiar stories) that I believe may belong to my H. It sounds too much like him. And if I tell you of what happened he may take it the wrong way if he were to read this. I'll have to think about it for a while. Make sense?

H knows that I am on MB everyday. So I have a suspicion that he reads what I say on here. We'll see.

Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Sorry about the fishing trip going badly. Sometimes they do seem to go that way. I must confess, that I too sometimes carry a spit cup, nasty habit I know, and that accidents do happen.

My AD's have me feeling the same way. I'm still sad, but the grief is not so overwhelming. I haven't broken down and emailed/texted/called the STBX in a while (except at the concert and I don't even know what I said). I still love her very much, but it is all starting to seem like a dream now.

Only post what you feel comfortable posting, there's no pressure from us. The last thing anyone wants to do here is to cause more heartache.

I watched an old movie yesterday, Cool Hand Luke, and a line in there made me feel better. "Sometimes nothing is a pretty cool hand" and that's what I've got now. I've just got to learn to use it to my advantage.

Tired41 - That is my all time favorite movie and I love that line!

I had a really rotten horrible weekend. Got a call at work on Friday from my STBXWH. He started off really calm, just said could you do me a favor? The way my heart started beating you would have thought the last month hadn;t happened and we had just talked that morning. Then he proceeded to tell me I had 10 minutes to get my *&^^*&^ DD out of his house, or he would take care of it himself. He didn't even give me time to ask any questions, just kept cussing and yelling about she was not allowed in his house and we would both be sorry etc etc etc. It really scared me becuase he just did not sound rational. My DD had spent the night with me and was jsut sitting around the house until she had to go to work at 1. I rushed home to make sure that I was there if he came by and called my DD to warn her not to open the door. Shortly after I got home, he came by to get his mail from the mailbox and actually drove into the driveway to talk. I went out to talk to him and was shocked at how he looked! He has lost a lot of weight and he looks like he has been on a 2 week bender. He was totally irational, nothing he said made any sense. I do not know why he does not want her there or what the anger was all about. He kept threatening to get her out of there himself but she was already gone. I finally called the police myself to get him to leave and ended up filing a report just in case. He scares me now, and I have no clue what is going on at all.

He left and disappeared until late Saturday afternoon, but I believe he spent all of Saturday night and all day Sunday alone in a dark house. No lights, no movement, no nothing. I do not know how much more of this bizarre behavior I can take.

Sunday I was still so upset that when I went to back out of the driveway, I missed and ended up with 1 wheel off the drive and in the ditch. After hours of trying to get the car out, and crying like a baby, some nice older man stopped and offered to pull me out. I know it was God's way of sending a guardian angel to help, and I felt so humbled by not trusting in the first place.

I have to learn not to lean on my STBXWH for help with things that are just to hard for me, but MY AD's have not kicked in enough yet for me to be able to do that.

Blue, that is bizarre. You've got to be careful around him, because I agree that he is not rational. Is it out of character for him to go off like that? Did you ever find out what made him so angry at your DD? Sorry about all the questions but this is so weird. You really think that he sat in a dark house all weekend? He may have snapped, so be cautious.

Yes blue, be very cautious. He sounds like he's on drugs or something. That's scary.

Cool Hand Luke, it's funny that you mentioned that Tired cause I watched it too on the hisstory channell. I have wanted to see it for the longest time, there was a guy here at work that told me it was a good movie and no one has it for rent cause it's so old. I was flipping thru the channells yesterday and there it was. I didn't get to see the whole thing though, I hope it comes on again soon so I can watch the whole thing.

Yeah, I watched it on the history channel too. It is good and probably the sweatiest movie of all times. I love that one and "Shawshank Redemption", because of some of the great quotes.

Anyone heard from Thankful this morning?

Hey Beaux, if you came over from last week's thread, welcome. I agree with Soon. DO NOT sign the house over to him. That sounds like a set up from the start.

i am sure that there are drugs involved. Surprisingly enough the police were pretty sure as well, but since he controlled himself there wasn't much that could be done.

Him spending the weekend in total isolation is par for course when it comes to his behavior. He has always been jeaolous of the kids, saying they were always more important than he was to me. I could never make him understand that the love for your children is different from the love of a spouse. I am close to my kids and he has no relationship at all with his (his son believes he has totally lost it now and is coming in to visit me this week for moral support) I am sure in his mind he thinks my DD has found a way to get between us again and is taking advantage of him.

I am not nearly as frightened today as I was on Friday but I am just so tired of all the not knowing and being numb. I just want to move on.

Ahhh! Shawshank Redemption....another good one. It comes on TNN or one of those channels a lot and I have to watch it every time. I don't care how many times I've seen that movie it's just as good as the first time I watched it.

Blue, in your situation I don't blame you for just wanting to move on. But what's the reason for his feeling towards your D? I don't get it. I know that WS blame shift...but I've never heard of it landing on the children. Has he acted like this before? I mean, during your M did he lash out at her like he is now? Or did this just come up since he became an alien?

Blue, this is scary. I hate to give advise on something like this, other that the generic, be very cautious. You don't think he would try to physically harm you or the children, do you?

I just read another post and now I am almost positive that this person is my STBXH. I don't like his posts either. Very negative...I have read several where the people are asking help to recover their M, and this poster is so negative. Very angry. I don't know for sure, but I do think it is him.

Soon, is he posting to ask for help in the M, or what is he wanting? There might be some way to use this to help you.

Frankly, T41, I just don't know but am afraid that he could loose what little control he has and do something dangerous that he does not intend. He must be hurting pretty bad now, and in trying to run from his pain by whatever means he can, and being influenced by people who wouldn't recognize his best interest if it bit them, anything is possible.

I feel like I am grieving in advance of the death of someone I love - like you just found out one of your parents was terminal and there was nothing you could do to prevent the death - and don't know how to put all of these feelings into perspective.

Blue, remember how you said that you "protected" your H? You are doing that now. This man sounds very dangerous. I know you love him, but I don't care how bad he is hurting (why is he hurting anyway?) that is no reason to take things out on your DD. No reason.

Your greiveing IS much like that of a death. Only death I think would be easier to deal with. I know how you feel. But as crazy as your H is acting, I'm seriously scared for you. I can't for the life of me figure out why he is so angry at you???? And your daughter?????

Does he have keys to your House? Or did you get the locks changed when he moved out?

My H too listens to other people that have no idea what is best for him. He doesn't even know what's best for him.

When my STBXW was deciding if she wanted to work on our M, I prayed that she would talk to someone who would really tell her the truth about what was best for her and her son. She never found that person. Seems like everyone she talked to said "You need to do what makes you happy". That's a cop out, especially when someone is in the fog and doesn't know what is best for them. I tried everyway I could think of to cut through the fog, but to no avail. I just wanted someone to list the pros and cons of her decision in a way that she would understand. It just didn't happen.

Blue, I would change the locks or whatever it takes to ensure the safety of myself and my children. Can you even talk to him at all now? Does he act normal and then blow-up all of a sudden?

No, he is not asking for help. Others are asking for help and he is just so negative. It may not be him. I just noticed where one of the posts were early this am. So it must not be him. I just think there are too many similarities in the language and spelling. I may be wrong. I'm just going to ignore it.

I can leave a message at the friends house, and sometimes he gets it and calls and leaves a response on my phone. Only when he is angry and needs to yell does he actually make an effort to reach me. I have a private line at work, and a cell phone as well as the house phone, so I know he could reach me if he truly wanted to.

He is just starting to realize the damage he has done. While I live in the house he inherited, I have been able to prove that I am his common law wife since 1993, and based on what my attorney advises have a claim against the house for app 25K. His credit has been destroyed and although self employed, he is working very little. He can not expand the business without credit, and currently owes in excess of $25k on business credit cards unpaid. The only way out for him is to sell his beloved home, pay his creditors, and me, and he will be left with all most nothing. He will be a 48 year old man with no family, no home, no job, and no respect. All but one of his closests friends have told him he has lost it, and he needs to set things right with me. Only the friend he is currently living with keeps supporting him. I believe this friend keeps feeding his hurt by telling him how unfair I am being and how I am really trying to punish him etc etc.

I guess I can understand how it would appear that I am still protecting him at this stage, but I'm not sure that is accurate. I do still love the man he used to be, and I hate what is happening to him, but I know that it is not my fault and that I can not stop him from feeling this pain for his own good. This time it is all or nothing, and if he does not finally own up to the mess in his life and take responsibility for it, then nothing and noone will be able to save him.

Blue, I understand what you are saying. He does sound like a man with his back to the wall. Sometimes when someone is backed into a corner, they will come out swinging. Make sure that you and the kids will be safe if he does. I would be more worried with safety of my family right now rather than the marriage. He sounds like he could totally lose control.

Typical of WS. He screws up and is losing everything so he yells at you. But I don't understand why he is so adamant that you guys D. Has the D process been started yet?

This "friend" of his, how on earth does he come up with the idea that YOU are being unfair? Becuase you are asking for what you are entitled to? He must be on drugs as well. How are you punishing him?

This is making no sense to me. Just know I'm praying for you.

I have been trying to come to terms with that same fact all weekend. There is no going back to any type of marriage at this point, I just want to be left alone to pick up the pieces and move on. If the OW is who I think it is, she is even more of a danger than he is - he did have feelings for me at one time and has the capacity to be a decent human being. She has always hated me with a passion and is already being investigated for criminal behavior. Both DDs think I am silly to be insisting on precautions but I am nonetheless and we are being very careful about where we go and I have been careful about avoiding the obvious places I would normally go. I do keep a gun in the house for protection and have a background which gives me the knowledge to use it. I just pray it never comes to that.

We'll pray with you that you never have to use it. Do you think that he might be using meth or something?

I haven't heard from my STBXW in a couple of weeks, and she works just down the hall. I miss talking to her so much, laughing like we used to do. I really don't think about SF with her much, just more about how we used to talk and hold hands. It's tough when you lose your best friend and love of your life at the same time. Aliens.

Tired: Thought any more about being in the company of other women? Or did that thought just pass? Just curious.

Blue: I do worry for you. If it has come to the point where you have a gun in the house just in case you need it. There is a serious problem. Does he have a history with drugs? If so, what? Tired mentioned meth, and that's what it sounds like to me. Those people are dangerous. Can turn at any minute like a danged rabbid dog. You watch yourself!

Soon: My female friend is still pushing me to try this, although I wonder about her motives sometimes. She sent me some gifts and cards to my office, supposedly for word of this to get back to STBXW, but I've not seen any evidence of a reaction. I think I will be able to spend time with other women when the divorce is final, but I don't know how long until I will be truly ready. Right now I would just be looking to replace my STBX, and that will never work.

What about you? Do you think you could start dating again?

Dating? Lord Heavens no. I have no interest in that right now. The thing that I wanted to tell on Friday had something to do with that word...sorta. Someone just showed interest in me. That's all. I have no desire to go out with this person, and I wont. I am still married. But it made me feel good, becuase for so long now I have heard from my H (over two years) what a horrible person I am. And that no one would ever have me. And I began to listen to it. I have major self esteem problems due to the things that he has said to me. Which is a major issue that I need to work on. I have to learn to feel good about myself.

What do you mean you "wander about her motives"? OK, might as well start of list of questions here....you've got me curious:
1. Above question.
2. What kind of cards and gifts?
3. How many times as she done this?
4. Are you sure that your W knows you received them?
2.

Beaux is asking how to post on this thread and I'm not sure how to explain it. I tried but I'm not sure if I said it right or not.

ISWE- He has a long history as an addict. I had thought that it was all behind us, as for most of our marriage he was clean, and/or working a program. Somewhere along the line he gave up trying but it is typical of any addict to think they have the problem licked and can self-medicate without any consequence. I am one of those people who has no real taste for alcohol (a drink a month is unusual for me) and I would rather suffer than take a pill for anything. We had adapted our lifestyle to suit his addiction issues, were careful about our friends and social activities in order to avoid triggers.

To jump topics - my next door neighbors have invited me to a barbeque Saturday night as there is the guy they want me to meet. While I am no where ready to date, they thought this would be a good way to reaffirm that I am still "dateable"? for lack of a better word. I am really toying with the idea of going just to prove to myself that I can walk the walk I keep talking to myself. Life must go one and finding out if someone else would view me differntly than my X seems a good way to start!

Blue, look at it this way. Don't go just to meet the other man. Just go to have fun. It would be good for you to get out.

Soon, I'm like you, I couldn't date now either. It is nice to be noticed though, especially after the self esteem brow-beating that we have taken. Enjoy the attention!

As far as wondering about her motives, it just seems that her interest is a little more than friendly. She texts me all the time, makes comments in a flirting sort of way, tells me I have nice legs, stuff like that. You can just tell when someone is coming on. Then she will say something about wanting to help me get my wife back, but then another flirtatious comment. The gifts are weird. She gave me a Pittsburgh Steelers mug and a new basketball. The cards are covered in writing, about how much I am going to enjoy being single, how she is going to help me, and really flirty. I'm supposed to make sure these are seen around the office in order for this to get back to STBX. I have no idea if my STBX knows this and I don't really think she cares. I like being friends with this new lady, but I don't want her thinking that it is going anywhere but friendship. I will be in love with my W/XW for a long time.

Blue: The drug thing scares me. It is so easy to retreat into bad habits when things go bad, and I would say it is really bad for him now. I don't think it would be a bad thing to meet someone new, if you have decided that your M is over. If there is any doubt, I would shy away from it.

Tired, hmmmmm. Interesting. It does sound like she is coming on to you. Way too strongly. I'm sorry, but I almost laughed when I read your post. The cards had writing all over them, talking of how much you are going to enjoy being single???? It's not funny I know. But she sounds a little extreme. But then again, maybe she really is trying to help you. Sometimes people want to help and they just really don't know how to go about doing it and they end up going about it the wrong way. But how are you supposed make sure they "are seen"? Are you supposed to go around the office singing and skipping with the card and gifts in hand or what?

I'm sorry Tired I really I am. I am not laughing at you I hope you understand. I guess I'm laughing at the idea. Did this friend tell you that she was going to send you these gifts? Or did they just show up one day?

All the comments, maybe she is just trying to make you feel better. So I really shouldn't be making any comments. She's just trying to help. If not, and she does have more interest in you...then she is going about it in a very peculiar way.

I would have to agree with ISWE, Tired. This lady sounds a little extreme and over the top. I would think if she was REALLY interested though, she would be more inclined to encourage you to get over XW, not make her jealous?

She told me that she was sending cards/gifts. STBX and I have a mutual friend that works in our building and comes in my office several times per day. Theory is that mutual friend will relay this to STBX. Sounds sorta dumb to me, but what the heck. I don't mind you laughing at this, heck, I am too. I think that she has more in mind than friendship, and I hope that I am wrong, but if so then it's not going to happen.

Soon, how are you doing today?