I have been trying to come to terms with that same fact all weekend. There is no going back to any type of marriage at this point, I just want to be left alone to pick up the pieces and move on. If the OW is who I think it is, she is even more of a danger than he is - he did have feelings for me at one time and has the capacity to be a decent human being. She has always hated me with a passion and is already being investigated for criminal behavior. Both DDs think I am silly to be insisting on precautions but I am nonetheless and we are being very careful about where we go and I have been careful about avoiding the obvious places I would normally go. I do keep a gun in the house for protection and have a background which gives me the knowledge to use it. I just pray it never comes to that.

We'll pray with you that you never have to use it. Do you think that he might be using meth or something?

I haven't heard from my STBXW in a couple of weeks, and she works just down the hall. I miss talking to her so much, laughing like we used to do. I really don't think about SF with her much, just more about how we used to talk and hold hands. It's tough when you lose your best friend and love of your life at the same time. Aliens.

Tired: Thought any more about being in the company of other women? Or did that thought just pass? Just curious.

Blue: I do worry for you. If it has come to the point where you have a gun in the house just in case you need it. There is a serious problem. Does he have a history with drugs? If so, what? Tired mentioned meth, and that's what it sounds like to me. Those people are dangerous. Can turn at any minute like a danged rabbid dog. You watch yourself!

Soon: My female friend is still pushing me to try this, although I wonder about her motives sometimes. She sent me some gifts and cards to my office, supposedly for word of this to get back to STBXW, but I've not seen any evidence of a reaction. I think I will be able to spend time with other women when the divorce is final, but I don't know how long until I will be truly ready. Right now I would just be looking to replace my STBX, and that will never work.

What about you? Do you think you could start dating again?

Dating? Lord Heavens no. I have no interest in that right now. The thing that I wanted to tell on Friday had something to do with that word...sorta. Someone just showed interest in me. That's all. I have no desire to go out with this person, and I wont. I am still married. But it made me feel good, becuase for so long now I have heard from my H (over two years) what a horrible person I am. And that no one would ever have me. And I began to listen to it. I have major self esteem problems due to the things that he has said to me. Which is a major issue that I need to work on. I have to learn to feel good about myself.

What do you mean you "wander about her motives"? OK, might as well start of list of questions here....you've got me curious:
1. Above question.
2. What kind of cards and gifts?
3. How many times as she done this?
4. Are you sure that your W knows you received them?
2.

Beaux is asking how to post on this thread and I'm not sure how to explain it. I tried but I'm not sure if I said it right or not.

ISWE- He has a long history as an addict. I had thought that it was all behind us, as for most of our marriage he was clean, and/or working a program. Somewhere along the line he gave up trying but it is typical of any addict to think they have the problem licked and can self-medicate without any consequence. I am one of those people who has no real taste for alcohol (a drink a month is unusual for me) and I would rather suffer than take a pill for anything. We had adapted our lifestyle to suit his addiction issues, were careful about our friends and social activities in order to avoid triggers.

To jump topics - my next door neighbors have invited me to a barbeque Saturday night as there is the guy they want me to meet. While I am no where ready to date, they thought this would be a good way to reaffirm that I am still "dateable"? for lack of a better word. I am really toying with the idea of going just to prove to myself that I can walk the walk I keep talking to myself. Life must go one and finding out if someone else would view me differntly than my X seems a good way to start!

Blue, look at it this way. Don't go just to meet the other man. Just go to have fun. It would be good for you to get out.

Soon, I'm like you, I couldn't date now either. It is nice to be noticed though, especially after the self esteem brow-beating that we have taken. Enjoy the attention!

As far as wondering about her motives, it just seems that her interest is a little more than friendly. She texts me all the time, makes comments in a flirting sort of way, tells me I have nice legs, stuff like that. You can just tell when someone is coming on. Then she will say something about wanting to help me get my wife back, but then another flirtatious comment. The gifts are weird. She gave me a Pittsburgh Steelers mug and a new basketball. The cards are covered in writing, about how much I am going to enjoy being single, how she is going to help me, and really flirty. I'm supposed to make sure these are seen around the office in order for this to get back to STBX. I have no idea if my STBX knows this and I don't really think she cares. I like being friends with this new lady, but I don't want her thinking that it is going anywhere but friendship. I will be in love with my W/XW for a long time.

Blue: The drug thing scares me. It is so easy to retreat into bad habits when things go bad, and I would say it is really bad for him now. I don't think it would be a bad thing to meet someone new, if you have decided that your M is over. If there is any doubt, I would shy away from it.

Tired, hmmmmm. Interesting. It does sound like she is coming on to you. Way too strongly. I'm sorry, but I almost laughed when I read your post. The cards had writing all over them, talking of how much you are going to enjoy being single???? It's not funny I know. But she sounds a little extreme. But then again, maybe she really is trying to help you. Sometimes people want to help and they just really don't know how to go about doing it and they end up going about it the wrong way. But how are you supposed make sure they "are seen"? Are you supposed to go around the office singing and skipping with the card and gifts in hand or what?

I'm sorry Tired I really I am. I am not laughing at you I hope you understand. I guess I'm laughing at the idea. Did this friend tell you that she was going to send you these gifts? Or did they just show up one day?

All the comments, maybe she is just trying to make you feel better. So I really shouldn't be making any comments. She's just trying to help. If not, and she does have more interest in you...then she is going about it in a very peculiar way.

I would have to agree with ISWE, Tired. This lady sounds a little extreme and over the top. I would think if she was REALLY interested though, she would be more inclined to encourage you to get over XW, not make her jealous?

She told me that she was sending cards/gifts. STBX and I have a mutual friend that works in our building and comes in my office several times per day. Theory is that mutual friend will relay this to STBX. Sounds sorta dumb to me, but what the heck. I don't mind you laughing at this, heck, I am too. I think that she has more in mind than friendship, and I hope that I am wrong, but if so then it's not going to happen.

Soon, how are you doing today?