l2s,
I used to post over on GQII a lot too for a few years, now I just hang out here where it seems I am more comfortable.That board has changed a lot,and not for the better in some areas.
Anyway,doubt about decisions involving D is very common.I used to watch poster after poster give their cheating spouses chance after chance on GQ where I thought,just how long are they going to keep that up? Where is the self dignity,self respect and integrity? The question of "what if" will always be there but you have to look at reality: what is happening now.In fantasyland,sure things
might work out but then you have to ask yourself what would keep you in that relationship? What is good about it?
In my case,I had enough of the cheating,the lies,the pain and the false recoveries,being the only one really working on trying to salvage our marriage and family.There was no going back for me,after a certain point.I think that was true for many I knew.You do reach a point where there just is no turning back to what the other person did to you.No matter how many "apologies" they continue to throw at you,the promises of I'll be better this time,etc,etc.
I stuck to my guns once I made the choice to end it all and am very proud of myself for doing so and I still feel very strongly that I made the right decision.Do I wish things could have turned out better? Sure.I hated the thought that I would be divorced as my own parents were and even more so that my kids had to go through all this for one selfish mans desires and behavior.I wasn't one of those to be waiting around for all eternity hoping things would get better.The time was now and my ex decided it wasn't important enough.It was more important to carry on in his A and do what he wanted despite all the suffering he was causing.
In the end though,even if my ex wanted to come back and said all the "right" things,it still wouldn't matter because although I am much better now,I will NEVER forget how I was so easily traded in for a homewrecker and all the extreme pain I was made to go through for ex's own purposes and putting me,our children,our marriage and two families through he**.If I could be treated so callously once,that is what could happen again and I no longer ever want to be with a man like that.I'd much rather be alone and happy.
The thoughts that maybe it could work but you know deep in your gut that it won't.
One thing I used to tell people on GQ was to follow your gut.If it's telling you to do one thing,it's usually right.We are programmed to stear clear of dangerous situations in life and don't second guess yourself.You said there is no trust there,no respect( same for me back then).
Plus,a big dilemma is: has the WS really learned from their mistakes and are they willing to modify their behavior,protect the marriage,do all that it takes? Usually not.All they want is to get back in.And not really do the work of looking deep within to see why they made the choices to cheat,abuse,lie,put their own needs above all other's in their life (kind of like running over everyone trying to get out of a house on fire just to save themselves).
Feeling down about what is going on is normal.It's a sad process.But even though I was sad,I still knew it was the right thing for me to choose given the options.Just keep repeating to yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect,care and love,not lies and abuse.
Sorry this was a bit long winded.Good luck with what you decide.