Should I Stay Or Should I Go? - 08/17/07 04:04 AM
I am so confised right now I'm almost numb. My marriage has been a roomate situation for about four years now. We don't sleep in the same room, we are friends and try to maintain the house together, we have one young child at home still (the others are grown) and personally I realized that I truly am lonely. I didn't even give it a second thought. I had my friends, was raising my youngest, and didn't think about what I was mising because I had no reason to. I figured i didn't need it anymore. Our marriage is dead. My husband has made many mistakes over the past few years and he's admitted it. He had also admitted that he may not be able to change or give me what I need. Staying with someone doesn't mean you love them. It means you're stuck. I don't know how we could live separately and afford it. I don't love him anymore but I do care about him as a human being. I have no respect for him nor do I trust him at all. He has never "cheated" on me with anyone. But he's an emotionless black hole. Too passive and unfeeling. He wants the codependance of the relationship (maid service, cook, someone to talk to) but in the capacity of a friendship. We have no physical relationship and haven't in about four years. He doesn't understand that I cannot sleep with him when I don't have tust in him or respect him. The last time we were together I tried just for the sake of trying. I ended up crying and almost throwing up. I felt like a hooker. I think when a woman makes themselves vulnerable to a man they need to trust and repect that man and I don't and he knows it. He says he can't change that.
The reason now that all of a sudden i feel lonely and discontented is because for the first time in years I came across a man I have been friends with throughout the years. I haven't seen him or his family for awhile and now we've been talking and having friendly conversations. But I didn't realize that I was becoming attracted to him which in itself isn't a bad thing. I do not intend to pursue anything nor do I intend to allow my feelings to put me in a position that would harm this friendship or my integrity.(and I haven't told this male friend, he is a good guy and I care about this friendship) But it has made me realize that I really [color:"blue"]do[/color] want that type of relationship. I thought I didn't anymore. I thought I've had my kids, I don't have visions of a white dress and a church wedding. So that part of my life is done. But now I think of how wonderful a loving, close relationship could be with someone who treats me with love, respect and integrity. I feel a real empty hurt inside because I do want that closeness and relationship with someone that I'm in love with.
My husband is a 'nice' guy. We're 'friends'. But I'm a devout Christian along with our kids. He is a Christian but not so devout. He doesn't read his Bible, he attends church only because I do with the kids, he would never insist on going if he could sleep in Sunday mornings and as for a spiritual head of our house...that would be me.
I am trying to put out of my mind the thought of divorce. I have considered separation. Maybe this would get him to move and do something. Counseling, or even make the changes necessary. I think it may be too late but I thought I'd see if anyone else has ever been in this position. I'm not happy, the emotional stress isn't too bad but it would be so much better to be at peace with whatever happens. I'd appreciate any opinions or views and I thank you all ahead of time.
The reason now that all of a sudden i feel lonely and discontented is because for the first time in years I came across a man I have been friends with throughout the years. I haven't seen him or his family for awhile and now we've been talking and having friendly conversations. But I didn't realize that I was becoming attracted to him which in itself isn't a bad thing. I do not intend to pursue anything nor do I intend to allow my feelings to put me in a position that would harm this friendship or my integrity.(and I haven't told this male friend, he is a good guy and I care about this friendship) But it has made me realize that I really [color:"blue"]do[/color] want that type of relationship. I thought I didn't anymore. I thought I've had my kids, I don't have visions of a white dress and a church wedding. So that part of my life is done. But now I think of how wonderful a loving, close relationship could be with someone who treats me with love, respect and integrity. I feel a real empty hurt inside because I do want that closeness and relationship with someone that I'm in love with.
My husband is a 'nice' guy. We're 'friends'. But I'm a devout Christian along with our kids. He is a Christian but not so devout. He doesn't read his Bible, he attends church only because I do with the kids, he would never insist on going if he could sleep in Sunday mornings and as for a spiritual head of our house...that would be me.
I am trying to put out of my mind the thought of divorce. I have considered separation. Maybe this would get him to move and do something. Counseling, or even make the changes necessary. I think it may be too late but I thought I'd see if anyone else has ever been in this position. I'm not happy, the emotional stress isn't too bad but it would be so much better to be at peace with whatever happens. I'd appreciate any opinions or views and I thank you all ahead of time.