How do I stop a divorce i dont want anymore?!?!? - 10/10/07 10:38 PM
Hi, I'm Joy... no its not a pun or joke thats really my name and I'm in a very bad situation. How can I salvage something so sacred that I've completly destroyed? its SO bad.
Well... heres the main scoop...
I got married when i was 19 on may 5 of 2003. We've been married for 4 years and through that we've had alot of problems that was mostly caused by eachothers neglect. I dont think either of us was really ready for marriage but we ignored everyone and flew on our incredible love for eachother. Through the last 4 years Ive hurt him... hes hurt me... and it caused us to not feel trusting of eachother and block out some very important emotions. but the major problem didnt happen until about 5 months ago when I said that I finally wanted a divorce... instead of saying we needed to fix it. after I had told him I wanted a divorce, my best friend of 3 years and I ended up getting close and started dating while I was married (and yes there was technically infidelity since we werent divorced yet, it had just been decided between the two of us.)
After a while my husband decided that no, he wanted to save our marriage, even knowing about my new boyfriend... and the one thing that hurts the worst... even after him knowing that I was pregnant with my husbands baby (I found out about a month after we decided to get a divorce) and in a panic not wanting to be a single mother i had an abortion without my husband knowing.
Even after he found ALL of this out at the last moment he begged me to make our marriage work... i told him it was over and I moved out of state with my new boyfriend.
That was about 2 months ago. Now the divorce is SO close to being finalized and I dont want it anymore! Its not that there was anything wrong with my best friend and I's relationship... we're so close to perfect and we love eachother so much... but I cant stop thinking about my husband and I've realized i miss him terribly and Ive REALLY messed up. big time. The problems we had werent even really that bad! I was rash about my decision... being childish and stubborn...
I want to make our marriage work and now he says "I didnt want you to go and you left anyways, you're not getting another one." and REFUSES to do ANYTHING to postpone or try to salvage our relationship.
He says he still loves me and really wants to be with me but that hed never be able to trust me again and that hed never be able to be with me without thinking of this other person i was with. He says that he vowed to himself hed never let me hurt him like that again...
Id give anything right now to make my marriage work and I want to postpone this divorce! how can I slow it down?!?! and how can I make my husband see that this whole situation has made me grow so much and that I realize how grateful I am for my husband... and that I realize how much our vows really meant... and that I want to make our marriage work that we CAN have that love we've had once before! we have this incredible bond that even divorce cant shake... and he's hellbent on making sure he keeps his vow to himself regardless of how much he loves and wants to be with me.
WHAT can I do to try and slow the divorce and save my marriage?!?! Theres got to be a way to make him see it will take alot of time and work but it CAN be saved.
Well... heres the main scoop...
I got married when i was 19 on may 5 of 2003. We've been married for 4 years and through that we've had alot of problems that was mostly caused by eachothers neglect. I dont think either of us was really ready for marriage but we ignored everyone and flew on our incredible love for eachother. Through the last 4 years Ive hurt him... hes hurt me... and it caused us to not feel trusting of eachother and block out some very important emotions. but the major problem didnt happen until about 5 months ago when I said that I finally wanted a divorce... instead of saying we needed to fix it. after I had told him I wanted a divorce, my best friend of 3 years and I ended up getting close and started dating while I was married (and yes there was technically infidelity since we werent divorced yet, it had just been decided between the two of us.)
After a while my husband decided that no, he wanted to save our marriage, even knowing about my new boyfriend... and the one thing that hurts the worst... even after him knowing that I was pregnant with my husbands baby (I found out about a month after we decided to get a divorce) and in a panic not wanting to be a single mother i had an abortion without my husband knowing.
Even after he found ALL of this out at the last moment he begged me to make our marriage work... i told him it was over and I moved out of state with my new boyfriend.
That was about 2 months ago. Now the divorce is SO close to being finalized and I dont want it anymore! Its not that there was anything wrong with my best friend and I's relationship... we're so close to perfect and we love eachother so much... but I cant stop thinking about my husband and I've realized i miss him terribly and Ive REALLY messed up. big time. The problems we had werent even really that bad! I was rash about my decision... being childish and stubborn...
I want to make our marriage work and now he says "I didnt want you to go and you left anyways, you're not getting another one." and REFUSES to do ANYTHING to postpone or try to salvage our relationship.
He says he still loves me and really wants to be with me but that hed never be able to trust me again and that hed never be able to be with me without thinking of this other person i was with. He says that he vowed to himself hed never let me hurt him like that again...
Id give anything right now to make my marriage work and I want to postpone this divorce! how can I slow it down?!?! and how can I make my husband see that this whole situation has made me grow so much and that I realize how grateful I am for my husband... and that I realize how much our vows really meant... and that I want to make our marriage work that we CAN have that love we've had once before! we have this incredible bond that even divorce cant shake... and he's hellbent on making sure he keeps his vow to himself regardless of how much he loves and wants to be with me.
WHAT can I do to try and slow the divorce and save my marriage?!?! Theres got to be a way to make him see it will take alot of time and work but it CAN be saved.