Update!! - 08/17/08 11:05 PM
My first Post, update at bottom.
My wife and I separated a month ago and a week ago she left the state to go back home where she is from.. We have 2 kids together.. we started because i wasn't giving her attention and didn't see to her needs.. I'm going to counseling to get my stuff straight and to work on myself now.. She said she tried to file for divorce and she couldn't do it because she said its permanent, and she never thought that she would be divorced and she pictured her whole life with me. she said she wants time to be by herself and work on herself.. One day she is being fine and the next day she is being cold.. I'm not telling her that i will change because that never works and I will show her the change, and i stopped begging her to come back, I am just trying to leave her alone and give her space and i call every night to talk to my kids.. We had a good night and we talked and she said this was a good talk and if it keeps up like this then there is a good chance that we will work out.. then when she left now she is a complete different person. so cold and so mean.. She tells me now that she doesn't want to see any changes now and that she is not ready to work on the marriage. i don't know if she has other motives or what? how do i get her to be honest with me.. On her myspace page she has a song called "over you" by chris daughtry but then she is feeding me other garbage, by telling me she doesn't know what she wants yet and that she wants to go to counseling for herself and to try to forgive me for being an [censored]. what the heck is she doing? what if anything can i do and can expect? Is she doing this stuff because she is angry or what.? Can this marriage be saved? we have been married for 4 years now. Has anyone been here and is there a happy ending.. Any advice on what i can do?
Or is She just DONE??
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UPDATE
Since she has been gone She hasn't talked to me at all..But she told me that she wanted a divorce. I would call and talk to my kids and she would just answer the phone and give it to them.. A few days ago she called me and we started talking for about half an hour, which is good considering she wouldn't say hi..
So I told her that I have a new counselor and that I wasn't happy with the old one since she recommended that I divorce her and I felt I wasn't there for that. i was there to work on myself and my marriage.. So she told me that If don't want the divorce then don't file for it.. and I told her that my counselor gave me some questions to ask if you want to answer them.. Before she wouldn't talk about the marriage at all. and she says email them to me.. So i did. and she filled them out..Here they are..
1)What are you afraid of most if you return?
that things will be exactly the same. i think it will take a lot more time for him to work out his issues than a couple of months.
2)What could we do to prevent them from Happening? continue with the counseling and respect the space that i've asked for
3)What could we do in the future to prevent them from happening? i want to beself-suffiecient in order to even think about mending the relationship becausei don't ever want to feel trapped again or have money thrown in my face as a reason I owe you something
4)Identify habits that destroy our romantic life. the constant fighting and the hectic life
5)How can we overcome those? He needs to learn to fight
6)Identify most important emotional needs. I want to feel secure in my relationships, something I've always had in the pastbe it with friends or family. I want to know that I can count on the people inmy life and that they feel the same about me. I want my self respect and pride back, which can only come from me prooving that I can do it on my own. Your attitude was always that I needed you, so why should you change. maybe if I show you how strong and capable I am you won't take me for granted if we get back together. I don't want a needy relationship and that is what we had, Iwant a healthy solid relationship like what my parents and mema and papa have.
What do you guys think about her answers??
My wife and I separated a month ago and a week ago she left the state to go back home where she is from.. We have 2 kids together.. we started because i wasn't giving her attention and didn't see to her needs.. I'm going to counseling to get my stuff straight and to work on myself now.. She said she tried to file for divorce and she couldn't do it because she said its permanent, and she never thought that she would be divorced and she pictured her whole life with me. she said she wants time to be by herself and work on herself.. One day she is being fine and the next day she is being cold.. I'm not telling her that i will change because that never works and I will show her the change, and i stopped begging her to come back, I am just trying to leave her alone and give her space and i call every night to talk to my kids.. We had a good night and we talked and she said this was a good talk and if it keeps up like this then there is a good chance that we will work out.. then when she left now she is a complete different person. so cold and so mean.. She tells me now that she doesn't want to see any changes now and that she is not ready to work on the marriage. i don't know if she has other motives or what? how do i get her to be honest with me.. On her myspace page she has a song called "over you" by chris daughtry but then she is feeding me other garbage, by telling me she doesn't know what she wants yet and that she wants to go to counseling for herself and to try to forgive me for being an [censored]. what the heck is she doing? what if anything can i do and can expect? Is she doing this stuff because she is angry or what.? Can this marriage be saved? we have been married for 4 years now. Has anyone been here and is there a happy ending.. Any advice on what i can do?
Or is She just DONE??
--------------------------------------------------------------
UPDATE
Since she has been gone She hasn't talked to me at all..But she told me that she wanted a divorce. I would call and talk to my kids and she would just answer the phone and give it to them.. A few days ago she called me and we started talking for about half an hour, which is good considering she wouldn't say hi..
So I told her that I have a new counselor and that I wasn't happy with the old one since she recommended that I divorce her and I felt I wasn't there for that. i was there to work on myself and my marriage.. So she told me that If don't want the divorce then don't file for it.. and I told her that my counselor gave me some questions to ask if you want to answer them.. Before she wouldn't talk about the marriage at all. and she says email them to me.. So i did. and she filled them out..Here they are..
1)What are you afraid of most if you return?
that things will be exactly the same. i think it will take a lot more time for him to work out his issues than a couple of months.
2)What could we do to prevent them from Happening? continue with the counseling and respect the space that i've asked for
3)What could we do in the future to prevent them from happening? i want to beself-suffiecient in order to even think about mending the relationship becausei don't ever want to feel trapped again or have money thrown in my face as a reason I owe you something
4)Identify habits that destroy our romantic life. the constant fighting and the hectic life
5)How can we overcome those? He needs to learn to fight
6)Identify most important emotional needs. I want to feel secure in my relationships, something I've always had in the pastbe it with friends or family. I want to know that I can count on the people inmy life and that they feel the same about me. I want my self respect and pride back, which can only come from me prooving that I can do it on my own. Your attitude was always that I needed you, so why should you change. maybe if I show you how strong and capable I am you won't take me for granted if we get back together. I don't want a needy relationship and that is what we had, Iwant a healthy solid relationship like what my parents and mema and papa have.
What do you guys think about her answers??