Thank you, Antichick.
Can anyone give advice on how much notice to give the kids? I read that it's best to give at least a few days up to a week for them to get accustomed to the idea and have full access to both parents for questions and talks before one parent moves out.
Anyone with personal experience?
Thank you.
Eye, not sure what you read, and I'm not sure if it's too late, but I have a book called "Helping your Kids Cope with Divorce" and of course there's a whole chapter on informing the kids of the separation.
Among the advice you site above, there are a few other points that jump out at me.
*Do it together if possible. So they understand it was mutual. --I didn't do this because I knew my stbxww would spin the part about her A and I didn't need that argument in the middle of everything else.
*Watch your timing - not on the way to school, or in the car, or right before a birthday party this weekend or something. It might be old news to you but they probably never saw it coming.
*Take responsibility "we've made mistakes and have tried to solve them, but now we make each other sad by living together so we've decided to separate"
*Reinforce you both love them very much and although there will be some changes, that never will
**They get anxious about who's going to take care of them, so lots of reassurance about the changes: they'll see both parents a lot, where is everyone going to live, when you will see them, and don't forget about extended family (they'll still see cousins and aunts etc).
*Don't promise anything you're not sure about, this is no time for breaking a kids expectations.
*Make sure they know none of this was their fault.
As stated, kids will need time to absorb this devastating news and may not react right away with any questions. But they will have questions, so make yourself hyper-available over the next weeks.
I don't have much to add as for personal experience. STBXW and I lived together for 2 months before she found a condo. The kids were part of that process so that helped. Once the decision was made to separate/D, the in-your-face wayward behavior died down so we were able to co-exist, although she slept in the office.
I reinforce at least weekly that this wasn't the kids faults, that we both love them very much, that I want them to love their mother (and treat her with respect), that if they have any questions or their feelings change they can talk to me.
I hope this helps EOTP.
Opt