Wife told me she wanted Dissolution but nothing - 01/28/21 06:40 PM
My wife told me a few months ago she does not think we can work past the problems we have had. I don't see anything that we have had an issue is close to big enough to split up. Are there problems, sure but nothing super major and we just do not fight much... We have both not been abusive, to my knowledge neither of has cheated (I know i have not) and we both do a lot with the kids/house. To me it feels like we just haven't had the best communication and have focused too much on other things outside of US. She gave me the whole i love you but im not in love with you. I am not attracted to you, I want to be happy etc. etc.
Since then we haven't really had many talks other than when she will tell me that she wants a dissolution or something along those lines. During them she pretty much just tells me how bad of a person I am and brings up things from way in the past. I do not want to split up in any way but I also haven't fought her. I initially did my share of pleading that it can work if we try, we haven't tried to fix it and that the things she wants to change I am willing to change my end. I setup a marriage counselor for us to go to and she agreed to go, but only went once and then said it made things worse. I have continued to go myself to work on myself and the things I can control. As much as i can i give her space (cant give her more as were still living together) and don't complain when she wants to go do something, just say ok.
What is the wait? Is she actually considering staying when nothing she says or does shows otherwise. Or is she just setting up all the things she needs to move on? When I attempt to bring something up she doesn't want to talk. If I even suggest nothing is going to change if she isn't trying on her end she tells me she is and is trying to figure things out on her end. Just because I can not see what she is trying or that its not immediately better does not mean she's not trying. How long do I live in this state of not knowing? Is this normal for her to just be in this state of nothing? We aren't sleeping in the same room, do not hold hands, kiss, and some days not even say goodbye. If I try to initiate these things like asking how her day is going I just get ignored most times or if in person i get rolled eyes and barely a response? Rarely during the day does she talk to me about anything other than the kids. She is still asking me to do things for her, which i do not mind doing at all. I know most of these are signs she has moved on or that there is no love left so what now?
To be honest Im just ready to move forward with my life, I want that to be with her and do not want to be the one to begin some type of divorce/dissolution but it almost feels like that is the only wait. Either to push me so far that i am the bad guy or that maybe she's just getting all her ducks in a row before finally dropping the bomb on me. It just feels like I'm trying to get to a point A (just a point where we begin working on this not that its better) with a huge wall surrounding it and keep walking around it over and over with no end in sight. Everyday is a struggle to not try and talk to her about us and or what our future is but I do not so i can give her whatever space she needs.
Since then we haven't really had many talks other than when she will tell me that she wants a dissolution or something along those lines. During them she pretty much just tells me how bad of a person I am and brings up things from way in the past. I do not want to split up in any way but I also haven't fought her. I initially did my share of pleading that it can work if we try, we haven't tried to fix it and that the things she wants to change I am willing to change my end. I setup a marriage counselor for us to go to and she agreed to go, but only went once and then said it made things worse. I have continued to go myself to work on myself and the things I can control. As much as i can i give her space (cant give her more as were still living together) and don't complain when she wants to go do something, just say ok.
What is the wait? Is she actually considering staying when nothing she says or does shows otherwise. Or is she just setting up all the things she needs to move on? When I attempt to bring something up she doesn't want to talk. If I even suggest nothing is going to change if she isn't trying on her end she tells me she is and is trying to figure things out on her end. Just because I can not see what she is trying or that its not immediately better does not mean she's not trying. How long do I live in this state of not knowing? Is this normal for her to just be in this state of nothing? We aren't sleeping in the same room, do not hold hands, kiss, and some days not even say goodbye. If I try to initiate these things like asking how her day is going I just get ignored most times or if in person i get rolled eyes and barely a response? Rarely during the day does she talk to me about anything other than the kids. She is still asking me to do things for her, which i do not mind doing at all. I know most of these are signs she has moved on or that there is no love left so what now?
To be honest Im just ready to move forward with my life, I want that to be with her and do not want to be the one to begin some type of divorce/dissolution but it almost feels like that is the only wait. Either to push me so far that i am the bad guy or that maybe she's just getting all her ducks in a row before finally dropping the bomb on me. It just feels like I'm trying to get to a point A (just a point where we begin working on this not that its better) with a huge wall surrounding it and keep walking around it over and over with no end in sight. Everyday is a struggle to not try and talk to her about us and or what our future is but I do not so i can give her whatever space she needs.