I've felt the same way except I used an affair to escape and get my needs met.<p>I really related to The Walk-away Wife Syndrome -- you can find more about this on
www.divorcebusting.com.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> The Walkaway Wife Syndrome
Although divorce offers the illusion of happiness to people of all ages, races, and personality types, there is one group that is particularly susceptible to the sound of the divorce siren. It’s women. Approximately two thirds of the divorces in our country are filed for by women. What’s going on here? Why are so many women throwing in the towel?
In the early years of marriage, women are usually the primary caretakers of the relationship. They’re the ones who are doing a daily temperature check; “Have we had enough closeness today,?” “Are we spending enough time together,?” “Do we feel connected emotionally?” If the answer to these questions is,”Yes,” life goes on. If not, women pursue for more closeness. They tell their husbands, “You don’t value our relationship anymore,” “We never do anything together,” “Why do you always put work ahead of me?” Often, instead of recognizing their wives need for more closeness, men simply feel nagged and withdraw, emotionally and sometimes physically.
Because of this unresponsiveness, even hostility, women become frustrated. They soon try another approach- complaining about their partners’ lack of involvement about everything else in their lives. “I feel like a single parent,” “You are such a couch potato,” “Why don’t you ever lift a finger around the house? I do everything myself.” Although they are still only trying to get their spouses’ attention, men recoil big time. (I’ve never met a man who comes closer to his wife as a result of being “nagged,” no matter what his wife’s intentions!) After months or years of this negative interaction, women finally give up. They tell themselves, “I’ve tried everything. Divorce has got to be better than this. I’ll find somebody who cares about me. Even if I don’t, I’m so alone in this marriage, I can’t take it anymore. I know I’ll be happier without him.” And, with that, they plan their escape.
Now, the interesting thing about this escape plan is that leaving usually hinges on a particular event which may take years to materialize. For example, “I’ll leave my husband when the kids leave home,” or “I’ll get a divorce when I go back to school and learn new skills so I can support myself,” or “I’m going to meet another man and as soon as I do, I will be out of here.” And now comes the tricky part.
In the months, years that follow her decision, the wife is no longer trying to fix the marriage. She stops complaining. To her, this surrender to the inevitable is definitely a bad thing. To him, well, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out what the husband thinks. He’s thrilled! She’s off his back. She must be happy again, or so he thinks and he proceeds with business as usual. Business as usual, that is, until “D Day”. That’s the day she turns to him and says, “I want a divorce,” to which her absolutely devastated husband replies, “ I had no idea you were unhappy! Why didn’t you tell me?” With that response, the marital coffin is nailed shut.
The tragedy of this situation is that this is the point at which most men finally understand the depth of their wives’ unhappiness and want to make genuine changes in themselves. They are willing to do back flips to keep their marriages/families together. They are finally ready to do the kind of soul-searching that would make having a great marriage possible. But by that point, most women have built an impenetrable wall around them, one that is impervious to men’s efforts to change. And it’s divorce, full speed ahead.
I’m convinced if more women knew the truth about divorce, they might not be so quick to dismiss their husband’s offers to become better people and partners. They might actually stick around long enough to find out if their husbands really mean what they say about changing. <hr></blockquote>