OMG... The Holidays Again???!!! - Marriage Builders® Forums

here they come again... it has been almost 2 years since we first seperated and here it comes another holiday season without him... i don't want to go through this any more. i am soooo tired of crying. why am i still crying??? why does it still hurt sooo damn much???

moving to AZ, didn't make it any easier at all... i still miss him and i still want him back...

i am here with no more than a couple of friends and no social life to speak of... i am sad... and i am not talking about the emotional sad, i'm talking about the disgusting sad...

i already have sever depression during the holidays to start with. i have since i was a kid and now it's compounded. i really will need help getting through this one... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Ido,
We are on a similar time line. I understand how you're feeling totally. I'm probably not going to put up the tree this year. What's the point?

Funny parallels.....my ex moved to AZ after div was final. Now with FOO. In fact, I suspect THEY are the reason for the split all along. NO ow involved. He moved in with "old friend" during the negotiations, but left her immediately after final decree signed, so apparently nothing serious was going on with her there. Go figure. I think I would rather that he left for an OW than this! Go figure.

I will pray for your mental state. Don't want ya getting all down and depressed. It won't help anything anyway, and will only bum-out everyone around you.

Please take care, and KNOW that there are FRIENDS on line here!

God Bless,

You know I tend to ask myself - are they really worth all of this pain - Don't we deserve to be happy - everyone keeps telling me to move on be happy - and I cant seem to follow their advice - then when I read someones post like yours and you are so sad I want to take their advice and give it to you - You deserve to be happy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> - You both put up that tree and enjoy the holidays - and make it the most beautiful tree ever.....

[ February 03, 2003, 06:57 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

What is a FOO???

No matter how difficult it is, if you put up a tree and do some decorating you WILL feel better.

Have you been to a MD for antidepressants?? They could help

This is my first holiday without H. He wanted to come over for Thanksgiving dinner, but not for reconcilliation, just to be a family, I nixed that idea. I would love to reconcile and pray that that might happen someday, but if it does, it wont be for a long time. He is still in denial about his drug and alcohol use and is blaming me for everything that went wrong.

Hard as it was for me. I need to free myself from all this dysfunction, so after 26 years of abuse I started divorce action within 1 month of him walking out on us. I want my life back, 26 years of babysitting numerous addictions have been too much

hey every body... i am so grateful to have all you guys. i don't know who ever came up with this internet thingy, but it can really do you good some days...

i love you all for your support. i love you all because you are going through the same hurts as me and that makes us all have a common denominator. thanks for the love thanks for the support...

i am so far from thinking about decorating and putting up a tree... i know my roommate and daughter will be into it so i don't even have to think about that. i don't even want to. i just want to lay in my bed and let the days roll away. i wish i could wake up tomorrow and this hole holiday season be over...

i have been to the dr. for antidepressants. i'm supposed to be on prozac. i have it but i don't really take it like i should. i was good taking it for a few months but i stopped being disciplined about it. so i go on and off again, over and over again.

but this last time i went on again, the medicine gave me side affects and that's never happened before. so i stopped. but i know i really need to keep taking it, before i find myself driving off a cliff somewhere. OMG...

i just need to stay close to my computer and stay in touch with you all...

bless you all... hope you are having a good day... and i do feel better just knowing U all R there...

with love kim...

oh boy, i had a really tough day yesterday. i am not too sure i am going to be able to get though this with any reasonable amount of sanity. i cried myself to sleep all weekend.

i just can't take it... i am so sick of my ex telling me how hard it is for him, yet he makes no attempt to change it.

if something is hard on you or sad for you, and you have the power to change it, WOULDN'T YOU!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> what a load of crap.

he has no desire to change anything and he can't possibly be feeling what he says he's feeling.

men answer me this. if he is so sad without his family why won't he come back? if he loves me why is he still out with every other floozy that crosses his path? what??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> OMG, i can't do this.

all i want is the ability to be free from his hold. i want my heart back. i want my essence back. i don't want to love him any more. i don't want to cry anymore... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

idosylin,

My heart just breaks for you. Just sent up a prayer on your behalf. Do you have any friends you can call up? Any family?

I don't know your story but it sounds to me like you are still in contact with your XH. Why is that? Is it essential that you be talking with him? I know for me I'd be a basket-case if I had to talk to my WH on a regular basis. Can you cut off communication with him? I STRONGLY advise that!!! If all it is doing is making you crazy, and lonely, and unbearably sad, then what is the point??!! Not seeing or talking to him will eventually be so much healthier for you, it will help you to move on.

Prayer always helps. God loves you dearly and is hurting for your hurt. Further, God doesn't want you to stay in this rut..He has plans to prosper you (see Jeremiah 29:11). Take it ONE STEP AT A TIME. You can do it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> You can survive and actually have a life, a good life. But, I suspect you need to 'unmesh' yourself from your former spouse and his mental hold on you. He's made his choice, now it's time for YOU. I NEVER believed I'd survive my husband having an affair/leaving me, and if I can do it, YOU can too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hang in there. If need be, take it one baby-step at a time; one minute at a time. Just tell yourself to make it thru the next hour, the next meal, the next activity, etc. And plan some fun things, things you enjoy doing that you can look forward to. Get involved in a church, or a club, anything. YOU CAN SURVIVE, AND SURVIVE WELL. Do if for you. Do it for your kids. Do it to show 'him' how well you can live without him! I'll keep you in my prayers.

this was his response to an e-mail i sent him on last Friday. I was very distraught and I wasjust asking him to just tell me that he doesn't want me anymore so i can let go.

i got this on friday, and didn't really know how to respond. the classes i've been taking with pastor have really helped me in better understanding peoples writing and i can really see where your writing is so filled with sadness and depression.
now, not being sure how to best communicate with you, and not fight or argue or point fingers or attempt to justify anything, just simply communicate without further saddening or depressing you, i just internalized your feelings and wrote nothing back. but, belive me i feel everything you expressed sincerely and as you presented it. i truly do love you immensly and really am struggling with expressing my feelings for you without conflict. i hold you up as my standard of comparision for everything i do. and truth is i've met no one who measures up to you in any way.
i'm just so tired of fighting and arguing about stuff that is solely based on perceptions from the past. like saturday when i was in my ministers meeting and your head was running wild about friday night and sat morning. it's mental torture for you and unfair for me.
i fully realize more than you think i do, just how far i've gotten off the straight and narrow and i'm really trying to reel myself back in, and it really hurts emotionally when the person that i hold up the highest doesn't believe in me anymore, when everything i do gets intrepeted negatively, or my acts are seen as intentionally hurtful towards you, deceptive or lying.
last night was pastor's anniversary service and when i got home i thought about calling you, then i thought about text messaging you "good night", then i decided against it because i didn't know how you would receive it. wold you think i was trying to just "keep stringing you along" or i was "playing some sort of game" or would you accept that i was sincerly thinking about you and just wanted to reach out to you. i really need you. i need your wisdom, your insight, your opinions, you criticism and your praise. i need your love and support, your encouragement, confidence and trust. i really feel inadequate without it. but i also realize my actions have dampened all those emotions, and so i need to know, i'm searching how to rebuild a genuine friendship without overburdening either of us into something that we may not be ready for or may cause us further harm down the road.
i just want you to trust me again. to believe in me again. to see in me some of the things you saw when we met. i want to be able to have conversations with you without feeling pressured to say a certain thing or act in a certain way.
if you only knew how many sleepless nights i've had behind knowing how badly i've messed you up emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically you might view me just a tad bit differently.
guess i've rambled on enough. spoke with "s" this morning, he's talking about going to the job corp. that's very positive, much more so than the military. it's been my constant petition before God that He touch him to get out of the streets (as he currently is) and it seems maybe it's getting answered.
i love you so much.

now how am i supposed to feel after reading this??? OMG... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

[ November 18, 2002, 04:40 PM: Message edited by: idostylin ]

i posted this e-mail from my ex the other day and i was really hoping that someone would read it, especially men, and give me insight...

i am driving myself crazy with this. this is exactly why i moved to AZ to get away from this emotional termoil. but i can't seem to release myself. i just love the man too much to let go... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

i sort of want him to come here for thanksgiving, but i have pushed him away and made him think i don't. now i want to change and pull him back in...

why am i so wishy washy??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

i need insight so badly... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

[ February 03, 2003, 06:57 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

hey harold,
how r u today??? i would love to send your response just like it is to my ex... you took the words right out of my mouth. but i am trying to be diplomatic and not make him angry.

he gets really vicious when he gets angry and i'm not up for one of his verbal lashings... it would probably take me over the edge at this point...

but i can certainly see that you feel me!!! thanks for the input and the support... and thanks for keeping me smiling/laughing...

peace and love'

kim...

OMG... this is what he has to say now... i am soooo mad... hurt... sad.... devastated....i have tried for almost a year to win him back only to get this as a final answer... WTF!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

i guess everything you say is accurate, i avoid the confrontation and evade the truth many times. and it's sincerely cause i don't know what the hell is going on with me alotta times. honestly there are times i'm feeling you so intently and want you so bad and then there are times that i wish you and all this would just disappear. I so identified with pastor's lesson last night in our Bible study looking at Psm 55 where David discussed "flying away like a bird and escaping to the wilderness" because he felt abandoned by God and betrayed by his best friend. Fact of the matter is, like David, my problem is not God, nor you (my best friend), it's all me, my attitude and my perspective.
I know this doesn't answer the questions you present, but i'm trying to give you some insight into my mind, and at this point i have no idea how "come to myself" and move into another phase of life. we learned it took david some 15 verses to get it together, pastor told us it took him 18 years to come out of his wilderness relative to the death of his dad in 1984 to finally get peace, closure and to move forward without hinderences or holding self back.
So if you deceide to move on, or stop interacting with me, i fully understand if you have no desire to wait or invest in a totally unsure flake.

[ February 03, 2003, 06:57 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by idostylin:
OMG... this is what he has to say now... i am soooo mad... hurt... sad.... devastated....i have tried for almost a year to win him back only to get this as a final answer... WTF!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

i guess everything you say is accurate, i avoid the confrontation and evade the truth many times. and it's sincerely cause i don't know what the hell is going on with me alotta times. honestly there are times i'm feeling you so intently and want you so bad and then there are times that i wish you and all this would just disappear. I so identified with pastor's lesson last night in our Bible study looking at Psm 55 where David discussed "flying away like a bird and escaping to the wilderness" because he felt abandoned by God and betrayed by his best friend. Fact of the matter is, like David, my problem is not God, nor you (my best friend), it's all me, my attitude and my perspective.
I know this doesn't answer the questions you present, but i'm trying to give you some insight into my mind, and at this point i have no idea how "come to myself" and move into another phase of life. we learned it took david some 15 verses to get it together, pastor told us it took him 18 years to come out of his wilderness relative to the death of his dad in 1984 to finally get peace, closure and to move forward without hinderences or holding self back.
So if you deceide to move on, or stop interacting with me, i fully understand if you have no desire to wait or invest in a totally unsure flake.<hr /></blockquote>hey harold did u read the above... i realy think it's time for plan b... plus when i was talking to him on his cell phone last night he got a call on the home phone from a woman... i could hear some of the conversation, but not all... when i asked him who it was he studdered and stammered... then after dwelling on the event in in my mind i called back and said, "you know a man talks diffrently to another man then he does to a woman, and i heard your conversation" he got infuriated and said, "kim, everyone i talk to is not a man and i'm not screwing every woman i talk to" he siad he was sick of this and wasn't going to deal with it and hung up in my face...

but i wonder if the relationship he has with the woman that called him is so innocent and he feels justified in having it, why did he lie or feel like i backed him into a corner??? OMG, he is such a damn lier... he makes it seem like he is so conflicted and having such a spiritual battle... he oooooooooooooooooooo he makes me sick... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

[ February 03, 2003, 06:58 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

hey harold,

how r u???

well this is it... i didn't tell him your exact words but i did tell him the jest of it and this was his response...

if the simple truth of me telling you that you have not right to judge my friend, and that i'm honestly working on myself with my pastor, elicited this response from you, then really it's a waste of my time having anything to do with you.
i'm done. it's over. i'm through. no more.
i'm tired of you accusing me of judging you or others, yet you write a whole letter passing your judgement on my walk, my spirtuality, my motives and intentions.
even attempting to be open and honest with you does no good.
therefore, i will not try to be understanding of you anymore.
i will not call nor write you anymore.
i will no longer (even remotely) consider any life with you.
you can write me back, but i WILL NOT even read it.
leave me alone - FOREVER!

now i am devastated!!! we have had these types of fights many times b4... we have told each other several times b4 don't call, don't write, i hate u, it's over forever.

but this time i don't feel like sucking up. i don't feel like trying to smooth it over... i am so hurt. i just feel squashed. he really cursed me out friday night and i didn't talk to him all weekend. i just texted messaged him that, "i still loved him" then 1st thing this morning i get this hate e-mail... i am so discouraged... all my hope has finally been drained... i feel like.......................

hey harold,

i hope u didn't think i was for one minute blaming u for my ex's behavior or reaction. cuz i wasn't...

we have these fights all the time... he tells me about once a month that he wants nothing more to do with me... we have these arguments and he goes balistic and curses me out and tells me he doesn't want NE thing to do with me ever...

then i call and suck up and things go okay for a while and then it happens all over again...

it has been a while since we have had an "i hate u" fight, but they are nothing new...

only this time i resisted calling and sucking up... this is day 4 well if i make it through today. which i plan to...

i printed your emotional divorce plan... and i plan on working the steps... i have to get free from this bondage...

Kim, I'm on my 3rd therapist.

She's a Christian, and like she says, she's a damn good therapist. Actually, she says she kicks [censored]. She does.

Howver, when she found I had missed a week of my medication ( $ issues); she went off. Listed all kinds of "bad" reactions that occur as a result of suddenly stopping anti-deps.

Stay on them, if you're on them. Stop and go is bad.

I'm with you on these holidays, though. Ugh.

And,it seems blaming and distancing (ex) is not good holiday company..

[ February 03, 2003, 06:58 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

hi harold, thanks so much for your prayers and your support...

i am doing okay today. this is day 5 that i ahve not talked to him... i decided not to even respond to his last correspondance... i just thought of how he talked to me on friday and then on monday, 1st thing in the morning, he sent me that nasty email... forget it...

i decided that i don't need to respond to such bitterness, resentment and vile verbage... i just haven't responded at all...

it's kinda hard, especially since i will be in Cali this weekend and i know it will really be hard to not contact him...but i'm gonna do it... i'm gonna stand and be strong... i know i can cause i am a child of God and, "I can do all things through Christ who stregthens me"... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

[ February 03, 2003, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

(((((((((((((((((((((((kim))))))))))))))))))

I have been away from the boards for a while, and I had not read this thread until today. I am sooo sorry that things aren't going well.

Sauron is right about doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. I think both you and X are doing this. It is time to do something different.

Plan B, I think, is the order of the day. Okay, he says for the bazzillionth time he wants nothing to do with you. So let him see what that is like. REALLY like. Do not call, as he will surely be expecting you to do, in fact do NOTHING that he expects you to do. Leave him be, let him see how it is without you writing, sending emails, good or bad ones, calls, knowing you are always in the background. He needs to know, and RIGHT NOW, what it is like without Kim in his world.

I truly believe your X is afraid of losing you, and this is why I am suggesting a really hard line Plan B. Let him get afraid some more. Hard for you I know, but sometimes Plan B is a saving grace for us because we do not get so hurt when we don't have contact and confusing signals etc etc.

I am here for you sis, just had a few black issues myself lately...I have tried to email you a few times this week, but the msn addy doesn't work...weird, cos when you emailed me that is the addy you use! Can you write to me again if your email addy has changed?

Love and light,

Jacky

[ February 03, 2003, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

OMG... did it ever suck... i went back to cali for thanksgiving... i wish i would have just stayed at home...

i guess i went there with an underlying agenda. even though i didn't believe in my heart that things would be different, i hoped they would...

i think i have spoken too much death into my marriage and the possiblity of reconcilliation...i know that the bible says that we, "are to speak forth those things as if they were" and that "death and life are in the power of the tongue"... i am so negetive and have displayed little, if any faith as far as restoration and reconcilliation is concerned...

my ex didn't come around on TG... he said we weren't getting along and he didn't want any drama. it wasn't we. it's him... he's the one not getting along...i called him later that evening and told him loved him... he responded with an "okay"...

then on friday he was hating me again... he avoided my calls all day and when he finally did take my call he was exceedingly nasty... said he didn't want to talk to me, he was done... but i thought he had already made it clear he was done the friday prior to that??? he was screaming at me and finnaly hung up the phone. said he didn't even want to be cordial with me... said there was no point... OMG, he devastated me... i kept asking him what did i do and he said there was not point in discussing it...

to me that was a little strange, because he has never missed an opportunity to point out what i did wrong. even though he has nothing new to discuss... so, if i "really" did do somehting he at least had something newer than the affair i had 2+ years ago, while we were seperated...

but no, he doesn't want to talk about it... i'm believeing that i did nothing... i'm believing that he just wanted to hurt me. i know he spent the entire day in bed at his dad's on TG, so i don't think it's another woman, but one never knows...(maybe she was there in bed with him)... but he'll never admmitt it especially since he wants to constantly make me the bad guy and ignore his affairs, lies, etc...

i am going crazy here... i did call him and i did e-mail him... but this is the last one for a while. i don't believe he will even reply or even read it for that matter... u r right jacky, i need to implement plan b right away... no matter what the outcome i believe it will be God's will...

u know what they say, "let something go... if it comes back then its yours and if it doesn't, it never was!!!"

p.s. jacky, my e-mail address hasn't changed. i even tried to IM u one night when i was on, but u didn't answer...

okay here it is... ex's last e-mail to me... tell me that God can fix this... I know He can...i just need the grace to wait and the faith to stand...

here it is for the last time. i am fed up with your negative judgemental opinions about me (and my friends). i'm fed up with you playing god and evaluating my walk with the Lord, my relationship with my pastor, and the motivations or reasoning behind everything i do. i have come to a conclusion, to which you can now NEVER change my mind, and that conclusion is, the basics of what it takes to have any relationship we lost. you insult my character, my integrity, my spirituality, trust and loyalty. those basics are forever smashed.

i'm sick of trying to prove myself to you, because you have shown me time and time again that NO amount of trying or talking will ever change this. and for you to kick c and call me holier than thou was the last damn straw. it was so hypocritical, yet typical of your behavior. you been judging and evaluting every body's walk ever since you got saved. well, i will no longer let what you think keep me paralyzed in my problems. i will no longer seek your approval or feedback, because i never get the apporval and the feedback is ALWAYS negative. i have spent so much of my life seeking your approval, and what the f&*$ has it gotten me. NOTHING!

so, the bottom line is, we have nothing to talk about. i'll send yo money every month and handle ALL my responsibilities, but i will not have your constant negativity in my life any longer. this is not some phase, or something that will blow over in a few days, i'm totally done with you. i can see no reason to continue to interact with you and you have done nothing to give me any reason to believe that we can even be friends. friends don't talk to each other the way you talk to me.

the day after thanksgiving i lit into my dads [censored], cause i'm tired of the hatred, the bitterness, the blaming and finger pointing. so, i could be homeless soon, but i will no longer turn from unGodly insensitive behavior and not speak up because it might cause me some discomfort. i want peace in my soul with God.
i'm tired of going to church every week and reading and praying and staying in this fuc&%ed up condition with fuc$%ed people in fuc&^ed up relationships, because i allow the opinions of selected others (like you) to determine my success and happiness.
i'm tired of being held hostage by my past through others who ain't helping me get into a better future.
i'm tired of humilating myself for people who are never happy or satisfied and ain't ever gonna be.
i'm tired of being involved with people who think that everybody else has to change instead of focusing on themselves ONLY without commenting, justifying or accusing!
i'm tired of giving the best i got and having my best thrown back at me and being told (or made to feel) it ain't good enough. maybe it ain't but its the best i got.

so, i don't want your e-mails, your jokes, your inspirational messages, your poems, none of dat shi&! keep it!
i don't want your pages, your phone calls, your text messages, NOTHING!
get you someone else to lord over, constantly critisize and tear down.
LEAVE ME ALONE!

i just don't understand why he acts like i have done all the hurting and he is blameless. he says i act like a change within me is not necessary, but the truth is it's him that thinks he needs no change... he has hurt me, emotionally, financially, physically, and verbally and yet i have always continued to forgive him... why is he so unforgiving and so unloving... what happened to my being his best friend???

[ February 03, 2003, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by idostylin:
[quote]i am so sick of my ex telling me how hard it is for him, yet he makes no attempt to change it.

if something is hard on you or sad for you, and you have the power to change it, WOULDN'T YOU!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> what a load of crap.

he has no desire to change anything and he can't possibly be feeling what he says he's feeling.

men answer me this. if he is so sad without his family why won't he come back? if he loves me why is he still out with every other floozy that crosses his path? what??? <hr /></blockquote>I heard the same words for many months. This is my fourth season without ex in my life and the first being divorced (finale 09-30-02)
I too am kind of sad, but keep trying to remember the positives in my life. My kids, a new grandbaby, I have sole custody of my son, I went back to school and only have two units until I can graduate and move on to a four year university. So I HAVE moved on, but still ache for the world I once had of a loving marriage with a wonderful man. Letting go of the illusion of who he was has been hard, dealing with what he is now is the reality. Until the words and actions are in sync , they are only empty words.
We can all change if we want it bad enough...Sorry to say your ex doesn't....so now is the time to make life better for yourself.
Maybe when he sees you can go on without HIM...he won't want you to. If he never sees it, then look at how far you will have already traveled...
God Bless
Tyra

[ February 03, 2003, 07:00 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Sauron:
Lord, may you bless and keep Kim safe under your love. May you hold her and give her comfort and wisdom during this very difficult time in her life. Please heal her hurting heart. Speak to her husband's heart and bring him to an awakening of the truth and for that truth to return him back to a loving relationship with Kim. Please hear this prayer, O Lord. In your Holy Name I pray this, Amen.
(Harold) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <hr /></blockquote>thanks for the prayer... it made me cry that someone thought to pray for me... and really blessed me...

me and my duaghter went out to a family christmas party and then went and played taboo and scattagories until one o'clock this morning... and i didn't wake up until 10:30 this morning... so, i didn't make it to church... some sunday's i just can't motivate myself to go to church... i get so depressed... i just want to lay in the bed... i feel that depression really starting to hit me now...

at first i was having the usual insomnia... now i can't wake up... OMG... i don't want to go through this... i just wish i could wake up in the morning and it be january 5... i can't even imagine no christmas and no new years without him... we had the best new years last year... we didn't do anything, but we were together and we were happy and we had fun...

now, i'm juat trying to get my daughter to be able to go to cali so she can have a happy holiday... i don't want her to be here with me like this... today is not a good day...

[ February 03, 2003, 07:00 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

harold thank you... you don't know how your words have encouraged me... i am barely making it here... even my daughter said that she doesn't want to leave me for the holiday season... she said, "cuz your crazy, and i have to watch you!" but i'm sending her away anyway. i don't want her to have a bad holiday,because of me...

i know what you mean about it not feeling like christmas. we won't decorate or anything either..neither me or my roommate are in the spirit... but i know Jesus is the reason for the season and i will not forget to praise Him... even in the midst of my anguish... we have to "count it all joy" don't we???

it is kinda cold, but it's a crisp, clean kinda cold. not bad at all... nothing a coat and some gloves can't handle... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

i am very sad, but i am blessed to have
e-friends like you and jacky and other mb ppl... i am praying for you and your family too... God bless you...

love kim... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Quote:

The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

This must be the reason WHY so many BS's find it hard to actually hate their WS's, despite everything that they have done...who WANTS to be just like a WS?

Sis, have you got a counsellor?

no... i can't afford that right now... i did join a church but i haven't gotten close to anyone there... i am basically just floating along day to day, hoping my life will change...

[ February 03, 2003, 07:01 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

peace and love 2 you and yours harold...

i have made arrangements with my ex to bring my d out there for christmas. today he wrote me that he cares about my happiness... what!!! i think he needs to be in the "nuthouse" he is manic or bipolar for sure... i have kept it totally business. no i love you's no emptional tyraids, didn't even respond when he asked me what was wrong because i lost my voice...

now he's being nice. i probably call him with more business than i really need to. i just can't not call. but i can manage to keep it short and detached. i feel better now... it still hurts, i still love him, but i "MUST" let go... move on... heal... recover... so i can be ready when God brings a the one into my life... God bless you harold... peace and love...

kim...

[ February 03, 2003, 07:01 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

[ February 03, 2003, 07:02 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]