Sauron - 01/09/03 11:52 PM
hi harold...
i am truly sorry that i have had u worrying about me... i have really been struggling emotionally... i want to give up, but my spirit knows better, so i keep on hanging in there...
i have told myself that it's time to let go of the past and move on with my life. give up on the reconcillation of my marriage and learn how to be happy for once in my life...
i need to focus on me and learn how to live again... i feel so drained from negative emotions... i have fought the distruction of my relationship with my ex to no avail...
just monday night he was calling me a stupid MF, because i confronted him about something my daughter said he did when she was there visiting during the holidays... he got furious and accused me of not having his back and taking the word of a kid over his...
OMG... she is 15 y/o... i do think she knows what she is talking about and i do believe she knows how to express herself adequately...
but i have looked at the whole situation and realized that it is just another manipulation on my part... i have been very manipulative with trying to force him into not leaving or coming back... it's time for me just to let him go... he will surely ruin his relationship with his daughter all on his own...
the things he says and does make me sure that he will never be the man God has for me... i do not deserve to be mistreated and/or abused for any reason... and i am determined to stop putting myself in his way...
my holidays from thanksgiving to new years were sad and lonely... i tried to make the best of it and had a little fun... but for the most part i was sad and wishing for him to be around.
then the last straw was when he was supoosed to bring my d home on saturday after new years, i get an e-mail from southwest airlines, (i didn't get a phone call or and e-mail from him) with my d's flight itenerary... i was devastated... one more crushing blow to the heart...when will i ever learn??? i told him that i was looking forward to seeing him and i was expecting to get to see my son and without warning i get the news that he isn't even coming... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
it has been a particularly bad week... my back went out on sunday and i am having serious financial struggles and i'm trying to move... OMG.. i feel crazy... but i told him yesterday after stewing for a day over him cursing me the day before that i finally realized that he didn't deserve my love...
to be honest with you harold, i wanted him to put up a fight. i wanted him to be hurt and/or act sad... but he just kept it moving like it was just another day... i mean i didn't really break it off with him cause he told me it was over way before thanksgiving, but i just kept fighting it and manipulating... now it's time to move on...
so, i'm trying not to grieve to the extreme... i just want to be healthy... mentally and physicaly... i'm so tired of being sad, looking sad and having pity as my best friend... please pray for me... i know you have been..
God Bless you my friend...
kim... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
<small>[ January 09, 2003, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: idostylin ]</small>
i am truly sorry that i have had u worrying about me... i have really been struggling emotionally... i want to give up, but my spirit knows better, so i keep on hanging in there...
i have told myself that it's time to let go of the past and move on with my life. give up on the reconcillation of my marriage and learn how to be happy for once in my life...
i need to focus on me and learn how to live again... i feel so drained from negative emotions... i have fought the distruction of my relationship with my ex to no avail...
just monday night he was calling me a stupid MF, because i confronted him about something my daughter said he did when she was there visiting during the holidays... he got furious and accused me of not having his back and taking the word of a kid over his...
OMG... she is 15 y/o... i do think she knows what she is talking about and i do believe she knows how to express herself adequately...
but i have looked at the whole situation and realized that it is just another manipulation on my part... i have been very manipulative with trying to force him into not leaving or coming back... it's time for me just to let him go... he will surely ruin his relationship with his daughter all on his own...
the things he says and does make me sure that he will never be the man God has for me... i do not deserve to be mistreated and/or abused for any reason... and i am determined to stop putting myself in his way...
my holidays from thanksgiving to new years were sad and lonely... i tried to make the best of it and had a little fun... but for the most part i was sad and wishing for him to be around.
then the last straw was when he was supoosed to bring my d home on saturday after new years, i get an e-mail from southwest airlines, (i didn't get a phone call or and e-mail from him) with my d's flight itenerary... i was devastated... one more crushing blow to the heart...when will i ever learn??? i told him that i was looking forward to seeing him and i was expecting to get to see my son and without warning i get the news that he isn't even coming... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
it has been a particularly bad week... my back went out on sunday and i am having serious financial struggles and i'm trying to move... OMG.. i feel crazy... but i told him yesterday after stewing for a day over him cursing me the day before that i finally realized that he didn't deserve my love...
to be honest with you harold, i wanted him to put up a fight. i wanted him to be hurt and/or act sad... but he just kept it moving like it was just another day... i mean i didn't really break it off with him cause he told me it was over way before thanksgiving, but i just kept fighting it and manipulating... now it's time to move on...
so, i'm trying not to grieve to the extreme... i just want to be healthy... mentally and physicaly... i'm so tired of being sad, looking sad and having pity as my best friend... please pray for me... i know you have been..
God Bless you my friend...
kim... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
<small>[ January 09, 2003, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: idostylin ]</small>