Ravings of a lunatic? - 05/22/03 05:22 AM
as in me, the lunatic...
Okay, here’s a bunch of venting/mumbling…
Went to graduation yesterday. The ex was there. I said, “hi” to the in-laws and SIL.
I was polite. I responded to her when it was directed at me. I didn’t ask her anything. Didn’t even look at her except for just a few glances. She asked if I knew where the bathrooms were and I said no. A bit later she told me the number of the section we were in so I could call my sister & let her know where we were.
After the ceremony, we went out front and took a few pix. Thankfully no one said, “Hey, how about one with all of you” (me, ex & 2 daughters). Ex did say for me & daughters to get together for a picture and she took one.
So the plan was for her, her sister & my daughters to go out (miniature golf & dinner or whatever). My sister didn’t want to stick around all day so I told her we could go to Denny’s for awhile and wait for rush our to clear up. All of a sudden we were all going to go out for dinner.
My sister decided to take off (not because of ex, but she lives about 75 miles away.) In-laws left to go on a trip.
My oldest asked if I wanted to go or not, thinking I might feel left out. I explained that the plan was for them to go with mom & I was simply letting them. It wasn’t a matter of me avoiding ex or not.
I told them to go on but we all ended up going out to Chili’s. (Chicken sandwich is H U G E!)
Again, I was polite but didn’t have anything to say (or really want to say) to ex.
So after dinner I left, they went to her hotel & talked & watched telly. Mom said that she knows she hasn’t been a good mom to them.
They came home at 8:45. My youngest (12) asks how come I was ignoring mom.
So we talked about it. I explained I was not rude or impolite but I had nothing to say to her. I told her I had no respect for her and what she has done. She left me, fine. But she left the kids too and has had no contact in the last 16 months and very little for the entire time she has been gone.
Then she asks me why I still have some wine glasses we got for our wedding if I don’t respect her.
I explained that just because I don’t now doesn’t mean I didn’t then. She was the most important thing to me for 20 years and her leaving doesn’t make that time any less than it was.
Talked a bit about what a relationship is and should be.
People have feelings and make decisions, good or bad, screw up sometimes & are afraid to face what they have done. Also, we are not always perfect and sometimes we do things even f we know it is not the right thing to do. This was not directed at mom but for everyone in general. Me, her, her sister, her mom, everyone does this.
She said mom was going to pick them up this morning for breakfast at 7:30. She said she didn’t want to go because it was too early. When we first found out my ex was going to show up I asked her if she wanted to go out with her. I told her if she were uncomfortable about it, I would be the “bad guy” and tell mom she couldn’t go with her.
So mom calls about 9:45 last night and she tells her that I wouldn’t let her go because it was too early. Her mom said she understood. I think ex really did understand it wasn’t me.
The ex was here Jan of last year. Right after she left, my youngest got up, came into the kitchen where I was, hugged me & started bawling like a baby. At the time, she said it was, “because my legs hurt”. She had been sitting in the same position playing video games for 5+ hours with mom watching. I believe it was because mom left her, again. I think she didn’t want to go this morning because mom would leave “again”.
So how do I feel about all this? Well it sucks. I said before that most of you were “lucky” in that you got to at least scream, yell, fight, cry, talk etc. with your spouses. I still feel the same way. I never got much of a chance to do that.
Okay, here’s a bunch of venting/mumbling…
Went to graduation yesterday. The ex was there. I said, “hi” to the in-laws and SIL.
I was polite. I responded to her when it was directed at me. I didn’t ask her anything. Didn’t even look at her except for just a few glances. She asked if I knew where the bathrooms were and I said no. A bit later she told me the number of the section we were in so I could call my sister & let her know where we were.
After the ceremony, we went out front and took a few pix. Thankfully no one said, “Hey, how about one with all of you” (me, ex & 2 daughters). Ex did say for me & daughters to get together for a picture and she took one.
So the plan was for her, her sister & my daughters to go out (miniature golf & dinner or whatever). My sister didn’t want to stick around all day so I told her we could go to Denny’s for awhile and wait for rush our to clear up. All of a sudden we were all going to go out for dinner.
My sister decided to take off (not because of ex, but she lives about 75 miles away.) In-laws left to go on a trip.
My oldest asked if I wanted to go or not, thinking I might feel left out. I explained that the plan was for them to go with mom & I was simply letting them. It wasn’t a matter of me avoiding ex or not.
I told them to go on but we all ended up going out to Chili’s. (Chicken sandwich is H U G E!)
Again, I was polite but didn’t have anything to say (or really want to say) to ex.
So after dinner I left, they went to her hotel & talked & watched telly. Mom said that she knows she hasn’t been a good mom to them.
They came home at 8:45. My youngest (12) asks how come I was ignoring mom.
So we talked about it. I explained I was not rude or impolite but I had nothing to say to her. I told her I had no respect for her and what she has done. She left me, fine. But she left the kids too and has had no contact in the last 16 months and very little for the entire time she has been gone.
Then she asks me why I still have some wine glasses we got for our wedding if I don’t respect her.
I explained that just because I don’t now doesn’t mean I didn’t then. She was the most important thing to me for 20 years and her leaving doesn’t make that time any less than it was.
Talked a bit about what a relationship is and should be.
People have feelings and make decisions, good or bad, screw up sometimes & are afraid to face what they have done. Also, we are not always perfect and sometimes we do things even f we know it is not the right thing to do. This was not directed at mom but for everyone in general. Me, her, her sister, her mom, everyone does this.
She said mom was going to pick them up this morning for breakfast at 7:30. She said she didn’t want to go because it was too early. When we first found out my ex was going to show up I asked her if she wanted to go out with her. I told her if she were uncomfortable about it, I would be the “bad guy” and tell mom she couldn’t go with her.
So mom calls about 9:45 last night and she tells her that I wouldn’t let her go because it was too early. Her mom said she understood. I think ex really did understand it wasn’t me.
The ex was here Jan of last year. Right after she left, my youngest got up, came into the kitchen where I was, hugged me & started bawling like a baby. At the time, she said it was, “because my legs hurt”. She had been sitting in the same position playing video games for 5+ hours with mom watching. I believe it was because mom left her, again. I think she didn’t want to go this morning because mom would leave “again”.
So how do I feel about all this? Well it sucks. I said before that most of you were “lucky” in that you got to at least scream, yell, fight, cry, talk etc. with your spouses. I still feel the same way. I never got much of a chance to do that.