Brand New Outlook :) - 06/19/03 05:56 AM
OK so I have been having a bad couple of weeks with the ex and how it has been affecting my children and me to I guess - Well I don't know what happened but I woke up yesterday and I was like ok.... I am having a rotten time dealing with all of this - being dumped, lied to, cheated on is a very hard thing to swallow - but I stopped and I thought - OK my ex is never going to change and become the father that I want him to be - he probably wouldn't have been even if he was still at home... Right ?
so I am going to stop worrying about that and just let them see each other the one night a week - that is his choice but most importantly that in the long run will be his loss.... And I have decided to be friends with him because I can see my girls siding with me and they are angry that he hurt me and hurt them - So if all is fine between me and my ex then they feel better about him... in a few more years when they are well into their teens they can decide how much or how little they want to see him ....So then I decided that even though I feel like I have loved him forever - that I know that I could never take him back because the simple fact is that he betrayed me and I will never trust him again - he has never done anything for me to re earn his trust - so therefore I don't want him so - I am done being the bitter, angry ex wife... Sure it is hard having all of the responsibilities but would I give him any of them given the choice nope - I want the house and the kids and I am thinking that in the long run that I am going to be happy - Yet he is going to have to live with the fact that he truly deeply hurt the three people who cared the most about him - and maybe that is something that he will never forgive himself for - But I have forgiven him - I am ready to move on and make myself happy.... To start a new life and stop dwelling on the old life - and get this the doctor even took me off of my anti-depressants even though I had already been off of them for 1 month by myself... Oh and all of those people in the beginning who said I would be stronger for going through this and I secretly wanted to lock them all up in a closet and beat the crap out of them - I am actually thinking I just might be stronger for having gone through this - Trust will always be an issue for me - but I truly believe that now 1 year and 8 months and 1 divorce later - that I actually have survived this most painful ordeal in my life and I am ready to let go and move on... And no no one hit me in the head to knock some sense into me - it actually came there by itself... I guess I just want my girls to be happy - at 10 and 13 you shouldn't have to deal with all of this crap - you should deal with happy parents that get along regardless....Right??? So that is the new path I am on - Wish me luck and hope I continue to fel this way.......
so I am going to stop worrying about that and just let them see each other the one night a week - that is his choice but most importantly that in the long run will be his loss.... And I have decided to be friends with him because I can see my girls siding with me and they are angry that he hurt me and hurt them - So if all is fine between me and my ex then they feel better about him... in a few more years when they are well into their teens they can decide how much or how little they want to see him ....So then I decided that even though I feel like I have loved him forever - that I know that I could never take him back because the simple fact is that he betrayed me and I will never trust him again - he has never done anything for me to re earn his trust - so therefore I don't want him so - I am done being the bitter, angry ex wife... Sure it is hard having all of the responsibilities but would I give him any of them given the choice nope - I want the house and the kids and I am thinking that in the long run that I am going to be happy - Yet he is going to have to live with the fact that he truly deeply hurt the three people who cared the most about him - and maybe that is something that he will never forgive himself for - But I have forgiven him - I am ready to move on and make myself happy.... To start a new life and stop dwelling on the old life - and get this the doctor even took me off of my anti-depressants even though I had already been off of them for 1 month by myself... Oh and all of those people in the beginning who said I would be stronger for going through this and I secretly wanted to lock them all up in a closet and beat the crap out of them - I am actually thinking I just might be stronger for having gone through this - Trust will always be an issue for me - but I truly believe that now 1 year and 8 months and 1 divorce later - that I actually have survived this most painful ordeal in my life and I am ready to let go and move on... And no no one hit me in the head to knock some sense into me - it actually came there by itself... I guess I just want my girls to be happy - at 10 and 13 you shouldn't have to deal with all of this crap - you should deal with happy parents that get along regardless....Right??? So that is the new path I am on - Wish me luck and hope I continue to fel this way.......