OK so I have been having a bad couple of weeks with the ex and how it has been affecting my children and me to I guess - Well I don't know what happened but I woke up yesterday and I was like ok.... I am having a rotten time dealing with all of this - being dumped, lied to, cheated on is a very hard thing to swallow - but I stopped and I thought - OK my ex is never going to change and become the father that I want him to be - he probably wouldn't have been even if he was still at home... Right ?
so I am going to stop worrying about that and just let them see each other the one night a week - that is his choice but most importantly that in the long run will be his loss.... And I have decided to be friends with him because I can see my girls siding with me and they are angry that he hurt me and hurt them - So if all is fine between me and my ex then they feel better about him... in a few more years when they are well into their teens they can decide how much or how little they want to see him ....So then I decided that even though I feel like I have loved him forever - that I know that I could never take him back because the simple fact is that he betrayed me and I will never trust him again - he has never done anything for me to re earn his trust - so therefore I don't want him so - I am done being the bitter, angry ex wife... Sure it is hard having all of the responsibilities but would I give him any of them given the choice nope - I want the house and the kids and I am thinking that in the long run that I am going to be happy - Yet he is going to have to live with the fact that he truly deeply hurt the three people who cared the most about him - and maybe that is something that he will never forgive himself for - But I have forgiven him - I am ready to move on and make myself happy.... To start a new life and stop dwelling on the old life - and get this the doctor even took me off of my anti-depressants even though I had already been off of them for 1 month by myself... Oh and all of those people in the beginning who said I would be stronger for going through this and I secretly wanted to lock them all up in a closet and beat the crap out of them - I am actually thinking I just might be stronger for having gone through this - Trust will always be an issue for me - but I truly believe that now 1 year and 8 months and 1 divorce later - that I actually have survived this most painful ordeal in my life and I am ready to let go and move on... And no no one hit me in the head to knock some sense into me - it actually came there by itself... I guess I just want my girls to be happy - at 10 and 13 you shouldn't have to deal with all of this crap - you should deal with happy parents that get along regardless....Right??? So that is the new path I am on - Wish me luck and hope I continue to fel this way.......

AH, the Joys of "letting go".
I needed that lesson last week, and it has certainly calmed me too.

Detachment was hard to learn, but letting go was a relief wasn't it.
Please look for a Rainbows class in your area for your children. Its a peer counseling for kids.
www.rainbows.org

Good for you maw! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Sounds like you just let it all go.

You can lock me up in the closet and beat the crap out of me too b/c you have grown stronger and you just proved it by your thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Good luck to you!

Hope I can let go soon too!

Newly - there are not any rainbow groups in my area - but basically most of my kids parents are divorced or haven't even been married - so while it is quite new to them it is kind of the norm. to their friends - sad but true... Letting go is certainly a relief - I mean I am not saying that I will not have set backs but I feel like I finally got over that mountain and I am on the way back down to that normal life... Thank god.....

STBXWife- You know what I think that the letting go part just comes to you at your own pace - I mean really I think back to alot of the pain that I went through and probably I brought alot on myself because I was afraid to let go - or not self confident enough to let go... But I have just decided that enough is enough -- I mean don't get me wrong - I love my husband I always will but - the man I married is the man that I love - not who he has decided to become and I cannot change him - I guess that was the biggest part of my new revelation... And you know what I don't think I want to change him because I will not trust him - I think that is what dawned on me - that even though I love him - I don't think I truly would have been happy back with him always wondering if he was cheating etc... So now that I have accepted this - I am happy... Wow - and I hope you find this revelation soon for yourself... Good Luck - Stay Strong...

maw64,

I don't know if this will help, but the woman I'm dating (well I think we are still dating - not quite sure at the moment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ... anyways I digress), the woman I'm dating has 2 girls (9 & 10) and I swear, she could have just written the same message as you - almost verbatum (except for her having any feelings left for him).

She worries terribly about the girls and how this all affects them. Well I know that after/during the divorce, she put herself through college (night school), she bought her own condo, and now has a very good job. It is still a daily struggle with the girls about who is going to watch them and such, and her X is still often a jerk about seeing the girls and spending time (he has them one Wednesday night a week and every other weekend) - It is obvious to her that they come last on his list of priorities...

And "us" dating is not the easiest of situations, but being that I'm divorced as well, I can somewhat understand her struggles and fears...

But overall I'm so impressed with her and her accomplishments. I give ALL you single moms (and single dads) SOOOOOOOO much credit - How you juggle and how you fit soooo much into each day, absolutely amazes me! You are definitely some of God's favorite people - no doubt. Be proud of your accomplishments and KNOW that we, the other people around you, notice and are so proud of what you all do...

AND so do (will) your children! I have a friend who is also a single mom - her oldest daughter just went into the Navy about 8 months ago... Earlier last week she forwarded an email that daughter wrote to her... She basically told her mom (my friend) how blessed and thankful she is to have such a great mother. To realize how she basically raised her and her two sisters alone and how she just always seemed to keep it together... My friend was in tears when she read the email... So while it may "appear" to be a thankless job sometimes, you all are very special people...

God bless you all and your little ones...
Mike

I'm happy for you maw <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You give me hope that I'll get there too. I'm not there yet, but I'm getting close!

Take care

Way to go girl!!!
I'm proud of you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
You're gonna be better than okay...you're gonna lead the pack!

{{{maw}}} How wonderful for you! There are days when I feel pretty good about things... definitely turned a lot of it over to God and the County to deal with cause I am tired of spinning my wheels. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You are definitely stronger and it shows in your posts! I'm so thrilled for you to have that kind of peace within yourself.

Lori

SoTired2000 - Thank you so much - yes a thankless job at times it is but I know in the long run that my girls are going to be ok - and that they are going to be that way because of my guidance - It is not an easy job raising children in this society but I hope and pray that I will do ok.... As for the Dad's seeing them or taking any kind of active part in their life - I don't know what is going through their minds - one night a week and or every other weekend - does not cut it - whatever they may think.... Overwhelming at times yes - but with that we also get the joy of every thing that they experience... So again thank you for the praise - It may be the toughest job I ever have but I am thinking it is going to be the most fulfilling.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Loving Boundaries - You will get there - you may not be there yet - but it is funny one day I think you just wake up and see things clearly and realize what is most important to you ... Good Luck....

Broken x 3 - OK Leader of the Pack - I am not to sure of that - but what a relief I feel finally like I said 1 year and 8 months - and I am starting to feel good... I mean really good.... You will get there - I promise - I am thinking once it occurs to you that you will in fact be ok without him and that you know what frankly he doesn't deserve you anyways --- you will be ok - Good Luck...

Bangarra (Lori) - thank you - all of you guys have been wonderful to me - and I hope you all eventually find this inner peace and we realize that yes we to deserve to be happy....And we will be ok... Those bad days will start coming fewer and further between and soon they will go away... I know it is hard to imagine - but I am thinking it really is true.... Thank you for your post...

Hey Maw...GOOD FOR YOU!! I am so proud of you!! I can't wait to get to that point too. Its weird....I think I am almost there and then WHAM something smacks me in the face and I'm facing another wall! Keep up the great attitude for you and for your children...they will love you all the more for it.

BH