Stepson's death bringing back all the pain - 06/29/04 11:02 PM
I rarely post anymore but occasionally lurk, mostly thanks to 2 years of no contact, but right now I'm in a lot of pain and need support.
Two weeks ago, on June 13, my 23-year old stepson, who I raised with my STBXH since he was less than a year old, shot himself to death. He has had a lot of problems but was turning his life around, going to school, doing well, and focused on the future. He gave no indication to anyone, family or friends, that anything was wrong so it took everyone by surprise.
I have been totally devastated by it. Since my STBXH is not in touch with anyone, I called his lawyer (the only contact I have for him) and made sure she told him. I also contacted all of his family members and friends that I could. The OW called my business and left a message for me to call them. I want nothing to do with "them," but I passed the number along to family and friends.
Meanwhile, the divorce is heating up. We had two conferences recently with both our lawyers. During the first, he started crying, telling me he was sorry and still loved me. He seemed to want to compromise, but by the next meeting, all bets were off. As usual, he was just being nice because he wanted something. He had made an offer on a piece of property and needed money to buy it. Since I didn't cooperate, he took me to court last week, forcing our home, where I'm currently living, to be listed within 72 hours.
I'd agreed to sell it, but on top of everything else, it's overwhelming right now. Remember, I've been sending him a check every two weeks since he left and paying his rent to keep him away. Predictably, the next thing he's going for is spousal support since he's lost his professional license and is using an old injury to apply for disability!
Then, a week after my stepson's death, STBXH slashed his wrists sitting in his car in the driveway where OW was sure to find him. He was hospitalized on a 72-hour hold and released. He hadn't had contact with his son in two years, despite his son's efforts to contact him. Then he and ex-wife decided that I wasn't invited to the funeral. I guess they've agreed I'm the bad guy, despite the fact that all I've heard, even from his family is, "Thank God for luckystar"..."you're the only sane one."
I don't feel very sane right now, I feel very alone. The pain of the betrayal is right back in my face, the pain of my family coming apart, the pain of struggling to keep myself going and to keep our business afloat by myself. Now STBX is forcing me into a corner where I may very likely have to sell the business I've been running alone for over 3 years. I have a large corporation coming to look at it. I feel like I'm losing everything at once - son (he was my only child), marriage, family, home, business, and I'll probably even have to get rid of most or all of my animals - 7 horses, 4 dogs, and 2 cats.
Two weeks ago, on June 13, my 23-year old stepson, who I raised with my STBXH since he was less than a year old, shot himself to death. He has had a lot of problems but was turning his life around, going to school, doing well, and focused on the future. He gave no indication to anyone, family or friends, that anything was wrong so it took everyone by surprise.
I have been totally devastated by it. Since my STBXH is not in touch with anyone, I called his lawyer (the only contact I have for him) and made sure she told him. I also contacted all of his family members and friends that I could. The OW called my business and left a message for me to call them. I want nothing to do with "them," but I passed the number along to family and friends.
Meanwhile, the divorce is heating up. We had two conferences recently with both our lawyers. During the first, he started crying, telling me he was sorry and still loved me. He seemed to want to compromise, but by the next meeting, all bets were off. As usual, he was just being nice because he wanted something. He had made an offer on a piece of property and needed money to buy it. Since I didn't cooperate, he took me to court last week, forcing our home, where I'm currently living, to be listed within 72 hours.
I'd agreed to sell it, but on top of everything else, it's overwhelming right now. Remember, I've been sending him a check every two weeks since he left and paying his rent to keep him away. Predictably, the next thing he's going for is spousal support since he's lost his professional license and is using an old injury to apply for disability!
Then, a week after my stepson's death, STBXH slashed his wrists sitting in his car in the driveway where OW was sure to find him. He was hospitalized on a 72-hour hold and released. He hadn't had contact with his son in two years, despite his son's efforts to contact him. Then he and ex-wife decided that I wasn't invited to the funeral. I guess they've agreed I'm the bad guy, despite the fact that all I've heard, even from his family is, "Thank God for luckystar"..."you're the only sane one."
I don't feel very sane right now, I feel very alone. The pain of the betrayal is right back in my face, the pain of my family coming apart, the pain of struggling to keep myself going and to keep our business afloat by myself. Now STBX is forcing me into a corner where I may very likely have to sell the business I've been running alone for over 3 years. I have a large corporation coming to look at it. I feel like I'm losing everything at once - son (he was my only child), marriage, family, home, business, and I'll probably even have to get rid of most or all of my animals - 7 horses, 4 dogs, and 2 cats.