Mysogynist - 07/26/04 02:44 PM
For the longest time I've tried to understand my husband. He is cruel to me (always has been since 3rd day of honeymoon) and is cruel to our daughter. With my low self esteem, I could rationalize his treatment of me, but for the life of me I couldn't understand why he is so cruel to his daughter.
She's a wonderful young lady, never given us a moment of trouble. Very compliant, honored student, class leader, senior superlative, excellent tennis player who received a $48,000 scholarship, leader in our church youth, does volunteer work, the list goes on and on. I am very proud of her and was/could never be a fraction of the person she is.
I could never understand it. He is an alcoholic who less than two months ago came into her room while she was asleep, naked and drunk. It absolutely terrified her and I have slept on the floor of her room since then. Twice she has awakened screaming while having nightmares about him. I don't think he has any memory of the incident. He came into my room before he went into her room and I told him to get out. I haven't spoken to him since March and am biding my time until I can get out. I need his health insurance as I am slowly going blind, have had 7 eye surgeries and need another in 6 weeks.
Anyway, I've searched and searched to find the answer. I was sitting in a Barnes and Noble recently (I'm only home when she's home) and saw this book, "Christian Men who Hate Women." It was the answer-he's a misogynist! Misogynist are men who hate women. Some studies even suggest that gay men do not love men as much as they hate women. While he claims to be a Christian, I see no evidence in his behavior-not sitting in judgement just looking at the fruit of his life.
His mother "ran" their home, wouldn't let him get his driver's license until he was 18, made him live at home until he was 27, went from smothering to ignoring, was married to a wimpy man, gave no consideration to anyone else, hated everyone who was a part of her life and was obviously, very seriously mentally ill. She hated my guts from the get go.
The book explained that often these men will withhold sex. In the 21 years of marriage, we've had sex very few times and only 2 times since our daughter was born. I thought for years that he was gay but recently found out that he goes to prostitutes. His mother tried to "educate" me when we were first married that sex was sin. What a sicko.
I found out just a few years ago his true age and that most of what he had told me about himself was a lie. The case of the man whose wife is missing in Utah reminded me of my husband's behavior.
Anyway, this book explained that hatred of women comes from abuse from the mother. While it's not that simple, I see now why both our daughter and I have been treated so horribly. It has freed me from the burden that somehow the failure of our marriage was my fault. It used to make me so angry when even here, I read that 50% was my fault when I know that I have gone above and beyond to try to make him happy and our marriage work. Needless to say, I've suffered with depression for a long time and am having a very difficult time with anger and bitterness.
I thought that maybe there would be answers for someone else who found themselves on the receiving end of undeserved cruelty. I have not gotten to the point where I can feel sorry for him. Maybe one day, maybe not.
She's a wonderful young lady, never given us a moment of trouble. Very compliant, honored student, class leader, senior superlative, excellent tennis player who received a $48,000 scholarship, leader in our church youth, does volunteer work, the list goes on and on. I am very proud of her and was/could never be a fraction of the person she is.
I could never understand it. He is an alcoholic who less than two months ago came into her room while she was asleep, naked and drunk. It absolutely terrified her and I have slept on the floor of her room since then. Twice she has awakened screaming while having nightmares about him. I don't think he has any memory of the incident. He came into my room before he went into her room and I told him to get out. I haven't spoken to him since March and am biding my time until I can get out. I need his health insurance as I am slowly going blind, have had 7 eye surgeries and need another in 6 weeks.
Anyway, I've searched and searched to find the answer. I was sitting in a Barnes and Noble recently (I'm only home when she's home) and saw this book, "Christian Men who Hate Women." It was the answer-he's a misogynist! Misogynist are men who hate women. Some studies even suggest that gay men do not love men as much as they hate women. While he claims to be a Christian, I see no evidence in his behavior-not sitting in judgement just looking at the fruit of his life.
His mother "ran" their home, wouldn't let him get his driver's license until he was 18, made him live at home until he was 27, went from smothering to ignoring, was married to a wimpy man, gave no consideration to anyone else, hated everyone who was a part of her life and was obviously, very seriously mentally ill. She hated my guts from the get go.
The book explained that often these men will withhold sex. In the 21 years of marriage, we've had sex very few times and only 2 times since our daughter was born. I thought for years that he was gay but recently found out that he goes to prostitutes. His mother tried to "educate" me when we were first married that sex was sin. What a sicko.
I found out just a few years ago his true age and that most of what he had told me about himself was a lie. The case of the man whose wife is missing in Utah reminded me of my husband's behavior.
Anyway, this book explained that hatred of women comes from abuse from the mother. While it's not that simple, I see now why both our daughter and I have been treated so horribly. It has freed me from the burden that somehow the failure of our marriage was my fault. It used to make me so angry when even here, I read that 50% was my fault when I know that I have gone above and beyond to try to make him happy and our marriage work. Needless to say, I've suffered with depression for a long time and am having a very difficult time with anger and bitterness.
I thought that maybe there would be answers for someone else who found themselves on the receiving end of undeserved cruelty. I have not gotten to the point where I can feel sorry for him. Maybe one day, maybe not.