What's the deal with me... - 08/13/04 01:41 AM
I don't get myself. My H has been horrible to me since we got married. He has been horrible to our daughter. The only thing that he's worse than as a father/husband is an alcoholic.
I haven't spoken to him since March because what he says to me just gets to my soul and destroys me. He makes me feel so bad about myself.
Week before last while drunk, he exposed himself to my daughter and her date. I don't think it was intentional just that he was flat out drunk out of his mind. Anyway, that really doesn't matter. She was traumatized either way. This summer he came into her bedroom at night while drunk and naked. She was so afraid that I slept on the floor of her room up until I told him that he had to leave.
My daughter went to college today-her freshman year. Last night my husband served divorce papers on me. The guy who served it at first acted like I was some kind of lunatic. After we talked for a few minutes and I told him that no matter what I knew the Lord would look after us. He said, oh please don't say that as I feel guilty having to do this to you. I realized then that he was told I was some kind of nut.
The papers said that I was guilty of marital misconduct. Please! I didn't have an affair, I do not drink and I've been loyal to this man when half a person would have walked long ago!
I was so angry that I called my husband. He said that he hated attorneys and that he still loved me. I told him that I didn't think he knew what love was.
Anyway, I talked to an attorney today and he informed me that it was just a form and didn't specifically related to me. I felt better.
Here's the problem. After I took daughter to the dorm, I came home crying and wet myself. I haven't done that since I was 3. I kept thinking to myself that I should have tried harder on the marriage. I had to call my mother and a friend I was so upset. What is the deal? I want rid of this man but when he leaves I want him back! It's sick! I don't know if I'm so afraid of the unknown that I'll tolerate misery. Why do I care about somebody that has been nothing but cruel to me for over 20 years?
I haven't spoken to him since March because what he says to me just gets to my soul and destroys me. He makes me feel so bad about myself.
Week before last while drunk, he exposed himself to my daughter and her date. I don't think it was intentional just that he was flat out drunk out of his mind. Anyway, that really doesn't matter. She was traumatized either way. This summer he came into her bedroom at night while drunk and naked. She was so afraid that I slept on the floor of her room up until I told him that he had to leave.
My daughter went to college today-her freshman year. Last night my husband served divorce papers on me. The guy who served it at first acted like I was some kind of lunatic. After we talked for a few minutes and I told him that no matter what I knew the Lord would look after us. He said, oh please don't say that as I feel guilty having to do this to you. I realized then that he was told I was some kind of nut.
The papers said that I was guilty of marital misconduct. Please! I didn't have an affair, I do not drink and I've been loyal to this man when half a person would have walked long ago!
I was so angry that I called my husband. He said that he hated attorneys and that he still loved me. I told him that I didn't think he knew what love was.
Anyway, I talked to an attorney today and he informed me that it was just a form and didn't specifically related to me. I felt better.
Here's the problem. After I took daughter to the dorm, I came home crying and wet myself. I haven't done that since I was 3. I kept thinking to myself that I should have tried harder on the marriage. I had to call my mother and a friend I was so upset. What is the deal? I want rid of this man but when he leaves I want him back! It's sick! I don't know if I'm so afraid of the unknown that I'll tolerate misery. Why do I care about somebody that has been nothing but cruel to me for over 20 years?