mediation - not going so well - 10/22/04 02:21 PM
H and I agreed to mediate instead of getting attorney's to battle it out. But the mediators are $200 hour and advise us to consult attornies anyway!
H refuses to pay temporary maitenance, because he is still paying the mortgage on the house the kids and I live in. The financial mediation revealed that his simple division of assests is much more complicated that we thought - I don't have enough to pay the mortgage, house has second mortgage, so refinance on my own unlikely, 401 K is huge tax liability, cabin unlikely to sell, second business payments are considered income not assest (H's). Anyway, we are hopeless stuck with the basics and when the mediator pointed out that maintenance was a likely option the court would order for me, he went balistic - "I'm not going to be a source of income for you" YOu are going to have to learn to get by on your own and live with less!" If I have to pay maitenance, I won't help you refinance, and you'll have to sell the house and live in a shack'! "What I earn is mine, what you earn is yours, period" This was out in the car afterwards, not in front of the mediator.
Not a pretty picture, nor the sentiments you would think the H who was abandoning his loving wife for OW would offer. He is mad because I am in our beautiful house and he and OW are in a smaller rental. Doesn't want to have to pay any penalty for leaving me after 14 years of marriage. Definitely did not like what the mediator had to say. Left him angry and me bewildered.
I have already paid $1000 in attorney consultations and still do not understand what it is that I am suppose to be doing to work out this financial picture.
Regarding the kids - H wanted to go right into 50/50 split with the kids living with him and OW.
I wanted a 6 month waiting period. The mediator wants H to move into an appt 2 days a week where he will see the kids for overnights alone, live with OW in their place the other 5 nights. Kids can be gradually introduced to OW during these two night stays after 2 weeks, but no overnights, and in 3 months, we reevaluate and see how the kids are doing. Mediator will monitor the situation and counsel OW as well as H, me & kids. Hate this - he will see H and OW as a couple, which kills me. I'm sure OW will promise that the kids best interests are her top priorty - BS.
Meanwhile, through all of this, I am still in love with my H, miserable without him, and suffering horribly with the knowledge that he is going home to her everynight, is so in love with her. The financial mediation has reduced our friendly relationship to distant and aloof, and driven him and OW even closer together as they comiserate on what a bad deal my H is getting in this process.
Life could not be worse - my nightmare keeps getting more and more horrible.
<small>[ October 22, 2004, 09:22 AM: Message edited by: Everhopeful ]</small>
H refuses to pay temporary maitenance, because he is still paying the mortgage on the house the kids and I live in. The financial mediation revealed that his simple division of assests is much more complicated that we thought - I don't have enough to pay the mortgage, house has second mortgage, so refinance on my own unlikely, 401 K is huge tax liability, cabin unlikely to sell, second business payments are considered income not assest (H's). Anyway, we are hopeless stuck with the basics and when the mediator pointed out that maintenance was a likely option the court would order for me, he went balistic - "I'm not going to be a source of income for you" YOu are going to have to learn to get by on your own and live with less!" If I have to pay maitenance, I won't help you refinance, and you'll have to sell the house and live in a shack'! "What I earn is mine, what you earn is yours, period" This was out in the car afterwards, not in front of the mediator.
Not a pretty picture, nor the sentiments you would think the H who was abandoning his loving wife for OW would offer. He is mad because I am in our beautiful house and he and OW are in a smaller rental. Doesn't want to have to pay any penalty for leaving me after 14 years of marriage. Definitely did not like what the mediator had to say. Left him angry and me bewildered.
I have already paid $1000 in attorney consultations and still do not understand what it is that I am suppose to be doing to work out this financial picture.
Regarding the kids - H wanted to go right into 50/50 split with the kids living with him and OW.
I wanted a 6 month waiting period. The mediator wants H to move into an appt 2 days a week where he will see the kids for overnights alone, live with OW in their place the other 5 nights. Kids can be gradually introduced to OW during these two night stays after 2 weeks, but no overnights, and in 3 months, we reevaluate and see how the kids are doing. Mediator will monitor the situation and counsel OW as well as H, me & kids. Hate this - he will see H and OW as a couple, which kills me. I'm sure OW will promise that the kids best interests are her top priorty - BS.
Meanwhile, through all of this, I am still in love with my H, miserable without him, and suffering horribly with the knowledge that he is going home to her everynight, is so in love with her. The financial mediation has reduced our friendly relationship to distant and aloof, and driven him and OW even closer together as they comiserate on what a bad deal my H is getting in this process.
Life could not be worse - my nightmare keeps getting more and more horrible.
<small>[ October 22, 2004, 09:22 AM: Message edited by: Everhopeful ]</small>