who is my H? did I ever really know him? - 11/07/04 03:56 AM
Its been 4 weeks now, since H moved out to move in with the OW, his future. Left me and the kids, has it all figured out, follow the counselors orders regarding introducing OW to the kids, stay amicable with me, work out a fair divorce, things will eventually blow over with his family, colleauges, friends etc.
I have been going through the typical roller coaster of emotions. Can't believe its happening, trying to stay strong for the kids, trying to take care of myself. H is terminally friendly, even affectionate. "I love you, I will always love you"
Today he gave me his "parenting" schedule for the next 3 months, based on our discussion with the counselor. Obviously he and OW sat down and figured out what they wanted for themselves. He is taking a week over Thanksgiving to take her on their first vacation together in San Francisco (where he and I just had a great vacation 6 months ago!) Nevermind about the kids first Thanksgiving away from their dad, that his family and I were hopeing to have a civil gathering with both parents present.
As I said, when I express how hard this is for me, I hear "yes, its hard for me too!", even though he goes home to his new love every night, the reason he left me. I get a pat on the head, a little hug, "yes, I know its hard for all of us, but we'll be fine, you me and the kids will get used to it.
The counselor/mediator/child pshycologist has told my H to start introducing OW into the picture next week, with a brief introductory lunch or ice cream date with the kids. Tells me privately that I must learn to deal with this as it looks like she is a "permanent fixure" and my H is totally determined that this relationship will last.
H is like a zombie, a Stepford soon-to-be-ex, husband. Affectionate and friendly to me and the kids, going home to OW and his new life.
The counselor told him he needs to grieve with his kids, tell them that it IS sad our family is breaking up, that he is sorry. But he is constantly the upbeat, happy "everything is going to be just fine" father/departed husband.
The last thing he is going to do is admit that this is a negative in anyone's life. He has seen me go through emotional hell due to his departure and obvious dedication to OW and their relationship, and yes, he sympathizes, yes, it sucks for him too, yes its very sad. But what I see is a man going through the motions because he has no empathy for the family he is devastating. Go home to the OW, his future, have a nice bottle of wine, rent a video, go to bed and don't think about what you have left behind. He is like a total stranger, ever positive, ever friendly, with just the right touch of compassion, but no real connection emotionally with what he is doing to us.
Counselor says the kids are deeply in denial, afraid to act sad or mad in fear of upseting the dad that they already are missing and afraid that what little time they have with him could be jeprodized if they rock the boat with any emotional negativity.
H sees me and says "you look great, looks like you've been working out, love your new look, your hair" If H pats me on the head one more time, with this crappy pseudo half baked affection for the wife of 16 years that he has just left for the younger OW, his soul mate, I think I am going to explode.
<small>[ November 06, 2004, 09:58 PM: Message edited by: Everhopeful ]</small>
I have been going through the typical roller coaster of emotions. Can't believe its happening, trying to stay strong for the kids, trying to take care of myself. H is terminally friendly, even affectionate. "I love you, I will always love you"
Today he gave me his "parenting" schedule for the next 3 months, based on our discussion with the counselor. Obviously he and OW sat down and figured out what they wanted for themselves. He is taking a week over Thanksgiving to take her on their first vacation together in San Francisco (where he and I just had a great vacation 6 months ago!) Nevermind about the kids first Thanksgiving away from their dad, that his family and I were hopeing to have a civil gathering with both parents present.
As I said, when I express how hard this is for me, I hear "yes, its hard for me too!", even though he goes home to his new love every night, the reason he left me. I get a pat on the head, a little hug, "yes, I know its hard for all of us, but we'll be fine, you me and the kids will get used to it.
The counselor/mediator/child pshycologist has told my H to start introducing OW into the picture next week, with a brief introductory lunch or ice cream date with the kids. Tells me privately that I must learn to deal with this as it looks like she is a "permanent fixure" and my H is totally determined that this relationship will last.
H is like a zombie, a Stepford soon-to-be-ex, husband. Affectionate and friendly to me and the kids, going home to OW and his new life.
The counselor told him he needs to grieve with his kids, tell them that it IS sad our family is breaking up, that he is sorry. But he is constantly the upbeat, happy "everything is going to be just fine" father/departed husband.
The last thing he is going to do is admit that this is a negative in anyone's life. He has seen me go through emotional hell due to his departure and obvious dedication to OW and their relationship, and yes, he sympathizes, yes, it sucks for him too, yes its very sad. But what I see is a man going through the motions because he has no empathy for the family he is devastating. Go home to the OW, his future, have a nice bottle of wine, rent a video, go to bed and don't think about what you have left behind. He is like a total stranger, ever positive, ever friendly, with just the right touch of compassion, but no real connection emotionally with what he is doing to us.
Counselor says the kids are deeply in denial, afraid to act sad or mad in fear of upseting the dad that they already are missing and afraid that what little time they have with him could be jeprodized if they rock the boat with any emotional negativity.
H sees me and says "you look great, looks like you've been working out, love your new look, your hair" If H pats me on the head one more time, with this crappy pseudo half baked affection for the wife of 16 years that he has just left for the younger OW, his soul mate, I think I am going to explode.
<small>[ November 06, 2004, 09:58 PM: Message edited by: Everhopeful ]</small>