letter to state reps - 02/11/01 03:09 PM
Dear Flowerseed,<BR>Here is my letter to state rep Matt Baker. In it I try to address both c.s. and the lack of choices the father has regarding child. Plagarism is welcomed, but please, no uncontrollable giggling. I have deleted my address. Otherwise it is as I originally wrote.<P>Donna M. Collins<BR>*** **** Street <BR>*********, PA *****<P>February 6, 2000<P>Hon. Matthew E. Baker<BR>74 Main Street<BR>Wellsboro, PA 16901<P>Dear Hon. Matthew E. Baker,<P>I am writing you today regarding a very painful and difficult situation that involves my family’s well being. Please bear with me while I provide some essential background information:<P>I am a twenty-eight year old teacher, currently unemployed due in part to downsizing at the Northern Tier Children’s Home where I taught alternative education classes to the residents. I have been married for almost nine years and have fours sons, whose ages range from 4 months to 8 years old. Roughly four years ago, during a brief separation, my husband had an affair with another woman. Sometime shortly after my husband and I reconciled, the woman announced that she was pregnant. After the baby was born, DNA tests proved that it was indeed my husband’s child. I know that my husband has a financial responsibility to support this child, but the state guidelines seem to be extremely biased against those of us in this unique situation.<P>The illegitimate child gets the first, and largest, percentage of my husband’s paycheck, due to the fact that it is the only child being raised outside of our home. The fact that he has a wife and four children to support does not seem to count for much at all. Under state guidelines, this illegitimate child gets primary attention, despite the fact that two of our four children were born before she was. I know that the law exists in this way to provide protection, at least in theory, to the children of a first marriage after the parents have divorced and second families are begun. But in our case, my marriage preceded the birth of the other child and remains intact today. The only possible way that I could ensure that my children get their “fair share” would be to file for divorce, and even then the support I would be entitled to would be a much smaller percentage of my husband’s income, with our portion being calculated AFTER the other woman’s share has already been taken. <P>Under Pennsylvania guidelines, my husband is also responsible for paying for child care expenses so that the mother can work. Because that woman has chosen an extremely expensive daycare, he has to pay more for one child’s care than we paid our babysitter to watch all three of our children when I was working full time. At the same time that this woman is reaping the prime benefits (all of it untaxed, mind you) of my husband’s labor, we will probably be forced to apply for food stamps. I ask you, shouldn’t the law declare the children of our marriage to be my husband’s primary obligation? <P>I feel that in these United States, the sanctity of the marriage should be upheld, not challenged by guidelines that unwittingly protect the participant of an adulterous relationship. To be honest, I feel very much as if this woman stole something very precious from me, and now my children and I must pay for it. <P>Secondly, I know that my husband was equally responsible for participating in the affair itself, but this woman CHOSE to become involved with a married man, she CHOSE to become pregnant by a man she knew was married, she CHOSE to bear the child and raise it (instead of looking at adoption). Women today who choose to become impregnated via sperm donation are obligated to support the child on their own, because they made a conscious decision to have a child without the cooperation and security of a full-time marital partner. This woman also knew full well the consequences of her decisions, yet is in no way held accountable for them. In fact the state laws seem to reward her for selfishness and lack of foresight, while I, who chose to get married and salvage the marriage despite great obstacles, am punished for my decision.<P>At the same time, there is a remarkable legal bias against the fathers of illegitimate children. In all matters regarding this child’s care, my husband has had a very limited ability to choose. He had no say as to whether the pregnancy should be terminated (I am against abortion, but the argument stands). He had no means of insisting that the child be put up for adoption. He had no way of maintaining that the child be raised within our family in our home. (I would have been delighted to take in this child and raise it as our own.) Today, he has no choice but to sue in order to even receive visitation. We are currently involved in what will surely be a long, drawn-out, and expensive battle to get visitation of the child. My husband and I are good people – I have made a career out of working with troubled children, and we both were featured in Guideposts magazine a few months ago – but we will have to prove that to a court before we can visit the child, while the mother of the child must prove nothing at all. If the father of a child is held responsible for the financial upkeep of the child, why is he granted no inherent rights as to the upbringing of the child?<P>Mr. Baker, I ask that you review the Pennsylvania child support and custody laws. I feel that they have become antiquated and no longer reflect societal needs. A change in law that takes into consideration circumstances such as ours is sorely needed. Sir, I implore you to act on our behalf.<P>Thank you for your time and consideration.<BR>Sincerely,<P>Donna M. Collins<P>