Dear Flowerseed,<BR>Here is my letter to state rep Matt Baker. In it I try to address both c.s. and the lack of choices the father has regarding child. Plagarism is welcomed, but please, no uncontrollable giggling. I have deleted my address. Otherwise it is as I originally wrote.<P>Donna M. Collins<BR>*** **** Street <BR>*********, PA *****<P>February 6, 2000<P>Hon. Matthew E. Baker<BR>74 Main Street<BR>Wellsboro, PA 16901<P>Dear Hon. Matthew E. Baker,<P>I am writing you today regarding a very painful and difficult situation that involves my family’s well being. Please bear with me while I provide some essential background information:<P>I am a twenty-eight year old teacher, currently unemployed due in part to downsizing at the Northern Tier Children’s Home where I taught alternative education classes to the residents. I have been married for almost nine years and have fours sons, whose ages range from 4 months to 8 years old. Roughly four years ago, during a brief separation, my husband had an affair with another woman. Sometime shortly after my husband and I reconciled, the woman announced that she was pregnant. After the baby was born, DNA tests proved that it was indeed my husband’s child. I know that my husband has a financial responsibility to support this child, but the state guidelines seem to be extremely biased against those of us in this unique situation.<P>The illegitimate child gets the first, and largest, percentage of my husband’s paycheck, due to the fact that it is the only child being raised outside of our home. The fact that he has a wife and four children to support does not seem to count for much at all. Under state guidelines, this illegitimate child gets primary attention, despite the fact that two of our four children were born before she was. I know that the law exists in this way to provide protection, at least in theory, to the children of a first marriage after the parents have divorced and second families are begun. But in our case, my marriage preceded the birth of the other child and remains intact today. The only possible way that I could ensure that my children get their “fair share” would be to file for divorce, and even then the support I would be entitled to would be a much smaller percentage of my husband’s income, with our portion being calculated AFTER the other woman’s share has already been taken. <P>Under Pennsylvania guidelines, my husband is also responsible for paying for child care expenses so that the mother can work. Because that woman has chosen an extremely expensive daycare, he has to pay more for one child’s care than we paid our babysitter to watch all three of our children when I was working full time. At the same time that this woman is reaping the prime benefits (all of it untaxed, mind you) of my husband’s labor, we will probably be forced to apply for food stamps. I ask you, shouldn’t the law declare the children of our marriage to be my husband’s primary obligation? <P>I feel that in these United States, the sanctity of the marriage should be upheld, not challenged by guidelines that unwittingly protect the participant of an adulterous relationship. To be honest, I feel very much as if this woman stole something very precious from me, and now my children and I must pay for it. <P>Secondly, I know that my husband was equally responsible for participating in the affair itself, but this woman CHOSE to become involved with a married man, she CHOSE to become pregnant by a man she knew was married, she CHOSE to bear the child and raise it (instead of looking at adoption). Women today who choose to become impregnated via sperm donation are obligated to support the child on their own, because they made a conscious decision to have a child without the cooperation and security of a full-time marital partner. This woman also knew full well the consequences of her decisions, yet is in no way held accountable for them. In fact the state laws seem to reward her for selfishness and lack of foresight, while I, who chose to get married and salvage the marriage despite great obstacles, am punished for my decision.<P>At the same time, there is a remarkable legal bias against the fathers of illegitimate children. In all matters regarding this child’s care, my husband has had a very limited ability to choose. He had no say as to whether the pregnancy should be terminated (I am against abortion, but the argument stands). He had no means of insisting that the child be put up for adoption. He had no way of maintaining that the child be raised within our family in our home. (I would have been delighted to take in this child and raise it as our own.) Today, he has no choice but to sue in order to even receive visitation. We are currently involved in what will surely be a long, drawn-out, and expensive battle to get visitation of the child. My husband and I are good people – I have made a career out of working with troubled children, and we both were featured in Guideposts magazine a few months ago – but we will have to prove that to a court before we can visit the child, while the mother of the child must prove nothing at all. If the father of a child is held responsible for the financial upkeep of the child, why is he granted no inherent rights as to the upbringing of the child?<P>Mr. Baker, I ask that you review the Pennsylvania child support and custody laws. I feel that they have become antiquated and no longer reflect societal needs. A change in law that takes into consideration circumstances such as ours is sorely needed. Sir, I implore you to act on our behalf.<P>Thank you for your time and consideration.<BR>Sincerely,<P>Donna M. Collins<P>

Great job !! I would like to re word it a bit (since we do not have an oc) and send it to my reps too if you don't mind.<P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Just a suggestion here!<P>When you send your letters, don't just send them to your state reps.<P>CC them to <B>everybody</B> who could possible influence the legislation....the governor, state senators, attorney general, etc.<P>When I've written complaint letters, I've gotten much better results when I sent copies to everybody I could think of. I usually do a blind carbon copy...which may not be appropriate in this case. When I make a written complaint, I figure that the <B>bcc</B> at the bottom of the letter is more effective because the recipient may start wondering which government agency has gotten a copy of my complaint!

cd:<P>This is an excellent, excellent letter addressing the injustices we are all enduring. <P>This is an opportunity for us to band together, using this letter as reference to compose our own letter, and fire them off to representatives, congressman, even Oprah.<P>I don't know about all of you, but frankly, I am sick of being a victim and feeling as if I have no control or power. It's time to do something about this and quit whining.<P>I read this letter to my husband and several other posts here on this site and he is overwhelmed with gratitude that I am even considering doing anything about this, and completely impressed with the women on this site who are banding together to fight these injustices. He knows he can't do anything about it because the courts and media will just say he's trying to get out of paying support, but, we, the real victims in this drama, have every right to bring this into the light of day and insist the system adjust the laws accordngly to something fair and just that we can all live with. These punitive laws, this corrupt system backed with political agenda are killing us.<P>My husband said he would do anything I want and will back me/us in anything we must do, and not to worry about his humiliation, that he did it and he is responsible and he wants to make amends any way he can. He is excited about this situation getting the equal time it deserves. This will set him free, too.<P>Babstr, I think this is a way for you to get some satisfaction about your particular heartburn of being forced to move and leave your parents and sibs and the family you love because the OW/OC's welfare has become more important than yours.<P>Everyone: Todays assignment is to search the Internet for information on who your reps are and begin composing your letters to be sent out this week-without fail. Even though we are only a handful of people in this situation, if several reps get letters at the same time, perhaps it will be discussed at a cocktail party or something and they'll realize that these are not just isolated incidents. Watch your grammar, use spell check and make sure your letter is punctuated properly. We want to be taken seriously. <P>Catnip =^^=

cd, Thanks I think alot of ladies here will appreciate that you took the time to post this. I will also take sweetpeas addvice and send mine to whoever I can think of. Thanks again with love flowerseed

Everybody, sweetpea is right. We should be sending out letters to anybody we can think of, up to and including the janitor who cleans the governors office. You never know who has influence where. I plan to do so immediately.<BR>Catnip, you talked before about "having a fire in your belly for justice." I don't know about you, but I am burning up from the inside out and can't wait to heat things up. changes don't happen by themselves. This is a call to action for all of us.<BR>Thanks to all for the compliments on the letter. What day is good for y'all to schedule the march on Washington....???<BR>Donna (cd)

Count me in...<P>Catnip =^^=

Gosh cd, I am sure glad I saw you at the other site and lead you here ! Great letter!<P>Carrie