A cry for help - Marriage Builders® Forums

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Hello, I am new on this site. I was just browsing the web site and ran across this web site. I have read a lot of interesting topics. My prayers are with all of you. I am asking for anyone that believes in God and believe his will be done in my life to help me understand why I can not move on with my life. I am a 35 year old female, I was married for only 2 years and in those 2 years the Lord bless me with a beautiful baby girl, by my husband. I shall never forget on the day of our anniversary when I told him, his comments where just, Oh!. And we had been praying and asking God to bless us with a child. This is my first child and my first marriage. I started figuring out that my marriage was falling apart when he got a pager and from there he started working late, then he would have to go work on Sunday's and he never wanted to work on Sunday's. I never stop trusting him, but I did approach him and asked him was something going on that I needed to no about. He said everyting was fine. My annivesary was in July 1999 in August 1999 he said he did not want his marriage anymore. I was four months and I was completely stunned. I tried to talke with him but he would not talk, he said that I aggervated him. So I stop communicatin with him unless he called. I was under so much pressure until I had to be restricted from work and put to be bed. The only income that I had was mine. He never came to any of the Dr.'s appointments, he never called just to see how I was doing are anything. And if he did call he would call and just say that things could not work out. So in December 1999 I asked not to call anymore because it was to much of strain on me and the child. So far I was doing good. I found out later the lady that I thought was messing around with my husband, that told me to my face that she was not, was seeing my husband, they had moved in together. I continue to work part-time and my hours had been shorten by employer because of health reason. My child was due March 1st my last day at work was January 31st. I managed to get the baby nursery and everything ready, He did not contribute to any of this. I 5 days past my due date March 1 2000. I had made up in my mind I was not going to call him, I left to go to the hosiptal and my sister contacted him and did show up to my surprise. Shortly after 14 hours of labor and I delivered, he left. He did show any kinda of concern or happiness about the birth of our child.I did not hear from him any more, When I did arrive home, I had a message on my voice mail that my employer did not need me anymore and that the poistion that I had was no longer available. I did not have a job to return to, my benifits were terminated immediatly and I did'nt have anything, all my savings were put into my child nursery, I lost my home, I lost everything. As time went Nvember of 2000 he married the young lady that was a memeber of the church we both attended and that he was living with. I still have not been able to understand what is going on and why. This young lady was married as well. They both filed for divorce at the same time.I love my husband, When I found that I was completely destroyed, He has not had a relationship with his daugheter since she been in the world. He did not come for her first baptism, first thanksgiving, first christmas, and the saddest is he missed her first birthday party. I feel like my husband made a decision of allowing the devil to destroy his marriage. To make this topic short. I still love my husband, not because he is the father of my child, but because, I felt that when I prayed to God and asked him to bless me with a husband, he blessed me with this man. I do believe that God knows what is best for me. I have tried to move on with my life as well as trying to block memories and my ex-husband out. But each day I am reminded of him. I finally got a call from my ex-husband and he wanted to see the baby, but he wanted to take somewhere, which means away from me. I don't really don't trust him with her by his self. I bascially told him that I have not had problem with yu having a relationship with his daughter and that I have no problem with him coming to get her. The only problem I have is that you have a wife that betrayed me and I will not allow my daughter to be around her. After I made that statement, he hung the phone up in my face. And to this day I have not heard from him. In my mind I said I hope I did the right thing.It has been 1 year since our divorce. I have not met anyone nor have I been involved with anyone, because my heart is still with him. I want to be happy, feel my happiness is with him. Our child does not even have a relationship with him to no who he really is. Because I think of him all the time. And you would think a year is enough time to aleast heal a litte.Did I make the right decision A cry for Help!!------------------

Hello

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and Welcome to Marriage Builders!First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!About your post: May I suggest you re-post over on Just Found Out or General Questions: Find a listing here --><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/Ultimate.cgi?action=intro&BypassCookie=true" TARGET=_blank>Forum Listing</A> and choose which one to post to... both deal with Infidelity. You might also wish to go to the Woman's Bible Study or Prayer Requests, both on that list as well. Just click on a choice and post... this particular place is for women who's H's (or men who's W's) have had an affair that produced a child. This isn't your situation, if I am reading correctly.------------------ ~SherylAnd we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Dear believe,Maybe this is not the "right" place to post since this is a little off the subject here, but i feel compelled to post to you. You have been betrayed and with no explanation at all that you can see. Yes I believe in God and the Lord Jesus with all my heart soul and mind. Yes he wants your marriage to work, but you were really left with no choices here, werent you. I am a little confused about what you are unsure of when it comes to your choices, because as I said it looks like they were making all the choices in your life. If you are talking about him seeing your daughter then I have a few questions...first of all what is he doing to help support this little girl he helped create inside the marriage? What legal rights are there in your state? There are quite a few useful websites that can help you figure that out. My concern for you is hwat kind of help have you recieved? Have you had counseling? A support group? Family? Friends? Anything? What a rough line to be thrown. As far as him seeing your daughter I just do not know. Putting myself in your shoes I think I would have reacted the same way..at least. I tend to let my anger get out of control. Have you thought about teh alienation of affection law? What kind of divorce was it (no fault,etc)? I will pray for you Believe...for strength and understanding and the ability to move with your life in the direction God wants you to move in. And fro peace of mind. I will also pray God works in the hearts of your H and ow. With love, broken_wings

believe, my heart breaks for you and your daughter. Your relationship does not sound salvagable; there is nothing more you could do, I think. I would think it is time to begin grieving your many sad losses and letting them go. I cannot understand why the man would do this to you... it is so cruel and heartless and sinful. But you and your baby did nothing wrong. You deserve happiness, and I hope you find a light leading out of the tunnel of darkness to where goodness will prevail in your life. Where one door shuts, another will open.Best wishes, J, in recovery 2+years

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by broken_wings: Dear believe,Maybe this is not the "right" place to post since this is a little off the subject here, but i feel compelled to post to you. You have been betrayed and with no explanation at all that you can see. Yes I believe in God and the Lord Jesus with all my heart soul and mind. Yes he wants your marriage to work, but you were really left with no choices here, werent you. I am a little confused about what you are unsure of when it comes to your choices, because as I said it looks like they were making all the choices in your life. If you are talking about him seeing your daughter then I have a few questions...first of all what is he doing to help support this little girl he helped create inside the marriage? What legal rights are there in your state? There are quite a few useful websites that can help you figure that out. My concern for you is hwat kind of help have you recieved? Have you had counseling? A support group? Family? Friends? Anything? What a rough line to be thrown. As far as him seeing your daughter I just do not know. Putting myself in your shoes I think I would have reacted the same way..at least. I tend to let my anger get out of control. Have you thought about teh alienation of affection law? What kind of divorce was it (no fault,etc)? I will pray for you Believe...for strength and understanding and the ability to move with your life in the direction God wants you to move in. And fro peace of mind. I will also pray God works in the hearts of your H and ow. With love, broken_wings<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Thanks for responding, To answer a few of your questions. I guess to make my story short, was I wrong for telling him that he could not have daughter around the the other woman that destroyed my marriage. He can see her, he can develope a relationship with her, I really want him to be apart of her life. As far as support from him I do not get anything to this day. I have no idea if he is working or what he is doing with his life. The divorce decree that he sent to me by regular mail. I am still confused about that, because the social security number on the decree is not the same as the one on the birth certificate that he signed. Also it was notarized by his ex-girl friend, and in the decree it states that he did not have any childern while he was married. The only reason I signed this, he said that he would take that out because he did not no that was worded like that and when it came in the mail, it was still in there. I did not want to sign that divorce papers but he said that he was not happy. After signing the papers that he brought to my place the next day, he called and said that he was in the lawyers office and that they wanted a verbal authorization that I was the person who signed these papers, but what so strange is I did not hear any voices nor did the lawyer ask me, my husband asked me. After about 5 minutes I called him on his cell phone and told him that I did not want to go through with this, and he said to tell him what I wanted to do. He then said he would not go through with it and that he would call me later. But I never heard from him again. I think about a couple of weeks later I recieved these papers in the mail that I was divorce. As far as support I have emotional support from my immediate family, church family, and most of all God. I have prayed and as God to do his will. I feel like I did have a chance to save my marriage. The reason I say this is because he never talked to me. I don't feel that I had truly exhausted all effort to redeem my marriage. The sad thing I feel is that I still want him back. My best friend whom is married has been there with every steop of the way and she believes that He will return, because of the way he did things and the person he is married to will not hold out as long as he thinks she will, because she has childern by her ex-husband and the have a relationship to where they still talk and there childern spends time with him regardless to what she had done to him. And as she see it, God did not bless that marriage, that is what man put together.I just need to no if I need to try to communicate for my childs sake are should I tell him my true feelings so I can get that out of my system and move on with my life?Thank you for your prays and your comments. ------------------

believe n god, Sorry this has happened to you its awful the things people can do to another human being. I wonder if you guys are really divorced it sounds very mixed up. I think if I was in this if my h had said there were no children involved and I wanted to move on with my life with him not in it I would say he has no rights. Actually you need to either way because you may not be legelly divorced. On the other hand if you do want him in your life then I would tell him just how you feel If he wants this child in his life then he needs to be thinking about helping you support him or her. You were married to him and have every right to be recieving child support. Good luck with what ever you decide to do. with love flowerseed

Dear believe, First let me say how truly sorry I am that you find yourself in this painful situation. It is so tragic that your husband made such selfish choices when his primary responsibility was to you and your children together.That aside, I have some advice for you.1. It sounds like you are in a financial bind. You ARE entitled to child support and your h is responsible for paying it. Go to your local domestic relations office and file against him. Take both sets of ss#'s, just in case one of them is a false #. You do not have to know where/if he is working. The domestic relations people will take care of finding that out. 2. You are probably also entitled to alimony. Run, run, run to hire a lawyer. You need to find out where you stand in this mess. If you can't afford one, contact the legal aid office nearest you for help. It sounds like the divorce papers you signed are questionable, to say the least. If you inadvertantly signed away your rights to alimony, that can be contested. I am observing a case right now with my lawyer in which the terms of a divoce contract are being contested because there wasn't "full disclosure" to the wife.3. Although I am a supporter of father's rights, I can't say that if I were in your shoes I would act any differently than you are now. If my h had left me for ow, I think I would have a really hard time allowing my children to be subjected to being around her. Here's what I suggest as a compromise. Tell your h that he can have supervised visitation with your children to begin with. That way, you will be ensuring their safety, plus it is a good way to find out if he is really serious about wanting to be part of their lives.4. I don't know what to suggest in regards to whether or not you should forget about him and move on with your life. Marriages that result from infidelity usually don't last, but I'd hate to see you waste your life waiting for a man who may never come back. On the other hand, I am a "never say quit" type of person. I don't know if it would be worth it for you to try "plan a" and/or "plan b" at this point or not. If K were here, I'm sure he could give you some good, solid, level-headed advice. Maybe some others will come along with better ideas on it.good luck. Get yourself to domestic relations and find a lawyer.-cd

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by flowerseed: believe n god, Sorry this has happened to you its awful the things people can do to another human being. I wonder if you guys are really divorced it sounds very mixed up. I think if I was in this if my h had said there were no children involved and I wanted to move on with my life with him not in it I would say he has no rights. Actually you need to either way because you may not be legelly divorced. On the other hand if you do want him in your life then I would tell him just how you feel If he wants this child in his life then he needs to be thinking about helping you support him or her. You were married to him and have every right to be recieving child support. Good luck with what ever you decide to do. with love flowerseed<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ThanksI really feel the divorce is not real and that he really have some issues that he needs to deal with. I did call the place where you file for divorce to see if the case number was real and they did pull it up, but it read that the case was just close. I asked the person at that office what that meant and he said that it was just close. flowerseed, is it wrong for me to still want to have my husband back and want a family? I love him with all my heart. And I no time heals all wounds, but this wound is so deep.

believe, Oh you poor thing no its not wrong its more right then it is wrong you have a child together. Did he just start wanted to be involved with child? if so maybe thats a sign that he is feeling he messed up. I really dont think you can get divorced if your pregnate. If I remembering right you have to wait until after the child is born and then 6 months from there. I would think the only way you would be able to is if the child wasnt h and then you would have to sign something to that effect. Also I would think you would have had to go to court for the divorce to be finally uless your h was able to get a default judgement. I would really try to dig into thisa more. The odds are in your favor that his marriage with the ow will fail. In your divorce papers does it say a default Judgement? Things may just work out the way you want believe I hope so. It as happened before when these guys finally pull there heads out and see what they really want they had all along. with love flowerseed

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by flowerseed: believe, Oh you poor thing no its not wrong its more right then it is wrong you have a child together. Did he just start wanted to be involved with child? if so maybe thats a sign that he is feeling he messed up. I really dont think you can get divorced if your pregnate. If I remembering right you have to wait until after the child is born and then 6 months from there. I would think the only way you would be able to is if the child wasnt h and then you would have to sign something to that effect. Also I would think you would have had to go to court for the divorce to be finally uless your h was able to get a default judgement. I would really try to dig into thisa more. The odds are in your favor that his marriage with the ow will fail. In your divorce papers does it say a default Judgement? Things may just work out the way you want believe I hope so. It as happened before when these guys finally pull there heads out and see what they really want they had all along. with love flowerseed <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>You ask me di he just want to start now getting involve with his child? He calls me I have never called him. Because he said I nag him when I call. When do call he just ask how she is doing. My child turn 15 months old yesterday. And he has not seen her. All childern are beautiful, but flowerseed we have beautiful healthy baby girl that has so much love to give to her dad as well as to the world until it brings tears to my eyes as I write right now. My ex-husband hs missed out on so much of her life to this point, I do not see how he can sleep at night. The divorce decree dates July 2000. It did not say when it was file. But it dated the final decree July 2000. But I fail to tell you the ex- girl friend that notarized the decree new I was expecting. flowerseed I thought documents like that should be served to you. Mines was not, it was mailed with a .35cent stamp on the front and my mailing address was hand written. There was no default in judgement, it states that I waived my rights and I wanted to keep my maiden name. My girl friend it can be done like that, but no lawyer would call you over the phone to get a verbal authorization of your signature. And if he is using a incorrect social security number he will go to jail. I try not dwell on that, because I believe God will do just what he said. That you sow yu shall reap. The only reason I have not pursude child support, And this is just me. I should not have to make some one take care of something that is theres. He wife ex-husband spent all the time with there childern and he is not paying child support. He can call her when ever and they have establish a relationship. My ex-husband does not want to do this, I feel like he wants to make all of the decision like we are still married. And that is not right.I do no that his wife travels alot and they are not together as much from what I hear, But stupid me I still want him back.

believe, I just dont know with the divorce it just dosent sound legal. I far as having h back in your life I think I would ask myself if this is the type of man I would want my daughter to marry some day. If you think no way then I would really think about it hard before you involve him back in your life. Something I have found is our girls seem to grow up and pick a man just like the one that is involved in there lives when there growing up even when there very bad people that have hurt them. Maybe thats not always the case but from what I have seen it seems to work that way. with love flowerseed

Dear Believe,You ahve gotten some great advice here. I would at least check to see if you are legally divorced. Here is an easy way to do that...I saw that you were in Texas, so am I. Look at the papers you were sent, although you probably already know with out doing so and see what county it was filed in. Go to the courthouse of that county and get a copy. It is usually 1 dollar a page, at least that is what it is in Harris Co. If they do not have a copy of a divorce decree then it is not legal. As a matter of fact did you go to court? Or send the judge a waiver as to why you could not go? If not I would bet this is not a legal divorce and therefore his marriage to this woman is not legal. This is just straight out adultry, no if ands or buts. And another thing, this is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. he left you. THat was his choice. God blesses us and wants it do his will, but he still allowed us to have our own "free will" Your H evercised that right. He walked out. Quit judging yourself, let God do that. Love and Prayers bw

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by broken_wings: Dear Believe,You ahve gotten some great advice here. I would at least check to see if you are legally divorced. Here is an easy way to do that...I saw that you were in Texas, so am I. Look at the papers you were sent, although you probably already know with out doing so and see what county it was filed in. Go to the courthouse of that county and get a copy. It is usually 1 dollar a page, at least that is what it is in Harris Co. If they do not have a copy of a divorce decree then it is not legal. As a matter of fact did you go to court? Or send the judge a waiver as to why you could not go? If not I would bet this is not a legal divorce and therefore his marriage to this woman is not legal. This is just straight out adultry, no if ands or buts. And another thing, this is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. he left you. THat was his choice. God blesses us and wants it do his will, but he still allowed us to have our own "free will" Your H evercised that right. He walked out. Quit judging yourself, let God do that. Love and Prayers bw<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I really do'nt no how to start this off, but here goes. I got a phone call and it was him. He asked how I was doing as well as his child. He wanted to apolized for abandoning me and his child. He also said he missed his family and his extended family (meaning his in laws). broken-wings, I was at that moment, shock. Should I tell him how I am feeling right at this moment. Right me back soon>>>>>>>

Hi believe, Wow! That must have been quite a surprise!Boy, I don't know what to tell you...if it were me, I would probably at least want to talk with him more and find out exactly what is going through his head. Maybe that isn't great advice, because doing so would let you open to being hurt all over again. So I don't know what to say. Why don't you ask him to come over and meet with you and your daughter to discuss the situation. That way, he'll get to see her and the two of you can hash things out a little. Find out if he is really serious, or if he has some kind of ulterior motives. Just be very careful, what ever you decide to do.I'm sure some more sensible people [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

will be along soon to help out.good luck - I'll pray that God's will be done for you and your marriage.with love, cd

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by cdcollins: Hi believe, Wow! That must have been quite a surprise!Boy, I don't know what to tell you...if it were me, I would probably at least want to talk with him more and find out exactly what is going through his head. Maybe that isn't great advice, because doing so would let you open to being hurt all over again. So I don't know what to say. Why don't you ask him to come over and meet with you and your daughter to discuss the situation. That way, he'll get to see her and the two of you can hash things out a little. Find out if he is really serious, or if he has some kind of ulterior motives. Just be very careful, what ever you decide to do.I'm sure some more sensible people [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

will be along soon to help out.good luck - I'll pray that God's will be done for you and your marriage.with love, cd<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>cd, you said the right things I do not want to open up anymore to be hurt more. I not scared , but I more afraid that it maybe something more to it. I no when he is sincere and when he is not. Normally if he reacts like this someone has made him angry and he wants to get away and have some space. cd, if you have heard how he was talking he sounded so....... I can't explain it. I will let you no the outcome.

Believe, Be careful if this is how he when he is angry at someone the someone is probly ow, dont let him use you because he is mad at her. with love flowerseed

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by flowerseed: Believe, Be careful if this is how he when he is angry at someone the someone is probly ow, dont let him use you because he is mad at her. with love flowerseed <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>And that is what I am thinking. I will prepare myself for whatever he is thinking of are trying to do. Thanks

Dear Believe,Wow! After all this time...yes procede with caution, but with an open heart. I agree with Cd, invite him over to talk about things, maybe about and hour or so before your daughter goes to bed. That way he can see her and then you can talk about serious things without your daughter hearing every word that is said. Just pray before you speak to him. I am sure that is all I would be doing right now...lol. What a difficult situation fo ryou to be in, but remember He is with you. Let us know how it goes. Feel free to email me saderangel@hotmail.com Love bw

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by broken_wings: Dear Believe,Wow! After all this time...yes procede with caution, but with an open heart. I agree with Cd, invite him over to talk about things, maybe about and hour or so before your daughter goes to bed. That way he can see her and then you can talk about serious things without your daughter hearing every word that is said. Just pray before you speak to him. I am sure that is all I would be doing right now...lol. What a difficult situation fo ryou to be in, but remember He is with you. Let us know how it goes. Feel free to email me saderangel@hotmail.com Love bw<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Get this broken-wings, he has never seen his daughter, since she was born. She 15months and she is walking, talking, full of engery. This should be very interesting. She has his eyes, hands, smile. I am so nervous. I am glad you gave me your e-mail address, might have to steop out to get some advice. One more thing. Am I doing the right thing?

Dear Believe,You do not need me or anyone else here to tell you if you are doing the "right thing". Only you can know what is right for you and your family. I know how difficult it is to make such decisions, but remember Rome was not built in a day and you do not have to make all the decisions now for the rest of your life. One step at a time. One day at a time. Or however much you can handle at a time..lol. Remember God will not give you more than you can handle. At least not more than you can handle without Him. Have you heard from H yet? How is it going?Love and Prayers

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by broken_wings: Dear Believe,You do not need me or anyone else here to tell you if you are doing the "right thing". Only you can know what is right for you and your family. I know how difficult it is to make such decisions, but remember Rome was not built in a day and you do not have to make all the decisions now for the rest of your life. One step at a time. One day at a time. Or however much you can handle at a time..lol. Remember God will not give you more than you can handle. At least not more than you can handle without Him. Have you heard from H yet? How is it going?Love and Prayers<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hi, I am back, I did not hear from him the hold time I was out. I did not even try to contact him. So, It's like I said, he must have been angry with his wife. I am doing fine, still moving on with life. I will let you know when I her from him.

Believe, It sounds like you came here looking for some hope for your marriage and you got some pretty good advice! I hope you check into the legality of your divorce. It sounds like you know your (ex?)H pretty well, tone of voice and all. Relationships that start out adulterous don't usually survive the light of everyday reality, but I too would protect my heart after all he's put you through. I would love to hear the happy ending of a renewed marriage and family, but there's a whole lot of question marks in between. Look at the MB Principals and Harley's advice for dealing with your H... Look forward to hearing more~!Prayers to you and Daughter, J

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Jenny: Believe, It sounds like you came here looking for some hope for your marriage and you got some pretty good advice! I hope you check into the legality of your divorce. It sounds like you know your (ex?)H pretty well, tone of voice and all. Relationships that start out adulterous don't usually survive the light of everyday reality, but I too would protect my heart after all he's put you through. I would love to hear the happy ending of a renewed marriage and family, but there's a whole lot of question marks in between. Look at the MB Principals and Harley's advice for dealing with your H... Look forward to hearing more~!Prayers to you and Daughter, J<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Thanks Jenny for reading, Some days I feel that way of hopeless. As far as the divorce, I really do'nt think it is legal, but you no I first have to forgive him, and then asked the God to lead me in the right directions. Maybe I just cannot except the fact that he actually filed for divorce and then married this (I can not even give her a name). I do'nt see her as a women or lady at this point. I am really having a bad day. Everything has come back, and I am feeling sad. I muss him so much. My heart is hurting. Yes, I have heard that sometimes adulterous marriage don't last. Jenny I really feel that I was not given a chance not only by my husband but me personally did not give my all. Each day I ponder with that. I am praying that God deliver me and whatever he has in store for me it is for me. If I can tell you that my ex-husband was so caring. loving, sensitive, and kind to me from beginning and they way he has acted for the past 2 years its like he was trying to hurt me. I can't really explaine what I am trying to say. When you love someone you love them with your heart, I did not fall in love with my husband because of the thing materalistic things he could do for me. But I prayed and asked God to send me someone that I could spend the rest of my life with. And really believe God blessed me with this man. But why was he so easily distracted from me?Thank you for begin a listen ear. Before I close, I want to share this with you. I each day while riding home to pick up my daughter, I always listen to the last song that I can remember us begin together. (How Will I Live by LeAnn Rhimes). Am I punishing myself?

Hi Believe,Yes I believe you are punishing yourself...I used to do that with Dixie Chicks...gosh now I cant remember the name of the song....OH "When You Were Mine". Talk about punishing! Then I moved on to the new Cher. And now it is Destiny's Child. Those are my self motivators. Try them and see. Gotta go and study..let me know how u are.Love and Prayers, bw

When we hurt, we tend to pick at it, look at it, lick it... it's a wound!!! And you're picking at it like we all do. Not to trivialize your hurt, but to say I think your behavior in normal and natural.And personally I think listening for God's voice in your life is incredibly wise. Sometimes we can't tell His will from our own, but it's sure worth trying for!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I'm listenin' right there with ya!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Angel wings around you, J

Dear Believe I've been following your story. I had to jump in and say I began listening to BonJovi "It's My Life". Now there's a motivating song if I ever heard one!Madonna's "Respect Yourself" and NSync "Bye, Bye, Bye" also helped me vent!!!!!!Prayers work wonders. God WILL show you the path to follow. Just give HIM your problems each day. Bless you.love Debi------------------ Imagine....

Dear Believe, First of all, hugs to you. I know how terrible things feel right now because your life is in such turmoil. As others have said, I don't have any answers or solutions to offer, but I do have some thoughts to share.You need to focus on YOU and your daughter. Your H is clearly not able to make any reasonable decisions about his own life right now, much less his role as a H to you and a father to your daughter. I kmow we here are committed to marriage re-building, but I'm not really sure if you actually have a marriage what you can or even should try to re-build. Your H has put you through so much and has a lot of serious problems that he needs to face and solve. You cannot solve his problems, change him, or make him feel what you would like him to feel. In my view, he needs professional help to sort through all this.You are punishing yourself by suffering the consequences of HIS actions. Please don't think I'm being cold or harsh. I feel the same way, at times, and have for the last 2 1/2 years since I found out about my H's affair and OC. Even though my H is trying to rebuild my love and trust, life is still very difficult for me much of the time. I would not presume to tell you what to do at this point, but I do think you owe yourself and your child some peace and kindness. You are certainly not getting that from your H. The fact that he hasn't even seen his daughter after all this time says a lot about his sense of devotion as a H to you and father to your child. Are you sure you want to share the rest of your life with such a man?I also have a strong faith in God and believe that there is a reason for all that has happened to us, even though only He knows that reason. I do not believe that God intends for all of us to remain in one-sided marriages when the devotion we feel is not returned to us. Sometimes I have thought that perhaps all this has been a test of faith for me....I don't know. But I do know that my faith is still strong, even if my marriage isn't, and if I choose to leave my marriage, God will be with me when I go.Take care. You are in my prayers.love, anniem

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by anniem: Dear Believe, First of all, hugs to you. I know how terrible things feel right now because your life is in such turmoil. As others have said, I don't have any answers or solutions to offer, but I do have some thoughts to share.You need to focus on YOU and your daughter. Your H is clearly not able to make any reasonable decisions about his own life right now, much less his role as a H to you and a father to your daughter. I kmow we here are committed to marriage re-building, but I'm not really sure if you actually have a marriage what you can or even should try to re-build. Your H has put you through so much and has a lot of serious problems that he needs to face and solve. You cannot solve his problems, change him, or make him feel what you would like him to feel. In my view, he needs professional help to sort through all this.You are punishing yourself by suffering the consequences of HIS actions. Please don't think I'm being cold or harsh. I feel the same way, at times, and have for the last 2 1/2 years since I found out about my H's affair and OC. Even though my H is trying to rebuild my love and trust, life is still very difficult for me much of the time. I would not presume to tell you what to do at this point, but I do think you owe yourself and your child some peace and kindness. You are certainly not getting that from your H. The fact that he hasn't even seen his daughter after all this time says a lot about his sense of devotion as a H to you and father to your child. Are you sure you want to share the rest of your life with such a man?I also have a strong faith in God and believe that there is a reason for all that has happened to us, even though only He knows that reason. I do not believe that God intends for all of us to remain in one-sided marriages when the devotion we feel is not returned to us. Sometimes I have thought that perhaps all this has been a test of faith for me....I don't know. But I do know that my faith is still strong, even if my marriage isn't, and if I choose to leave my marriage, God will be with me when I go.Take care. You are in my prayers.love, anniem<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I no it sounds real stupid and even ridiculous that I still want a marriage with a man who abandon me as well as his own child. I believe in the power of prayer and I believe what ever happened, it happened for a reason. I guess I can truthfully say that I have not comes to grips with the fact that this OW destroyed my marriage. And the sad thing is I don't no how to feel towards her. I hate her some days and then there are days I asked the Lord to remove that angry from me. My life has been in such a uproar until I don't no how to feel anymore. I really can't describe what I am feeling right now. It's like if you cut me with a knife I want bleed. This is not normal for human that used to love to social events, be with my family and friends, cook dinners, BBQ, very active in church and smile and had kind words to say to everyone that pass my way. And now I cold, unconcern, hurt, cry constanly, no love, bitter, and just resolve to just living day today. He makes(made) happy and now I really have little to smile about, until I see my baby. Enough of me.What I want to say to you is hang in there. Marriage that last 25 to 45 years had there ups and downs, finacial problems, affairs, separations., etc. but the managed to survive. They hung in there and was determined to keep there marriage. A marriage is 2 people that became on, believing that God joined them together as one. If you one person hurt, the other one should hurt. Not all the time it happens like that. What I am trying to see. God test us for alot of reason, we go through storm so we can see that God can solve them. I no that it hurts to find about about your H having affair. If you trust God, God will build that trust back that you once had before with your H but you have to believe and want to recieve and most of trying to forget those things in the past. My prayer to you and your marriage that you stay in the storm until God gives you his answer, prayer mightly that God would restore your marriage, as your vows stated, in sickness and in health, to do death do you part. God does not honour divorce.Keep in touch