Invasion of Secrecy - 02/28/07 08:31 PM
“You’ve invaded my privacy” the wayward spouse says! “How could you read my email? How dare you look at my cell phone records. I’ll never be able to trust you again”.
[They] won’t be able to trust [You]! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
On one level….it’s laughable WS babble. On the other hand, the BS often does feel guilt and regret about having to snoop. The WS uses those feelings to their advantage. But you haven’t invaded their privacy.
You’ve invaded their secrecy
And they don’t like it.
Married people are entitled to privacy....but not, but not secrecy.
The true concept of privacy never implies keeping secrets. In fact, just the opposite is true. What is divinely inspired and ripens in privacy, is later always opened up and shared with others. It is never meant to be hidden. Only dishonesty, lies, negative intentionality and destructiveness of one sort or another, need to be hidden from others. Nothing that is true and beautiful needs to be kept secret. Not ever.
The wayward spouse uses a simple truth: that we all need some privacy and creates real evil by using truth to cover a lie. What usually happens is that privacy is used to camouflage the intention of keeping secrets. In other words, secretive people will use the right and need for privacy to conceal that they really are keeping something secret.
Secrecy and privacy are not too difficult to distinguish from each other.
A rule of thumb to distinguish the two is to ask: is this fact about me important in this relationship at this time?
There’s a big difference between closing the door to the bathroom, and closing a window on the computer so your spouse can’t see your secrets. All secrets involve private information, but what makes them secrets is that the withheld personal information is important to actions in the relationship. It’s privacy if you ask your husband to hang up the phone extension when you’re chatting with a friend. It’s secrecy if you’re going to tell that friend personal things about your marriage.
Secrecy is a tool, which is commonly used in trying to escape consequences.
Secrets always hide something negative, that's why they're secrets.
Those who keep a secret fear the truth because they know they have no intention of changing.
They are dishonest because they know that others may react to what is hidden and they wish to avoid this.
Keeping secrets is finally….an emotional theft.
It helps us feel less vulnerable and usually stems from old baggage and shame.
It is cheating to secure a result that cannot or will not come about if the secret is disclosed. Keeping secrets also avoids the effort and responsibility of finding an equitable, honest solution in which others can participate.
Secrets are always antithetical to relationship, to intimacy, to real and fulfilling contact. Secretive people are never fulfilled emotionally. They keep a wall of separation between themselves and others and then wonder why the feel so alone and misunderstood. They often blame others for this state and use it to justify secretiveness, instead of doing the only valid and meaningful and intelligent thing: spill out all secrets and make themselves as transparent as possible.
[b]So, next time they say you've invaded their privacy....tell them "No, everyone deserves privacy. I've invaded your secrecy!"
[They] won’t be able to trust [You]! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
On one level….it’s laughable WS babble. On the other hand, the BS often does feel guilt and regret about having to snoop. The WS uses those feelings to their advantage. But you haven’t invaded their privacy.
You’ve invaded their secrecy
And they don’t like it.
Married people are entitled to privacy....but not, but not secrecy.
The true concept of privacy never implies keeping secrets. In fact, just the opposite is true. What is divinely inspired and ripens in privacy, is later always opened up and shared with others. It is never meant to be hidden. Only dishonesty, lies, negative intentionality and destructiveness of one sort or another, need to be hidden from others. Nothing that is true and beautiful needs to be kept secret. Not ever.
The wayward spouse uses a simple truth: that we all need some privacy and creates real evil by using truth to cover a lie. What usually happens is that privacy is used to camouflage the intention of keeping secrets. In other words, secretive people will use the right and need for privacy to conceal that they really are keeping something secret.
Secrecy and privacy are not too difficult to distinguish from each other.
A rule of thumb to distinguish the two is to ask: is this fact about me important in this relationship at this time?
There’s a big difference between closing the door to the bathroom, and closing a window on the computer so your spouse can’t see your secrets. All secrets involve private information, but what makes them secrets is that the withheld personal information is important to actions in the relationship. It’s privacy if you ask your husband to hang up the phone extension when you’re chatting with a friend. It’s secrecy if you’re going to tell that friend personal things about your marriage.
Secrecy is a tool, which is commonly used in trying to escape consequences.
Secrets always hide something negative, that's why they're secrets.
Those who keep a secret fear the truth because they know they have no intention of changing.
They are dishonest because they know that others may react to what is hidden and they wish to avoid this.
Keeping secrets is finally….an emotional theft.
It helps us feel less vulnerable and usually stems from old baggage and shame.
It is cheating to secure a result that cannot or will not come about if the secret is disclosed. Keeping secrets also avoids the effort and responsibility of finding an equitable, honest solution in which others can participate.
Secrets are always antithetical to relationship, to intimacy, to real and fulfilling contact. Secretive people are never fulfilled emotionally. They keep a wall of separation between themselves and others and then wonder why the feel so alone and misunderstood. They often blame others for this state and use it to justify secretiveness, instead of doing the only valid and meaningful and intelligent thing: spill out all secrets and make themselves as transparent as possible.
[b]So, next time they say you've invaded their privacy....tell them "No, everyone deserves privacy. I've invaded your secrecy!"