21, married, separated, confused - 08/26/07 10:44 PM
over the past two months i've been wondering about my marriage. we've been married for about a year and half, after the months i've accumalated alot of frustrations. i'm the type of person who cant verbalize how they feel. i always forget something. my wife is a beautiful woman older woman (25), i know she loves me, i can see it in her eyes still. anyway, heres what has been happening lately:
like i said, for 2 months i've been thinking of my marriage and how i want to go about it. so i figured i type a rough draft about how i feel. as usual everything wasnt there but most of it was. in shorts words, it was saying i felt alone and some things didnt seem right and i didnt like how she did somethings. there was alot and i really cant remember anything now.
so i sent the letter to a friend first to get what her thoughts were. now that i think bout it, she was the wrong person to send it to. a unmarried woman whom is a ex but good friend. the wife found the letter (i typed it on a PDA).
that night she had thoughts of living me. id ont know why, i didnt do anything wrong. sending the letter to the wrong person i understand but i did nothing else. i wanted to have everything together before i said anything to her. i spent the next night over a friends house to let her think things over. the next day i came home and we talked things over and everything was great. then we enjoy one of life joys, make up sex.
a week goes by, i used the cpu for a moment and then i left because i had some car work to be done. she comes outside out of nowhere and questions me about a girl i was talking to online. i lied to every question althought i know she knew she knew the answers. i felt really low at that moment, wondering what have i done. the online woman was suppose to be a little support because she going thru a divorce right now. we get along great, have this sexual chemistry that me and wife dont share, i dont think we ever had a chemistry like this. before my wife found out about the girl, i was suppose to meet the girl the week prior, but i didnt because it didn't feel right.
since that night, i've been spending my time in the living room. we've had multiple conversations about our marriage and came to conclusion that maybe we should be separated to think things thru. a few days went past and things was gettin a little bit better, i continued talking to the online woman, now we talk on the phone and send texts thru-out the day until i have to go home. my marriage was getting better day by day. we were talking more, she let me hold her, we kissed. she asked if we could start over and start dating again. i was fine with it, finally a chance to make things right.
another week later,still separated, my wife calls me at work and i foolishly tell a female co worker to say hello on the phone. my wife was calling to ask me to go out with her, but instead she goes on a date with another man. i had no problem with it because we discussed that we could/should dat other people. her date lasted until 5am. i was up on the phone talking to my other woman until 2am. i've never asked about my wife's date because she just isnt talking to me anymore. she just says what she has to. i've been putting her thru so much this month and i'm wondering why i keep messing up. i cant believe these things have been happening. i know it's my fault, but i just want to make things better.
last night, i went to meet the online woman. it was odd because she made me feel wanted, a feeling i havent had in a long time. things could of went to a whole another level but i didnt. i held her off, as hard as that was. i wanted to but i just couldnt do that to my wife, even if we're separated. i think we've grown a little close to each other, but she draws a line because she doesnt want a relationship due to the last few ones she had. i must admit ihave some feelins for her, its not even a lust thing, just a sucker for love.
during all of this, i've been wondering if this was the right choice for me. did i get married too early? could i love my wife's rights and wrong for the rest of our lives? she does things that i make me wonder if shes the one still. i feel like i'm at a crossroads here, i want to continue my marriage but theni dont. i've been thinking about this very hard (almost all day) since we separated. the way my wife is handling this makes me wonder. she says shes helping me, i dont really see it. telling me you want your space and i need to be on my own makes me think its over. i just dont know what to think anymore. i dont want to make a decision and then regret not doing the other.
she cant say that i'm not trying, i just got the love busters book. i've been reading from this site for over a month. doing research on marriages and how to solve these issues. i dont want her to have too much space because i want to still feel close to her. although we're seaparated and still living together (i kno its odd, finicial issues).
i'm just looking for somebody who is or has gone thru anything similar to this. i dont want a answer, just some help. i dont know what to think about this anymore.
well thanks for reading my first post and thank you for any insight you might bring.
Brandon [color:"blue"] [/color]
like i said, for 2 months i've been thinking of my marriage and how i want to go about it. so i figured i type a rough draft about how i feel. as usual everything wasnt there but most of it was. in shorts words, it was saying i felt alone and some things didnt seem right and i didnt like how she did somethings. there was alot and i really cant remember anything now.
so i sent the letter to a friend first to get what her thoughts were. now that i think bout it, she was the wrong person to send it to. a unmarried woman whom is a ex but good friend. the wife found the letter (i typed it on a PDA).
that night she had thoughts of living me. id ont know why, i didnt do anything wrong. sending the letter to the wrong person i understand but i did nothing else. i wanted to have everything together before i said anything to her. i spent the next night over a friends house to let her think things over. the next day i came home and we talked things over and everything was great. then we enjoy one of life joys, make up sex.
a week goes by, i used the cpu for a moment and then i left because i had some car work to be done. she comes outside out of nowhere and questions me about a girl i was talking to online. i lied to every question althought i know she knew she knew the answers. i felt really low at that moment, wondering what have i done. the online woman was suppose to be a little support because she going thru a divorce right now. we get along great, have this sexual chemistry that me and wife dont share, i dont think we ever had a chemistry like this. before my wife found out about the girl, i was suppose to meet the girl the week prior, but i didnt because it didn't feel right.
since that night, i've been spending my time in the living room. we've had multiple conversations about our marriage and came to conclusion that maybe we should be separated to think things thru. a few days went past and things was gettin a little bit better, i continued talking to the online woman, now we talk on the phone and send texts thru-out the day until i have to go home. my marriage was getting better day by day. we were talking more, she let me hold her, we kissed. she asked if we could start over and start dating again. i was fine with it, finally a chance to make things right.
another week later,still separated, my wife calls me at work and i foolishly tell a female co worker to say hello on the phone. my wife was calling to ask me to go out with her, but instead she goes on a date with another man. i had no problem with it because we discussed that we could/should dat other people. her date lasted until 5am. i was up on the phone talking to my other woman until 2am. i've never asked about my wife's date because she just isnt talking to me anymore. she just says what she has to. i've been putting her thru so much this month and i'm wondering why i keep messing up. i cant believe these things have been happening. i know it's my fault, but i just want to make things better.
last night, i went to meet the online woman. it was odd because she made me feel wanted, a feeling i havent had in a long time. things could of went to a whole another level but i didnt. i held her off, as hard as that was. i wanted to but i just couldnt do that to my wife, even if we're separated. i think we've grown a little close to each other, but she draws a line because she doesnt want a relationship due to the last few ones she had. i must admit ihave some feelins for her, its not even a lust thing, just a sucker for love.
during all of this, i've been wondering if this was the right choice for me. did i get married too early? could i love my wife's rights and wrong for the rest of our lives? she does things that i make me wonder if shes the one still. i feel like i'm at a crossroads here, i want to continue my marriage but theni dont. i've been thinking about this very hard (almost all day) since we separated. the way my wife is handling this makes me wonder. she says shes helping me, i dont really see it. telling me you want your space and i need to be on my own makes me think its over. i just dont know what to think anymore. i dont want to make a decision and then regret not doing the other.
she cant say that i'm not trying, i just got the love busters book. i've been reading from this site for over a month. doing research on marriages and how to solve these issues. i dont want her to have too much space because i want to still feel close to her. although we're seaparated and still living together (i kno its odd, finicial issues).
i'm just looking for somebody who is or has gone thru anything similar to this. i dont want a answer, just some help. i dont know what to think about this anymore.
well thanks for reading my first post and thank you for any insight you might bring.
Brandon [color:"blue"] [/color]