Interesting happenings & a question 4 those that D - 05/19/10 03:37 PM
I've had a very interesting few weeks. Nothing massive, but interesting nonetheless.
I'm getting married soon to a great woman. Both of us believe in MB and were BS'es in our respective marriages.
Transparency is big, so I keep my fiance in the loop on any contact with any woman friend I have and we maintain open access to each other's accounts. I've let certain friendships die, with no regret on my end for that.
So we're chugging along, fat dumb and happy with wedding plans in the works when I had a very weird thing occur on Facebook.
A woman asked to be my friend. I didn't recognize the name, but thought it was a high school classmate so I accepted since I accept my high school friends.
She proceeded to write me a rather strange message where she mentioned she was happy I was still around.
That wording was puzzling and I asked her 1. How do I know you?, and 2. What did you mean by that?
So she gave me a loooooong response. She tells me we went on a few dates many years ago. She told me she lost contact with me after I left for the AF and that she tried to write me some letters, but they were sent back to her. She then heard I had died while in the AF, but she found out that wasn't the case.
Her message was a bit flirty. It was a kind of "what might have been" message and felt a bit like a fishing expedition.
I looked at her profile a little more carefully and noticed that it looked like she was married. I then asked her if she was married and told her I was engaged.
I told my fiance about the message and let her read it.
My fiance warned me that this was a fishing expedition, that her message was flirty, and she agreed with me that it looked like she was married and fishing on FB, likely unhappy in her own marriage.
The whole thing made my fiance uncomfortable. I felt that I didn't need the headache and this woman reminded me too much of my own WXW, who used the internet to connect with other men while married to me. I took her off my friends list and contacted a buddy of mine to see if he knew the guy she might be married to so I could confirm if he was her husband and I could expose the contact to him.
She wrote me back, wondering if she said something to offend me.
I responded with a message that told her that I was uncomfortable with the fact that she dodged my question about being married, referring to the father of her kids as, "their father".
I then very bluntly told her she reminded me of my WXW, fishing for lost contacts from the past on the internet while married to someone. I told her that if she was married and unhappy that she should come to MB, but that I felt no need to continue my contact with her. I specifically said that happily married women don't go on the internet to make contact with men they went on a few dates with 18 years ago just to say hi and make friends. Such contact is inappropriate.
I emphasized that I was marrying a wonderful woman and felt no need to make new female friends and that I kept a healthy distance from the very few that I do have. I haven't heard from her since and I haven't been able to confirm her marital status since the guy I think may be her husband could be her brother for all I know.
On top of that, I had an interesting encounter with my WXW which was baffling more than anything.
We've been amicably interacting when it comes to the kids, exchanging a few emails here and there about their school activities or any important tidbits of info about them. All business, nothing really on a personal level.
I'm at the point where I literally don't feel anything when she's around and don�t care if she comes into my house.
So she came to get the kids for Mother's Day. She asked me if my fiance and I were registered anywhere and said she wanted to get something for the kids to give to us. I was surprised by this, but my female acquaintances tell me that this isn't anything unusual. It's alien to me since I wouldn't do such a thing for her, but that's not what I found odd as much as what happened when she was leaving.
Before she left she said, "I meant to show this to you."
She turned around and pulled on the bottom of her shirt so I could see a tattoo at the base of her neck. It was a rather large one,
"It's a phoenix with a sign for Leo. I got it three weeks ago"
All I said was, "Uh. Ok. Well, Happy Mother's Day."
I was a bit baffled by her need to show me this. I've had different theories presented to me:
1. She feels the need to say, "I'm soooo over you. Look at this tattoo I got which you never would have liked."
2. It's a sign of trouble with her live in BF (I hope it's not this because I don't worry about him with my kids. He's nice to them).
3. She simply feels more comfortable talking to me since I am getting married and therefore no longer feels as bad talking to me as she did before.
I would say the third theory is the most likely one, but I still found the whole thing to be a little odd. The other question posed to me was, "why would a woman in her thirties with three kids suddenly want to get a tattoo?"
I don't know. Really, I don't care.
So I guess I present the question to those of you who are divorced: Were there interactions with your WXS, after they left and when things settled down, that made you scratch your head?
I'm getting married soon to a great woman. Both of us believe in MB and were BS'es in our respective marriages.
Transparency is big, so I keep my fiance in the loop on any contact with any woman friend I have and we maintain open access to each other's accounts. I've let certain friendships die, with no regret on my end for that.
So we're chugging along, fat dumb and happy with wedding plans in the works when I had a very weird thing occur on Facebook.
A woman asked to be my friend. I didn't recognize the name, but thought it was a high school classmate so I accepted since I accept my high school friends.
She proceeded to write me a rather strange message where she mentioned she was happy I was still around.
That wording was puzzling and I asked her 1. How do I know you?, and 2. What did you mean by that?
So she gave me a loooooong response. She tells me we went on a few dates many years ago. She told me she lost contact with me after I left for the AF and that she tried to write me some letters, but they were sent back to her. She then heard I had died while in the AF, but she found out that wasn't the case.
Her message was a bit flirty. It was a kind of "what might have been" message and felt a bit like a fishing expedition.
I looked at her profile a little more carefully and noticed that it looked like she was married. I then asked her if she was married and told her I was engaged.
I told my fiance about the message and let her read it.
My fiance warned me that this was a fishing expedition, that her message was flirty, and she agreed with me that it looked like she was married and fishing on FB, likely unhappy in her own marriage.
The whole thing made my fiance uncomfortable. I felt that I didn't need the headache and this woman reminded me too much of my own WXW, who used the internet to connect with other men while married to me. I took her off my friends list and contacted a buddy of mine to see if he knew the guy she might be married to so I could confirm if he was her husband and I could expose the contact to him.
She wrote me back, wondering if she said something to offend me.
I responded with a message that told her that I was uncomfortable with the fact that she dodged my question about being married, referring to the father of her kids as, "their father".
I then very bluntly told her she reminded me of my WXW, fishing for lost contacts from the past on the internet while married to someone. I told her that if she was married and unhappy that she should come to MB, but that I felt no need to continue my contact with her. I specifically said that happily married women don't go on the internet to make contact with men they went on a few dates with 18 years ago just to say hi and make friends. Such contact is inappropriate.
I emphasized that I was marrying a wonderful woman and felt no need to make new female friends and that I kept a healthy distance from the very few that I do have. I haven't heard from her since and I haven't been able to confirm her marital status since the guy I think may be her husband could be her brother for all I know.
On top of that, I had an interesting encounter with my WXW which was baffling more than anything.
We've been amicably interacting when it comes to the kids, exchanging a few emails here and there about their school activities or any important tidbits of info about them. All business, nothing really on a personal level.
I'm at the point where I literally don't feel anything when she's around and don�t care if she comes into my house.
So she came to get the kids for Mother's Day. She asked me if my fiance and I were registered anywhere and said she wanted to get something for the kids to give to us. I was surprised by this, but my female acquaintances tell me that this isn't anything unusual. It's alien to me since I wouldn't do such a thing for her, but that's not what I found odd as much as what happened when she was leaving.
Before she left she said, "I meant to show this to you."
She turned around and pulled on the bottom of her shirt so I could see a tattoo at the base of her neck. It was a rather large one,
"It's a phoenix with a sign for Leo. I got it three weeks ago"
All I said was, "Uh. Ok. Well, Happy Mother's Day."
I was a bit baffled by her need to show me this. I've had different theories presented to me:
1. She feels the need to say, "I'm soooo over you. Look at this tattoo I got which you never would have liked."
2. It's a sign of trouble with her live in BF (I hope it's not this because I don't worry about him with my kids. He's nice to them).
3. She simply feels more comfortable talking to me since I am getting married and therefore no longer feels as bad talking to me as she did before.
I would say the third theory is the most likely one, but I still found the whole thing to be a little odd. The other question posed to me was, "why would a woman in her thirties with three kids suddenly want to get a tattoo?"
I don't know. Really, I don't care.
So I guess I present the question to those of you who are divorced: Were there interactions with your WXS, after they left and when things settled down, that made you scratch your head?