Here is where i need advice. She wqnts to have supper with me tonight as a family............ we have 3 kids 7, 5, 3 I wouldn't mind doing it becasue I love her and it would make it easy for me. but I don't want to do it becasue she wants nothing to do with me she told me and my lawer. I dont want to give the kids false hope if there is none.
BeF, welcome to MB. Your WW is trying to have in divorce what she couldn't have in marriage: The freedom to move back and forth betweeen boyfriends and family with no repercussions. She wants to just drop in on the family when she feels like enjoying some family time, and then drop out again until she feels like coming around again.
Sorry - this is a terrible example for your children. Families deserve FULL-TIME parents and FULL-TIME spouses. Part-time is not good enough and the kids should never be shown that it is.
Surely your children deserve more than crumbs and leftovers and part-time parents pretending that part-time is enough. Don't they?
Family Time is a privilege that has to be earned - and it is earned by being there FULL-TIME as both a parent AND a spouse.
Since WW has decided she no longer wants to be a full-time spouse, she no longer has the privilege of Family Time and your childen should NEVER get the idea that she does. The family no longer exists and it is a terrible disservice to the kids to pretend it does.
By all means let the children spend all the time they want with their mother, but NOT with Daddy being there too and pretending to still be a family when they're not.
This is massively confusing and only teaches the kids that hey, you can destroy your family and nuke it to bits but still enjoy the fun parts of Family Time when you feel like it. And they'll grow up expecting to do exactly this.
No Way. Never. Please don't do this to your kids. Families are not pets that you keep for your amusement and go and visit when you feel like it. As I said, surely your kids deserve better.
Here is an MB thread titled "The Fantasy of Divorce" which might be helpful:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2279757&page=1