Situation is that me and my girlfriend been separated since we moved out of our place, because I lost my job and we could not afford to live where we were at. Living together was extremely stressful to both of us. Blended family and all. The children age mix are: step-daughter: 19, son: 18, step-daughter: 17, daughter: 16, son: 10, our-son : 5. The two oldest live on their own.
The week before we moved out I told her that in some ways it would be a relief not having to be �DEALING� with her 17 yr old. Foot in mouth I think is what they call this. This really upset her. The next day she thought that it would be a good idea if we broke up but that we would still see each other.
There is an OM in my GFs life. This OM is her landlord and her neighbor. He recently separated from his wife. She says that they are �just friends�. After talking with her I come to find out that she has been staying up late till the OM would be coming home from work around three in the morning to talk and spend time together, even during the work week. Also there were times when her daughter and my brother were with them sometimes [START_EDIT] She tells me that there was maybe fifteen minutes ever of her being alone with OM. I remember her saying that she had been alone with him. [END_EDIT]
Some of the things that she said to me were that they were 'just friends'. That it's like they've known each other forever. That they could talk about things that they've never told any one else. And how it's funny that since she has lived in California that she was always following him around wherever he lived.
After this statement I was angry! I said what the [censored] is going on. I pretty much told her that her statements were [censored]. That what she was feeling was infatuation. She said it can't be because she doesn't think of him that way. They are 'just friends'.
Whenever I talk to her all she wants to do is talk about the OM. OM this. OM that. How wonderful he is with stepdaughter. How funny and witty he is. I finally tell her that I really don�t give a f**k about OM and that she need to stop talking about him. I reiterate to her that she is infatuated. Once again I hear that she doesn�t think of him that way, they are �just friends�.
OM leaves out of town for work. The next day she has some plumbing problems. I tell her to call her OM/landlord and let him know to get a plumber. She tells me that she can�t because she might wake him up since he works nights. (Wtf I don�t care about him and if his sleep is interrupted. My sleep is interrupted for this [censored]). I convince her that she needs to let him know. After him not being able to get a plumber or being able to do s*t, this is with phone conversations and texts. I get a power snake and take care of the plug.
Her place is managed by OM wife�s parents and right before he left, they quit managing his places. I find out that the OM�s wife believes something is going on between OM and WS. She and I start talking about the reasons for OM wife thinking that something is going on. She says she doesn�t understand how people could think that anything could be going on between them, because they are �just friends�. That she doesn�t think of him that way. She began to relate a story about one Sunday that his friends were over for a BBQ and he invited her to hang-out. My brother went down to Oceanside to stay the weekend with some old friends of his. She went into her place to get some beers and one of the OM�s �drunk� friends followed her into the kitchen and propositioned her for sex. She said, �F**ck off and get the hell out of her house.� He said to her, �Why not? Since your f**cking OM.� She then left and went and told OM. He took the drunk friend home. It seems that drunk friend and OM share a ride to work together. Well I ask her why would the drunk friend think that her and OM were having sex. She replied she didn�t know, since nothing has ever happened to between them. I pointed out to her that since three different people (me, OM wife, drunk friend) unconnected with each other, think this, that maybe something is going on. She asked me if she has ever lied to me. I answered, �to the best of my knowledge, no�. She then stated that nothing has ever happened between them, that she doesn�t think of him that way.
We started talking about OM, she telling me how I would like him. I then told her that since she had me leave that it was pretty hard to meet him and see if I would like him. See then told me he would be home on Labor day and that I could come for the weekend to meet him. She also mentioned that she missed the OM.
Her and I go out. She is very standoffish. Almost at the end of the evening, instead of talking to her about why she is standoffish, I have an AO and walk off the dance floor. A couple of minutes later I apologize to her. She says she expected it. We end up talking at her place around a fire-pit. Pretty romantic if it wasn�t for the LB. She starts talking to me about my cycling of about two weeks. I instantly get it. She is right. She tells me the reason that she doesn�t want us to be a couple is because of the rollercoaster.
The next Tuesday before Labor Day, she starts talking about the OM. The conversation turns into an ultimatum from me. I tell her that if were not a couple then we can�t be working on our R. So either we�re a couple or we need to move on. She tells me to stop pushing. So I do.
During that evening this idea pops into my head. Why is she talking about the OM? Oh because he�s back early for Labor Day. This tuned out to be true. We end up talking again several days later about getting together for Labor Day. It comes out that OM did come back early, but she didn�t know until after our conversation. She said it was a coincidence. I told her that there seemed to be a lot of coincidences.
Coincidence, those two weeks after OM moves in that she�s telling me to leave. Coincidence, that she now has this �great friendship� for only knowing the OM for such a short time. Coincidence that we get in a big fight the day the OM returns early. She said that she was sorry that there were all these coincidences, but that was all that they were, coincidences. It also comes out that OM and his wife are going to reconcile. What do you think about the coincidences?
Labor Day weekend was pretty good. Three things happened that spring to mind. OMs wife made it a point with all of us sitting around talking that it was great the WS was such a good friend to OM while they were separated. The second thing is that on Sunday I spent the day doing things around her place leveling out the fire-pit so it would not be on a slant. After I was finishing up her and I were talking about how good it was starting to look. I was thinking about how good beer would be. The OM and OM�s wife pulled up from going out to dinner. We started talking about the fire-pit. Since I was thinking about a beer and was getting ready to get one out of the cooler, I asked OM if he wanted a beer. He said yes. The WS then jumps up and goes to the cooler and gets a single beer out. He had turned around and was talking to his wife. WS stood next to him for a few seconds then rubbed his arm and held out the beer to him. I held on. NO LB. Wahoo. The third thing is I checked her activity log of her cell. Just the calls and texts from when she had plumbing problems. Nothing but business talk about plumbers and what to do about problem.
He went away to work. During the week she complained to me that she didn�t really get any time with the OM. She also said that she thought the only reason for the OM and his wife to get back together is that he could spend more time with his kid. I said what was wrong with that. That it�s important for a father to be with his children. She then said that it�s also important for a person to be happy. I said I didn�t understand. She said that he doesn�t have any feelings for her and that he is only getting back together with her so that he wouldn�t have to put up with the hassle of going to court to get custody. I then asked her why she didn�t tell him that. She said it was because he had to leave early and she couldn�t get any �private time� with him. NO LB. Yahoo.
Since Labor Day she tells me that one of the reasons, beside the rollercoaster, is that she doesn�t feel good about herself. She wants to be the person that she was during the first year we were together. She says if she�s not happy how I could ever be happy being with her. She�s afraid that if we do become a couple again that it will all go back to the way it was before. That I will take her for granted (not paying attention to her EN).
She told me that she needed to let OM know that she wouldn�t be able to pay rent until the 5th instead of the 1st. after this I went through her cell phone.
These were the texts to the OM.
Her: Explaining that she would be late with the rent.
Her: Btw miss u.
Him: Miss you too. That will be okay about the rent.
Her: How is everything?
Him: Great! Right now playing beer pong. Looking to win that for 500 dollars.
Her: Good luck. Have a great time.
Him: Miss u guys
Need some help.
Be rough. Don�t let me weasel.
Some of the triggers for the taker are:
1. She starts to withdraw. Don't know if this is because see is anticipating my taker to appear. Or if she thinks that what I'm doing is too good to be true.
2. I will snoop in her texts/e-mail and see that she has sent OM a message saying that she misses him.
I want her in my life. I lover her, but I�m not doing any good. So it�s time to step up to the plate and do what needs to be done.
Thanks
BTW,
The last LB episode I ended up telling her that I snooped at her phone. She was pissed. I agreed not to snoop anymore and she agreed that I could look at her phone anytime I wanted. Just to ask and she would hand it over. We had this policy when we first started out.
Today she says that she understands my snooping and my feelings of why I would need to snoop. She is okay with my feelings.
Also OM returns in three weeks.
I have to get my [censored] together.
Too long, didn't read it all.
Please summarize in a couple of paragraphs. You should click 'notify' and ask the moderators to move your thread to the surviving an affair (SAA) forum, which is better suited to your problems.
Welcome to MB and sorry you're here under such circumstances.
Clark,
Your post is WAY too long. We don't need a play by play story. The gist is:
> You are not and have never been married to this woman.
> You have one child together.
> You once lived together but both moved apart due to your job loss.
> She then broke up with you.
> Your ex-girlfriend is now the other woman in her next door neighbors marriage.
> Your ex-girlfriend doesn't want to get back with you because you were neglectful.
> You don't know what to do now.
Did I get that right?
Look, you did things in the wrong order. It's not recommended you have kids before marriage. Then you proceed to ignore your girlfriend (for how many years?) and never get married.
She's not cheating on you if you're not together. However it sounds like the OM is cheating on his wife. How about you tell this guy's wife what's going on and see if that ends things? Maybe then you'll have an opportunity to not only do the right thing and kill an affair but refocus your ex-girlfriends attention on you where you can then do what you should have done in the first place: meet her EN's.
Tell me what you think.
aBetterMe
P.S. Watch your language. Swear words with *'s in them is still not acceptable. The moderators will get upset if you continue.
@bitbucket - thanks. Tried shortening and requested that it be moved to SAA. BTW I really haven't heard of the bitbucket since my navy training days. LOL!
@aBetterMe -
> You are not and have never been married to this woman.
> You have one child together.
> You once lived together but both moved apart due to your job loss.
> She then broke up with you.
> Your ex-girlfriend is now the other woman in her next door neighbors marriage.
> Your ex-girlfriend doesn't want to get back with you because you were neglectful.
> You don't know what to do now.
You're correct!
Look, you did things in the wrong order. It's not recommended you have kids before marriage. Then you proceed to ignore your girlfriend (for how many years?) and never get married.
Hindsight is 20/20. That is why I'm here. This needs to change on my part. I would say for half of the last six years.
She's not cheating on you if you're not together.
This is absolutely correct. Still hurts.
However it sounds like the OM is cheating on his wife. How about you tell this guy's wife what's going on and see if that ends things?
Already sent a friend request to her on FB.
Maybe then you'll have an opportunity to not only do the right thing and kill an affair but refocus your ex-girlfriends attention on you where you can then do what you should have done in the first place: meet her EN's.
And that's where I'm at. LB and all.
Hi clark, welcome to Marriage Builders! I wrote a post to a man in a similar situation over on the SAA board and I am going to repost it here:
MissmyFA, I would like to explain that there is a huge difference between living together and being married. They are not the same. Your gf is a single woman who is a free agent. She is free to date because she is not committed. Living together is a renters agreement that is only in effect until something better comes along. When there is conflict in your relationship, she is free to look elsewhere. And she, apparently, has taken that option.
That is why I disagree that her relationship with this other man is an "affair' or that it would be right to treat it as such. This is not an affair. She has a new boyfriend and that is her right.
In my opinion, I would try to win her back, but I would not use the standard tactics of exposure, etc. That is not applicable in this case.
AND, if you do win her back, I would seriously consider splitting up and not living together again until you are married. If she will marry you, you will need to start all over to erase the BAD HABITS that come from living together. The bad habits developed while shacking up RUIN marriages.
If you can get her back and start over, I would IMPLORE you to get the book Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders and jump to the chapter about the "curse of living together before marriage." In it, Dr Harley gives a plan to turn such damaged relationships into buyers relationships.
For your child's sake, I hope you can pull this out. It will take alot of work, but I am pulling for you.
The Buyer and the Renter
In my Q&A column, Living Together Before Marriage, I described two approaches to marital conflict: The approach of the Buyer and the approach of the Renter. To help you understand why it may be difficult for you to complain to your spouse as soon as problem arises, I return to that analogy.
When a couple live together before marriage, they tend to be "renters." By that I mean that they view their relationship much as they would renting an apartment. If something goes wrong in an apartment, the landlord is expected to fix it -- if it needs paint, the landlord paints it; if it needs repairs, the landlord does the repairing. In other words, the renter is not responsible for making the apartment suitable for living -- the landlord is responsible. And if the apartment is not repaired, the tenant isn't expected to fix the apartment himself, he simply moves to another apartment if he doesn't like the one he is renting.
In the same way, couples who live together before marriage do not expect to make many changes to accommodate their lovers. The relationship is a test of how "livable" their relationship is, and if they were to find it uncomfortable, or if one were to complain much, it would mean that they would not be right for each other.
Those who live together before marriage tend to ignore conflicts until they become intensely negative. That's why these relationships are notoriously abusive (as reported in a recent Justice Department study on domestic abuse). If these couples eventually marry, they carry their renter's agreement into marriage, with the same tendency to ignore conflicts until they build up. Since the renter's agreement does not promote healthy adjustment in marriage, or the sustaining of romantic love -- the vast majority of these marriages end in divorce.
On the other hand, when couples marry before they live together, they tend to be "buyers." Much like buying a house, these couples realize that if anything needs fixing, they will have to fix it -- the sooner, the better. Their marriage is not a test of how livable their relationship is, but rather, it's a commitment to make their relationship livable. That means that when a problem first surfaces, they go right to work fixing it, knowing that if they don't fix it soon, it can lead to an even bigger problem later.
This is where my approach to building love in marriage makes a crucial point -- unless you and your spouse build your lifestyle together like a buyer, where you change your own behavior to make each other happy and avoid making each other unhappy, you will destroy the love you once had for each other. The buyer's approach to a relationship helps sustain the feeling of love because each spouse changes his or her own behavior to meet each other's needs and avoid hurting each other. The renter's approach, on the other hand, expects the other person to accept one's behavior as it is, and that, in turn, leads to a loss of love and eventual divorce.
@MelodyLane -
That is why I disagree that her relationship with this other man is an "affair' or that it would be right to treat it as such. This is not an affair. She has a new boyfriend and that is her right.
So you are saying exposure should not happen in this case?
And I need to approach this as If we were starting over?
So you are saying exposure should not happen in this case?
And I need to approach this as If we were starting over?
yes!
@MelodyLane - I can agree to no exposure. Because we have no commitment. If I use coercion to win her back by exposing is just control. To force her to be with me. She needs to decide to be with me.
So then I need a plan to win her back.
I need some time to work on myself. Get to a point where I'm not so emotionally connected to what she is doing with this other person.
Need to stop the Love Busting.
Yes?
I need some time to work on myself. Get to a point where I'm not so emotionally connected to what she is doing with this other person.
Need to stop the Love Busting.
Yes?
CK, I think that is a good start, but more importantly, a seismic shift of attitude towards your relationship is required. Most people don't understand the dynamics in a living together situation. Understanding that dynamic is the first step in turning it around. PLEASE get that book I recommended above. It will guide in turning this around if you can attract her back.
Yes I see that about the dynamic shift in my attitude towards any relationship with her. The book is on hold til early next week.
This weekend I will spend it with some of my kids. She has the youngest this weekend.
I asked her to look at this post. She is extremely angry at me. She is worried that I'm going to expose. She is afraid that will hurt the other people involved. And that her personal history is on the internet. That some of things I said are somewhat true and some isn't.
That's okay. I can live with the anger. I can live with her trying to rewrite my memories.
I need somebody to talk to that isn't wrapped up in my drama and her drama.
if I'm making a mistake by this so be it. I'm not exposing. It is not my place. I do not want to force her to be with me.
Btw, I just got off the phone with the youngest. Did you know he has a Star Wars Tattoo? LOL!
She is worried that I'm going to expose. She is afraid that will hurt the other people involved.
CK, this is one thing I would do FOR SURE, and that is to notify her boyfriend's WIFE so she can protect herself from your GF and her husband. That would be the decent thing to do. I would do this without forewarning. It is your place to tell his wife, since you KNOW what it going on. His wife will be very appreciative that you did.
Your GF is not at all worried about the OM's wife, she is worried that you will interfere with her destructive and cruel behavior against this marriage.
Wow this is weird writing this like this.
I contacted her boyfriend's WIFE. Just missed her by minutes on FB.
With all the acronyms floating around. I never thought of him as her boyfriend, but that is what he is.
So before I could get in touch with her boyfriend's WIFE. My GF? -/ the OW (this is really out there. A rose is a rose by any other name...) texted me to say this:
HER
I think you've gone over the top and have become obsessed with this. I do not need need this drama right now. I am physically ill from your actions over the last few days. I do not want to talk to you unless its about S5 I feel you need to find someone to make you happy I will not be party to your crazy making any longer.
ME
I will respect your choice. I love you.
HER
This is feeling creepy I think you're trying to make me have a nervous breakdown. I love you but you crossed the line
I contacted her boyfriend's WIFE. Just missed her by minutes on FB.
Just keep trying! Do you have her phone #? If so, I would just give her a call tomorrow.
Keep up the good work!
LOL! Just got off the phone with her boyfriend's wife. She said she wasn't surprised. But from what OM said to WIFE about his 'just friends' that in no way does he find her appealing. Ever. Ever. But WIFE told me that I probably should go get checked for STDs just to be safe. Also she told me that there is no way this guy could even begin to meet any of OWs ENs. It's just not in him. He's at his new job living the good life and can't even send support money to his kid.
Good that GF doesn't want me to talk to her. So that means I can start taking care of myself without all the drama.
Should I tell GF/OW that she should be checked for STDs?
You should break up with this liar/cheater and get your kids and separate. Pay child support on the one you created with her and share custody.
Then get a good job, get a decent place to live away from a lot of other people, and develop a productive, fun, creative and great life for yourself and your kids. You will have to have your own place in order to be able to see your baby....at least that is what I have heard...I could be wrong.
Why did you pick this cheater/liar to hang around with? You would have to be carrazy to continue on a relationship with this one. What are you thinking loving a toxic person who will damage you again and again and hurt your family, etc.?
Good that GF doesn't want me to talk to her. So that means I can start taking care of myself without all the drama.
Should I tell GF/OW that she should be checked for STDs?
Good job, ck! Yes, I would tell your GF that you talked to the OM's wife and what she said. You did good!
@Bubbles4U -
We are broken up. It took this forum to make me realize that. My problem was believing that somehow we were still a couple even though we were broken up, but still seeing each other, and trying to "fix our relationship".
I'm quite aware how custody and child support works in my state. This is because of my previous divorce. In one of my parenting classes they teach you that "all it takes is one parent". I firmly believe that.
When this thing first started coming down. I insisted that custody for S5 was equally shared. The exchanges are setup for after school-day cares on Mondays. Didn't want Fridays, because when doing that and you want to do something on the weekends, then your waiting for the exchange time.
Have a job. Doing freelance work. Web applications.
Working on getting my own place.
Why did you pick this cheater/liar to hang around with? You would have to be carrazy to continue on a relationship with this one. What are you thinking loving a toxic person who will damage you again and again and hurt your family, etc.?
I can honestly say that up to the point that we moved out of our place, that there was nothing going on. Since I was not working during the day, at home, I was doing two things. looking for a job and learning new programming languages.
There were never any weird calls to the house. There were NEVER any evenings unaccounted for. Most of her work times were accounted for. She had mentioned a co-worker to me one time. This was a guy that she had told me that when we were first dating he had the hots for her. I went hyper-vigilant. Checked her phone/email consistently. Nothing. Did find out that he was dating some other girl in the office. Doubt if she would have let somebody walk into her territory.
IMHO, there are no toxic people. Just people who cross other peoples boundaries.
My problem from the get go was believing that there was some type of commitment to a relationship between us. And if I asked her to stop being with her new friend, that she would because of that commitment. The other person then would honor that. She didn't.
Instead we were just dating. For me there was an IMPLIED exclusivity. My Boundary. She did not honor it. And I did not follow through on what you do when someone will not honor your boundaries; removing yourself from that person. I continued to let her cross my boundary.
Instead I tried to convince, cajole, control, and enforce my viewpoint on her. That is not how you maintain boundaries!
When we were dating, I made myself well aware of her past. I accepted it. I did not kid myself. I knew that it was going to be tough. Her past is what made her HER. I love her for what she is and what she was.
She had already giving me clues to what was going on with her during my half-baked Plan A. Good.
I cannot speak of her thoughts and motivations. I can only speak of MY observations of her words and actions. Because of this I needed to act. I have done so.
I will tell you something about me. This will be the second time I've been in a situation where I neglected a relationship. The first time was through total ignorance. I set out to correct it. Learn from your mistakes right? What does that tell you I need to do for myself and any future relationships?
@MelodyLane -
Instead of GF can we use SGA (someday girlfriend again). Thank you.
This morning SGA called me up complaining about money. I guess she forgot about what she textd me last night about not talking to me, except for S5. I plan on meeting all my financial obligations to the best of my abilities.
I told her about getting checked for STDs and she went ballistic.
"How could you think that I was having sex with him". Things like that. In my head I'm thinking because I've been saying to you that I thought something was going on between you two. Uh Hello?
So it really becomes crystal clear to me that I'm not running on a specific plan right now. Scary!
Need something right away. Will try to get book you suggested, "Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders" ASAP. Any inputs for plan?
(Wait a minute, I don't need to rush. This isn't going to turn around any minute. Time is exactly what I need. Use it.)
I really see that Financial Support for her is a big EN.
I'm going to text her that I'm going to follow through on my financial obligations.
I find the ENQ to be a little to late to utilize. So I need some way to try and find out her ENs when we talk.
This morning SGA called me up complaining about money. I guess she forgot about what she textd me last night about not talking to me, except for S5. I plan on meeting all my financial obligations to the best of my abilities.
clarkkent, what financial obligations? I would suggest cutting her off completely.
@ml - Debts from our previous place. Cell phone and storage also.
I did not plan for these very practical things. Need to get right on this.
Went to an air show with my dad and S10. Was very hot but the planes were very good.
Went to my brothers baseball game they won.
Talked to OM WIFE this evening. She updated me that she spoke to him about what was going on. He said that there is no way that he has any feelings for her. And that when he returns from work in a few weeks that he will straighten it out. I told her He probably should do it via text message or a letter, and that because neither of us knows really what is going on that he might be blowing smoke rings. She was upset that he was telling SGA personal things about her and her marriage.
SGA this evening txt me:
How's that relationship you were protecting going
I replied back that I would be able to talk later if you want. Love you.
Before you go on a journey you have to take the first step.
I see that this is for the better. Now I can solely focus on me and the kids now, instead expending so much time and energy on trying to get us to be a couple again.
Tomorrow I plan on finishing a project that I'm working on. This is the bad part. I work on writing web applications so my browser is open all the time. I will really have to limit myself to very minimal time spent here.
Revenge
From my understanding of SGA from her past, is that when she is hurt by someone that she is in a relationship, and when that someone does something that she perceives is to hurt her she will try revenge. Her choice of weapon is sex. She also makes no bones about her exacting this revenge. She will let the person know.
I�m ready for this. I believe it is coming. This is her taker.
When we started dating I was aware that she had opposite-sex friends. I didn�t care we were dating. After we went to exclusivity in our relationship there was never any conversation about these guys. To the best of my knowledge she dropped them all like a hot potato. The way I knew it was that we both had each others email passwords and access to each others phones.
Several months before we separated see started mentioning this co-worker. He was one of her opposite-sex friends from when we were dating. I went to snooping all seemed fine.
After we were separated she was a perceived as an OW by this opposite-sex GF. She told me that because they were friends and talked a lot at lunch and breaks that is why the GF was upset that something was going on. I was in total denial. Tried to be nonchalant but was terrified.
A week ago today she related to me that she asked this guy to get her concert tickets, �She would do anything for them.� I asked well what about when it comes to pay up. She said that she would deal with it. So I said then you will be using him. She said yes, �I really want to go to this concert.�
Why didn�t I ever admit to my self that we were no longer a couple in a committed relationship? Oh because I wanted to believe the gobbledygook she was telling me:
- She loved me.
- She wanted to work on our relationship.
Lies, damn dirty stinking filthy lies.
Got off the phone with SGA.
She is very hurt by the things I've said about her here.
She says she cannot be in a relationship ever with a man. She can longer trust men not to hurt her. She compared me with her XH (abusing SOB).
I didn't choose these relationship with the OM. It was hurting. I asked her to stop. She didn't want to. So I exposed. I told her how I viewed this relationship with the OM. She didn't care. It was more important for her to have this relationship than to stop hurting me.
She says that I'm vindictive and mean. Whom am I to play God and interfere in a marriage by exposing. How could I say hurtful things about her. How is it I couldn't trust her and go and look at her e-mails and texts.
I must be a [censored]?
Help?
clark kent, she sounds pretty foggy! I wouldn't pay much attention to her fogbabble.
@every one -
Thank you for everything so far.
I no longer feel safe posting as clark_kent.
and using this post.
I am not a control freak.
Even if I'm all those things she said were true. Then she is better off without me in her life. So why is she trying to continue to hurt me? Keep me in crazy time?
Dammit I've been here before. I know what to do.
I'm going dark, but not gone.
Thanks
Ok - I don't care...
Last night she sent me a text:
The way our relationship ended proves to me that I am meant to be alone
How do you reply to something like this?
It was an attempt to place the blame on you, to draw you back in. Would it be honest to say that it doesn't matter to you who she blames her actions on? How about no response, or something that doesn't feed her wish to fight with you just so she can feel like you're still invested?
My favorite response to get out of those battles is, "You may be right." How do you fight with that?
How about the Spock response ... "Fascinating."
@Happ2CU -
LOL!
-Interesting?
-I'll have to get back to you on that.
-Is anyone really alone in this technological age?
-Will you be cold, without food and shelter?
-Hmmm...
-OUCH! Dammit I just burned the pizza.
-If its meant to be its meant to be.
-Can't argue with facts.
-Really?
-You don't say
-It just might be in the stars
-Well you got yourself
-I heard this story about this person that was all alone forever...
-That reminds me, I've got to do the laundry
Thanks!
@NewEveryDay -
That's exactly it. She still doesn't want to accept that she did anything wrong.
I'm also thinking that she might have been trying the pity party. Woe is me.
@ML -
Today we were discussing some things on the phone:
1> Why I didn't I return a call until 2 hours later. Was in a meeting and trying to meet a Friday deadline. Wouldn't giver her details about my meeting. Upset her. Trying to create a better deal for the next project. More lucrative, but is still fair to customer.
2> Was going to the bank at the time didn't want her to know what was going on with me financially. So in mid-conversation I said, "Gotta go. I'll talk to you later."
She sent me text:
So why is it you're all up in my personal life but yours is a big secret now
Who's the one hiding [censored]
You send me a text and say wrong person and won't tell me who you were supposed to be texting but I can't have any friends
My Reply:
How to answer this? I need to make sure I pick up S5. I will talk later.
I need to add a little back story to wrong person.
About two weeks as I was going into the office I meant to text my boss to let him know I would be in after ten. It accidentally got sent to her. She texted back with "What?" I replied "Sorry wrong person".
This past Sunday I was doing my afternoon walk. She started texting me about picking up my clothes and returning her house key. We ended up discussing some things. You know about cake-eating and boundaries. Oh yeah some things like how I was so awful for ruining our relationship. It was hot and for each text I found a little bit of shade to read and write a message. Finally got tired of start, find shade, stop, read/write text, and then restart. So saying to myself, "F' this.", I finished my walk.
I sent her a text about how hot it was and that soon I would be running it. Her reply, "Answer the question". I had forgot what the question was so, looking back, realization that my recent text had nothing to do with her question. I thought to my self, "You don't want to look like a doofus, you better deflect." My text, "Sorry wrong person." Her reply, "What"
Viola` instant other person.
So half an hour before picking up S5 from school today, called XGF to continue conversation. We ended up rehashing the same old song and dance (her A). She repeatedly told me that since we've been together that she has never had sex with anyone except me. Towards the end of the conversation she sounded extremely exhausted. She said to me that she is really tired.
I think it might be time for a 180 killer Plan A.
I believe now she understands what my position is on her having this relationship with OM (she may not agree with it). Time to let it go for now till we are at the point of rebuilding our relationship.
Did find out some interesting things. A teeny glimmer of hope. She all on her own decided to not be friends with the OM because of the things he told his wife about XGF. I must admit that I gleefully told XGF every descriptive term that OM Wife said about her. What a clear piece of work OM is.
Something gives me hope that OM wife is with the program to do everything to keep them apart. The OM cannot afford to let XGF move out right now because I think he might be behind on his mortgage. So he needs her there to help pay the mortgage on the property. He should have thought of that when he started trying to mix business with pleasure. I was sure to mention these things to OM wife when discussing A. What is that phrase?
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.Something that is disturbing is that OM wife is willing to throw me under the bus to get closer to XGF. OM wife said that some of the things I told XGF about OM were not true
OM wife text to me from Saturday
Hey i told [OM] about everything and just so u know there has never been anything going on between him and [XGF]. He is pissed that she is always talking about him to you. Do me one favor, please dont tell anyone including [XGF] about [OM] having herpes cuz if he knew that i told u, he would kill me. So please just keep that to yourself. Than you and take care
[OM wife]
OM wife e-mail to XGF on Sunday
Date: Sun, 26 Sep 2010 19:49:39 -0700
Message-ID: <erased to remove identity>
Subject: Hello:)
From: [OM Wife]
To: [XGF]
Dear [XGF],
I am writing to you because I know that I will not be able tocall you this evening because of [OM child] and having homework and laundry to do before I go to bed. I just want to begin by saying how sorry I am for all that has transpired the last few weeks. [XBF] contacted me on facebook asking me to be his friend and I blindly accepted his invitation thinking that it was completely innocent, and also because I wrongly assumed that you would have been one of his "friends" on his profile. I was thinking to myself how nice it would be to stay in touch with you both. But then I discovered that you were not on his list of friends and then I received a very disturbing message from him saying that he had some information for me that concerned my marriage to [OM] and that you were also involved. He directed me to a
link to a blog that he has been recently participating in on a website that was about rebuilding marriages. I read the blog that he had written and some of the other blogs that had been left in response to his and I was utterly shocked to say the least. I could not believe what he had posted on there about [OM] and you having an affair together and that you had been saying very mean things about me to [XBF], ect. I am sure that you have read his blog so I won't go into the details unless you need me to. But basically [XBF] called me and we spoke for about an hour and he was insisting that you and [OM] were having an affair, sexual and emotional, and that the only reason that [OM] was wanting to reconcile with me was so that he could avoid a custody battle in court. Anyways [XBF] kept ranting and raving about how [OM] was the "other man" in your life and that you needed to completely cut ties with [OM] in order for you and [XBF] to be able to carry on any kind of relationship. I kept trying to explain to him that I knew for sure that there was nothing going on between you and [OM]. I told him REPEATEDLY that I KNEW FOR A FACT that there was nothing going on, but he would not listen
to me. So after about 45 minutes into my conversation with [XBF], he finally said "how do you know for sure that there's nothing going on?" and I said to him(which now I completely regret saying this) that "[OM] told me that he thinks [XGF]is nasty and he does not find her attractive at all".
I do not know what to say to you now, except that I am so very very sorry and that I should have never said this to [OM]. I never thought that he would have repeated it to you. And THE ONLY REASON I said this statement to [XBF] was to "shut him up" because he would absolutely not leave the subject alone. He was driving me CRAZY. Please, if you can find it in your heart, please forgive me. I never meant to get involved in any of this and most importantly I did not intend for you to get hurt.
Oh and by the way I never told [XBF] that [OM] has any STD's, I think he is making all of this up to hurt you(which is so f....ing wrong on so many levels) I would not have told [XBF] this about [OM] because that would be both embarrassing for [OM] and I both. I hope that you can forgive me for all of this that's happened.
I would like to be able to put this whole situation behind us and still be able to be friends. Please email me back, when you can, and let me know what's on your mind, I would really like to hear your side of the story, because there are always two sides to every story, and I have a very strong feeling that your version of the story is the right one.
Take care and God Bless you and your family.
--
[OM Wife]
Man I would really like to have OM and OM wife disappear. They seem to be slightly dysfunctional.
OM wife when originally talking to her did not seemed all that upset or surprised when I told her. It would appear that she has been here before. All I can do is wish them luck in doing all they can do to each other. Take care and God Bless you and your family OM and OM wife.
XGF told me there is another e-mail from OM wife stating that she hopes that someday XGF can get over XBF[ME]. I haven't bothered checking e-mails or some such anymore because it really is not worth the effort.
Questions:
1> Should I try to communicate to OM wife and tell her to quit lying about me and to not to interfere with my attempts to try and win back XGF?
2> Should I be getting a Plan B in place? XGF and I are both renters/cake-eaters. I can imagine a lot of back-sliding.
@ML - My primary goal is not to get back together again. It is to get my own place for me and my kids. XGF and I have a long road to hoe
For I am too a PIGOne moment they're shoveling cake down their throats as fast as they can, from anywhere they can get it. It tastes good, so even though it upsets their stomachs they keep gorging themselves. Then suddenly they wake up and find themselves in the dark, on their hands and knees in the pigsty, and only turnip rinds to munch on.
Be humble. You are in the same sty. She just happened to get the cake first.
I wear the same shoes.
When there are two cake-eaters at the table, nobodies cake is safe.
LOL!
Hoisted on my own petard!
I've been mentioning a lot lately about being open and honest. So this early evening. She brought it up to me how lately I haven't been open and honest.
Got me there.
This came about because we had been discussing a couple that she had known from her previous marriage. She knew that the women was having an affair with her WH. She didn't tell the BH about it. She said you didn't want to be the one to ruin a marriage.
I stated by her sitting on the side-lines she not only let this A kill her marriage, but that it ended up killing the other marriage. If she had told the BH about WW then he would have been able to make a choice. Fight for his marriage or decide to end it.
That marriage died 5 years later. Probably without even a whimper.
So I told her ask away.
Her: What happened at my business meeting?
Me: Told her. See a previous post.
Her: This question she was very hesitant to ask. Who is the other person?
Me:A very good friend. My best friend. [XGF].
Her: Why did you do that?
Her: Curious to see if I was still interested?
Me: Yes.
EtymologyThe word petard comes from the Middle French peter, to break wind, from pet expulsion of intestinal gas, from Latin peditum, from neuter of peditus, past participle of pedere, to break wind; akin to Greek bdein to break wind. (Merriam-Webster) Petard remains a French word meaning a firecracker today (in French slang, it means a handgun, or a joint).
The word remains in modern usage in the phrase hoist with one's own petard, which means "to be harmed by one's own plan to harm someone else" or "to fall into one's own trap," literally implying that one could be lifted up (hoist, or blown upward) by one's own bomb.
This past Monday there was talk of reconciling and getting back together. Two hours later shes calling me to tell me that it would be better if I didn't come by because the OM is angry. He was on the phone talking to his mom, saying words like "she's a crazy lying [censored]." My XGF said it was in reference to OM Wife.
XGF then said that because of her stress that she didn't want any drama between me and OM. I agreed to this.
Soon after this I was thinking, now that OM wife is out of the picture she doesn't want me around.
The next day she was asking me for copies of any correspondence between myself and OM wife. I asked for all correspondence between OM Wife and her. I didn't send any of it to her, instead a sent a message that points out all the sign of an emotional affair. Soon she calls me back ranting about, "how could you say the things you did on MB. They are personal and that nobody has the right to see that stuff."
She told me that I could never be her best friend and that she doesn't want anything to do with.
WOW!!!!!!
Right now I'm turning away from this crap.
I'm asking for some words of encouragement or anything.
Hi clark, sorry to hear things have been going so differently than you had thought they would, that's always a sinking feeling. I know it's tempting to think that if you just pointed out what you think she needs to know, what you think she doesn't know, it would all fall into place. I don't know if folks work like that. I'll be honest, clark, I don't understand why you want her right now. I know this is a temporary thing, the sleeping with a married man, and lying about it, but how about waiting until she's done before deciding to reach out to her again? Maybe she was just being nice to get the emails? Why does she want them, so they could cover their tracks better going forward? If that's the reason, what's your motivation for helping her with that? So you can get copies of their correspondence? What for, I don't get it?
How would you feel about focusing on the things that are going great in your life?
@NewEveryDay -
When crisis hits me in a personal way the first thing I try to do is control and manage. I feel that if I would have been more attentive in the past then this crisis would never have happened in the first place. So I begin to compensate for this lack of attentiveness.
This really sucks!
I think that in some ways I'm lying to myself, saying that I don't want to focus on the relationship, but that is exactly what I'm doing.
I have a plan to break away from the relationship focus. It is hard but I try to focus on that.
The plan:
- I'm exercising a lot.
- Spending extra time with kids.
- Working on building a business. Already figured out how much its going to cost to move out of where I'm living now.
- Reaching out to family and friends.
Arrrrgggghhhhhhh!
Yesterday morning was pretty good. I was totally focused on getting my very project done. After e-mailing with XGF, I became totally distracted from work. NOTHING DONE!
More R crap. Man I really nee to stay focused on what I need to do for myself.
I'm hurting and confused and really need to ficus on my goals.
Here I go my focus for today will be:
- get SCRIPT TAG JSONP HTML injected shopping cart checkout done!
- Walk for 5 miles today
- Take DS10 to do something really cool (Help? Must be Cheap)
- Clean out garage
- Clean room
- Focus on pain with journal
Hey Clark, whatever happened to your girlfriend and your children? Are you still out of work and living with friends?
Give us an update.
clark, be warned.... Bubbles thinks that you are a MelodyLane alias because you understand Marriage Builders. Anyone is suspect who exhibits any MB knowledge when she has been there for years and has
none.
Bubbles, did you know that some people who come here actually read the books?
clark, be warned.... Bubbles thinks that you are a MelodyLane alias because you understand Marriage Builders. She suspects anyone that exhibits any MB knowledge when she has been there for years and has none.
Bubbles, did you know that some people who come here actually read the books?
hahaha! Like when she tried to rope me into that "how does the personal training of women fit into MB and how does your wife feel about that" discussion she tried to have with me?
clark, be warned.... Bubbles thinks that you are a MelodyLane alias because you understand Marriage Builders. Anyone is suspect who exhibits any MB knowledge when she has been there for years and has
none.
Bubbles, did you know that some people who come here actually read the books?
Of COURSE clark_kent is MelodyLane.
ML is not outgoing enough to make her own views clear, or to defend her stance when challenged. She has always been shy and retiring and she never speaks up for herself. She also knows very little about Dr Harley's work.
That's why she spends hours inventing a second identity, with a back-story, and giving Harley-based advice as her alter-ego.
Just how stupid does she think we posters are?
Bubbles, good for you for exposing this ruse!
Just how stupid does she think we posters are?
Bubbles, good for you for exposing this ruse!
Just call me BUSTED!!
What are all these personal attacks today? Are you all miserable?
I am trying to find out who this Clark Kent really is. I have a right and a responsibility to do that don't you agree?.
insulting. very insulting. but she is a mod so she cannot be given a time out from the board is this it???
I am trying to find out who this Clark Kent really is. I have a right and a responsibility to do that don't you agree?.
No, absolutely not.
clark, be warned.... Bubbles thinks that you are a MelodyLane alias because you understand Marriage Builders. Anyone is suspect who exhibits any MB knowledge when she has been there for years and has none.
If I said anything like this I would be booted from MB.
Originally Posted By: MelodyLaneclark, be warned.... Bubbles thinks that you are a MelodyLane alias because you understand Marriage Builders. Anyone is suspect who exhibits any MB knowledge when she has been there for years and has none.
Bubbles, did you know that some people who come here actually read the books? Of COURSE clark_kent is MelodyLane.
ML is not outgoing enough to make her own views clear, or to defend her stance when challenged. She has always been shy and retiring and she never speaks up for herself. She also knows very little about Dr Harley's work.
That's why she spends hours inventing a second identity, with a back-story, and giving Harley-based advice as her alter-ego. Just how stupid does she think we posters are?
Bubbles, good for you for exposing this ruse!
_________________________
BW
Married 1989
I get your drift and the extreme and nasty sarcasm. If I said things like this I would be booted from the board but you are a mod arent you so you will be safe no matter what insults you decide to hurl at the MB posters of your choice.
Keep on insulting me, hurting my feelings, and slamming me. The more you do it the more I am copying it for future reference. come on, give me more insults!
Melody, it is kind of amazing to me that you, a mod, would violate TOS like this. Are you using your power as a MOD to violate TOS yet the regular posters (who are not trolls) are NOT allowed to violate TOS?
I am trying to find out who this Clark Kent really is. I have a right and a responsibility to do that don't you agree?.
I'm not sure why you are trying to find out who a poster is. This is an anonymous Board. ?
Bubbles, can I get you a hankie?
I am trying to find out if this person's story is the same or had improved. Of course we dont need the names of the people and thier real identity!
Bubbles, can I get you a hankie?
You are kidding, right? You are insulting. But you are in control of this MB board.
I am trying to find out who this Clark Kent really is. I have a right and a responsibility to do that don't you agree?.
Why would you? This is a forum that is anonymus in nature in which real identities are not supposed to be known. If the person isn't sending you hateful email or trying to contact you off board when you don't want them to or is passing personal information of other posters to others...well that's one thing. But does it really matter whom is who on an internet forum?
And you're trying to bait him into something just like you did me not too long ago.
Melody, it is kind of amazing to me that you, a mod, would violate TOS like this. Are you using your power as a MOD to violate TOS yet the regular posters (who are not trolls) are NOT allowed to violate TOS?
Now wait a minute! I thought I was Clark Kent? Which is it??
dis is very twicky... very...
KILTED, ASKED AND ANSWERED. See my answer up above. You like pileons right? I see how much fun you are having insulting me.
Melody, it is kind of amazing to me that you, a mod, would violate TOS like this. Are you using your power as a MOD to violate TOS yet the regular posters (who are not trolls) are NOT allowed to violate TOS?
Are you sure that you should be talking about other posters violating the TOS? Have you decided to start posting advice strictly from MB perspectives instead of contrasting advice yourself?
Melodylane:
Here is what I believe. I believe there are several posters who are mods. In addition to this, I believe that several posters who are mods also post "stories" to keep the board going.
So technically yes, you could be a Mod, and a Poster and a Troll all at the same time.
This is just what I have come to believe and I could be wrong in some cases.
Keep going, Kilted. I know you love insulting me. You are getting your "thrill for the day".
KILTED, ASKED AND ANSWERED. See my answer up above. You like pileons right? I see how much fun you are having insulting me.
Care to show me where I insulted you?
Kilted, you ALWAYS insult me in any way you can. I never can find a word of helpful advice toward me or any kindness. Even as I think well of you and your fitness goals, you insult me, join in this public whipping I am recieving now, etc.
Melodylane:
Here is what I believe. I believe there are several posters who are mods. In addition to this, I believe that several posters who are mods also post "stories" to keep the board going.
So technically yes, you could be a Mod, and a Poster and a Troll all at the same time.
This is just what I have come to believe and I could be wrong in some cases.
I think you need a new hobby. Government Conspiracies comes to mind...
TIN FOIL HAT, PLEASE.
Keep going, Kilted. I know you love insulting me. You are getting your "thrill for the day".
Actually, I haven't thrown one insult out. However, in the past, you have been accusatory towards me and attempted to bait me.
I am waiting to see what this board is made of and if the insulting words will be edited out. Most likely they will not since the Mods do not care about me, my life, my feelings, or if TOS violates ME.
KILTED, I asked you about your fitnese ideas and working with 30 women in your spare time. I wanted to see where you stood on working closely with that many women other than your own wife. I did not bait you I asked you.
Kilted, in the PAST you have insulted me. Do I hold that against you? NO. I just notice the PRESENT insults and cuts you are trying right now against me.
Come on, i want more punishment!!!! Take out ALL your frustrations on me today!!! I am printing this whole thing off as a testament to the unfairness of the board MODS who I used to love and write songs about.
Kilted, you ALWAYS insult me in any way you can. I never can find a word of helpful advice toward me or any kindness. Even as I think well of you and your fitness goals, you insult me, join in this public whipping I am recieving now, etc.
I think ALWAYS is a bit extreme. What I have asked of you before is why you come here and post contrasting MB advice and do so in a bunch of capital letters. Then you accused me of having a poor understanding of female sexuality because I mentioned I didn't understand why one would cry. Then you tried to bait in that whole personal training and women thread.
I'm sorry you perceieve that I'm picking on you. And I'm sorry that you feel I'm insulting to you. But I think you won't find one time when I've said anything negative to you as a person...but rather the way your advice comes off. How many posters wouldn't get banned for posting contrasting opinions over and over again against what MB is built upon.
I dont use caps anymore. You remember hurtful things Kilted. Well, think of this:
I remember hurtful things too!
My issues don't come from an XGF dating somebody else. They come from my sense of entitlement as a wayward from before I even met XGF. I carried this sense of entitlement into my relationship with XGF. I started dating XGF during my divorce. No I didn't cheat on XGF. I was honest with XGF about my infidelity during my marriage with XBS.
During our relationship, at the most I was a Renter. She was a Buyer during our relationship. So instead of focusing myself on my relationship with XGF, I've been focusing on MB to understand how I can become a person without that sense of entitlement.
If there are people that believe that I have duped them into thinking I'm an Uber-MBer, I truly apologize. I am not ML by any stretch of the imagination.
That's enough for now.
MODS please move this thread to SAA.
Kilted if you look at the bigger picture, it is important to have a few contrasting opionions so that the MB concepts can be better illustrated, expanded and "defended" so to speak.
In other words, a painting would be one dimentional if everything was the same, but with some strange or different brush strokes, it comes alive. I am sometimes a good "background" for a nice painting to enable it to shine.
And not everyone believes in carrying out the concepts the same exact way. We are all different as human beings.
I am waiting to see what this board is made of and if the insulting words will be edited out. Most likely they will not since the Mods do not care about me, my life, my feelings, or if TOS violates ME.
Bubbles, this is an disrespectful judgement on my part, but I think you're taking this too seriously and way too personally. This is anonymus internet forum full of people that you will never meet.
It's kinda like when I go online and game. I'm conversing with others and playing against others and playing with others. But I don't know those people other than on Xbox live. When I turn off the Xbox, they all go away. And if one of them wants to throw insults...eh...so. I don't know em.
Hey Mods! Dont move this thread quite yet. I need more and more abuse!!!! That you will not monitor or erace. Please give me more abuse! More TOS against me, whoops I used caps...Sorry Kilted.
I guess if only one person began insulting me I would just go and avoid the board for a while or ignore them. But when a few posters and two mods get into the insults, with extreme relish, well, then I get kind of feeling abused. It triggers my past abuse.
I am bending over now and ready to accept more punishment/abuse.
Hey Mods! Dont move this thread quite yet. I need more and more abuse!!!! That you will not monitor or erace. Please give me more abuse! More TOS against me, whoops I used caps...Sorry Kilted.
Bubbles, I hope you do have a better day. You don't have to apologize to me; teh intraweb doesn't hurt my feelings. If you're really feeling abused, click on the X and the abuse goes away.
And, lastly, I've told you before that I have agreed with your advice...just not the manner in which it is delivererd.
Kilted if you look at the bigger picture, it is important to have a few contrasting opionions so that the MB concepts can be better illustrated, expanded and "defended" so to speak.
Important to who? You? Do you pay for this board? The board owners provide this board to present Marriage Builders, not your own personal "contrasting" views.
How is it you have been on this board for 10+ years and know absolutely nothing about MB, Bubbles?
In addition to this, I believe that several posters who are mods also post "stories" to keep the board going.
![[Linked Image from tfhp.org]](http://www.tfhp.org/images/tinfoil-hat.jpg)
Come on, i want more punishment!!!! Take out ALL your frustrations on me today!!! I am printing this whole thing off as a testament to the unfairness of the board MODS who I used to love and write songs about.
I want to say that each time I read the thread title, I think of "LB Masturbator" is in charge after two weeks. And it cracks me up. Another human mind trick I guess.
Waiting for more abuse....today. I need it today!
""How is it you have been on this board for 10+ years and know absolutely nothing about MB, Bubbles? That is astonishing."""
_________________________
Thank you for the punishment. Of course I know the MB concepts who gives you the right to determine that I do not know them and use them daily! It saved my own marriage!
Whoops, the MODS took away my right to underline or make bold...words. Next they will take away my life.
I have eliminated my marital LB's and also learned to put in action a nice POJA in my own marriage thereby saving it. Have you not read my hundreds of posts telling others how I did that in order to help them? How did you miss that,, ML?
YUP, no icons. For me. You guys are really shoving it to me aren't you. I get the message, you dont want me here and you want to abuse me, kick me, insult me, and you love it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Please remember to confine your posts and discussion to MB concepts. We're here to help the original poster.
Let's respect the original poster of this thread keep your posts on topic.
Thank you for the punishment. Of course I know the MB concepts who gives you the right to determine that I do not know them and use them daily! It saved my own marriage!
I have every right, Bubbles, to point out that you routinely promote your own personal opinion over that of Dr Harley's even to the point of badgering board members when we recommend Dr Harley's books. [which a person needs in order to understand the program] In addition to promoting ridiculous conspiracy theories about mods making up threads and posing under alter aliases.
If you are going to dish it out, you need to be prepared to TAKE IT.
edited to add: sorry, MBSeasons, I didn't see your post and will now stop.
REPOST -
My issues don't come from an XGF dating somebody else. They come from my sense of entitlement as a wayward from before I even met XGF. I carried this sense of entitlement into my relationship with XGF. I started dating XGF during my divorce. No I didn't cheat on XGF. I was honest with XGF about my infidelity during my marriage with XBS.
During our relationship, at the most I was a Renter. She was a Buyer during our relationship. So instead of focusing myself on my relationship with XGF, I've been focusing on MB to understand how I can become a person without that sense of entitlement.
If there are people that believe that I have duped them into thinking I'm an Uber-MBer, I truly apologize. I am not ML by any stretch of the imagination.
That's enough for now.
MODS please move this thread to SAA.
have every right, Bubbles, to point out that you routinely promote your own personal opinion over that of Dr Harley's even to the point of badgering board members when we recommend Dr Harley's books. [which a person needs in order to understand the program] In addition to promoting ridiculous conspiracy theories about mods making up threads and posing under alter aliases.
For the record, ML you are incorrect here. I have purchased three or four of Mr Harley's books, I read them, and I like them and benefitted from them. I think you are "rewriting history" here to justify your (unreasonable and not deserved) abuse/punishment of me today.
Continuing this t/j will NOT be tolerated!
This is the last time I will post this warning.
During our relationship, at the most I was a Renter. She was a Buyer during our relationship. So instead of focusing myself on my relationship with XGF, I've been focusing on MB to understand how I can become a person without that sense of entitlement.
Clark, I applaud you for taking the time to really read and understand the program. You are right, it will benefit you in so many ways in the future.
If there are people that believe that I have duped them into thinking I'm an Uber-MBer, I truly apologize. I am not ML by any stretch of the imagination.
*edit*
You got me...I'm melodylane, clarkcent, and marritalbliss, my secret is out sigh....guess everyone knows who I am...oh wait!! No they don't. :p
You got me...I'm melodylane, clarkcent, and marritalbliss, my secret is out sigh....guess everyone knows who I am...oh wait!! No they don't. :p
Yeah, well, you're covering your butt pretty well - you spelled one of your aliases wrong!
sssshhhhh....I hear a mod coming....
it's a twicky twick...
I don't want a to be renter!
I thought that if I could understand the program. Maybe even help someone to see how this could be possible to recover their marriage. You know ML said action first. Thought and feelings will follow.
I destroyed my previous marriage and then went about putting in place, by my actions, to hurt other people.
I've tried Plan A tried a half-azzd Plan B. And I'm still at the same place I was when we separated. I miss the woman that was a total Buyer. Instead I threw it away! I acted like I was not in love with my XBS. I was. I was also in love with my XGF at the same time. How fn wayward is that.
I even used the wayward words to my XGF when I was divorcing, "It's just a piece of paper". Oh how so wrong I was. It was already too late. I made too many compromises to try and stay in love with my XBS and my XGF. Damaging to an extreme for everyone.
Still in Plan A till end of March.
I'm having problems not having expectations. When there are then that is when LB takes place.
You got me...I'm melodylane, clarkcent, and marritalbliss, my secret is out sigh....guess everyone knows who I am...oh wait!! No they don't. :p
Yeah, well, you're covering your butt pretty well - you spelled one of your aliases wrong!
sssshhhhh....I hear a mod coming.... I'm gunna blame my droid...wait...am I talking to myself right now?
You got me...I'm melodylane, clarkcent, and marritalbliss, my secret is out sigh....guess everyone knows who I am...oh wait!! No they don't. :p
So we get 4 talking heads for the price of one? Sweet!
Sir,
I just saw you post on SAA forum, on someone else's thread.
Are you the real Clark Kent?
I've been trying to make contact with you for some time.
The Jedi Council is concerned that the Empire may soon attack your new Solar System and Earth.
We want to warn you so you are prepared.
Yep. And i would deserve it. Im back. And ill need lots of 2x4s and help. Have to go for now. Ill update later.
Thanks jedi
Yep. And i would deserve it. Im back. And ill need lots of 2x4s and help. Have to go for now. Ill update later.
Thanks jedi
We will be here when you come back.
Howdy Clark Kent!!
LOL! Reread the thread and I could of swore I did not have Big Hair and swagger around with a Six-Gun. I might mumbler that I bear a likeness to Christopher Reeves.
That affair is deader than a doornail. Didn't take that long. Sorry didn't let anybody know... Never did resolve the real underlying problem. Was pointed out to me on several occasions.
[Renter Babble]
Oooh! This MB meeting ENs is the ticket. Well since me and the GF are romanticaly in love again. I guess all's good and I know better than other's, so I may as well go back to the same old same old.
[/Renter Babble]
EPs are in-place so it it's not so desperate/panic. But the renter has to go.
So I'm hoping someone can point me to the correct forum.
Haha that was funny clark_kent=MelodyLane lol
So you and the GF are still together? Why aren't you married?
LOL! Reread the thread and I could of swore I did not have Big Hair and swagger around with a Six-Gun. I might mumbler that I bear a likeness to Christopher Reeves.
That affair is deader than a doornail. Didn't take that long. Sorry didn't let anybody know... Never did resolve the real underlying problem. Was pointed out to me on several occasions.
[Renter Babble]
Oooh! This MB meeting ENs is the ticket. Well since me and the GF are romanticaly in love again. I guess all's good and I know better than other's, so I may as well go back to the same old same old.
[/Renter Babble]
EPs are in-place so it it's not so desperate/panic. But the renter has to go.
So I'm hoping someone can point me to the correct forum.
Since you used GF, I'm a little unclear - are you married? If not, then the book Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders is definitely the right one for you. Even if you are, it may still be the right book.
Post-affair the right forum to go into is usually In Recovery.