Still so confused - please, need advice from FWW. - 01/04/11 11:02 PM
It has been 7 months after D-day of my WW�s EA. She got involved in it so deeply in only a few months. She still claims that she had no reasons for it and it �just� happened from �innocent friendly� talks over the phone and emails. She told me that since d-day her feelings and all emotions to me rapidly disappeared. She told me that she wants to work on our marriage, but I cannot see any visible involvement from her. She doesn�t want to talk about her A no more. I heard from her many times �I love you but I am not in love with you� � before. Since 3 months she hasn�t say even that. She doesn�t use any emotional words at all. Her idea of fixing marriage is to wait and maybe one day she will be the same person she was before, because right now she is empty inside. She needs to find herself. Just to pretend we are Ok and wait. I am pretty sure she doesn�t know how bad I feel inside and it looks like she doesn�t care about it or she is afraid to see that. She definitely is under big stress. She mentioned to me that she gets very nervous whenever I want to talk to her about her A, about us and what is going on with her internally. I have not scream on her or treated her bad, but she feels like attacked by me whenever we talk. I tried different approaches, like 180, to be very loving and understanding. If I show her no interest she gets sad that I don�t love and care about her anymore, when I am tender and loving, she is more energized, more smiley with me, but to the certain point. It feels like she build some bariers that she or myself cannot cross. I tried to convince her to read more with me about our current situation, she agreed, but never get back to it. She doesn�t believe counseling will help, so she refused.
If you see us now somewhere, probably you would say: normal couple, but it is only outside image. It disappears always when I want to talk to her or show her affection. She will close up to me, and be unhappy looking and more stressed.
I don�t know how long I can wait for her miracle to come true. I am trying to be as much supportive for her as possible. She says it�s been better last several weeks. Maybe for her, not for me. Sometimes my disappointment for her lack of active involvement takes over me and I want to give up. I become angry and want to forget her to stop the pain I feel inside. I hide my bed emotions from her so far.
Is it possible that she will ever get over her other love and start realizing what is really going on. I was expecting some good signs, some word said to me that show her appreciation.
Is it normal process she is in right now? How you successfully managed to survive it. To all of you FWW, please let me know what you needed from your BH at that time, what could help you to get better.
If you see us now somewhere, probably you would say: normal couple, but it is only outside image. It disappears always when I want to talk to her or show her affection. She will close up to me, and be unhappy looking and more stressed.
I don�t know how long I can wait for her miracle to come true. I am trying to be as much supportive for her as possible. She says it�s been better last several weeks. Maybe for her, not for me. Sometimes my disappointment for her lack of active involvement takes over me and I want to give up. I become angry and want to forget her to stop the pain I feel inside. I hide my bed emotions from her so far.
Is it possible that she will ever get over her other love and start realizing what is really going on. I was expecting some good signs, some word said to me that show her appreciation.
Is it normal process she is in right now? How you successfully managed to survive it. To all of you FWW, please let me know what you needed from your BH at that time, what could help you to get better.