Wife no longer has feelings - 01/13/11 02:24 PM
My wife and I have been married for 3.5 years and together for 11.5. We have 4 children - two of which are from my wife's prev marriage. Up until April 2010 I would have said we were I would have said happily married. We argued a fair bit but always have as both of us are strong minded.
In April, my wife's half brother commited suicide. This obviously was devastating for the family. Now they way I tried to react was for her to lean on me and for us to tackle it together i.e. visiting her family 80 miles away but she just wanted to have her own space and be with her 2 other half-brothers and dad. I found this hard to deal with esp looking after 4 children and holding a job down although she only went at weekends. It prob is fair to say I acted needy. We argued more and then she found out her step dad had cancer who later died in October. In early Sept she told me she had lost feelings for me and saw me more as a brother. Now I put this all done to what had happened and I kept on asking her what the matter was etc. and I suppose I was smothering her. In Oct we split up and since then intimacy has totally gone. We still share a bed but its very distant and cold. I am still trying everything I can to get our marriage back on track. She says the deaths in her family have nothing to do with these lost feelings and that all they did is made her realise she wasn't happy in the marriage as it made her look on life differently. Now she brings up things that happened years ago that didn't mean anything to me at the time, some things I don't even remember. She says she wants to end it permanently but she seems quite happy living in the house with me and the kids but no feelings still and no intimacy. She seems very secretive about things - what she is doing, where she goes, she doesn't like going out with me for fear of arguments. She absolutely point bank refuses to go and see councillors and gets annoyed with me that I think I know the reasons why she may have lost feelings. She is extremely close to one of her half-brothers to the point where she gets annoyed if I talk about him. He appears at our house alot (80 miles away), she talks to him alot on facebook and he even bought her tickets to see a band for New years eve - a xmas present. Just them two. Iused to go to bed after late nights and she wouldn't come up to bed and she would be staying down with him. She even stayed out in the car all night with him after an argument. I have found myself getting jealous over the time he spends with her even though there can't be anything going on and when I did mention it she thought I was sick or something. Im sure there isn't and I think it is someone she can talk to but doesn't want to talk to me anymore. She says I never listened in the past. I always felt I did though. All the things she is saying apart from the lost feelings dont seem like relationship busters to me but she says she would rather live with her children in a small house than with me there. We are getting on better lately but there is just no intimacy from her. I try and give her hugs but it is always me giving her hugs and kisses. I love her so much and I write poems to her, letters about how I feel but it doesn't make any difference. She says she has no feelings and she wont change her mind. Any help greatly appreciated.
In April, my wife's half brother commited suicide. This obviously was devastating for the family. Now they way I tried to react was for her to lean on me and for us to tackle it together i.e. visiting her family 80 miles away but she just wanted to have her own space and be with her 2 other half-brothers and dad. I found this hard to deal with esp looking after 4 children and holding a job down although she only went at weekends. It prob is fair to say I acted needy. We argued more and then she found out her step dad had cancer who later died in October. In early Sept she told me she had lost feelings for me and saw me more as a brother. Now I put this all done to what had happened and I kept on asking her what the matter was etc. and I suppose I was smothering her. In Oct we split up and since then intimacy has totally gone. We still share a bed but its very distant and cold. I am still trying everything I can to get our marriage back on track. She says the deaths in her family have nothing to do with these lost feelings and that all they did is made her realise she wasn't happy in the marriage as it made her look on life differently. Now she brings up things that happened years ago that didn't mean anything to me at the time, some things I don't even remember. She says she wants to end it permanently but she seems quite happy living in the house with me and the kids but no feelings still and no intimacy. She seems very secretive about things - what she is doing, where she goes, she doesn't like going out with me for fear of arguments. She absolutely point bank refuses to go and see councillors and gets annoyed with me that I think I know the reasons why she may have lost feelings. She is extremely close to one of her half-brothers to the point where she gets annoyed if I talk about him. He appears at our house alot (80 miles away), she talks to him alot on facebook and he even bought her tickets to see a band for New years eve - a xmas present. Just them two. Iused to go to bed after late nights and she wouldn't come up to bed and she would be staying down with him. She even stayed out in the car all night with him after an argument. I have found myself getting jealous over the time he spends with her even though there can't be anything going on and when I did mention it she thought I was sick or something. Im sure there isn't and I think it is someone she can talk to but doesn't want to talk to me anymore. She says I never listened in the past. I always felt I did though. All the things she is saying apart from the lost feelings dont seem like relationship busters to me but she says she would rather live with her children in a small house than with me there. We are getting on better lately but there is just no intimacy from her. I try and give her hugs but it is always me giving her hugs and kisses. I love her so much and I write poems to her, letters about how I feel but it doesn't make any difference. She says she has no feelings and she wont change her mind. Any help greatly appreciated.