We are surviving his affair - A message of hope - 02/09/11 04:14 PM
Hi Everyone,
I doubt anyone remembers me now but I was on these boards a lot in the fall of 2008 when I found out that my DH was having an EA with a co-worker(his admin assistant)throughout my pregnancy with our first child.I lost what would have been our second child through a miscarriage due to the stress of finding out about the EA.
In August 2008 my husband told me he wanted a divorce. Our child was just 4 months old. I discovered the EA on our anniversary that September. I bought all of the books, including Surviving an Affair, Love Busters, etc. We did phone counseling with Jennifer. Things were not looking good for a while as my DH was a serial cheater and refused to attend several phone counseling sessions or give up the OW. I worked plan A for months, with Jennifer's blessing. I thought nothing would ever get better and was on the verge of Plan B. But on December 30th 2008 he wrote the no contact letter to the OW. He quit his job that January so that he would not see her anymore. He slipped up once and saw her when he left the office, to "say goodbye" but there has been no contact (verified) since January 31, 2009. There has been no contact with anyone else in the last two years either.
He has gotten over his privacy hang up and I have complete access to his cell phone, all of his e-mail accounts, all of his bank accounts and credit cards. He tells me where he is at all times and is very rarely late coming home. He does not withdraw cash, every transaction and purchase is tracked as is every phone call and text message. He is fine with that as long as I don't make a big deal of it. He brings home flowers at random all the time.
He now works with all men and has for the last several years. There are no admin assistants where he works. And he is happy with his job and his life. So am I.
I know that I will always have to work very hard in this marriage. I know that I will probably always have to be on guard in some way. And I have come to terms with the fact that I may never completely forgive the OW no matter how hard I try mostly because we lost our second child due to her actions.
But I'm posting here today because I remember how I felt in those dark days when I first found out about his EA. I remember the utter despair and desperation and terror. I thought we'd never survive. I thought people really couldn't overcome this and I grasped onto the positive stories on here like a life raft, praying that one day I would be in the position to write something positive as well. And now I am.
It is possible. Marriage Builders saved my marriage. There is hope out there. Just keep hanging on and believing.
My prayers go out to all of you!
I doubt anyone remembers me now but I was on these boards a lot in the fall of 2008 when I found out that my DH was having an EA with a co-worker(his admin assistant)throughout my pregnancy with our first child.I lost what would have been our second child through a miscarriage due to the stress of finding out about the EA.
In August 2008 my husband told me he wanted a divorce. Our child was just 4 months old. I discovered the EA on our anniversary that September. I bought all of the books, including Surviving an Affair, Love Busters, etc. We did phone counseling with Jennifer. Things were not looking good for a while as my DH was a serial cheater and refused to attend several phone counseling sessions or give up the OW. I worked plan A for months, with Jennifer's blessing. I thought nothing would ever get better and was on the verge of Plan B. But on December 30th 2008 he wrote the no contact letter to the OW. He quit his job that January so that he would not see her anymore. He slipped up once and saw her when he left the office, to "say goodbye" but there has been no contact (verified) since January 31, 2009. There has been no contact with anyone else in the last two years either.
He has gotten over his privacy hang up and I have complete access to his cell phone, all of his e-mail accounts, all of his bank accounts and credit cards. He tells me where he is at all times and is very rarely late coming home. He does not withdraw cash, every transaction and purchase is tracked as is every phone call and text message. He is fine with that as long as I don't make a big deal of it. He brings home flowers at random all the time.
He now works with all men and has for the last several years. There are no admin assistants where he works. And he is happy with his job and his life. So am I. I know that I will always have to work very hard in this marriage. I know that I will probably always have to be on guard in some way. And I have come to terms with the fact that I may never completely forgive the OW no matter how hard I try mostly because we lost our second child due to her actions.
But I'm posting here today because I remember how I felt in those dark days when I first found out about his EA. I remember the utter despair and desperation and terror. I thought we'd never survive. I thought people really couldn't overcome this and I grasped onto the positive stories on here like a life raft, praying that one day I would be in the position to write something positive as well. And now I am.
It is possible. Marriage Builders saved my marriage. There is hope out there. Just keep hanging on and believing.
My prayers go out to all of you!
