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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 19
L
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L
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 19
Hi Everyone,

I doubt anyone remembers me now but I was on these boards a lot in the fall of 2008 when I found out that my DH was having an EA with a co-worker(his admin assistant)throughout my pregnancy with our first child.I lost what would have been our second child through a miscarriage due to the stress of finding out about the EA.

In August 2008 my husband told me he wanted a divorce. Our child was just 4 months old. I discovered the EA on our anniversary that September. I bought all of the books, including Surviving an Affair, Love Busters, etc. We did phone counseling with Jennifer. Things were not looking good for a while as my DH was a serial cheater and refused to attend several phone counseling sessions or give up the OW. I worked plan A for months, with Jennifer's blessing. I thought nothing would ever get better and was on the verge of Plan B. But on December 30th 2008 he wrote the no contact letter to the OW. He quit his job that January so that he would not see her anymore. He slipped up once and saw her when he left the office, to "say goodbye" but there has been no contact (verified) since January 31, 2009. There has been no contact with anyone else in the last two years either.

He has gotten over his privacy hang up and I have complete access to his cell phone, all of his e-mail accounts, all of his bank accounts and credit cards. He tells me where he is at all times and is very rarely late coming home. He does not withdraw cash, every transaction and purchase is tracked as is every phone call and text message. He is fine with that as long as I don't make a big deal of it. He brings home flowers at random all the time. grin He now works with all men and has for the last several years. There are no admin assistants where he works. And he is happy with his job and his life. So am I.

I know that I will always have to work very hard in this marriage. I know that I will probably always have to be on guard in some way. And I have come to terms with the fact that I may never completely forgive the OW no matter how hard I try mostly because we lost our second child due to her actions.

But I'm posting here today because I remember how I felt in those dark days when I first found out about his EA. I remember the utter despair and desperation and terror. I thought we'd never survive. I thought people really couldn't overcome this and I grasped onto the positive stories on here like a life raft, praying that one day I would be in the position to write something positive as well. And now I am.

It is possible. Marriage Builders saved my marriage. There is hope out there. Just keep hanging on and believing.

My prayers go out to all of you!


Me - BS - 31, Mommy to DD (6 mos)
Him - WH - 35, In EA since at least Dec 2007 (while I was pregnant!!!)
Together for over 7 years, married for 4.
D-Day 9/16/08 - Our 4th wedding anniversary!!!!
In plan A, NC still not agreed to.
Plan B planned for January at the very latest if NC not agreed and adhered to.
Joined: Apr 2001
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M
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Bravo to you, LearningHard!! Thanks for the positive update! smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
J
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J
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
Nice to hear that things have worked out for you, remember no marriage is perfect and it's always a work in progress, but it's a good place to be when it is good....
Don't let that OW take any more of your time, she isn't worth it............
Don't try to make sense out of anyone else's decsions it's a waste of time.....
Just wake up every day grateful for what you do have...........
jessi


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,719
A
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Posts: 1,719
LearningHard - thanks so much for posting your story. It does give people like me hope and the positive stories are like a 'life raft'..a very good description BTW. I have only recently started this journey and the days are pretty dark right now.

I know I'll recover from this blow - it's just a matter of when and how that happens. I feel that at least I'm not stuck - life will go on. My priorities are my son, my job and me. I have control over these things, I do not have control over my WW's actions.


BS(me)- 45
WW - 41
D-day 1 - (PA) 01/2011
DS - 6
Exposure: early 02/2011
Started Plan B - 7/11
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 19
L
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L
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 19
Oooh, just realized I really need to update my signature! lol!


Me - BS - 31, Mommy to DD (6 mos)
Him - WH - 35, In EA since at least Dec 2007 (while I was pregnant!!!)
Together for over 7 years, married for 4.
D-Day 9/16/08 - Our 4th wedding anniversary!!!!
In plan A, NC still not agreed to.
Plan B planned for January at the very latest if NC not agreed and adhered to.
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 261
T
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T
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 261
Thanks for posting this, LearningHard. I seek for these "life rafts" all the time. We work our plans, and sometimes hope is all we have.


BS(me)- 44
WS- 41
D-day #1- (EA) 08/02/2010
D-day #2- (PA) 09/24/2010
WS moved out- 11/11/2010
NC- 02/21/2011
Plan A
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 313
K
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K
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 313
Thank you for your words of hope. I hope to be there too some day.


BW (Me) age 41
WH age 40
kids 9 & 3
DD PA Skank #1 2/07
DD PA Skank #2 9/29/10
DD EA Skank #3 3/11 (occurred in '08)not sure if it was PA
Plan A- presently 9/2/11
Plan D- filed 12/20/11, served 12/24/11, 9/2/11 on hold, 12/1/11 cancelled
1/5/2011 WH tells me he is not 100% sure his relationship with OW would work.
7/21/2011 WH moves back home
11/7/2011 WH still foggy in ref to SK#3
Plan D- 1/2012 refiled
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 35
G
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G
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 35
Thanks for your post....today is one of those horrible days for me at it gave me hope.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656
D
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D
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656
Thanks for the great update, LH.

It's truly awesome that you and your marriage are in a much better place.


FBW in recovery
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,455
H
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H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,455
thanks for sharing..there is always hope and faith. Trust in that .


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."

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