A bit of stress: Catholic annulment process - 02/18/11 05:00 AM
Sigh.
Many of you know I'm remarried. My wife is a great woman.
I want to annul my marriage to my WXW and then validate my current marriage.
I found out the stance of the church and it's been a little bit of a bummer, but I understand where it's coming from.
I don't particularly care to start a Bible war here. I'm just expressing some stress.
The Catholic church still considers me married to my WXW. I am therefore technically committing adultery by Catholic Church standards by being remarried.
I can't take communion until this is resolved.
Resolving it can take a loooooooong time, especially if the WXW doesn't cooperate.
The only way that the Church will gran an annulment is if I can prove that there was some condition prior to our marriage that rendered the marriage invalid.
What happened after the marriage isn't as important as what happened before it. Adultery is not grounds for annulment in the Catholic Church. The justification is that the New Testament reset the Old and the New Testament statements about marriage and divorce made by Jesus are the ones that apply to marriage.
So what can I get an annulment for?
Examples: If a man is gay and doesn't tell his bride to be that he intends to continue that lifestyle after marriage, then it shows he was incapable of meeting marital responsibilities.
If a man cheats on his fiance and continues to cheat on his wife after marriage, then it shows he never really intended to abide by the sacrament of marriage (This applied to my parents).
If there is a mental disorder that prevents an understanding of the sacrament, then that may be grounds.
If a person can't have kids but withholds this fromt their future partner, that's grounds for annulment.
So one of the things I have to argue is that my WXW had childhood abuse issues that she never revealed to me until after our D. These issues were a major problem in our marriage. The lightbulb for me didn't go off until she told me about it. All our problems made sense after I did my research into the matter.
The tough part is for me to prove that I didn't know until after our D if she doesn't confess to that.
I think I may be able to build a circumstancial case, but that's going to be tough unless my ex owns up to the fact that she didn't tell me until after we were divorced. I have witnesses that can attest to her depression and anxiety problems stemming from this, but none of us knew that this was really the source of the problems.
The issue isn't that she was abused. The issue is that this wasn't disclosed, it is not treated, and hinders her ability to really commit in full to the sacrament of marriage since her trauma is untreated and unresolved.
My wife won't be allowed to convert until this matter is resolved since she has to get an annulment as well. Hers may be easier since she was Protestant and her ex is being cooperative.
It's tough for us since we so wish to have our marriage blessed by the Church and receive communion.
Anyone been through this process? I've heard that some people have had to go in front of a board of Bishops to argue their case.
There's a lot of misconceptions out there about this process. It's neither easy nor simple.
Our Deacon explained that the Church feels so strongly about marriage that it was willing to lose the most powerful nation on Earth over the matter and actually did so when Henry VIII sought an annulment because his wife couldn't bear him a son. The church said that wasn't a reason to annul a marriage and denied him.
He split, formed the Church of England, made himself the head of it, and granted himself an annulment.
The Catholic church stood it's ground on the matter.
So I have my work cutout for me.
Any advice from anyone on this?
Many of you know I'm remarried. My wife is a great woman.
I want to annul my marriage to my WXW and then validate my current marriage.
I found out the stance of the church and it's been a little bit of a bummer, but I understand where it's coming from.
I don't particularly care to start a Bible war here. I'm just expressing some stress.
The Catholic church still considers me married to my WXW. I am therefore technically committing adultery by Catholic Church standards by being remarried.
I can't take communion until this is resolved.
Resolving it can take a loooooooong time, especially if the WXW doesn't cooperate.
The only way that the Church will gran an annulment is if I can prove that there was some condition prior to our marriage that rendered the marriage invalid.
What happened after the marriage isn't as important as what happened before it. Adultery is not grounds for annulment in the Catholic Church. The justification is that the New Testament reset the Old and the New Testament statements about marriage and divorce made by Jesus are the ones that apply to marriage.
So what can I get an annulment for?
Examples: If a man is gay and doesn't tell his bride to be that he intends to continue that lifestyle after marriage, then it shows he was incapable of meeting marital responsibilities.
If a man cheats on his fiance and continues to cheat on his wife after marriage, then it shows he never really intended to abide by the sacrament of marriage (This applied to my parents).
If there is a mental disorder that prevents an understanding of the sacrament, then that may be grounds.
If a person can't have kids but withholds this fromt their future partner, that's grounds for annulment.
So one of the things I have to argue is that my WXW had childhood abuse issues that she never revealed to me until after our D. These issues were a major problem in our marriage. The lightbulb for me didn't go off until she told me about it. All our problems made sense after I did my research into the matter.
The tough part is for me to prove that I didn't know until after our D if she doesn't confess to that.
I think I may be able to build a circumstancial case, but that's going to be tough unless my ex owns up to the fact that she didn't tell me until after we were divorced. I have witnesses that can attest to her depression and anxiety problems stemming from this, but none of us knew that this was really the source of the problems.
The issue isn't that she was abused. The issue is that this wasn't disclosed, it is not treated, and hinders her ability to really commit in full to the sacrament of marriage since her trauma is untreated and unresolved.
My wife won't be allowed to convert until this matter is resolved since she has to get an annulment as well. Hers may be easier since she was Protestant and her ex is being cooperative.
It's tough for us since we so wish to have our marriage blessed by the Church and receive communion.
Anyone been through this process? I've heard that some people have had to go in front of a board of Bishops to argue their case.
There's a lot of misconceptions out there about this process. It's neither easy nor simple.
Our Deacon explained that the Church feels so strongly about marriage that it was willing to lose the most powerful nation on Earth over the matter and actually did so when Henry VIII sought an annulment because his wife couldn't bear him a son. The church said that wasn't a reason to annul a marriage and denied him.
He split, formed the Church of England, made himself the head of it, and granted himself an annulment.
The Catholic church stood it's ground on the matter.
So I have my work cutout for me.
Any advice from anyone on this?