In need of perspective and advice. Please help. - 05/02/11 08:51 PM
Hey fellow MB'ers.
I have been divorced for over 2 years and have been seeing a wonderful woman for about 16 months. We complement each other very well and have a wonderful and healthy relationship. After the demise of my marriage, I took the MB principles to heart and have brought them to bear full force in my new relationship. She has a wonderful family with parents who have been happily married for over 40 years and we agree on basically everything. We even talk about marriage and kids in our future.
So here is the dilemma and where I need some expert advice. What would you do if you found out that your girlfriend was the OW in someone�s marriage for a period of about a year in the 2005-2006 timeframe? Its a classic example of an OW who is �in love� with the MM but knows that it cannot go anywhere but is also �powerless� to end it. She knows all the details of my failed marriage and has expressed anger at my ex-wife for putting me through that kind of pain (this was in 2009). I recognize people make mistakes (especially in their mid 20s) and can learn from them and grow from them. In my opinion given the last 15 months together, I think she sincerely regrets her involvement there and wishes she could forget it. I think she is very pro-marriage and fidelity now, but I realize that this issue needs to be discussed to determine what she has learned from it. We need to have a serious discussion about her boundaries and what she has done to protect herself (and her relationships) from this ever happening again. Only then, can I move forward with her.
So what would you do? How would you approach this?
P.S. I�m going to try and find out tonight if contact has continued beyond 2006.
I have been divorced for over 2 years and have been seeing a wonderful woman for about 16 months. We complement each other very well and have a wonderful and healthy relationship. After the demise of my marriage, I took the MB principles to heart and have brought them to bear full force in my new relationship. She has a wonderful family with parents who have been happily married for over 40 years and we agree on basically everything. We even talk about marriage and kids in our future.
So here is the dilemma and where I need some expert advice. What would you do if you found out that your girlfriend was the OW in someone�s marriage for a period of about a year in the 2005-2006 timeframe? Its a classic example of an OW who is �in love� with the MM but knows that it cannot go anywhere but is also �powerless� to end it. She knows all the details of my failed marriage and has expressed anger at my ex-wife for putting me through that kind of pain (this was in 2009). I recognize people make mistakes (especially in their mid 20s) and can learn from them and grow from them. In my opinion given the last 15 months together, I think she sincerely regrets her involvement there and wishes she could forget it. I think she is very pro-marriage and fidelity now, but I realize that this issue needs to be discussed to determine what she has learned from it. We need to have a serious discussion about her boundaries and what she has done to protect herself (and her relationships) from this ever happening again. Only then, can I move forward with her.
So what would you do? How would you approach this?
P.S. I�m going to try and find out tonight if contact has continued beyond 2006.