About 20 years ago, my husband's brother was killed in an auto accident. We lived in another state at the time, and his brother's widow and his parents lived kind-of in proximity to each other.

At that time, my in-laws really hated me. I am putting this kindly, and this is truth. since my husband and I were married over 35 years ago, my in-laws were "less than enthused" with his choice for a wife. In their opinion, he married down, in every aspect they could possibly name. It was not until my H and I were married about 26 years, and another family tragedy befell them, that they came to realize I wasn't anything like they thought, and since then the relationship changed DRAMATICALLY.

Back to the death. BIL's death hit the family hard. My H was devastated, and went to help out. When I joined him for the funeral, I knew something was up. He didn't want me to ride with the family to the cemetery during the funeral (it was about 90 minutes away), instead told me to ride with his cousin. He sent me home ahead of him, and then stayed two more weeks. When he got home, he spent lots of time on the phone with the widow. He would go into the garage to talk with her so I could not hear, and got very angry when I asked why he did this.

At one point, he sent her flowers because she was "having a bad day". This flew in the face of his long-standing policy of NEVER sending me flowers because "they just die", which was what he always said to me. When I asked him about why there was a bill for some very expensive flowers on our charge card, he said he had sent them to her...and I was upset because of his "policy". He immediately sent me flowers, which of course made me even more angry at the time.

Long story short, we fought about his feelings for her, which went on over the course of several years. I asked him at the time if he was planning to leave me for her, and his response was that he was the closest thing she had to his brother, and that she needed him...I said that if he left, then he was dealing ME the exact same hand that she was dealt, only he was dealing it ON PURPOSE.

Many times over the years we had discussions over this woman, and I told him that I knew he was in an emotional affair with her. He denied any feelings, said nothing happened, yadda-yadda. Even during his recent affair, I again asked for a confession, he said I was "crazy" for even thinking this.

About two years ago, his dad died. We contacted the widow and let her know. She did not attend the funeral. I never gave this a second thought, as her contact with the family is minimal - at best. On occasions we might hear of her, just perhaps through one of our nieces or nephews (BIL's kids), but they also hear very little from her. She has remarried, twice, since the death, and has moved on with her life.

Imagine my surprise when she calls about three weeks after the funeral, chews me out royally, and accuses me of "always trying to keep her out of the family", "purposely not telling her when the funeral for FIL was so she could not attend", and then declaring that she is "no longer a member of this family" because of ME and because I have always connived to keep her out.

I was shocked. I never once tried to stop contact with anyone, because I had absolutely no proof whatsoever that there was an affair, and never mentioned anything to anyone besides my H. And certainly between that time and now she had plenty of interactions, more than I could possibly enumerate.

Anyway. This is long.

NOW???????

She has contacted us yet again. She is coming to visit MIL.

ONLY, IN THE MEANWHILE, MY HUSBAND HAS CONFESSED THAT HE HAS INDEED HAD AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR WITH HER. HE SAYS THAT 'SHE' NEVER KNEW OF HIS FEELINGS FOR HER.....I THINK HE IS A LIAR ABOUT THIS AND IS STILL PROTECTING HER.

He said when she comes, he absolutely will NOT visit with her.


I said, that no matter what happens, I cannot win in this situation. No matter what, I look like a witch with a B.


It is what it is.


I just needed to vent.


And, I hate this woman, because she knows exactly what she is doing.

BTW, her second husband recently died. She is bringing H number 3 to meet MIL.........



right.....



SB

Oh SB! I'm so sorry! What a horrible person she is!

ugh... I am so sorry this has happened to you, schoolbus. The lies are almost always worse than the affair. I would ask him to take a polygraph. Like you, I doubt you are getting the full story.

What prompted him to tell you this much now? It sounds like alot has gone on behind the scenes besides the affair, such as the way she was excluded from the family. How did it happen that she blames you for that?

I would ask him to polygraph too.

For truth. To deal with it and certainly even if it was a PA, he needs to be brave enough to show you he is yours now. Yours and what the truth is about the past.

Either way.....steer clear of OW/SIL and talk to him of steering clear of the OW/SIL.

You can not control people but you can express your thoughts and your need for validation of facts.

HE HAS INDEED HAD AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR WITH HER. HE SAYS THAT 'SHE' NEVER KNEW OF HIS FEELINGS.....He said when she comes, he absolutely will NOT visit with her.

Well, this might be okay, IF you can believe him, and IF you're satisfied with continuing as the "in-person" surrogate for his "in-imagination" love-object. Nah, on second thought, it ain't okay at all!

He needs to compose a NC letter, laying out his reasons for never having any contact, or communication, with her again. He needs to get your approval as to the wording, and give it to you for your delivery to her. Then you need to directly contact her fianc� and explain that your husband has long had inappropriate feelings for his intended bride, and you will require his (the fianc�'s) diligent attention to ensuring that they are kept apart. This would be the "toned-down" response.

The "jacked-up" response would be to demand a full accounting (with polygraph support) of how his affair was entirely unknown to her, and NEVER became a PA, all those years ago, and since.

ETA: I have to learn to type faster!

SB,

I'm really sorry your hurting so much. It's completely understandable that you hate this woman. It is hard to imagine that she never knew about your H feelings for her. Do you think you will confront her on this?

I will pray that God gives you wisdom to handle this whole mess.

Schoolbus,

I am so so sorry. Mel's q's are right on track. I'm not shifting blame for your H here, but in-laws create such a weird and difficult dynamic. Mine implicitly helped create the environment for my wife's A. I think a polygraph is spot on.

CV

Mel,

You ask what prompted this confession after all these years? H and I have had many discussions about Witchy since she called. Prior to her calling me, she had called MIL.

Mind you, she did this calling only 3 weeks after MIL lost her husband of 40 years...and having no thoughts or feelings whatsoever regarding this, expressed all of her ideas about how *I* had tried to exclude her from "everything" that the family had "ever done". MIL told her that was crazy, that I had never said an unkind thing about her, had never done anything to keep her from coming, and in fact if it had not been for ME there would absolutely not even BE AN INTACT FAMILY WHATSOEVER.

Then, MIL called me and told me what she said to Witchy, and told me that she told Witchy that NOBODY should ever try to come between her and me, and if Witchy had any thoughts about doing that she better think again. I have never felt so supported by MIL in my life. This was the one time that MIL really saw Witchy in her true colors, and trust me, it shocked not only her, but everyone in the family.

I, too, was shocked. I was shocked when she called me. I had always suspected she wanted to be with my H, but had no suspicion she had carried such deep resentment toward me. I just have not had much contact with her over the years. After all, she remarried about 18 years ago, then divorced that guy (he is the one who recently died), and then she remarried about 10 years or so ago. We haven't ever even met this "new" husband.....he is not even new!

Regarding the "why" of the confession?

My H is just coming to terms with understanding the depth of his own betrayals of me. We have talked about lots of things, and this behavior of this OW is something he has never really seen. I believe he thought, yet again, that this was something that "would never hurt me if I never knew about it".

She had been essentially no-contact for so long, and then this funeral stuff came up.

sorry, I'm all over the map. Let me start again.
SB

Mel,

Why did he confess.

We were talking about emotional affairs, and Witchy. I told him that I had always felt that he was going to leave me for her right after his brother died, and the evidence was blatant for me: the asking me to leave, his visting her without me, his talking on the phone, the flowers, etc.

Then we discussed his comment about how he felt like he was the closest thing to his brother that "she had". After all these years, I asked him, I wondered why he felt like he could still not trust me enough to talk about this issue? I told him that I already essentially KNEW, it was that I needed to know from his mouth what happened.

He told me that looking back, he was in a very deep state of depression. His brother's death hit him like a ton of bricks, and that he knew that Witchy felt the same way. Somehow in there he thought that he could rescue her, still have his family, somehow work this whole thing out...yet he knew he couldn't do both. He said he did believe he loved her, only over time came to understand that was not love at all, it was a sad mixture of grief and desire for his brother's life to somehow come back, to be lived again, to somehow be replaced.

He told me he never told her anything about how he felt, because in his mind this was a huge betrayal of his brother. He looked at me and said, "I know. I should have felt a betrayal of you, only somehow at that point in my life it was all about me, my sadness, my brother, it was all about me."

As for me, I know that SHE wanted me gone, so I do know that she had feelings for my H at the time, too. She was reluctant to talk to me on the phone. I know this was spoken of between the two of them, and that he is lying about this.

It is something he will tell me in time, his trickle-truth yet again. It is something that I hate about him.

He knows that this whole thing, with her calling again has me very upset.

His mother also knows - because I told her that SIL wanted him to replace his brother.


MIL said that it never would have worked, even if they had tried that. MIL has an odd sense of humor - she said, "those two would have gone broke overnight, lost their jobs due to alcohol, and the kids would have abandoned them due to sheer disgust".

she is right about that


My H told me this morning that he has absolutely no desire, no plans and will not see or talk with Witchy for as long as he lives. As far as what he may have once believed was love?


He says he was an idiot, and the very thought makes him really pi$$ed off at himself.


I don't know. We will see what the trickle brings.


My guess is the Witch will call me. I have a few things to say to her if she does.


Oh, and one more thing. Never, not one time, did I ever try or even think about keeping her from any family function. I was, in fact, the only person who ever thought about calling her to include her.



Idiots.


SB

CV,


Interesting you recognized the situation with the In-laws. My MIL pointed that out to the Witch when she called! That was something MIL said to her, and told her she had been wrong about me for far too long, and had wasted too many precious years doing stupid sh*&t, and absolutely would not stand for anyone else making that mistake while she watched.

Grace,

I don't know if I would make the effort to call her.

If she calls me?


You bet your sweet a$$ I will confront her on it. I hope she is sitting down when my phone rings, because the blowback on her end will be pretty rough when I answer on my end.

reading and NG,

I have given extensive contemplation to the possibility of a PA.


I am working on a way to find out

from HER.


She is stupid. There are easy ways for me to get her to tell me.

SB

'She is stupid. There are easy ways for me to get her to tell me.'





awesome!

If SB or "60 minutes" was on my case, I'd just run to Mexico... just sayin.

We had to NC my inlaws. I am glad you MIL sees this. Use her for support as she is able to give it.

CV

I'm imagining the scene from back to the future where Marty is standing in front of the amplifier with his guitar....

The force it TOTALLY with you, SB!

Ve haf vays of makink you talk.


BWA-HA-HA!!!!!

sb, I hate that you're having to go through all of this, but I will admit the throwdown between you and Witchy would be GREAT entertainment! Give 'er what for!

Here's what makes me laugh:

During her phone call, she told me that she was "done" with this family, and that she no longer had a family. I told her that it was absolutely her choice, but I would make the prediction that, like an angry rooster, she would come back time and again, to the coop to try to stir things up. I told her it would be something she could never avoid, because she had too many ties, and had not the intellect to work through whatever it was that led her to do and say the things she was doing at saying to me at that time.

(You have to know, that at that time I had NO idea of my husband's confession to come...)


She again said she would NEVER contact the family again, to which I said, "It is of course YOUR choice. Remember my words, however, and know that the choice you make is absolutely YOURS to make. I welcome you to remain in touch. I welcome you as a sister, as I always have. I welcome you to be loved. I welcome you to figure out whatever is bothering you, and to know that no one wants you to feel the way you do. If you leave, know that the only person desiring that

is you

and that you will regret this

and you will be back


and you will feel bad about what you have done.


Also know that you will have a great deal of difficulty trying to figure out how to repair this."



She called my MIL the other day, and "didn't want to talk about the funeral thing". MIL said that they would have to talk about it.


She hasn't called me yet.


The rooster is scared of THIS CHICKEN YARD. Seems that she may be chickens&**t and not the bandy rooster she thought she was.


Kinda creepy to her that I knew before she knew

exactly what she would do.


Like I said,

she is stupid.



SB

School,

how are *YOU* doing today? You've helped me and Grace so much, you have been on our mind constantly.

CV

SB, I just saw this and I'm so sorry you're struggling with this stuff again. ((((SB))))

I hated to see this, SB. But I've no doubt that you will win in any throw-down with Witchy.

We're behind you, SB!

So, SB, If I may;
#1. Ex SIL is now planning to visit your MIL.
#2. She is currently married to H #3.
#3. You believe she and your H had an EA years ago (possibly PA) at the time of H's brother�s death. (Note; This woman was playing this game at the time of becoming a WIDOW?)
#4. She resents you, proof positive by her resentful call to your MIL , blaming you for her disassociation with your IL�S and H�s family. She has not been �around� for about 10 years.
#5. You MIL is in total support of you.
#6. Your H is now admitting to EA, and his past deceptions/disrespecting you in connection to this woman.

If the above is true, this woman falls under the speck of dust category, you should treat her like such.
Sounds to me like she would say anything to hurt you. Even if she claimed a PA with your H, could you believe a word coming out of her mouth?

Disregard this woman, have nothing to do with her. Bless your MIL. (Sounds like she is going to need the extra protection.)

What are you afraid is going to happen if she visits? The past coming up? Or something you think she may do/say now that will harm your family?

barbie,

Oddly enough, I'm not really "afraid" of her as much as I am angry with her. The fact that she upset my MIL at the time of the loss of my FIL was pretty bad, in my book. Then, on top of that, she has the nerve to call me up and stir the pot even more by upsetting me, at a time when I was in the middle of handling the death affairs, as well as dealing with my own mother and father's cancer issues (not to mention a personal illness as well).

After the phone call, she was pretty much gone from my mind. The EA issue was something I had dealt with mentally a very long time ago, because at the time I had suspected that it had happened. I did not suspect a PA, mainly because of logistics, and because of my husband's sheer respect and closeness with his brother. After my H's recent confession regarding the EA, and our continuing discussions, I do not believe there was a PA at all. He talked with me about his brother, and I do know the mental state my H was in when his bro died. It was emotionally something my H had never experienced before, or since, except for the most recent d-day when he thought I would leave him.

He compared the death of his brother to this last d-day, and explained that the last thing on his mind was any physical closeness with anyone. He was repulsed by the idea, and that the emotional feelings for the widow came over time, not immediately after the death. That these feelings were in his mind, as he wanted to do something to fill this void his brother left...and talking with the witch filled something, and he thought this turned to love somehow. Only as time passed he realized what this was - it was actually depression, grasping at anything to bring his brother's memory closer, etc.

He says that he does not know if witchy ever returned this emotion, because he never said anything to her, but he cannot be sure of much of her emotional state. I know she was a complete and total wreck, and began to drink quite heavily during this time, and shortly thereafter began drug use.

He admits a fog, and I know there was a fog.

I do think she will emotionally harm MIL, because MIL will stand up to her, and Witchy drinks A LOT. I fear a fight, falling out, MIL being upset. I fear my H's sister will get into it with her, and that will be ugly.

My H will not contact her, and I won't.


I don't really care if the past comes up. If she calls, I will have my say, and hang up on her. I am done, and was done before. You are right, she is a speck. This is a rooster who believes she is cck-of-the-walk

only she is just what the cck leaves behind.

I am stressed because it is just one. more. thing. And it is "the other woman" coming around again. Like anything you feel like you have already dealt with, you hate to have to deal with it yet again.


Anybody have any rooster repellent?

cv and grace,

You asked how I am doing?

I was stressed for a couple of days, because I tend to spend time focusing on a problem and thinking it through very closely with attention to logic and sequence. I attack things based on what people have said, their patterns of reaction and action in past situations, and known behaviors in response to various situations.

People say I "over analyze". I would say that I methodically approach situations with all of the information available, gather more if possible, meditate on possible scenarios, and then formulate a reasonable reaction and plan for various outcomes based on this process.


I think this is logical.

The alternative, which I call

"freaking out"

has been most unproductive in the past.




Seriously, though, I was a bit "stalled" for a day. Then, I got back on my horse, talked with my H, and we are on the same page.

Witchy is out of our lives, we are still on the MB plan, and we are good to go. There is no reason to do anything, unless that woman chooses to do something. Then, my H says I can do or say whatever I please, because he really

does not care about her.


And he would never do anything to put her before anyone in his life - because she is nothing to him, and the way he treated his wife and his mom is nothing he chooses to forgive, either.


SB

SB,

So sorry to hear the latest. It sounds like you knew what it was and accepted it, or at least resolved it in your mind somehow without your H confirming it. Then, you got over it, or did you? I don't know if you can without knowing the truth, but then again, no WS ever voluntarily tells everything.

I think what happened to you is every BS's nighmare, that there was more and they will find out when they least expect it down the road. Since you have been in recovery for awhile, is this just the past is in the past and we are currently in a different place in our M or is it somehow another D-day?

hugs to you,

ba

SB,

So sorry you're going thru this..again.

My .02 on this is that they experience "hysterical bonding" when his brother died. Misplaced grief combined with "sharing" experiences maybe about his brother and her husband led to an inappropriate relationship.

My .02 on this ow (she IS IMHO AN OW) is that the reason she blamed you for all this is she wanted your husband.

Maybe it was a case of hysterical bonding with him. But imho, there is more than meets the eye (like the Transformers original 80's themesong). Please do not be saddened, but I would very much consider they might've had a PA too.

You don't send flowers to the widow. You might make them a sandwich tray, bring them food (as a family) or send them a lovely plant or tree in honor of the loved ones' passing. But NOT FLOWERS from a man to a widow. It was inappropriate. Also the shielding of calls, the blatant secrecy, all the signs are right there and were right there.

Your H is possibly hiding this old affair, as that is what I believe it was. For your peace of mind moving forward (and not ever having contact with that witch again), I'd get a poly.

Hugs to you. Love too!

This is a good way to be and particularly useful in a crisis.

I agree with Peachy, a poly might be a good thing if you have even a niggle of a doubt about the truth.

Peachy,

I agree with the hysterical bonding thing, and also that she wanted my husband. My SIL and I have talked about both of these ideas, and they are both spot on. My H also agrees that he was very hysterical after the Bro died, and I could describe him as in about as dark a place as I have ever seen him, with the exception of the last d-day.

begin again,

Do I see this as another d-day? I don't know. Not really, because back when all of this was happening, I approached it as an emotional affair then, because it had the appearances of that. The time they had together was not alone, because there were plenty of people around all of the time when they were in the same state, and my H stayed at my in-laws' house when he was visiting (Witchy lives about 90 minutes or so away). They had nowhere they could have gone to have any kind of PA, because the fact is that the in-laws lived in a very rural area, and if they took off together they would have been noticed because the nearest place to actually "go" would require a vehicle. And my MIL is about as nosy and suspicious as a woman can be (bless her heart!).



PM,

I am not so fond of polygraphs. They are good enough, but I have extensive experience with them and my H knows this. I would word the questions so tightly that I might as well corner him in a closet and throw a skunk in.

I am just torn, because at this point my desire is that this "truth" would be an EA.



So far, the evidence stacks up as an EA.

Going through the last D-day, that evidence and our discussions did lead me to believe this as well.


He knows that a PA with Witchy would leave him without a family, so the revealing of this as a PA would devastate everything.


What he does not realize is that I would have already crossed this bridge about 20 years ago anyway, and my anger would be about the idiotic LYING, if this was a PA. It is the LYING....


isn't it


that would be the issue.




This is really what my anger is with him, when I consider the issues.


My anger with her is that she continues to be such


a


witch.



When there never was a need for it.



SB

(((SB)))

SB,
I've read your posts for years...let me just say I'm sorry you're being once again reminded that she exists. It seems more like a trigger than anything (her contacting family). Could you get your phone number changed and warn the family not to give it to her? Just to protect you and your husband from ever having to hear her voice again...

I don't think it's inappropriate to give flowers to a widow, but it should have been given from BOTH of you, not just from him and not hidden from you...that in itself shows he knew it was inappropriate. But then he knows that now...thank God he is remorseful and has mended his ways!

Okay, here's the deal.


It is Memorial Day. Usually, my H goes to his mother's house to visit on Sunday. He usually goes very early in the morning, because it is very hot where we live, and in order to get chores done, we have to go early while the temperature is still cool enough to do things and not get overheated. Plus, if it involves painting or caulking, etc., you can't do it in extreme heat, because the paint will blister anyway.


Today, he leaves at 10:45. He takes some ribs he has barbequed yesterday. That in itself was strange, because he got up early yesterday and went to the store, got a bunch of stuff, and cooked all day outside. Then he gets this "idea" to take it over to his mom's today.


As he was leaving, he says, "Oh, I think that maybe while I'm there I might paint that little bit of trim that I put up awhile ago on the shed. I might be awhile."



I am now wondering if Witchy has chosen today to visit, and everyone is covering.



If this is true,

I will hate him.


I promise, Hate.


I don't know whether or not I want to sneak out there and check on this, but the need is nearly overwhelming me.


SB

I'd make the trip.

Strange behavior can trigger strange thoughts.

I'm sorry things are so crappy today.

For goodness sake get over there and check!

trust your gut, SB

{{{{{SB}}}}}

Also, I have reviewed some history here.

Witchy and BIL got married over Memorial Day weekend around 1983.

This was BIL's second marriage. He divorced his first wife, and immediately began dating Witchy, who was his secretary, recently hired. Witchy had recently broken up with her fiance.

The marriage was an AFFAIRAGE.

I had never considered this until yesterday, when I was really thinking this over in my head. I am just shocked at how MIL accepted this whole thing, considering MIL's experience at being dumped for another woman in her own marriage.

Then, after BIL's death, Witchy comes after my H.

Witchy did remarry about 2 years after being widowed.

She divorced that man, then remarried this current husband about 7 or 8 years ago.

There is an odd thing happening. Her second husband recently died. She called about that.....I don't know that we knew him well.

The other thing is that BIL is buried right across the road from where MIL lives, it would be their wedding anniversary this weekend.....



Is she coming to visit his grave, their anniversary, and does her current husband even know this?


And is my H involved in this trip down memory lane.....



SB

You have very fine tuned instincts about human behavior/motivation.

Go check it out.
It's OK.
You are not crazy to wonder about this.

Grab a paint brush.
Go see if you can help him with that trim job.

Just show up.

We got your back.

I say....go.

Go. I would. You should. It's the only way for you to know.

Either you will go, and she will be there, or you go, and she won't. You can deal with it whichever one it is.

I went!

Nobody was there except MIL and H.

I drove past, went to the cemetery, and then turned around and came home.

I said nothing.


I feel better having gone, because at least I know I can trust him on this, and MIL, too. They both have said they would let me know if she calls again, and they both have said she hasn't. Both say they do not believe she will come, or call, anyway.


I'm just so bugged by this woman. She has a long history of being "needy" and pulling men into her little web of need.

After BIL died, she of course was needy. Anyone would be. Then, she leaned on lots of people. I was one of them. My H, too. The in-laws, everyone helped her.

Then, she complained of too many "men"...having to fend them off...poor her....

looking back, I wonder now if this complaint was spoken so that my H could see exactly how many other men "wanted" her, and how "attractive" she was as a woman, and what a catch she was....and wasn't he really interested?????


I am now believing my H more and more about how his story really is true. We have talked about what went on, and I now am seeing things quite clearly about how she worked then, and how she works now.

I do not believe this was physical at all. My H tells me that this was absolutely not, and that in his mind he was grieving his brother, and somehow this turned into his taking his brother's place. He was lost in some fantasy of keeping me, our kids, and somehow working Witchy into the situation so he could "save" her, knowing all along this was lunacy, that his feelings of what he thought were love could not be that at all, yet he had what he thought was love for her.

He acknowledges "love" at the time, and says he never verbalized it, never spoke of anything like that toward her, and never crossed any line emotionally, gesturally, or physically with her. He said his interactions with her were along the lines of trying to pick up the pieces of his own emotions, somehow because she had many like his, and that it was all too weird, certainly not a romance because she was completely out of it most of the time.

I asked about that, and he now believes she was doing drugs then, which began with her mom (I was there, and did witness this part) trying to get her through the initial shock and insisting she take some doctor-prescribed tranquilizers. Her mom kept her doped up for at least the first week. I also know that after that, her friends reported to us that she became addicted to some very bad stuff for several years.

I am wondering if her behavior on the telephone is related to this. My oldest daughter reported that their last encounter was, to say the least, "odd". DD34 says that Witchy was clearly under the influence of something, and it appeared that it was more than the beer she was holding, because she was incoherent.

Anyway, my H has at least five years of truth-telling behind him. He knows that I can see behind his eyes when he lies to me as I ask a straight-out question. Besides, at this point, this woman is so "out of our lives" she would not be worth his protecting. I'm not even sure she is an afterthought to him, but to me, she is that rooster that keeps coming back to spur me.


At this point, I'm going to keep vigilant, and if that phone call comes, handle it then.

It was worth the drive to put my mind at rest.

SB

Indeed!

To convince some FBS's that their FWS's really have returned to the marriage, with full integrity, openness, and transparency, may take thousands (millions?) of demonstrated examples of their trustworthiness.

You just got one.

For today, be content. Be a bit glad, even. Do NOT be completely convinced.

But for today, be glad you can rest a bit easy. We out here are all a bit glad for you.

Okay, so I told my H what I did.

He sat there and looked at me and then just smiled. He shook his head and then gave me a knowing grin.

He said:


You know what? When I consider that Witchy is nothing but a total drunk, and I know that when she called Mom she was probably completely wasted, I just sit here and wonder why you even think I would even want to see her.

Especially when I have you in my life.


You know what, though? You only proved one thing! That you really must love me, to drive all that way just to be sure.





Then he gave me a little kiss. He said he completely understands why I was so freaked out, especially after I explained that she and his bro were married this weekend so long ago. He said he doesn't know how I remember stuff like that, because he doesn't. He said that his mom and he think she was drunk when she called, and neither of them really want much to do with her anyway, and both hope she doesn't call again. Because in the end, they do not want me going through this.


And he said that the price of gas is too high for me to be doing this kind of driving, and we need to save it for painting the closet. We do not need to waste anything on Witchy.



Now I really do believe him. This is his natural style, for sure, and completely NOT along the lines of his style for cover-up. I am happy to have my man back.

I plan to Plan A this guy.


SB

Oh SB, I am so happy that you had this outcome.

I am also glad that your H reacted in a positive way when you told him that you checked. Good work MrSB.

You are such an inspiration and such a rock to this board. You ROCK.

I have felt in recovery for awhile, and this whole episode just made me go back in time - too far.


It goes to show everyone that NO CONTACT is so important. How just even the threat of someone can throw those of us who are this far out (five and a half years from the most recent affair, and this EA wanna-be was 20 or so years ago...I think maybe around 1985 so however long that was).


This affair stuff leaves a long, long garbage trail.


If you are planning an affair, remember that the slime trail sticks, and the clean-up is never permanent.

And no matter how much you say "let's get past this and move on", you can NEVER count on what the OTHER WOMAN/MAN is going to do. NEVER.


SB

just read this thread and am so glad it had a happy ending (((schoolbus)))) you deserve it!

"I am not so fond of polygraphs. They are good enough, but I have extensive experience with them and my H knows this. I would word the questions so tightly that I might as well corner him in a closet and throw a skunk in."

Please forgive me, but when I read that last line, I laughed right out loud. You have the BEST way with words. You gave me a laugh and I needed it today.

Thank you schoolbus.

WH2LE

P.S. I am ecstatic that all has turned out so well.

It's been about three or four weeks since Witchy called. She hasn't called again.

I am attributing this to MIL's direct confrontration of the issue of Witchy's behavior after the death of FIL, and the fact that she will have to deal with what happened...that MIL will want to talk about it, and that MIL will not just "let it go".

Dead air on Witchy's end. Which is what it has been for a long time, anyway.

And, BTW, what my H predicted would happen. He said she wouldn't come, wouldn't call again, and would disappear, because that is simply what her craziness does. He describes her as "out of her mind". After talking to my older daughter, I am now convinced this is probably true. DD34 says that the last few encounters with Witchy have been very strange, almost surreal. She says that Witchy was like a completely different person, even looks different, and that both DD34 and DD27 were convinced after the last time they were together with her that she was on drugs.

Also, a close friend of ours has recently disclosed her own heroin addiction, and that Witchy was "into some bad stuff" with her as well. This close friend no longer contacts Witchy, because of her own need to stay clean and sober, which she has done now for four or five years, and cannot go back to the circle of friends that had that issue/connection, which includes Witchy.

I was floored by this.

Long story short, Witchy has some serious problems, one of which is mental illness, the other is likely self-medicating with street drugs.


So, there it is.

As I said, I tend to gather information, so I can better understand. Now, I do.


She is no threat to me in terms of my marriage. She is a threat in terms of a crazy drugged-out woman who is not predictable.


That, I can handle. They have county sheriffs for that. Fortunatly, the guy who patrols my house just happens to be the son of one of my best friends in the entire world.



SB