We got your back.

I say....go.

Go. I would. You should. It's the only way for you to know.

Either you will go, and she will be there, or you go, and she won't. You can deal with it whichever one it is.

I went!

Nobody was there except MIL and H.

I drove past, went to the cemetery, and then turned around and came home.

I said nothing.


I feel better having gone, because at least I know I can trust him on this, and MIL, too. They both have said they would let me know if she calls again, and they both have said she hasn't. Both say they do not believe she will come, or call, anyway.


I'm just so bugged by this woman. She has a long history of being "needy" and pulling men into her little web of need.

After BIL died, she of course was needy. Anyone would be. Then, she leaned on lots of people. I was one of them. My H, too. The in-laws, everyone helped her.

Then, she complained of too many "men"...having to fend them off...poor her....

looking back, I wonder now if this complaint was spoken so that my H could see exactly how many other men "wanted" her, and how "attractive" she was as a woman, and what a catch she was....and wasn't he really interested?????


I am now believing my H more and more about how his story really is true. We have talked about what went on, and I now am seeing things quite clearly about how she worked then, and how she works now.

I do not believe this was physical at all. My H tells me that this was absolutely not, and that in his mind he was grieving his brother, and somehow this turned into his taking his brother's place. He was lost in some fantasy of keeping me, our kids, and somehow working Witchy into the situation so he could "save" her, knowing all along this was lunacy, that his feelings of what he thought were love could not be that at all, yet he had what he thought was love for her.

He acknowledges "love" at the time, and says he never verbalized it, never spoke of anything like that toward her, and never crossed any line emotionally, gesturally, or physically with her. He said his interactions with her were along the lines of trying to pick up the pieces of his own emotions, somehow because she had many like his, and that it was all too weird, certainly not a romance because she was completely out of it most of the time.

I asked about that, and he now believes she was doing drugs then, which began with her mom (I was there, and did witness this part) trying to get her through the initial shock and insisting she take some doctor-prescribed tranquilizers. Her mom kept her doped up for at least the first week. I also know that after that, her friends reported to us that she became addicted to some very bad stuff for several years.

I am wondering if her behavior on the telephone is related to this. My oldest daughter reported that their last encounter was, to say the least, "odd". DD34 says that Witchy was clearly under the influence of something, and it appeared that it was more than the beer she was holding, because she was incoherent.

Anyway, my H has at least five years of truth-telling behind him. He knows that I can see behind his eyes when he lies to me as I ask a straight-out question. Besides, at this point, this woman is so "out of our lives" she would not be worth his protecting. I'm not even sure she is an afterthought to him, but to me, she is that rooster that keeps coming back to spur me.


At this point, I'm going to keep vigilant, and if that phone call comes, handle it then.

It was worth the drive to put my mind at rest.

SB

Indeed!

To convince some FBS's that their FWS's really have returned to the marriage, with full integrity, openness, and transparency, may take thousands (millions?) of demonstrated examples of their trustworthiness.

You just got one.

For today, be content. Be a bit glad, even. Do NOT be completely convinced.

But for today, be glad you can rest a bit easy. We out here are all a bit glad for you.

Okay, so I told my H what I did.

He sat there and looked at me and then just smiled. He shook his head and then gave me a knowing grin.

He said:


You know what? When I consider that Witchy is nothing but a total drunk, and I know that when she called Mom she was probably completely wasted, I just sit here and wonder why you even think I would even want to see her.

Especially when I have you in my life.


You know what, though? You only proved one thing! That you really must love me, to drive all that way just to be sure.





Then he gave me a little kiss. He said he completely understands why I was so freaked out, especially after I explained that she and his bro were married this weekend so long ago. He said he doesn't know how I remember stuff like that, because he doesn't. He said that his mom and he think she was drunk when she called, and neither of them really want much to do with her anyway, and both hope she doesn't call again. Because in the end, they do not want me going through this.


And he said that the price of gas is too high for me to be doing this kind of driving, and we need to save it for painting the closet. We do not need to waste anything on Witchy.



Now I really do believe him. This is his natural style, for sure, and completely NOT along the lines of his style for cover-up. I am happy to have my man back.

I plan to Plan A this guy.


SB

Oh SB, I am so happy that you had this outcome.

I am also glad that your H reacted in a positive way when you told him that you checked. Good work MrSB.

You are such an inspiration and such a rock to this board. You ROCK.

I have felt in recovery for awhile, and this whole episode just made me go back in time - too far.


It goes to show everyone that NO CONTACT is so important. How just even the threat of someone can throw those of us who are this far out (five and a half years from the most recent affair, and this EA wanna-be was 20 or so years ago...I think maybe around 1985 so however long that was).


This affair stuff leaves a long, long garbage trail.


If you are planning an affair, remember that the slime trail sticks, and the clean-up is never permanent.

And no matter how much you say "let's get past this and move on", you can NEVER count on what the OTHER WOMAN/MAN is going to do. NEVER.


SB

just read this thread and am so glad it had a happy ending (((schoolbus)))) you deserve it!

"I am not so fond of polygraphs. They are good enough, but I have extensive experience with them and my H knows this. I would word the questions so tightly that I might as well corner him in a closet and throw a skunk in."

Please forgive me, but when I read that last line, I laughed right out loud. You have the BEST way with words. You gave me a laugh and I needed it today.

Thank you schoolbus.

WH2LE

P.S. I am ecstatic that all has turned out so well.

It's been about three or four weeks since Witchy called. She hasn't called again.

I am attributing this to MIL's direct confrontration of the issue of Witchy's behavior after the death of FIL, and the fact that she will have to deal with what happened...that MIL will want to talk about it, and that MIL will not just "let it go".

Dead air on Witchy's end. Which is what it has been for a long time, anyway.

And, BTW, what my H predicted would happen. He said she wouldn't come, wouldn't call again, and would disappear, because that is simply what her craziness does. He describes her as "out of her mind". After talking to my older daughter, I am now convinced this is probably true. DD34 says that the last few encounters with Witchy have been very strange, almost surreal. She says that Witchy was like a completely different person, even looks different, and that both DD34 and DD27 were convinced after the last time they were together with her that she was on drugs.

Also, a close friend of ours has recently disclosed her own heroin addiction, and that Witchy was "into some bad stuff" with her as well. This close friend no longer contacts Witchy, because of her own need to stay clean and sober, which she has done now for four or five years, and cannot go back to the circle of friends that had that issue/connection, which includes Witchy.

I was floored by this.

Long story short, Witchy has some serious problems, one of which is mental illness, the other is likely self-medicating with street drugs.


So, there it is.

As I said, I tend to gather information, so I can better understand. Now, I do.


She is no threat to me in terms of my marriage. She is a threat in terms of a crazy drugged-out woman who is not predictable.


That, I can handle. They have county sheriffs for that. Fortunatly, the guy who patrols my house just happens to be the son of one of my best friends in the entire world.



SB