Before you Read THIS LETTER I wrote to some (I don't know yet everyone that my husband choose - but you MUST know that what he did to expose my emotional affair was VERY VERY DANGEROUS to publically humiliate your spouse - I don't know if we will survive this YET, I am still in prayer...but I do know that I am thankful I heard God's voice cause I almost ended my life...YOU MUST MUST be careful in choosing to do something that ruins your spouses life outside the marriage...not only do they have a failed marriage but EVERY relationship she or he knows is also TAINTED from your choice to HUMILIATE them...God has LAID this very heavily on me to post this (my husband will not share where he go the PROCESS to humiliate me as he did but God has laid a very heavy heart on me to share my story and to warn others DO NOT DO THIS!) I will post this on EVERY forum that I find... I was so thankful my church was not the one who gave him that advice, our pastor has seen 2 suicides in a case just like ours. I HEARD GODS VOICE, if I HAD NOT I would not be here to day to share this!
Had you heard God's voice, I think you would be reminded of Nathan and David. David was PUBLICLY told the story. I really doubt the events of 2 Samuel 11-12 were in private. I suspect they were in David's court. Certainly 2 Samuel 12:12 indicates that the consequences for David's actions were to be public:
Thus says the LORD, �Behold, I will raise up evil against you from your own household; I will even take your wives before your eyes and give them to your companion, and he will lie with your wives in [f]broad daylight. 12 Indeed you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, and [g]under the sun.��
I am writing to all of you to share some sad, heart changing, amazing things. To begin with I don�t know who my husband *edit* choose to share our struggle with an emotional affair that I was involved with off and on for 6 months but I have chosen to share this with all of you. I am GUILTY of this and *edit* was lead by his heart to persecute me� when I say this it is because he chose to share the details of this with family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances of mine. By my actions he felt compelled by our God almighty to shame me into returning to him, hence saving our marriage. I pray that what he did will save our marriage � I am at prayer for that. I have always been a believer of Christ and was on fire for the Lord for a long time. I don�t know at what point that I went from having God visit me daily to me only speaking of his name and not feeling his grace. By not having God in our lives � the devil was able to enter and enter he did. You may choose not to read anymore but what you read may change your life and if you are not in a personal relationship with him you may find your way to the Lord our Savior, our Redeemer.
In other words, it's not your fault. There is always an excuse.
You have many choices you could have made other than having an emotional affair. If you were not going to church, you certainly could have spent some time worshiping in a church, getting a group of Godly Christian women as friends.
You didn't choose to do these things. But to make it sound like your husband failed is just a blame shift. It's blaming the victim.
You are NOT the victim here, he is. Until you get that, you will continue to destroy your marriage.
Yes, it will be you who destroys it if you continue down this path.
Before you read the rest of this story I want you to know I cast no blame on *edit* for his actions as he felt he was at his end with me and knew of no other way to try to keep me but by shaming me. *edit* and I have always appeared to be the perfect couple � we were till we slowly grew apart from one another we did not nurture and care for our marriage in a Christian manner, this is one reason why so many marriages end in divorce. This is NOT an excuse but it opened a hole in my life that allowed the devil to creep in and grasp a hold of. My �affair� started very innocently and preceded that way for sometime, in my mind. I sought conversations with this man for the purity of not having any conflicts with him, and he would cast no opinion on me. This should have never been happening as we as a couple should have been there for one another. As it flourished I began having feelings for this other man. I fought this battle in my heart and my brain for several months, as I would stop and say �what I am doing is wrong� but then I would �miss� having that friend of mine and he too would come back and contact me. I was battling my heart and had asked *edit* for a trial separation, he refused me. I thought once again I could make my heart click for him � it would not because God was not yet back in our marriage � I was shoving him away.
You are speaking out of both sides of your mouth. You are trying to convince us you are not blaming your husband. Then what do you do? You blame your husband.
The only one to blame is you for having poor boundaries and making poor choices.
The day that *edit* sent out the letter requesting prayer for my affair that I was carrying on, I was away with my daughter at a swim meet. He had sought counsel on public humiliation of cheating spouses, as I have never heard of this, and I don�t believe he handled the information correctly however it opened a wide gate of hell not just for me but for *edit* as well. He stands strong by what he chose and this will be one thing that I will need prayer for, my shame for my actions. I was angry, hurt and felt betrayed by him as he did by what I had done. I know the hurt as I too was cheated on by my first husband, I know, how could I be put through it one way then do it onto him � I don�t have an answer for that but God was not around us, I had shut him out. With my anger it turned to self-pity � I wanted nothing more than to kill myself I could not bare the shame of what I had done. I am a strong woman but the pity was stronger. I attempted to end my life on Sunday with my hand gun I had it to my head and then visions of me being splattered all over the car for my children to see left me shattered�but I still had not come to God for peace. Monday I drove to *edit* to work and I cried and I tried to pray to God yelling my self-pity of my terrible act. nothing. I left work early because I could barely stand myself pretending to be fine. I went to my car and *edit* had called and he was the last person I wanted to talk to, I hung up, so I thought. I got in my car and I had been listening to Christian Radio Station and it had someone speaking, last name of Rainey is all I can remember. He was speaking of him and his wife and how they were Christians and said they lived in a Christian home but in all reality they did not. They did not pray they did not have a relationship vertically or horizontally with our Lord Jesus Christ�He continued to speak and he mentioned his wife�s name, it was Amy�. and I yelled and cursed at the radio, I said �Really GOD� That is just coincidence is it not? As I was screaming at the radio station I had not hung up with *edit* and heard my desperation and the radio station channel as well. This gentleman had mentioned the book of Ephesians chapter 5 and I had my kindle with me (don�t do this while your driving as I did) and I opened my bible on the kindle to this chapter and began reading. I ended at Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. I felt that I too needed to end my life for my children, �why should I put my children through this shame when someone sees me they will see a cheater, a liar, a whore or insert word of your choice� �if I die, I will soon be forgotten and there will be no whispers��I drove down a lonely road off of *edit* Road close to *edit* to an area that had a lake I was going to drive my car into the lake since my husband took my hand gun away from me. Before I decided to take the final plunge I took a walk down a trail that was there, it was so cold on Monday afternoon. I wanted to think for a moment and remember my children and ask God to guide them at that moment I heard a voice commanding me to �lay down� right there it was an area with leaves and dirt but I heard it �Lay down right there� I did I could not stop crying out to God why have you punished me? I knew I had punished myself because of my choices. I yelled to God seeking forgiveness and seeking is grace God forgives and he commanded me to forgive myself for the choices I made. As I laid there the wind was blowing so strong and I could feel the holy spirit moving I begged for cleansing of my soul and mind he spoke �if all things are gone in this world I will yet remain� �For those who judge you they too will be judged�. I know some will say she is crazy, I have never HEARD the voice of our LORD audibly EVER I can safely say today that I have. As I lay there and felt the wind blowing it became so still that I shuddered. But the next thing I heard was �Get up and MOVE, MOVE and go tell your husband you love him�. Move my anger Move my heart and Move my marriage is all that heard on the way home that day. I do know that God moved me and he is still moving me. I know that this is only the beginning of what his plan is for me/my marriage/my family, but I do know that the beginning with God is the BEST place I can be. All things are possible through him.
Some of you might close this up and say �wow those people are c r a z y� and that is true. But I can tell you this I shared this story with you today because I know I am not perfect and I have never claimed to be. I also know that some of you to may be suffering from being separated from our Lord Jesus, or infidelity, or addiction, or whatever it is that is keeping you from having a relationship with Christ. My story MAY or MAY not touch you but if you have read this all and wondering �why did she just share all of that?� Because God put things in my life to MOVE me and I am so thankful that I heard his voice that day because my family would still be searching for me today. I will never NEVER forget his mercy he showed me and giving me the opportunity to grow in him again.
With all of these things that have happened I pray and continue to pray that *edit* and I can heal, I am and we will continue to grow in the Lord. I pray for all of you. And I ask for prayer from all of you and I am so thankful for Gods Mercy.
If you are really suicidal, then get help.
Leave out the stuff where you blame your husband. It just makes you look petty and dramatic. Not dramatic in a good way.
If you are not suicidal, then please get help for your inability to own your actions.
Study the story of David and Bathsheba, and read Psalms 51. Now that is an apology.
Remember, God "humiliated" David for his sinful choices. You are getting off mildly. Instead of blaming your husband for shining the light on your sin, why not thank him, agree that it was wrong, and then start down the path of what is right?
I am not naive enough to think that your husband is spiritually pure. He has learning to attain as well. So why not join ranks with him and start down that path of learning?
And thank him again for exposing your sin and starting you down the right path.
Thank him!